by Derek Landy
"Narcissistic?"
"I was going to say weird, but okay, we'll go with yours. How long do we have before it runs out of power?"
Gordon, the Echo-Gordon, shook his head, and
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gestured to the centerpiece that held the Stone. "When the Echo Stone is in its cradle, it's constantly recharging. I could stay out here forever-- providing there was someone around, of course. It'd be pretty boring if it was just me.
"I have to say, Stephanie, while I welcome the chance to talk to you, and I would give you a hug only I'd pass right through you and that would be strange, Gordon himself is going to be a mite annoyed that you found your way in here."
"Um, actually ... I don't think he will be. Do you remember the last time you spoke with Gordon-- the other Gordon, the real Gordon?"
His eyes narrowed. "Why? Stephanie, what's wrong?"
She hesitated. "My name is Valkyrie."
"Valerie?"
"Valkyrie. With a k. Valkyrie Cain. You left this house to me in your will."
He stared at her. "Oh. Oh no."
"Yes."
"Oh my God, I'm ... I knew, I mean, I knew I might be in danger, once I had the Scepter of the Ancients, but, but . . . Tell me the truth, okay? Just be totally, brutally honest, just tell me
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flat out. . . . Am I dead?"
"Yes."
He covered his face with his hands.
She waited for him to look up. When he didn't, she searched for words to fill the silence. "I understand that this must come as a shock. ..."
Finally, he raised his head. "How did I die?"
"Nefarian Serpine killed you," Valkyrie said, as gently as she could under the circumstances. "Well, killed Gordon. Killed you, I suppose. . . ."
"Serpine killed me? Then he has the Scepter! Quickly, Stephanie, we have no time to lose-- "
"Don't worry, he's dead. Skulduggery killed him last year."
"Oh," Echo-Gordon said, his impetus interrupted. "I see. You know Skulduggery, then?"
"He's been showing me the ropes."
"And the Scepter?"
"It's not a threat to anyone anymore."
"Did you solve the clues I left? The brooch, and the caves?"
"Yes, we did. That was very clever of you."
"The riddle was my idea," he said proudly. "Gordon, the real Gordon, just wanted to leave clear instructions in case anything bad happened to
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him, but I convinced him to do it all in a riddle. It gives the whole thing an extra flair, don't you think?"
His lower lip quivered for a moment.
"Are you okay?" asked Valkyrie.
"Not really. I'm the memories of a dead man. I'm struggling to find the purpose of my existence. Was there uproar? When I died, I mean? Was there a national day of mourning?"
"Uh . . . not a day, I don't think. ..."
He frowned. "But I was a bestselling author. I mean, I was loved. What about a minute's silence, observed throughout the country?"
Valkyrie rubbed her arm. "A minute? I'm not sure if, you know, if it was an official minute, but I'm sure I noticed that people were ... quieter than usual. ..."
"What about sales?"
"Oh, well, your last two books went straight back into the top ten."
"What about my last book? What's happening with that?"
"The release date is three months away."
"That'll sell well," he said, stroking his chin. "That ought to sell really well, now that I'm dead."
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"There were loads of people at your funeral," Valkyrie said. "Lots of people crying, saying how great you were, saying how much you'll be missed."
Echo-Gordon digested this, and nodded. "I will be missed. And I was pretty great." His face suddenly turned sour. "Was Beryl there?"
Valkyrie laughed. "Yes she was, and she was doing her best to squeeze out some tears and get all the sympathy."
"Never liked that woman. I always thought Fergus could do better. Not much better, mind you-- the man has the personality of a wet towel. But anyone would be better than Beryl. Oh, Gordon left them a boat in the will, didn't he? How did they like that?"
"Fergus went all quiet and Beryl started squeaking."
Echo-Gordon laughed and clapped his hands. "Oh, I wish I could have been there. That would have certainly been something to see. We have some family, eh?"
"You're telling me. In fact, there's a family-reunion tomorrow night."
"Really? Oh, that's wonderful! Will you bring me?"
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"Uh, what? Gordon, you're dead."
"Just put the Stone in your pocket, then leave me in an empty room so I can gaze out at all the Edgleys and laugh. Or maybe I'll pretend to be a ghost, and haunt Beryl."
"That's incredibly mature of you, but I don't think I'll be going. Saving the world tomorrow night."
"Ah, of course. But if you change your mind."
She grinned. "I'll bring you, I promise. So, what is this room? What are all these things?"
All of a sudden his chest puffed out. "These, my dear niece, are objects of great magical and historical relevance. The items you see on the shelves around you are so rare, many a collector would kill to get their hands on them. And I mean that, quite seriously. There is a woman-- "
"China Sorrows?"
"You've met her, then. Yes, China. If she knew about the existence of this little hoard, she would stop at nothing to get it."
"Probably wouldn't be a good idea to mention it to her, then."
"You know, I was in love with her for quite some time."
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"Everyone's in love with China."
"Ah yes, but my love was stronger, and true. I think she knew that, and I think, in her own way, she loved me as much as I loved her. Or, loved Gordon as much as he loved . . . no, as much as I loved . . . she loved Gordon as much as I loved her. Or something."
"Are . . . are you sure you're okay?"
"Just having a small existential crisis, nothing to worry about." He paused, seemed to reflect for a moment, and then brightened. "So Skulduggery has taken you under his wing, has he? You'll be safe with him. He's one of the good guys."
"Yes, he is. I'm learning all kinds of magic, and he's teaching me to fight.... It's dangerous, but I'm having a great time."
"I used to help him out on a few cases, you know. Nothing big, just a few mysteries every now and then. I wasn't really a throwing-punches kind of action hero, though. I was more into the research, tracking down things, people. So what are you working on now?"
"We're trying to track down this nut job who escaped from prison, Baron Vengeous."
"Vengeous?" Echo-Gordon said. "He's out?"
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"We think he wants to bring the Grotesquery to life."
Echo-Gordon's eyes bulged. "The Grotesquery? That is quite unfair! I've been meaning to write a book about that whole thing, and now I'm dead!"
"That is very unfair," she said, nodding in agreement. "So do you know anything about it?"
"A little, I suppose. I don't have any books about it, but I know that it was put together from bits and pieces of some quite impressive creatures. I didn't think it was possible to bring it to life, though."
"We're trying to figure that out too."
Echo-Gordon shook his head in awe. "Astounding. Genuinely astounding. It's got a stinger, apparently, from a Helaquin, and parts of a Shibbach were grafted on. From what I've read, Baron Vengeous had to rearrange its insides entirely, give it a whole new set of internal organs. The heart he gave it, from a Cu Gealach, is on the right side, and lower than usual, about here." He gestured to his own ribs.
"If it does come back, would destroying its heart be enough to kill it?"
"Oh yes. Kill it stone dead."
"Then . . . that's how we kill it, right? Simple."
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"Not quite. Because most of it is comprised of a Faceless One, it will heal quickly. The stronger it gets, t
he faster it will heal, until it suffers no injuries at all. It would take an awful lot to damage the Grotesquery while it's at full strength, I'm afraid. Have you found it yet?"
"No, we don't even know where to start looking."
"You should ask the Torment."
"Who?"
"A few years ago, I heard a rumor that a man called the Torment might know where the Grotesquery is hidden."
"The Torment? Not, like, Joey Torment, or Sam Torment? An actual the?"
"An actual the, yes. He's probably dead by now, if he even existed at all. It was just a rumor. You should ask Eachan Meritorious if he knows him."
"Um, actually, Meritorious is dead. So is Morwenna Crow. Sagacious Tome, too, but he betrayed the others, so I'm not sorry he's dead."
"Oh dear. Meritorious and Crow? That's a lot of people dead. Is there anyone who isn't dead?"
"Uh . . . Ghastly Bespoke is a statue."
"Well, that's something, at least."
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Valkyrie glanced at her watch. "I better go. Tanith's waiting downstairs."
"Tanith?"
"Tanith Low."
"Oh, I've heard of her. Never actually met her, but I've heard of her. You know my tale 'The All-Night Horror Show,' from my short story collection? That was inspired by something I heard about her."
Valkyrie smiled. "I think she'd be delighted to know that."
Echo-Gordon gazed fondly at Valkyrie. "You're suited to all this, you know. I helped Skulduggery for a time until I realized I didn't like putting my life in danger. Sometimes I regret taking a step back. But you ... I always knew you'd be cut out for this adventuring lark. It's why everything was left to you in the will."
"Thanks for that, by the way. It's . . . amazing."
"Think nothing of it. How did Serpine die, anyway?"
"Painfully."
Echo-Gordon grinned. "Oh good."
The Bentley pulled up outside Gordon's house just as Valkyrie was closing the door.
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"Are you all right?" Skulduggery asked as soon as he got out.
"I told you on the phone, I'm okay. Tanith arrived just in time to save the day."
Skulduggery looked at Tanith. "Thank you."
"Val had it handled," Tanith said with a shrug.
"How did your top-secret sneaky business go?" Valkyrie asked, eager to change the subject.
Skulduggery hesitated. "This is a sensitive subject."
"We're all friends here, aren't we? So where'd you go?"
"Well, I... I broke into the Sanctuary."
"I'm sorry, you what?"
"What you were saying earlier, about how Thurid Guild is like a politician with people to please. It got me thinking. So I broke into his private chambers. I had a hunch."
Tanith stared at him. "That's . . . that's pretty dangerous, Skulduggery. If the Cleavers had caught you . . ."
"I know. It would have been an interesting fight. But I had to risk it, really. I was curious."
"About what?" asked Valkyrie.
"There may be reason to believe that Thurid
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Guild was involved in Vengeous's escape."
"Involved how?" Valkyrie asked, her eyes narrowing. "Is he a traitor?"
"My illicit investigation is just beginning. It's too early to-- "
"Just like Sagacious Tome," Valkyrie interrupted. "And China!"
Skulduggery tilted his head. "China is not a traitor."
"But she used to worship the Faceless Ones, didn't she?"
"Well, yes, but we've all done things we're not proud of."
"Even you?"
Skulduggery looked at her but didn't say anything.
"How could a traitor be elected as the new Grand Mage?" Tanith asked, and he shook his head.
"These are my suspicions, nothing more. I liberated some files belonging to the Grand Mage-- "
"Liberated?"
" -- and I'll need some time to go over them. Until then, Thurid Guild is innocent until proven guilty. That said, obviously we still don't trust
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him. That would be silly."
"Sure," Tanith said.
"Absolutely," Valkyrie said.
"All right then, have either of you managed to turn up anything that will help us?"
Valkyrie looked at Tanith, who suddenly looked down at her boots.
"I've been . . . reading."
"Research?" Skulduggery asked.
Tanith went a little red, and Skulduggery tilted his head.
"You've been reading Gordon's book again, haven't you?"
"It's a white-knuckle roller-coaster ride," she mumbled.
He sighed, and looked to Valkyrie. "And you?"
Echo-Gordon had asked her not to tell anyone about him, at least until he had grown used to the idea that he was the only version of Gordon Edgley left on the planet. Valkyrie had reluctantly agreed.
"I found something in one of Gordon's notebooks," she lied. "Apparently someone called the Torment might know where Vengeous hid the Grotesquery."
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"The Torment?"
"I don't know if he's real or not." "He's real." "Do you know him?"
"No," Skulduggery said. "But I know someone who does."
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Chapter Ten
THE ARMOR OF LORD VILE
Billy-ray sanguine didn 't like the Infected. He looked at them as he passed, looked at their blank faces and dull eyes. Half of them dug, half of them cleared rocks, and they never took a break. Dusk's command over them was absolute.
Sanguine left them to it. As he walked, he felt the knife in his belt. It was big and heavy and awkward. He much preferred his straight razor, but that girl had taken it from him. He was looking forward to seeing her again.
The caves were big, and the lights they had rigged up barely made a dent in the darkness, through which Baron Vengeous now strode.
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"The Infected have cleared the chambers to the east," Sanguine told him. "The armor ain 't there. I've searched the caves to the west, didn't find anythin'. Tunneled through a couple of collapsed passageways to the north, still nothin'. Looks like the armor, if it's here at all, is in one of the chambers to the south."
"It's here," Vengeous said with confidence. "Lord Vile died in these caves, I know it. What of my garments?"
In order to don the armor, Vengeous would need special garments to protect him from the Necromancer power within it. It had been Sanguine's job to obtain these garments.
"They'll be ready by nightfall," Sanguine said, "as promised."
"They had better be."
Sanguine looked at him but said nothing. The Baron was not a man to be trifled with, especially at a time like this.
Someone else Sanguine didn't like was Dusk. He didn't like vampires as a rule, but he really disliked Dusk, especially the way he could sneak up without making a sound. Vengeous was the only person Sanguine had ever met who could hear Dusk approaching. Which was why, when Dusk spoke from right beside Sanguine, Sanguine jumped and Vengeous remained perfectly still.
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"Baron," Dusk said. "We have found it."
Vengeous's eyes glittered in the lamplight. He and Sanguine followed Dusk deeper into the cave system. Water trickled down rock walls, making the ground slippery. They walked toward a pack of the Infected, who stood back to let Baron Vengeous pass into this newly discovered chamber. Sanguine made his way to the front and stood beside Dusk.
The lamps cast long shadows on the uneven walls. In the center of the chamber was a large stone table, circular, and on that table lay the armor. It was dull black, and plain, without etchings or imprints. To Baron Vengeous it must have been the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
Lord Vile's armor.
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Chapter Eleven
THE TERRIFYING BRAIN SUCKER OF LONDON
V aurien scapegracesat at the table across
W from Skulduggery. Tanith stood directly
behind him, and Valkyrie stood in the corner beside the door, her arms folded.
Skulduggery looked up from the folder he was reading. "Vaurien, you haven't been very cooperative with your interviewers, have you?"
"Don't know what any of them are talking about."
"You are a known associate of a man they call the Torment."
He shrugged. "News to me."
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"What is?"
"That I know him."
"Know who?"
"What?"
"That you know the Torment?"
"Yeah."
"Then you do know him?"
"Yeah." Then, quickly, "No."
"You don't know him?"
"I, no, I, no. Never heard of him."
"I hate to say this, Vaurien, but that's astoundingly unconvincing."
He shook his head. "Who is he? I've never heard of him. Torment who?"
"Do you recognize the pretty lady behind you?"
Scapegrace tried to turn in his chair, but the shackles meant he could only crane his neck. He looked back to Skulduggery and shrugged. "Should I?"
"That there is Tanith Low. Perhaps you've heard of her. Tanith is a renowned interrogator, known the world over for her one-hundred-percent success rate in getting the information she needs."
Valkyrie saw Tanith arch an eyebrow, but she said nothing.
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"Oh yeah?" Scapegrace said. He was looking a little worried. "And how does she manage that?"
"Well, to put it delicately, she has the power to suck out people's brains."
Scapegrace stared, and Tanith had to clap her hand over her mouth to stop from laughing. Valkyrie struggled to keep the smile off her face and really wished she was anywhere but in Scapegrace's line of sight.
"She can't do that," he said. "That's illegal!"
"I'm afraid it's not. It's a loophole she's been exploiting for years. She sucks out the brain and swallows it, thereby digesting and absorbing the knowledge."
