by L.H. Cosway
She tugged at my clothes, but I broke the kiss and drew away. I was sick of giving her everything and getting nothing in return. I gave her all of me, the good and the bad, but she held everything back. I wanted to break down that sky-high wall she’d built.
“Cal,” she sighed, grabbing for the fly of my jeans. “Please.”
“Tell me you like me.”
She frowned, chest rising and falling with her breathing. “What?”
“Tell me you like me,” I repeated.
Her frown deepened. “Why?”
“Because I like you. I like you a lot, and sometimes it feels like I’m just a body that gets you off. Like I could be anyone.”
Leanne stared at me for a long time. “That’s not true.”
“Say it then.”
“Fine. I like you.”
“Not like that. Say it like you mean it.”
Her eyelids fluttered, her attention on my collarbone when she whispered, “I like you.”
I tipped her chin up. “Eyes up here, babe.”
Finally, her gaze lifted. And then, for a second, the wall was gone, and her vulnerability shone through. “I like you, Callum. I like you so much it scares me.”
A shimmering heat spread through my chest, while the fear in her voice made my throat ache. Did her feelings frighten her? Hearing the truth in her words was deeply satisfying. This wasn’t a one-sided thing.
I caught her cheek in my hand and brought her mouth to mine. “Now, that wasn’t so hard, was it?”
She moaned when I slid my tongue in slow, then ran my hand along her inner thigh. I pressed kisses to the tops of her breasts and undid her jeans. She pulled the buttons free on my shirt and tugged it off. She kissed my chest while I shoved down her underwear. I pulled my cock free and pushed inside her.
She gasped.
I pressed one hand to her throat and used the other to hold myself up while I fucked her. We were both still half dressed, impatient for each other. I had to have her. She sucked my earlobe into her mouth, then gave a bite. I growled at the spike of pain, thrusting faster. Her gentle breaths and sighs filled my ears, driving me to distraction. When I came, I kissed her again, my lips crushing hers harshly. She gripped my shoulders, her fingertips digging desperately into my skin, marking me.
“I really need to start using condoms with you,” I said as I fell on top of her then rolled us on our sides. The first time we slept together, we’d been so eager we hadn’t used protection, which had become a habit. I knew she was on the pill and we were both clean, but there was still a small chance she could get pregnant.
“I told you, I’m already on the pill,” she said, echoing my own thoughts.
“But what if it doesn’t work for some reason?”
She twisted in my arms, turning around to face me. “It’s ninety-nine percent effective, Cal, I’m pretty sure we’ll be okay.”
“Ninety-nine percent? Really?”
She nodded, smiling like she found me adorable. Then, her face turned shy.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
She shook her head, “It’s nothing. I just…”
I admired the red flush that had risen to the surface of her skin. I traced it with my finger when I asked, “You just what?”
Her voice was small when she replied shyly, “I think I…I think I trust you.”
Just like that, I was on top of the world. Leanne liked me, she trusted me. I couldn’t help probing further. It was rare that she spoke openly about her feelings and I needed to know more.
“Why do you trust me?” I stroked her stomach, my hand wandering down to finger her clit.
She moved and shifted against me, her voice breathy. “Yes, keep doing that.”
I kissed her neck, then brushed my lips across her ear, circling her clit with my thumb torturously slow. “Why do you trust me, Leanne?”
She let out the sexiest frustrated little growl. “I…I trust you because I never see you look at other women. And I trust you because you’re always honest, even if it hurts my feelings.”
Now I circled faster. It was deeply fulfilling to know she appreciated these things in me. I hadn’t realised it, but she was right about me not looking at other girls. I didn’t feel the need. She was the only one I wanted to look at. And if she valued honesty, then I’d give it to her, always, no matter what, so long as she promised to stay mine.
I knew she was going to come when she got quiet. Leanne always grew quiet when she was close. She trembled when she orgasmed on my hand, and I kissed her neck as the waves petered out.
We lay in bed, and I held her tight.
A little while later, she pressed a kiss to the underside of my jaw. “It’s almost midnight. We should go back out.”
I glanced at the clock. It was two minutes to midnight. I had absolutely no desire to go back out to the party. I’d much rather stay right here where I was. Her lips continued their journey from my jaw to my neck, and I resisted the urge to climb on top of her and push deep inside. Instead, I pulled her mouth to mine and kissed her.
I put all I had into the kiss, all the feelings and emotions we hadn’t yet spoken about. She had to feel what was between us, the tugging, drugging, falling sensation. It couldn’t just be me.
Boisterous sounds came from outside as the clock struck twelve.
I broke our kiss to look down at her. “Happy New Year,” I whispered, thumb trailing her bottom lip.
“Happy New Year, Cal,” she replied.
I brought my mouth back to hers, trying to communicate all the things she wasn’t ready to hear. She didn’t even know it yet but I was going to make her mine. I was going to tear down all the barriers between us. Tonight I might’ve knocked down a few bricks, but soon I’d demolish the entire wall.
Eleven
Leanne
Present
The days blended into a predictable pattern: wake up, film, come home, eat, go to sleep alone. Things had been unresolved between Cal and me since our conversation on the roof, and I couldn’t stop replaying it over in my head.
“I just want you to acknowledge that there’s a part of you, no matter how small, that actually gives a shit about me.”
“Why?”
“Because with everything I’m made of I give a shit about you.”
His words created a void inside me, an ache that wouldn’t seem to quit. My heart wanted to believe them, but then my head intervened, reminding me that Cal was playing a game.
It was late evening and we’d had a long day of filming, but I wasn’t tired enough to sleep. Instead I wandered around the house, aimless.
“It’s sad really, because there’s a village somewhere being deprived of an idiot.” Paul grinned widely as he threw the insult at Trev.
“At least my parents weren’t cousins,” Trev shot back and Paul barked a laugh.
I’d just entered the lounge, wondering why they were sitting here insulting each other.
“Coming from a bloke who couldn’t get a whistle from a kettle,” Paul retorted.
“Do you know what, I’m jealous of all the people who haven’t met you.”
“Nah, you’re just mad because I wouldn’t take you for a ride if you had pedals.”
“I have a girlfriend who takes me for a ride regularly, thank you very much,” Trev clapped back.
“Okay,” I interrupted on a laugh. “I have to ask, what’s going on?”
“We’re trying to see who can come up with the corniest put down,” Trev replied.
“So far I’m winning,” Paul added.
“No way,” Trev disagreed. “I haven’t even told you I’m not as stupid as you look yet.”
Paul chuckled loudly. “Did you get that one off Google?”
“I honestly can’t decide which of you is weirder,” I said as I sat down next to Trev.
“Him,” they both said in unison then cracked themselves up laughing.
“You two seem way too giddy, are you high?” I que
stioned suspiciously.
“We’re high on life, sorry if you’re not evolved enough to understand,” Paul retorted.
I heard the front door open and it sounded like a whole bunch of people just entered the house. There was giggling and chatter, the sound of high heels clicking on tile.
I got up and went to peek around the doorway. Glancing down the hall, I saw Linda welcoming in our fans. They’d been attending all our shoots in the city, but were headed home in the morning. I guess Linda invited them over for one last hurrah.
There were also a few women and men I didn’t recognise, all of them young and good looking. I inwardly groaned. Linda was obviously trying to do some matchmaking and I wasn’t in the mood.
“What’s going on out there?” Trev asked curiously.
“Linda’s brought some of the fans over,” I whispered. “And a few locals too, it looks like.”
“Really?” Paul questioned. “Are any of them hot?”
“I’ll let you decide that for yourself. I’m going to my room.”
“Oh, no you’re not,” Paul stood and caught hold of my wrist. “You’ve been hiding out in there way too much. You need to socialise.”
“Linda didn’t bring all those women here for me, but you guys have fun.”
Paul manoeuvred me to take a look down the hall. “There are some blokes there too. You’re staying.”
I pulled my wrist from his hold and turned around, walking right into someone’s hard chest. Cal. He must’ve entered the room through the patio doors while I’d been peeking down the hallway. Bringing his hands to my shoulders to steady me, he smiled.
It had a heady effect on me, since I hadn’t been on the receiving end of many smiles from him lately. “Hey, buy me a drink first,” I said, trying to deflect from how my cheeks heated.
His smile deepened.
I tried side-stepping him, but he moved quickly, blocking my exit. “Get out of my way.”
He tilted his head. “Why? You in a hurry?”
Did he realise how much he was flustering me? I huffed a breath. “Yes, now move.”
He bent close to whisper in my ear. “If you trip, fall and land on my lips, does that mean I win the bet?”
So, after days of nothing we were back to the bet? Weirdly, I was relieved he’d decided to engage with me again. Being teased and toyed with by Cal felt better than going days with him barely sparing me a second glance. Yes, I had issues.
Our tumultuous relationship really was half my fault, wasn’t it?
I eyed him steadily. “In your dreams.”
His grin was wolfish. “It was worth a try.”
I grew agitated. “Can you please just get out of my way? Linda’s brought a bunch of people over for a party and I need to get to my room before I’m stuck here.”
Understanding dawned right at the same moment our producer ushered her guests into the lounge. “There they are! I invited everyone over for some drinks,” she said. “I think it’s the least we can do since they came all this way.”
Cal’s posture stiffened when he saw Olive and I had a brief moment of triumph as I went up on my tiptoes to whisper in his ear. “If you’d gotten out of my way, I might’ve had time to warn you.”
Cal’s expression was one of capitulation. He knew there was no escaping now. Some of the guesthouse staff came in with drinks, and seriously, what was Linda thinking? Bringing a bunch of fans over for a party with lots of booze and cameras watching was not her finest idea.
I stepped away just as Olive cornered Cal. I would’ve felt bad if it weren’t for the fact that he’d hampered my escape. Isaac and James came downstairs, followed by Michaela and Neil. I grabbed two beers then went to sit next to Michaela, handing her one.
“Better settle in to watch. Tonight is going to be interesting,” I said, clinking my bottle with hers.
“Do you guys normally have parties during filming?” she asked.
“Not always, but sometimes, yeah. If this ends in drama, I’m steering clear.”
“Did somebody mention drama?” James said, coming to sit on the other side of me. Michaela gave him a shy smile and I wondered how he hadn’t noticed her crush yet. Or maybe he had and decided to ignore it.
“It’s a party, there’s always drama,” I replied. “But for once I’m not getting involved.”
James nodded to Cal, who was still stuck talking to Olive. “Poor guy. Aren’t you going to take pity on him and cut in?”
“Cal’s a big boy. He can take care of himself. Besides, how do you know he’s not interested in her?”
James arched an eyebrow. “Maybe because he looks as stiff as someone who just shit their pants and is hoping nobody notices.”
Michaela and I chuckled. “He does look a little awkward,” I admitted.
“Do you think she has a shrine of him at home? Maybe a giant poster of his face pinned to her bedroom ceiling?” James went on.
“Hey, we’re not all into putting stuff on our bedroom ceilings,” I teased and if his complexion wasn’t so tan, I’m sure he would’ve been blushing.
“Shut up, Leanne,” he grunted.
I laughed. “Just saying.”
Michaela’s voice was curious as she eyed him. “What have you got on your ceiling?”
James’ face was pure mortification. “Nothing. Never mind.” A pause as he narrowed his gaze at me. “How do you even know about that?”
“Cal told me.” I also saw the mirrors on his bedroom ceiling for myself a few years ago, but I wasn’t going to admit I’d snooped.
James sighed. “Of course he did.”
“Okay, I’m still completely in the dark here,” Michaela said.
“And that’s where you’re going to stay,” James replied pointedly.
I nudged her shoulder and whispered, “Don’t worry. I’ll tell you later.”
“Don’t you dare,” James warned.
Before I could tease him further, Linda appeared holding a glass of white wine. She was accompanied by a tall, good looking guy with a nose piercing and a man bun. “Leanne, come meet Bash. He’s a professional photographer.”
Great, she was trying to set me up. I knew it was going to happen at some point in the evening. Setups were the worst because I was no good at small talk.
“I believe they call this instant karma,” James murmured, pleased.
I shot him an irritated look out the corner of my eye and stood to say hello to Bash. Maybe Paul was right about me needing to socialise more. My natural instinct these days was to be an antisocial grump and where was that getting me? A one-way ticket to loners-ville. It had been at least a year since anyone touched me, like really touched me, and that person had been Cal.
Okay, brain, we’re not going there.
“Hi, it’s nice to meet you,” I said and shook his hand. He had a pleasant smile, straight white teeth, and he smelled really good too. Linda shot me a grin and a thumbs up then sauntered off.
“Linda says you’re filming a TV show,” Bash said as he lifted his beer bottle to his lips. “What’s it about?”
“It’s called Running on Air. Think The Real Housewives, except none of us are married and instead of going to parties and bitching about each other, we spend our time doing parkour and urban exploration.”
Bash chuckled. “So, nothing like The Real Housewives, then?”
“I think I need to come up with a better comparison,” I laughed self-deprecatingly.
This was going…kind of all right, all things considered. Bash was attractive and he had one of those interestingly sexy Afrikaner accents. It was too bad I kept getting distracted by how Cal watched us while Olive chattered at him on the other side of the room. His eyebrows drew together, gaze narrowed.
“There’s a really hot guy over there glaring at me,” Bash commented, clearly noticing too.
I studied Bash with new eyes. Was he gay? Linda clearly hadn’t done her research. Oh man, I could have some fun here, but I wouldn’t, because that w
ouldn’t be fair to Bash. Though the urge to tell him glaring was how Cal showed attraction was strong. The angel on my shoulder fought against the devil.
“Sorry about that. He’s my ex. He seems to imagine he still has some kind of claim over me. He also probably thinks you’re flirting with me.”
Bash chuckled. “No offence, but I’m more interested in the sexy nerd over there by the window. Unfortunately, he hasn’t taken his eyes off his phone.”
“None taken,” I said, and looked to see who he was talking about. Neil sat on an armchair, fingers moving rapidly over the screen of his phone. He could be a bit of a workaholic. Bash describing him as a sexy nerd was interesting. I’d never outright fancied Neil, but he was good looking, with his floppy brown hair and hazel eyes. He always wore shirts and ties with jeans and navy Converse, like he was auditioning for an emo band circa 2005.
“Is he gay?” Bash asked.
I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”
He seemed disappointed as he let out a sigh. “Another one bites the dust.”
“Leanne,” Cal quietly uttered my name as he joined us. “Can I get you another drink?”
I held up my three-quarters full bottle of beer. “No, thanks. I’m good.”
He turned his attention to Bash, expression cold. “We haven’t met yet. I’m Callum.”
Bash smiled despite Cal’s iciness, his tone flirtatious when he replied, “The pleasure is mine.”
I saw it the moment Cal realised his error and felt a strong urge to say, see what happens when you assume, you ass. Cal scratched the back of his neck, a tell-tale sign he was taken off guard. “Do you live around here?” he asked, deciding to go for casual conversation now that he knew his initial presumption was incorrect. I savoured his moment of embarrassment.
“Yeah, I’ve lived in Joburg for a few years,” Bash replied.
“Bash is a photographer,” I added just as Olive cut in.
“Cal, you left me all by myself over there.”
His lips tightened in annoyance, before he proceeded to introduce Olive to Bash. Cal’s hand came to rest on my shoulder. “Leanne, I forgot we have that conference call with Tanya in a couple of minutes.”
