“Nope. Just plain, old-fashioned lock-picking. I put a couple points in it when we leveled after the rat dragon.”
I groaned. “I totally forgot we leveled. I need to assign my skill points, too. I’m thinking a ‘plus three to not sucking’ might help. You think that’s an option?”
Lilli chuckled. “You really need to stop being so hard on yourself. You killed the dragon thingie, remember?” She pointed to the severed draconite head on the floor, now soaking in a pool of dark blood. I shuddered, my stomach twisting. Killing things was a lot grosser here than in front of a computer monitor.
Sighing, I accessed my menu, selecting the LEVELED UP! option I’d totally missed before. I’d been given five points to assign to my character. I could choose between strength, which would make me do more damage; vitality, which would give me more hit points; and dexterity, which would make me harder to hit. There were also a bunch of random skills to choose from, including speech, sneak, and, of course, lock-picking.
In the end, I decided to put two points in strength, two points in vitality, and one point in sneak. Maybe that would help me not fall flat on my face next time.
“There,” I declared. “Now I’m a total ninja like you.”
“Fantastic!” declared a new voice. “After all, everyone knows, ninjas are way cooler than pirates.”
I spun around, my heart in my throat all over again. Was someone in the tunnel with us?
At first I saw nothing. Then, I caught a weird fluttering at the corner of my eye. I looked down, then up again as I realized the draconite’s head was no longer lying in the pool of blood. Instead, it was hovering in midair…
With a brand-new body attached.
I yelped and lunged backward, slamming into the cave wall behind me. As I winced in pain, the newly regenerated draconite regarded me with skeptical eyes.
“Great Scott, is it Noob Week and no one thought to tell me?” he asked in a striking English accent. “This bloke can’t even stand up straight.”
I stared at the creature, mouth gaping. “You’re… you’re alive!”
“Give Captain Obvious a gold star.”
“But I chopped off your head!”
“Well, not my head. I mean, I guess it’s my head now, after nicking it from that dead fellow. It didn’t need it anymore, thanks to you.”
The draconite made a sudden move toward us. We squealed and ducked to get out of his way. He stopped midair, cocking his head in confusion. “What? Do I smell or something?” He sniffed his wingpits and shrugged.
We exchanged glances. “Um, no offense…” Lilli stammered. “But aren’t you going to try to eat us?”
“Eat you?” The draconite raised an eyebrow. (Yes, somehow he had eyebrows. They were rather bushy, too.) “Are you joking? Have you ever had a taste of human flesh?”
We shook our heads.
“Well, let me be the first to inform you, you taste nothing like porg.” The draconite smacked his lips. “Mmm. Porg. I’d really fancy a nice, big, fat porg sandwich right about now. Kentucky-fried, preferably. You don’t happen to have one in that sack of yours, do you?” He gestured to our packs with his wing.
“Porg? What do you think this is, a Star Wars game?” I asked.
“Right,” he declared. “I hate that whole copyright thing. Always so limiting when it comes to proper snack foods.” He shook out his wings. “In any case, I must ask: What in D’ou’s name are you doing wandering around Dragon Ops without a guide? It’s dangerous out there, you know! Even for experienced players.” He gave us a critical once-over. “And you two are clearly not experienced.”
“I managed to chop off your head,” I muttered, offended. I was already mad at myself for my poor performance so far. I didn’t need to get shade from random virtual creatures, too.
The draconite sighed. “Again, not my head. Just borrowing it so you can see me. Our case studies have found that humans can’t accept disembodied voices as their guides. They need to see something. So I chose this. If you kill something else down the road that you’d prefer I look like, give us a shout and I’ll swap out.”
“I don’t understand. What are you?” my sister interjected, stepping closer to examine the creature now that she was no longer worried about being on its dinner menu.
The draconite shook himself and a ripple of silver shimmered down his side. “Sorry,” he said. “I probably should have led with that, eh? My programmer says I have the worst manners known to AI kind. But since she was the one to program my manners to begin with? I say that’s on her.” He flew over to me, holding out a paw. “Name’s Yamata-no-Orochi. After the legendary eight-headed Japanese dragon of old. But feel free to rename me. That’s your right. Why, you can call me Farting Felicia if it strikes your fancy.” He paused, then added, “Though I’m really hoping it doesn’t. Honestly, I’m still reeling from being called Fluffy Princess Babypants by that last beta tester group. That was a rough one, even for a pro like me.”
“So wait,” my sister said. “Are you, like, a pet or something?”
“A pet?” the draconite screeched. “Of all the insulting—” He huffed loudly, releasing a large puff of smoke from his snout. “I am an official Dragon Ops companion and guide, I’ll have you know.”
“A guide?” I repeated. “I thought all the guides were human.”
“That’s what you get for thinking,” scoffed the draconite. He landed on top of Lilli’s head and started picking at his teeth with his claw. “In truth, the human guides are just temporary. Until they get all the kinks worked out. Otherwise there’d be too many real-life employees to house and feed and clean up after.” He pinched his snout with his paw. “Humans are so dirty, no offense.”
“So wait,” Lilli said, a look of realization crossing her face. “You’re, like, a virtual guide?”
“Your virtual guide, to be precise. Which reminds me, I really don’t appreciate you entering the game without me. As I said, it’s dangerous out there. Especially at your level. How did you ever even get past the front gates?”
“Um, Eugene let us in,” I said. “He said he was filling in because Farah was sick.”
“Farah is sick. Everyone’s sick. Some dodgy barbeque or something—practically all the humans have been puking their guts out all morning. That’s why they assigned me to you, instead.” The draconite frowned. “Not Eugene. He’s not one of the guides. Unless he’s new…”
I frowned. This was really weird. “No. He said he was a programmer,” I explained. “But that he was assigned to take us on a tour. He wasn’t very happy about it.”
“I shouldn’t think he would be. The programmers are quite busy these days.” The draconite looked around. “So… where is he now?”
“He left,” Lilli explained. “He went to fix Atreus. And… well, I’m afraid it didn’t go so well.”
“I should say not. The game is completely unstable. That’s why it took me so long to find you. Everything’s gone completely wonky. And half of my control functions aren’t working.”
“Look, we need to get out of here,” I said. “Can you help open the gate at least?”
The guide shook his head. “I’m afraid not, mate. And before you ask, I can’t call for help, either. It’s like everything’s blocked off.” He gave us a rueful look. “Look, I don’t want to alarm you, but I think we’re trapped in the game.”
“Yeah, no kidding,” I muttered.
“You can’t do anything?” Lilli asked. “Like, maybe raise our levels or something? Give us some extra powers or gear? At least give us a fighting chance in here?”
“Sorry, luv. I’m just a low-level AI. All I’ve got to offer is my brilliant personality and wicked sense of humor. Maybe a few fun facts. For example, did you know turkeys can blush? Or that giraffe tongues can be twenty inches long? That armadillo shells are bulletproof?”
“So basically a walking Alexa,” I concluded, disappointed.
“Hey! Don’t you be knocking my girl Alexa
! She’s one smart cookie!” the draconite scolded. “And that lass can sing! Not to mention play a mean game of Jeopardy.” He started humming the theme song to the game show.
I groaned, turning to my sister. “This is ridiculous. Let’s keep heading to Ghost Hollow like we planned.” I started down the tunnel. “I think it’s this way.…”
With a noisy flap of his wings, the draconite flew into my path, stopping me in my tracks. “Now that is something I can help you with!”
I rolled my eyes. “We have a map, dude.”
“Maybe so, but you don’t have all the rest of what’s stored in my databanks. Game lore, creature guides—loads of useful stuff. For example, did you know draconites hate fire? You could have walked down that path with a lit torch and none of them would have come within ten feet of you.” He gave me a knowing look. “I could have told you that. Saved you quite a bit of trouble.”
I bit my lower lip. I didn’t want to admit it, but he was right. That was exactly the kind of information we would need if we were to have any chance of getting through this game.
“Fine,” I said. “I guess we could use your help.”
“Of course you could,” the draconite replied, puffing up with pleasure. “Now, all you have to do is make it official. Click on me and give me a name. Then we’ll be off on our grand adventure.”
Lilli came up beside me, reaching out to poke the draconite. Then she frowned, thinking. “What should I name you?” she asked. “No offense, but Yamata-no-Orochi is kind of a mouthful.”
“Also, you don’t have eight heads,” I added.
“Look, mate, I don’t bring up your shortcomings—”
“How about… Yano for short?” Lilli suggested.
The draconite seemed to consider this. “You know, that’s not bad,” he said. Then he laughed. “Get it? You know? ‘Yano’?”
I groaned. “Seriously, are all your jokes this bad?”
“Of course not!” Yano replied. “Some are much, much worse.”
“Are you sure we should trust this guy?” Lilli whispered as we followed Yano deeper into the tunnel, keeping our ears pricked for any unusual sounds. All I could hear was the faint crackling of flame from the torches and a small drip of water from somewhere nearby.
“Why do you say that?” I whispered back.
“I don’t know. It’s just… too convenient, I guess. Him appearing out of nowhere like that. How do we know Atreus didn’t send him to spy on us? Or lead us in the wrong direction completely? How do we know for sure he is who he says he is?”
Ugh. I hadn’t thought of that possibility. I had been so relieved to have someone else take the lead, but what if he was leading us into something much worse?
“He said he was supposed to be our guide from the beginning. And he knew about Farah and the bad barbeque,” I pointed out.
“True. But then what about Eugene? Why did he show up to guide us instead? He didn’t seem super thrilled to be leading us into the park, and he left the first chance he could get.”
I frowned. “I don’t know. This whole thing is weird. Maybe Ikumi can sort it out. She must know everyone, since she lives here and all.”
“True. Though what if she’s trapped in the game, too?” Lilli asked.
“Oh.” I hadn’t thought of that.
“I mean, if she was playing when everything glitched out, then she’s probably stuck, just like us. Which means she might not be able to be any help.” Lilli closed her eyes in frustration. I was right there with her.
“Let’s keep going for now,” I said. “It’s not like we have much of a choice, right? We’ll just keep an eye on Yano to make sure he doesn’t do anything weird. And hopefully Ikumi at least has some answers about what’s going on.”
“Okay. Sounds like a plan,” Lilli agreed. “Though first we need to get out of this tunnel.” She tapped her staff on the ground, and a low echoing sound bounced off the walls. “It looks weirdly familiar here, doesn’t it? Sort of like the Dry Bones dungeon we did a couple years back?”
“You’re right!” I exclaimed, looking around. “It totally does. Same weird etchings on the walls. Same torches…” I made a face. “Hopefully no snake boss, though. I so do not need to get poisoned here on top of everything else.”
I shuddered, remembering our first trip through the Dry Bones dungeon. We’d fought this really tough snake thing at the very beginning and I got badly poisoned. And since no one had remembered to bring any antidotes with them, poor Lord Wildhammer had to spend the entire fight puking fluorescent green slime every ten seconds. Which basically made him useless.
It was awful in the game, and would be even worse if it happened here.
Lilli laughed, remembering. “You poor thing. I don’t know why we didn’t just go back and get you cured and start over.”
“Logan didn’t have time, remember? He had to go pick up his brother or something. And he swore he could tank himself.” I rolled my eyes, remembering. “’Cause thieves make such good tanks…”
Lilli didn’t reply. When I looked over, she was staring down at her feet, her face and neck flushing red. I cringed. What had I been thinking, bringing up the L word? Way to go, Ian.
“Sorry,” I said quickly. “I didn’t mean—”
She waved me off. “Whatever. No big deal.”
But it was a big deal. I could tell from the look on her face. She was still not over that loser. And he had single-handedly annihilated all her good memories of this amazing game. We’d had so much fun playing Fields of Fantasy on those boring summer afternoons. And now all she could remember was the way it had ended.
“Look,” I started, “Logan was a jerk. But you can’t let him ruin the game for you. You loved gaming! I know you did!”
“Yeah, well, I thought I loved Logan, too. And look where that got me.”
“You can’t blame the game for that.”
My sister stopped in her tracks. “I know, Ian, okay? Let it go. Seriously.”
“Okay, okay.” I held up my hands. “Just… trying to make conversation.”
“You might want to give yourself some points in Speech next time you level up,” Yano suggested brightly. I hadn’t realized he’d flown back to join us again. Hopefully he hadn’t heard us talking about him. “It doesn’t seem to be your strong suit.”
“Thanks,” I muttered.
“I live to serve,” Yano replied. “Also, fun fact: Some poisons can be good for you! Gila monster saliva can lower blood sugar and help diabetics lose weight. And some viper venoms even reduce blood pressure.” He flapped his wings. “Would you like me to continue?”
“No!” my sister and I shouted in unison. Then we looked at each other and snorted, breaking some of the tension between us. Yano gave me a knowing wink, then flew up ahead, leaving us alone again.
My sister turned to me. “Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to go off on you. I just don’t want to talk about you-know-who.”
“I’m sorry I brought him up. It’s just… I miss playing with you. And… well, I hate that you don’t miss playing with me.”
My sister’s face fell. “Ian—”
But before she could finish her sentence, Yano was back, his eyes alight. “Look! Look!” he squawked. “Look what’s up ahead!”
I followed his gaze, my eyes widening as they caught a thin ribbon of natural-looking light shimmering before us. “Is that an exit?”
“The literal light at the end of the tunnel,” Yano agreed with a dreamy sigh. “Sometimes this game can be almost poetic.”
Excitement rolled over me. We’d done it! We’d gotten through. Surging with a sudden burst of energy, I started running down the tunnel in the direction of the white light. As I ran, I could hear Lilli laughing behind me.
“Hang on, Leeroy!” she called out, referencing an old internet meme about a World of Warcraft guy who rushed into a dragon’s nest without warning. Lilli had always claimed he reminded her of me—both in the game and i
n real life—and it had become a favorite nickname.
“At least I have chicken!” I shouted back with a grin—Leeroy’s famous last line after he managed to get his entire party wiped out with his dumb move. The light was getting closer now. We were almost out. We were almost—
Holy mother of dragons! What is that?
I stopped short, digging in my heels as something large and slimy slithered into our path. Scrambling backward, I managed to trip over my own feet, crashing butt-first onto the hard stone ground, sending a fresh dart of pain shooting up my spine. But I could barely feel it as I looked up at the massive creature now in front of me.
And suddenly, I felt very, very chicken.
“Holy colossal worms of squirming nightmares!” Lilli cried from behind me. “What is that?”
It was a good question. In fact, in all my years of playing Fields of Fantasy I’d never seen such a creature as the one gliding toward us now. A huge, legless, wormlike monster with a bulbous head, slimy turd-colored scales, and ten tiny black eyes circling a cavernous hole of a mouth filled with rows upon rows of shiny white teeth.
And if that wasn’t gross enough? As it slithered closer, I realized it wasn’t just a giant worm—it was a giant worm infested with baby worms. Its bald, wrinkled hide squirmed with mini-me versions of itself. And when one of those baby worms fell off the creature’s body and landed in my hair? I almost puked on the spot.
“Argh!” I cried, smacking at my head. “Get it off me!”
Yano landed on my shoulder. He stuck out his tongue and slurped up the worm. “Now that tastes like porg!” he crowed, green slime dripping down his chin.
“I think I’m going to be sick,” Lilli moaned, clutching her stomach.
“What… is that?” I asked, backing away from the creature. The good news? It’d stopped moving toward us. The bad? It was totally blocking our exit.
“Come now! Haven’t you ever seen an earth dragon before?” Yano asked. “They’re actually quite lovely. Though quite deadly, too, now that I think about it.”
Dragon Ops Page 10
