zoegirl:
speaking of mystery, you have to tell me about you and ian! you started to tell me in homeroom, and then ms. andrist got all busy with announcements.
mad maddie:
our saturday night snuggle-fest, u mean?
zoegirl:
has he kissed u yet—a real kiss?
mad maddie:
he STILL hasn’t! he’s, like, the snuggle king, which is nice, but i’m ready for more. i keep telling myself that i should make the move myself, but i keep chickening out.
zoegirl:
he’s probably nervous too
mad maddie:
i guess. on saturday, we ended the night with a hug.
zoegirl:
awww!
mad maddie:
awww, yourself. i’m a growing girl. i have needs, dammit!
zoegirl:
he’ll get there, just give him time.
mad maddie:
or i cld put on crotchless panties and do a lap dance for him.
zoegirl:
um. no.
mad maddie:
i know that makes me sound like a skank—and i really don’t mean it like that. and i’m not pulling an angela, either, like “ooo, he’s THE ONE.” it’s just that ian’s awesome, and i want things to get deeper, u know? and if things got more physical, maybe that would happen.
zoegirl:
i know what you mean
mad maddie:
you do?
zoegirl:
i’m not a saint, maddie
mad maddie:
well… it’s different, tho.
zoegirl:
how?
mad maddie:
cuz with mr. h, u know it’ll never go further than a crush, which is totally not the same thing.
zoegirl:
maybe it is
mad maddie:
and maybe it isn’t.
mad maddie:
but the moms *definitely* has meatloaf on the table, and it’s calling my name!
Tues, Oct 26, 7:30 PM E.D.T.
mad maddie:
hey, angela. r u home yet?
SnowAngel:
still at drama club. and why do you say “yet”?
mad maddie:
cuz it seems like u’ve been at drama club for an awfully long time.
mad maddie:
how’s the schlanker?
SnowAngel:
BEN is superb, thanks for asking. he told me a funny story about something that happened at starbucks. wanna hear?
mad maddie:
the schlank-master goes to starbucks? i’d figure him for aurora or churchill grounds, one of those coffee joints where he could snap his fingers and wear a black beret.
SnowAngel:
*narrows eyes* do not make fun of the schlank-master—i mean BEN!!! do u wanna hear the story or not?
mad maddie:
by all means
SnowAngel:
he was sitting in starbucks reading the newspaper when this frat boy came up and asked if he could look at the sports section. ben handed it to him and said, “sure, i don’t read that section anyway.” then the frat boy snorted and said, “yeah, i kinda figured.”
mad maddie:
asshole
SnowAngel:
so ben stood up, took the paper out of the guy’s hands, and said, “yr reading privileges have been revoked. sorry!”
mad maddie:
ha! that’s awesome
SnowAngel:
i know. he is my hero.
mad maddie:
tits, man
SnowAngel:
please
SnowAngel:
hey, do u know what i just realized on the way home from school? HALLOWEEN IS LESS THAN A WEEK AWAY! what r we gonna do this year? r we gonna go trick-or-treating?
mad maddie:
hell, yeah. free candy!
SnowAngel:
u don’t think we’re too old?
mad maddie:
let’s try this again: FREE CANDY!!!
SnowAngel:
well, what should we go as?
mad maddie:
let me think about it. do u care if i invite ian?
SnowAngel:
sure, if u think he’d wanna come. he has to come up with his own costume, tho. he can’t glom onto us.
mad maddie:
i’ll swing the idea by him and see what he says.
Tues, Oct 26, 7:46 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
yay! i just had a convo with maddie and it was NORMAL!!!
zoegirl:
wh-hoo!
SnowAngel:
i know. i’ve been like trying really hard to be cool around her, but at school it’s impossible cuz she’s always tagging after jana. *barf* but our text just now was totally fine. i’m so glad!
zoegirl:
that’s awesome.
SnowAngel:
yup, and that’s all i’ve got. bye!
Wed, Oct 27, 5:33 PM E.D.T.
zoegirl:
guess what?!! MOM AND DAD SAID I CAN GO TO CUMBERLAND ISLAND!!!
mad maddie:
r u yanking my chain?
zoegirl:
no, they really did! i almost had them sign a piece of paper swearing they wouldn’t change their minds, but i thought that might be pushing it.
mad maddie:
zoe!!!
mad maddie:
how did this happen?!!
zoegirl:
remember how i told u my mom thought i needed to spend winter break doing something productive?
mad maddie:
your mom is such a type A
zoegirl:
yeah, cuz she has to be. that’s how she gets everything done.
zoegirl:
anyway, i thought about it all day, how i could make our trip “productive,” and when i got home from school i called a park ranger.
zoegirl:
first i talked to him, and then i gave the phone to mom, and he must have been ultra-convincing, because now mom’s all fired up about my going on an “environmentalist” adventure. she thinks i’ll be able to use it in my college essays.
mad maddie:
do they know i’m bringing my mini-tv?
zoegirl:
i left that part out, as well as the part about the collapsible chaise lounges. the point is I CAN GO!!!
mad maddie:
wh-hoo! cumberland island, here we come!
zoegirl:
and in only four weeks!
mad maddie:
which means we have to kick into maximum planning mode, like what kinda food to bring and stuff like that. and we’ll have to get our camping gear ready. u DO have a sleeping bag, right?
zoegirl:
i do
mad maddie:
a real one, not one with the little mermaid on it?
zoegirl:
a real one, don’t worry.
mad maddie:
good, cuz angela’s already borrowing my pops’.
zoegirl:
ha
mad maddie:
hey—i found a great website for u. it’s called jesus.com.
zoegirl:
maddie…
mad maddie:
i’m not kidding. i feel bad that i’ve teased u so much, so i’ve started doing my own religious exploration.
zoegirl:
uh huh, right
mad maddie:
i’m serious. swear to god. just check it out and u’ll see!
Wed, Oct 27, 5:51 PM E.D.T.
zoegirl:
o-k-a-a-a-a-ay. nice, mads. real nice.
mad maddie:
hi, zoe! *waves*
zoegirl:
Young women interested in bathing with Jesus can now have their dream come true?!!
mad maddie:
hee, hee
zoegirl:
Shower can be exchanged for bubble bath upon request?!!!
mad
maddie:
i’d go for the bubble bath. definitely more romantic.
zoegirl:
you sent me to a porn site!!! WHY did i believe for a second that you were serious?
mad maddie:
i have no idea
mad maddie:
but it’s not a porn site. it’s a dating service. don’t tell me u’d turn down a date with jesus.
zoegirl:
that guy is not jesus! that guy is a psycho!!!
mad maddie:
so u didn’t take the compatibility quiz?
zoegirl:
omigosh, did YOU?
mad maddie:
u bet your bootie. it said, You scored in the lowest tenth percentile. You probably don’t know what kind of woman Jesus is looking for.
zoegirl:
well, *that’s* true.
mad maddie:
i took it for u too, since i knew u wouldn’t have the balls. or the ovaries. whatevs.
mad maddie:
wanna hear your results?
zoegirl:
no!
mad maddie:
right on! here goes: You scored above average. Hopefully you don’t live too far away. When you contact Jesus, please mention that you are quiz taker #1026747910-29730.
zoegirl:
oh. my. god.
mad maddie:
that’s the spirit!
zoegirl:
i don’t believe you, maddie.
mad maddie:
did u see the part about how he gets to take a picture of u in the bubble bath and post it on his website? IF u go out with him, that is.
zoegirl:
crap
zoegirl:
he’s gonna track us both down and murder us.
mad maddie:
or at least wash our feet. i sent jana a text about the site, and she thought it was hilarious.
zoegirl:
wait a minute—u and jana have started texting?
mad maddie:
u say it like i’ve started using heroin.
mad maddie:
i text lots of ppl, zoe
mad maddie:
jana especially liked the endorsements section, where he gives his lubricant rec in 12 tasty flavors.
zoegirl:
yes, well, that’s enough fun and games for me for today.
mad maddie:
ur not gonna contact jesus, then? this is a once in a lifetime opportunity!!!
Thu, Oct 28, 9:02 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
hola, maddie. u said u had an idea for our halloween costumes?
mad maddie:
yeah, how about we go as fungus, mold, and dust?
SnowAngel:
*wrinkles nose*
mad maddie:
c’mon, it would be great. we could get some cotton batting and spray paint it a nasty green color, then glue it on garbage bags or something.
SnowAngel:
mad maddie:
do u have a better plan? u’ve trashed all my other suggestions.
SnowAngel:
i still think the three little pigs would be adorable.
mad maddie:
only i don’t do adorable. so what do u say—fungus, mold, and dust?
SnowAngel:
hmm. if i was dust, i could be a dust bunny. that cld be cute.
mad maddie:
i wanna be fungus, so i can say “there’s a fungus among us.”
SnowAngel:
i’m NOT gonna look all gross, tho. i’ll wear a gray leotard and pin on a fluffy tail, and i’ll glue some ears to a headband.
mad maddie:
snazz yourself up however u want. i’ll be the one in a garbage bag.
SnowAngel:
then it’s settled. i’ll call zoe and tell her she’s mold.
Sat, Oct 30, 11:35 AM E.D.T.
mad maddie:
tell me the truth: do i have a “mean” look?
SnowAngel:
what, other than your regular expression?
mad maddie:
ha ha
mad maddie:
wait—r u serious?
SnowAngel:
first tell me what ur talking about. who said u have a mean look?
mad maddie:
my cousin lily. i’m at my aunt’s house right now, and during dinner lily said i gave her a mean look. she’d said something about wanting to be a hairdresser when she gets older, and in my mind i rolled my eyes. BUT THAT’S ALL.
SnowAngel:
what’s so bad about wanting to be a hairdresser?
mad maddie:
nothing, i guess. it’s just such a girlie thing to wanna be. i want lily to grow up tough and fiesty.
SnowAngel:
like u?
mad maddie:
she’s only 10—she shouldn’t dream of doing ppl’s hair. anywayz, she said i give mean looks all the time. do i?!!
SnowAngel:
*ponders*
mad maddie:
u have to THINK about it?
SnowAngel:
well, u do have this disdainful air about u sometimes, like everyone’s really dumb except u. and u have this way of cutting your eyes at someone that can make her kinda shrivel up.
SnowAngel:
it’s not a BAD thing, necessarily.
mad maddie:
oh, great
SnowAngel:
u‘ve given it to me a couple of times, your mean look.
mad maddie:
like when?
SnowAngel:
like today during our free period when i happened to mention to jana that u have a boyfriend.
mad maddie:
i did not
SnowAngel:
u made me wanna crawl up and die.
mad maddie:
but that’s cuz u gave jana misinformation.
mad maddie:
ian’s not technically my “boyfriend.” it sounds so so teeny-bopper-ish when u put it like that.
SnowAngel:
whatever
SnowAngel:
hey, do *i* have a mean look?
mad maddie:
u?!!
SnowAngel:
yes, me. is that so impossible?
mad maddie:
u do not have a mean look, angela. sorry to disappoint u.
SnowAngel:
oh, what do u know. i bet i DO have a mean look. i bet it makes ppl quake in their boots.
mad maddie:
if by “ppl” u mean “little baby kittens,” then maybe. before they wobble over and lick your face.
SnowAngel:
*shoots daggers with eyes*
mad maddie:
aw, look at all the baby kittens coming over! they’re so sweet!
SnowAngel:
SnowAngel:
r we still on for tomorrow night?
mad maddie:
i told ian we’d meet at 7:00 at zoe’s house, since she lives in the ritziest neighborhood. we’re talking full-size snickers, baby. none of that “fun size” malarkey for OUR healthy appetites.
Sun, Oct 31, 5:45 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
BOO!
zoegirl:
hey, angela. and boo to you too.
SnowAngel:
got yr costume ready for tonight?
zoegirl:
pretty much. you?
SnowAngel:
yep. i ended up making my bunny fur out of dryer lint (since i’m a DUST bunny, get it?), which i glued strategically over my leotard. *wiggles fanny suggestively*
zoegirl:
only you would find a way to sex up a dust bunny.
SnowAngel:
me, to gorgeous trick-or-treater: “hey there, big boy. want me to nibble your carrot?”
zoegirl:
me, to gorgeous trick-or-treater: “hey there, big boy. want me to give you jock itch?”
zoegirl:
because i’m MOLD, get it? you and maddie made me
be mold.
SnowAngel:
“mold” doesn’t offer as many opportunities for seduction, that’s true. however, perhaps if u offered to itch his jock…
zoegirl:
i’ll pass
SnowAngel:
hey, doug called about an hour ago, and i kinda invited him to come trick-or-treating with us. steve too. do you care?
zoegirl:
is doug the gorgeous trick-or-treater whose carrot you want to nibble?
Ttyl Page 15
