absurd figure in dyed whiskers and a yellow under-waistcoat.
General Gulpin sported his star, and looked fat and florid, but
melancholy. His wife ordered away his dinner, just like honest
Sancho's physician at Barataria.
Botherby's stories about Lamartine are as old as the hills,
since the barricades of 1848; and he could not get in a word or
cut the slightest figure. And as for Tom Dawson, he was
carrying on an undertoned small-talk with Lady Barbara St.
Mary's, so that there was not much conversation worth record
going on WITHIN the dining-room.
Outside it was different. Those houses in Lilliput Street are
so uncommonly compact, that you can hear everything which takes
place all over the tenement; and so--
In the awful pauses of the banquet, and the hall-door being
furthermore open, we had the benefit of hearing:
The cook, and the occasional cook, below stairs, exchanging
rapid phrases regarding the dinner;
The smash of the soup-tureen, and swift descent of the kitchen-
maid and soup-ladle down the stairs to the lower regions. This
accident created a laugh, and rather amused Fitzroy and the
company, and caused Funnyman to say, bowing to Rosa, that she
was mistress of herself, though China fall. But she did not
heed him, for at that moment another noise commenced, namely,
that of--
The baby in the upper rooms, who commenced a series of piercing
yells, which, though stopped by the sudden clapping to of the
nursery-door, were only more dreadful to the mother when
suppressed. She would have given a guinea to go up stairs and
have done with the whole entertainment.
A thundering knock came at the door very early after the
dessert, and the poor soul took a speedy opportunity of
summoning the ladies to depart, though you may be sure it was
only old Mrs. Gashleigh, who had come with her daughters--of
course the first person to come. I saw her red gown whisking up
the stairs, which were covered with plates and dishes, over
which she trampled.
Instead of having any quiet after the retreat of the ladies, the
house was kept in a rattle, and the glasses jingled on the table
as the flymen and coachmen plied the knocker, and the soiree
came in. From my place I could see everything: the guests as
they arrived (I remarked very few carriages, mostly cabs and
flies), and a little crowd of blackguard boys and children, who
were formed round the door, and gave ironical cheers to the
folks as they stepped out of their vehicles.
As for the evening-party, if a crowd in the dog-days is
pleasant, poor Mrs. Timmins certainly had a successful soiree.
You could hardly move on the stair. Mrs. Sternhold broke in the
banisters, and nearly fell through. There was such a noise and
chatter you could not hear the singing of the Miss Gashleighs,
which was no great loss. Lady Bungay could hardly get to her
carriage, being entangled with Colonel Wedgewood in the passage.
An absurd attempt was made to get up a dance of some kind; but
before Mrs. Crowder had got round the room, the hanging-lamp in
the dining-room below was stove in, and fell with a crash on the
table, now prepared for refreshment.
Why, in fact, did the Timminses give that party at all? It was
quite beyond their means. They have offended a score of their
old friends, and pleased none of their acquaintances. So angry
were many who were not asked, that poor Rosa says she must now
give a couple more parties and take in those not previously
invited. And I know for a fact that Fubsby's bill is not yet
paid; nor Binney and Latham's the wine-merchants; that the
breakage and hire of glass and china cost ever so much money;
that every true friend of Timmins has cried out against his
absurd extravagance, and that now, when every one is going out
of town, Fitz has hardly money to pay his circuit, much more to
take Rosa to a watering-place, as he wished and promised.
As for Mrs. Gashleigh, the only feasible plan of economy which
she can suggest, is that she could come and live with her
daughter and son-in-law, and that they should keep house
together. If he agrees to this, she has a little sum at the
banker's, with which she would not mind easing his present
difficulties; and the poor wretch is so utterly bewildered and
crestfallen that it is very likely he will become her victim.
The Topham Sawyers, when they go down into the country, will
represent Fitz as a ruined man and reckless prodigal; his uncle,
the attorney, from whom he has expectations, will most likely
withdraw his business, and adopt some other member of his
family--Blanche Crowder for instance, whose husband, the doctor,
has had high words with poor Fitzroy already, of course at the
women's instigation. And all these accumulated miseries fall
upon the unfortunate wretch because he was good-natured, and his
wife would have a Little Dinner.
End of Project Gutenberg's A Little Dinner at Timmins's, by Thackeray
A Little Dinner at Timmins's Page 5
