by Vivian Gray
Nothing comes; no sound can be heard.
I get to the bathroom, and the door is open a crack. I take a peek inside, noting that the lights are off, and then throw the door open. No one is in there. Maria is nowhere to be found.
Now I go into panic mode. Has she gone? Did she take off? Was I right in thinking that she was working for her father the whole time? It just can’t be true – it just can’t be – but the evidence is staring me right in the face.
She played me. That bitch played me.
That fucking cunt. She took off, didn’t she? She decided what she needed most of all was to fuck and run, and now she’s off, giving all the Blood Ravens’ secrets to her scumbag of a father. You’re screwed. You’re going to be banished from the crew, maybe worse. And there’s a lot of good men who are going to die. All because you were stupid enough to fall for this whore, who would sleep with anyone on her piece of shit father’s command. You’re done for. You are absolutely done for.
This is not going to stand. I go back into my room, open up my sock drawer, and pull out my gun. Thank God, it’s still there; she clearly didn’t look for it or care where she might find it. Obviously, she just took off without thinking about the ramifications. Well, the joke’s going to be on her.
I’m going to take her ass down, and then I’m going to take the whole motherfucking Espinoza crew down, too, one by one. But I’m going to start with little Maria Espinoza, this bitch who just toyed with my heart.
I grab my gun, throw on a T-shirt and pants, and race down the stairs. I’m halfway out the door when I hear movement in the kitchen. Startled, I hold my gun out and aim it towards the sound and noise. I shake my head and listen more intently. I can clearly hear some utterances, quiet though they may be.
“Shit,” a voice whispers harshly. “Shit, shit, shit.”
It sounds like Maria. I wonder if she’s rifling through my shit, maybe looking for the drugs we hid, or my stash of guns, or something.
I burst into the kitchen, ready to take her down—
Only to find her struggling with a mixing bowl and a frying pan, a thin layer of white powder – flour, I realize – coating one entire side of the countertop. Quickly, I switch the gun’s safety on and stash it in my back pocket.
“Jesus, Maria,” I call out to her, making her jump. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Uh... I... uh...” she stammers. “Surprise?”
“Surprise?” I echo her, wondering what in the blue hell is going on.
“I woke up before you,” she explains, “and I wanted to let you sleep. You seemed so tense last night, and this morning, like you needed more than a good lay—”
“Which you were more than willing to provide,” I cut in, grinning.
She laughs at my stupid joke. “Well, of course I was,” she says, a wide smile on her face. “Especially after last night – whatever that was. It was amazing. But anyway, I got up, and I was in the bathroom, and I thought, ‘I wonder if Blade has pancake mix’—”
“Which I don’t,” I interject again, finishing the thought for her.
“I’ll say you don’t,” she agrees. “So one thing led to another, and before you know it, I’m in the kitchen, trying to remember my abuela’s recipe for pancakes. I know it’s basically flour, sugar, salt, baking powder, and milk, but I wasn’t sure if I used the right quantities – though, to be perfectly honest, I have to give you credit for having everything I’d need to make pancakes in the first place. But anyway... surprise!”
I laugh. It’s a genuine, feel-good laugh that makes me feel like everything is right with the world. This woman, this amazing, beautiful woman, is standing in my kitchen in panties and one of my old T-shirts, doing her best to make me a meal – pancakes, of all things. And here I was about to go hunt her down and shoot her in the head. Really makes a guy think.
And I realize that I need to be more trusting – especially more trusting in light of what happened with Carmen. It occurs to me that it’s particularly hard for me to feel right, to feel relaxed, to feel secure in a relationship – Is that what this is? I ask myself. A relationship? – but that I’m going to have to learn to trust Maria.
She hasn’t led me astray thus far. And every time I’ve had some kind of worry, she has proven herself time and again to be on my side. This is only the latest example. She could have gotten out of here, but she didn’t. She stayed. That’s got to count for something.
I go over to Maria and give her a kiss. She seems to know that I was freaked out, almost like it’s an instinct she has. I laugh even more when she puts some flour on my nose and then licks it off, and then spits out the flour.
“Oh my God,” she chokes out. “I can’t believe I just did that. That’s so gross!”
“Why – why didn’t you use the batter?” I ask, still laughing at her.
“I wasn’t thinking!” she laments. “I was trying my best to be spontaneous!”
“Well, mission accomplished.” I chuckle, handing her a rag to wash herself up. I fill up a glass of water for her and hand it to her. “Here, this’ll help.”
Suddenly, we’re both jolted out of our jokey mood by a knock at the door. Actually, it’s not so much a knock as a thump, like a rock hitting the front door. I hold up a finger towards Maria to silence her, and I take my gun out of my back pocket and head towards the door.
Gun drawn, I throw open the door, ready to take out whoever just beat on my door. But there’s no one there. Instead, there is a brick, around which is taped a note. I pull off the note to see what’s going on, but it takes some doing. By the time I get it off, Maria has come into the living room to see what’s up.
“What’s the story, Blade?” she asks timidly.
She knows that this isn’t the time for games. I’m consistently impressed by her ability to read a situation – from her dealings with Crusher and the boys to her conversations with me. She always seems to know what to say and how to act. I don’t know if that comes from being raised with the father she had or because of her mother’s good sense, but either way, it’s endearing.
“It’s a note,” I say with caution. “And it looks like it’s from—”
“My dad’s cartel,” she finishes for me. “I know the handwriting. That’s from Enrique Lopez, one of my dad’s right-hand men. They aren’t even trying to disguise their shit. What does it say?”
I read aloud the message on the piece of paper, and as I do, my heart sinks:
Blade –
We know about the raid on the storehouse. We know what your crew did. We also know that you are holding Maria Espinoza. So this is going to go one way: you are going to return the packages you stole, along with Maria. You should know that Maria is with us –- and she is setting you up for a fall. And it’s going to be a long fall.
You should never have fucked with the Espinozas.
Chapter 8
Maria
“Blade, you – you don’t believe this shit, do you?” I ask, trembling.
Blade has just read a note that could sign my death warrant with the Blood Ravens.
“Blade,” I start again, speaking quickly out of nervousness, “I swear to God, I am not a plant, and I’m not setting you up. They’re saying this to drive a wedge between us because my dad can’t stand the idea that I’d be helping you. This message is for me as much as it is for you. It means my father is well aware of how much I’ve been helping the Blood Ravens. He’s out for blood, and he’s going to take me down as well as you. I’m telling you, I—”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Blade yells at me. “Just – just shut the fuck up, would you please? I need to think. I need – I need to—”
Suddenly, he takes the brick and wings it out the open door and across the street, where it hits the sidewalk and shatters into several hundred pieces, causing several squirrels to jump up in fear and dart up a nearby tree.
“FUUUUCK!!” he yells, clearly agitated. He slams the door and sits down on the couch, burying his
head in his hands.
After a few moments, I see his breath come back to him, and his breathing slows just a little bit, so I try talking to him again.
“Blade?” I venture. “Can we talk?”
He looks up from his hands and glares at me. “You had better have something interesting to tell me, Maria,” he says, seething, “because I’m about half a second away from putting a bullet in your brain. You have about five seconds to convince me this note is the lie and that you’re really here to help me.”
“I am here to help you, Blade!” I cry out.
I can’t believe his trust has been broken this easily. After all we’ve been through over the past few weeks, after everything I’ve done for him and for the Blood Ravens, how can he honestly think now that I’m a plant for my dad?
“You know I’ve done everything I can to help the Blood Ravens. I’ve given you movements, I’ve given you ideas—”
“Yeah, you’ve given us ideas, all right,” he says, the quiet in his voice serving to amplify the rage in his tone. “Like the idea that there’s a traitor in our midst. That didn’t come from us, Maria. Not from Crusher, not from me, not from anybody in our crew. That came from you. The way I see it, you planted the seeds of mistrust. You’ve been planting them all along. And if this note is in any way true—”
“But it’s not, don’t you see? Blade, what possible reason would my dad have to tell the truth to you at this point? What would his motivation be? No, he’s lying to you so he can sow the seeds of dissent between us.”
“Why?” Blade demands. “Why would he ever bother to do something like that?”
“Because he knows I’ve been helping you!” I scream, tears coming to my eyes. “Because he is a terrible person and values his money and his cartel over his own family. My mami knew that. That’s why she raised us as far away from his bullshit as possible. But she loved my dad. She couldn’t help that. And she was very Catholic, so she knew she would never leave him.
“But she also knew that my dad was a bad, bad man. He doesn’t care about anything or anybody besides himself and his crew. So, of course, the moment he figured out that I was gone, he probably assumed the worst – that I had turned my back on him. Which is why I did it – it’s why I helped you.”
“You blame him for your mom’s death,” Blade says quietly. “Don’t you?”
I am now openly weeping, but I don’t care. I’m going to press on because I’m in danger at this point of losing everything I’ve gained with Blade – the only thing I have left.
“Yes,” I say sadly. “If he had cared just a little bit more about Mami, he would have made sure she made all her appointments, made sure she had the right care, made sure she had everything she needed – hell, he would’ve made sure she was at least fucking comfortable. But he did none of those things. Because all he cares about is his damned self.”
“So that’s why you wanted to get back at him. You wanted to punish him for mistreating your mother?”
“I want to punish him for mistreating me!” I scream in Blade’s face. “Me, my sister, our mami, he just never cared. In fact, the only time he showed a goddamn bit of interest in me was when Carmen fucked off and got married. Then, all of a sudden, I was the chosen one, I was the one who was going to take over the family business. It all started when Carmen left.
“And it was never what I wanted – not that Dad ever fucking asked me. He just assumed that I would do it because I’m his daughter, and that’s what good little daughters do for their fathers. But I’m not a good girl, at least not in his eyes. So that’s why he had this letter delivered, Blade. It’s not just for you; it’s for me.”
Blade lets the silence hang there after I finish, not saying a word. When he does speak, he first lets out a huge sigh before talking.
“Maria,” he says finally, “I want to believe you. I really, really do. But I’ve been burned before, and I don’t want to be burned again. And we Blood Ravens – we’ve got responsibilities. Responsibilities to people, to our crew, to ourselves. Your father staked out turf in this war, and we’re trying to get on the right side of it. He’s going down, one way or the other.
“And I’m not going to lie to you – there are plenty in the Blood Ravens who have thought from the beginning that you were more on your dad’s team than you’ve been letting on. Hell, I’ve had that thought from time to time.”
“You mean, you don’t trust me?” I ask, a little timid.
“I—” Blade begins, but he sees the look in my eyes, and he seems to change tacks instantly. “I want to,” he mumbles. Then, he regains his composure and tries again: “I really do want to, Maria. So much. You have no idea how much. But it’s very, very difficult.”
“Because of Carmen?” I have a good idea that’s the biggest reason.
But he surprises me.
“Sure, in part because of Carmen,” he admits, “but in bigger part because of the family you come from. Maria, Juan Espinoza is bad news. You’ve said it yourself. But you – you were the heir apparent. After Carmen, as you put it, ‘fucked off’, you were the one who everyone expected was going to take over the business from your father. It’s a huge empire, the Espinoza cartel, and to just disavow all of that to, what, help a motorcycle club? That’s unheard of, Maria. So yeah, it’s a little hard for any of us to trust you. And this... this just makes me wonder even more.”
“But think about it, Blade,” I shoot back. “Why would my dad send a message like this to you, except to make you think that I was on their side? This was clearly a ploy by my father to get into your head. And from the appearances of it, it seems to be working.”
“You know,” Blade muses aloud, “that’s exactly what you’d say if you were innocent, if you really were just a pawn in this whole game, and your dad wasn’t using you. Then again, you’d probably say the same thing if you were guilty, too, so I don’t know where that leaves us.”
“What do you want me to do, Blade?” I demand, sick of playing this stupid game. “Do you want me to leave? To get on a bus and never come back? I’ll do it. Do you want me to lay out... Oh, holy shit, Blade, that’s what I could do!”
“What’s that?”
“I could give you the layout of my dad’s entire compound.” I almost get excited by the prospect of ending this whole thing as quickly as possible. “Blade, this would be perfect. I know exactly where the security is. I know where the weak spots are. I know where you’d have to go to take guys down, how you could get inside. Blade, this could be key to taking my father down. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before.”
“Uh huh,” he says, nodding suspiciously. “And how do I know for sure that this isn’t a trap, Maria? It seems like just the kind of thing that would be a trap, doesn’t it?”
I shake my head vehemently. “Blade, I’m not trying to tear you down. I’m committed at this point. If I go back to my father, I’m dead. He knows I’ve been helping him. So the only choice I have at this point is to help you, to help the Blood Ravens. You guys are the only saving grace I’ve got.”
“I’ve got to run it by Crusher,” Blade tells me. “But I’m willing to bring him over so he can listen to you. You did patch him up, after all. That probably counts for something.”
“Go get him. I’ll show you all. I’m going to make this work. I promise.”
“YOU’VE GOT TO BE FUCKING kidding me,” Crusher says angrily, slamming his fist down onto Blade’s kitchen table. “You actually buy this garbage?”
“Yeah, come on, Blade,” Slime adds.
For some reason, Crusher had insisted Slime accompany him to the house. Probably, he’s being a little protective of himself right now after getting sliced and diced by my cousin yesterday.
“Let’s be realistic,” Slime continues, “this broad has either A) been working for her old man the whole time, or B) somehow, for some reason, wants to take him down and work with a motorcycle club to do it. Which seems more likely to you?”
�
��I know how it sounds, boys,” Blade tells them. “But tell me what other options we have.”
“Does that mean you believe me?” I ask Blade directly.
All three sets of eyes turn on me, as if I have spoken out of turn – which, in fact, I have, according to their rules.
“Bitch,” Slime spits out at me, “as far as I’m concerned, you should be naked and tied up in the basement like a good little whore.”
“Hey,” Blade says, swiping his arm through the air and slamming it on the table the way Crusher had done just moments ago. “I don’t want to hear that kind of shit, Slime, you hear me?”
“You’re defending this cunt?” Slime sneers. “This piece of Espinoza garbage, you’re standing up for her, against your own VP?”
“It’s my house, Slime,” Blade growls out at him, and for a moment, I remember all the reasons why I’ve fallen in love with Blade. Mostly, it’s his innate goodness. “It’s my house, and I’m not going to let you run your shit-talking mouth in here just because you want to. Now, Maria has helped us out before. Remember, it’s because of her that we got the Espinoza packages to begin with.”
“Yeah.” Crusher snarls. “And I got a knife in my gut as a ‘thank you’.”
“That’s as much on our guys as it is on her, if not more so,” Blade says. “You know that, Crusher. This isn’t rocket science. The girl did her best. We ought to give her credit where credit is due.”
“I still think she’s a fucking plant,” Slime says, anger rising in his voice. “I have no reason to trust a goddamn thing that she says.”
“I’ll be honest with you, Slime.” Blade’s face contorts into a menacing grin. “I don’t give a good fucking goddamn what you think. The only person whose opinion I’m interested in is Crusher’s. So please, for the love of God, shut the fuck up!”
