by Allie Hayden
“No—Carlyle! I was tricked—I never wanted to hurt you.”
“What’s this all over the news? Is Mr. Hill associated with your family? You have no idea how much you hurt me, Molly. I don’t know if I can trust you anymore. Our arrangement is supposed to be just that, an arrangement. As of right now, with how this looks, I can’t see myself following through with this contract between us.”
I barely know my own voice. My heart sinks as every ounce of trust for Molly goes down the drain.
She whispers, “Wait, no. Let me explain, please.”
“You’ve already gotten me into enough trouble. There’s so much happening right now. You’re one more thing I don’t need right now. You can sleep in one of the guest rooms tonight. I’m leaving tomorrow morning. But we’re done. Please don’t contact me anymore.”
“But Carlyle, I love you.”
“No.” I breathe deeply. “Don’t. With all due respect, just please, don’t.”
I watch her face break, shattering into a million little pieces of sadness. A look of astonishment contorts into sadness. I hate to do this to her. I never want to see her cry. As much as I want to grab her and hold her in my arms, it’s just too much, it’s too late.
There wasn’t really a relationship there anyway. I let myself get carried away by all of this. I never should’ve agreed to it to begin with. If only I’d known I’d get burned. She turns to me and looks me in the eyes one more time, almost pleading, almost as if I might forgive all of it.
I won’t.
It’s just too much.
23
Molly
The sun filters into my room, waking me up. I get up and look out the window. It’s a different city than where I’m from. New York is a place bustling with people and a liveliness foreign to Calabasas.
The feeling of our breakup hits me like an eighteen-wheeler. Getting out of here is my first priority. I can already hear someone in the kitchen, which is the room across from me. It’s going to be awkward as hell between me and Carlyle.
Maybe if I wait until he’s done, I can slip out and he won’t see me. I’m sure he would appreciate it if I just left after all that he’s been through. I pack my bag and put on my clothes as fast as I can.
I open the door and see Carlyle in the kitchen. He flashes me a look of impatience. He’s no longer his warm self that he usually is with me. It looks like he’s getting ready for something. He must have already been up for a long time. After he sips his coffee and looks at his watch, he hints that I should get going. I don’t even bother to ask for breakfast. Instead, I give him one last look and leave.
And just like that, I’m thrust into the heart of New York, standing there with my heart broken. It will never be the same between us again. I hate that thought. I walk around the corner, looking for a place to grab a coffee. Luckily there are some cafés that look like I can get a quick bite before getting on another plane to LA. This trip was a complete dud. At least I tried, right?
I show up to the airport half an hour early, praying that I don’t see Carlyle by accident. That’s the last thing I need: to be kicked while I’m down. It’s the worst feeling. The plane ride without him is a complete mess. I didn’t realize how hard it would be to actually leave. I never thought about it seriously. Carlyle is a human being. A human being with feelings.
I have feelings toward him too. I messed up his life.
When the plane lands back in sunny California, the heat makes me angry and hot. The last place I want to be is my house. There are too many of my family members there, people I’m trying to avoid.
When we go around another bend on the highway to my house, I get an idea and ask my driver to drop me off at a different location. Jane’s family beach house is just up the highway. I knew no one will be there and Jane would understand if someone found me there by accident.
I recall Jane telling me the passcode for the house is her birthday. Maybe it’ll work. I tell my driver to drop me off in front of the beach house. I’m just going to trust my instincts on this one, and I wave him off. When I get up to the porch, I punch the digits into the keypad and the door slides right open. It actually worked.
The main room looks and feels the same as I run my hands across the walls. Quietly, I make it up the stairs, making sure the floorboards don’t creak too much just in case someone else might be here. My bedroom from my birthday party is at the end of the hall, and I wouldn’t mind a peek.
It’s dark and quiet when I enter. The emptiness of the space creates a coldness. No one’s been in here for a while, probably not since my birthday. I swing the curtains to the side in one fell swoop. The myriad of beautiful colors are something I’ve never seen before. It’s early afternoon now and the sunlight shining through the window is like a flower blooming in the wild. Its rays are unpredictable and stunning.
I love sunsets and sunrises. My mom was a big sunset person. Who doesn’t love the sun, though. My mom loved it on another level. She always took us out on walks and we would sit on benches and watch the sun. My brothers were never into it as much as I was. Today, it’s looking extra gorgeous. Does Mother Nature know she’s being watched? It’s almost as if she were dancing in an array of happiness just so I could experience this moment. But I’m aghast by a feeling of disgrace.
How could someone like me be worthy of seeing such a beautiful work of art? I didn’t want to confront my dad, so I asked Carlyle to sign a deal with me. I didn’t want to confront my brother about Carlyle, and now we’ve broken up.
Maybe I’m not brave enough. Maybe I’m not strong enough. Growing up in a family of boys can do that to you. Tear you down and degrade you. But dammit, I’ll be dammed if I don’t try to make this whole thing right again.
I can still make a difference. I can still change. I have to stand up for something. All this time, I’ve been so scared. So much fear of standing up to the people who are supposed to be on my side. Fearful that I would be said no to. That my family would abandon me.
I have to do the right thing.
I have to come clean to my family, and tell them the truth.
I call a taxi to take me back to my house. No more time for lollygagging, no more time for avoidance. The sooner I come clean, the sooner I can free up my life. What’s important is that I keep this adrenaline going and don’t stop.
I tell the taxi driver I’m in a hurry and that I need to get home as soon as I can.
When we get back to my place, I pay the driver and get out of the car. In front of the house, it looks like someone is waiting for me. Luckily, it’s Jesse, who’s standing in front of the open doorway. He must’ve been watching from the window and saw me coming up, so he came out to greet me.
His gaze shifts back and forth, looking for any intruders listening in on our conversation. He mouths, Where were you?
I mouth back, New York. Don’t tell Xander.
His eyebrow raises at me, You know him and Dad are home, right?
Fuck.
Why? Are you trying to avoid them?
Shut up, Jesse. I just need to find them. Are they in the kitchen?
Jesse closes the door behind me.
“Yes, they are.”
I smack him. He’s not supposed to say that out loud.
I guess it’s time to face the music. My heart is beating so fast.
I can hear both Dad and Xander in the kitchen. When I walk in, they’re both sitting at the kitchen table. There are some papers laid out across the table. Xander gives me eyes of piercing death.
My dad looks up from his pile and shoots me a grin. “Oh hey, honey. You’re home.”
A bolt of lightning hits me in the back. “Hey Dad, what’re you guys up to?”
I slide into the seat beside him, across from Xander, who gives me the do not tell him look, but I ignore it.
“Dad—there’s something you need to know.”
I have to come clean.
My dad’s face goes expressionless. “What is it, honey?”<
br />
It’s my goal to tell it all without any filters. It’s the only way I’ll be able to move on. I have to tell the whole truth to the person who unintentionally caused this whole thing in the first place.
“Dad,” I finally say, “I’ve been lying to you this entire time. I’m not getting married to Carlyle. I never was. I just made him sign an agreement with me to fool everyone and make people think we were seeing each other. It’s all a lie. I didn’t mean for it to turn out this way.”
He leans into his hands on the table. He looks upset. Uh-oh.
“Molly. You’re trying to tell me right now that you and Carlyle were never going to get married?”
I look at Xander, who I notice isn’t backing me up right now. He’s actually not saying anything. I’m not going to throw him under the bus, though. This is my lesson to learn and if my dad yells at me, so be it. If Dad kicks me out of the house, then I’ll figure it out on my own. If he disowns me, then I deserve it. If he hates me forever, then I’ll understand.
I tuck my hair behind my ear.
My dad opens his arms to me. “Molly, come on. Why didn’t you feel like you could tell me about this? This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. Honestly, this isn’t what I wanted.”
“What do you mean?” I look at him, dumbfounded. “I thought you’d be mad.”
“Well, honey, I’m disappointed. It’s quite an elaborate lie you had to tell to get out of marriage. But I was kind of a terrible father to make you get to know someone like Sam, someone you might’ve not really liked.”
“Dad,” Xander interrupts, “she literally faked the whole thing and got our family involved. Now we’re under pressure to complete this partnership and work with Carlyle through this whole sham.”
Dad flashes a look of detest across to Xander. I can tell he wasn’t expecting that from the way his face contorts. I lace my fingers together and put them in my lap. I’m still going to go down alone. I don’t need anyone else to take the fall for me.
“Dad, it’s true. I didn’t want to marry Sam, so Carlyle and I made a pact that we would wear these engagement rings and tell people we were getting married. I shouldn’t have done it, and now I’ve messed it all up completely. If I’m being completely honest right now, Carlyle and I did have kind of a relationship going. And now he doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“Why?” Xander interjects.
“Because I screwed up his life. Now he’s mad at me and won’t talk to me.”
Dad rubs my back in small circles. “Baby girl. If there’s one thing in life that shouldn’t involve regret, it’s love. I love you so much, Molly. All I ever want is for you to be happy. I understand why you made up this story, to get me to stop imposing on you.
“Now, you need to take a stand for what you want. No more waiting around for things to iron themselves out. But you know, they will. I hold no ill feelings, honey.” He shoots a look at Xander. “Nor does your brother. But Molly, go, you need to stand up for what you believe in. You have to go find him and take what you want.
“I’ve had my regrets in the past, and this old man isn’t going to die letting his daughter have regrets too. You have my blessing.”
“Thank you, Dad. I have one last favor to ask of you.”
24
Carlyle
A couple weeks pass by and it seems like things are getting back to normal. As normal as they’re ever going to be. One of the most turbulent rides I’ve ever been on, but I manage to get through it.
Somehow, it just worked out.
After I left New York, I went right back into managing the company in California, the initial thing I set out to do. I called the right people and got the lawsuit all in order. With the help of my CFO and team, we worked with Lisa to merge both locations of the business and mitigated our losses in the lawsuit. Jeff got rid of a lot of the charges, and as a team, we took minimal damages.
My father really came through for me on that one. The systems were already in place for anything catastrophic to happen, so I just needed to stay the course. After that was handled, I found out Phillip has been living with our mom. I’m still a bit anxious about why he’s helping her out in the first place. But for now, I’m keeping an eye on him. It isn’t so bad. He takes her on grocery runs whenever she likes and chats with her in the middle of the day. Apparently, according to Mom, he’s been a doll. It seems like Phillip is pretty genuine about taking care of her for the first time in a while. I’m opening up my eyes to knowing that people can change.
I’m visiting them today to make sure everything is still going well. Mom says no one is home except her because Phillip has gone out to do errands. She hasn’t taken it upon herself quite yet to clear Dad’s old stuff away, but she’s taking small steps to recovering.
I take a seat on the couch and Mom puts on a pot of tea. We finally have a moment to just sit together. After these past few weeks, I know Mom treasures any time we get together. When she brings in our tea, she also had a note nestled under her arm.
She hands it to me. It’s the last thing my father wrote to me before he died.
Dear Carlyle,
I’m writing this letter to you because in a few days, I don’t know where I’ll be. I want you to grow up and be successful no matter what you do. I’m so proud of you for who you have become. You are a kind person with a heart made of gold. I’ve seen you succeed in so many ways, and I can’t express how proud I am of you.
Please forgive me for being sick and not being there for you whenever you needed me. I didn’t want my last days to be spent in a hospital bed, but that is how things happen sometimes.
Forgiveness, Carlyle—it’s what set me free from this earth. I figured it out and I had to tell you. There are only a couple things I’m thinking about as I lay here, how you kids will grow up, how I’ll miss your mom, and all the time that we shared together.
At the end of the day, it’s not about how much you have, or how much the other guy doesn’t have. All I know is, at the end of my life, what I’m thinking is how I could’ve forgiven more people.
I love you, Carlyle.
It’s never good-bye.
My mom is looking down at the letter in my hand and smiling.
“Did you read this?” I ask.
She tilts her head. “Yes.”
I smile back at her. It’s a very nice letter. I don’t want to get too emotional with my mom right in front of me. But I know I’ll be reading it again in the privacy of my own home.
Then, Mom rests her hand on top of mine. “You’re so lucky to have found someone. When I first got married to your dad, we made a vow, ‘till death do us part.’ From the moment we laid eyes on each other, I knew I loved him. It’s how I felt when I saw you and Molly together.”
The last comment she makes comes out of nowhere. I didn’t expect her to say it. Molly and I haven’t talked for a couple of weeks now. I’m beginning to miss her. But I want to hold my ground as well.
The door jiggles open. I peek over to see who might be coming through the door. It’s Phillip. He gives me a surprised look, probably still a bit traumatized from the last time we saw each other.
Phillip puts some paper bags down at the entrance and smiles at me. “Hey, Carlyle. Do you have some time to talk?”
Mom and I exchange glances. I know she’s been waiting for this day to come for a long time. She wants my brother and I to mend our relationship. There’s nothing to lose.
I get up and fold my arms across my chest, gesturing to Phillip to come with me into the other room. He comes with me and starts bumbling a bunch of words out without thinking.
“Carlyle. Man, let me explain. I care about you, man. I care about you and Mom. Listen, that was fucked. That was fucked of me. I should’ve never let you or Mom or Dad out of my life. But you knew, Carlyle, you always knew.
“I was freaked out. I seriously wanted to run so bad. But I didn’t want to face Dad’s wrath. But now he’s gone. The least I can do is take care
of you and Mom now. I honestly just want to be there for her. She needs someone to drive her around and someone to look after her.
“I know you’re busy handling the business, I know that. I want you to be able to deal with the family company so I can take care of things at home. You’re better at it than me, Carlyle. You’re so much better. That’s why you’re taking care of the family business and I’m taking care of Mom.
“When we were kids, we knew. I ran away, and you stayed. You hustled. And you actually created something for yourself. And now, you get to experience that.”
Phillip is saying all the things I’ve always wanted to hear, ever since I was a teenager. He’s never said it until now.
I can’t help but smirk. “You’re kidding, right?”
“No. I just poured my heart out to you, and you ask me if I’m kidding?”
I pat Phillip on the back. “It honestly sounds like you’ve grown up a bit. Our relationship might take a little bit to get back to how it was before. But I can forgive you now, I think.”
“Seriously? Seriously, man? Just like that, you forgive me?”
“Don’t push your luck.” I wag a finger at him.
He grabs my shoulder and brings me in for a hug.
Our family looks like we’re going to work out, we won’t kill each other, and we’re actually moving toward mutual ground.
Things are starting to look bright.
25
Molly
A calmness.
I haven’t felt this way in a while. Just calmness. Just flow. I know things are changing for me. I just have faith.
“You ready for this, champ?”
My dad stands beside me in a suit. He has some paperwork under his arm. I’m dressed professionally in a pantsuit. We are both at Cartier Corp. today to make things right with me and Carlyle.
“Yeah, Dad. I’ve been ready.”
Carlyle agreed to take a meeting with Dad and I today. We had some important business matters to discuss with him. After two weeks of not talking, we were finally going to see each other face-to-face for the first time.
