by Megan McCoy
“They found a cousin today,” he said abruptly.
“A cousin?” Her breath caught and she felt as if she were going to choke. Swallowing hard, she asked, “What do we know about them?”
“I’m meeting the lawyer tomorrow so I’ll know more then. Jess, that might have been part of the reason I could have overreacted a little when you were late. I’m a little concerned.”
Jess looked at him. “We can’t lose Sam.”
“I doubt seriously that a distant cousin would be considered a better home for Sam than I am,” he said. His face didn’t match his confident words, though. “I mean, he could be ninety years old and in a home, who knows? We aren’t going to worry until we have to, and face it, Jess. I have money to throw at a lawsuit, and I will. I will fight with everything I have for that baby.”
Heart hammering, she winced as she moved. Dang that spoon. Deliberately taking another bite of the tuna casserole, she remembered her vow to Sam. She would do anything for him. Anything. “Mac, marry me.”
He looked at her for what seemed like forever and then said, slowly, “Did you mean pass the salt?”
Jess shook her head and put her fork down. “We have to keep Sam safe, and a married couple with a stay at home mom who is going to school part-time and can be with him has to be the best thing for him. I will do anything for Sam.” She could not lose that baby. Would not.
“Even making the huge sacrifice of marrying me?”
Jess nodded. “We need to present a united front going forward, until we have him legally adopted.”
“Let’s not overreact,” Mac said. “Eat. You probably haven’t eaten much all day. Let’s see what the lawyer found out and we will go from there, okay?”
No, it was not okay. Jess stabbed more macaroni onto her fork and into her mouth, mind racing. This might work out for the best. She could marry Mac, go to school for a year, get her Masters, legally adopt Sam, divorce him and have Sam most of the time at her house. Mac would be a great Disney dad. Absently sticking another forkful in her mouth she looked over at him guiltily. He looked at her as if he knew what she was thinking, but that was nonsense of course. He might have mad spoon skills and make a decent tuna casserole, but he couldn’t read minds. Could he? No, he couldn’t.
“Ryan is coming tomorrow for a few days,” Mac said. “He will be here in time for supper if you want to go out?”
Jess shook her head. “No, you two go out and have a good time. I’ll make sure the guest room has clean sheets.”
“Thanks, Jess. And thanks for the proposal. I’m going to go up and rock Sam a while. I missed the little guy.” He put his dish in the sink and left the kitchen.
Thanks for the proposal? What the actual… She watched him go and went to the half bath by the front door. Pulling down her shorts she tried to peek in the small mirror at her butt. Dang. She knew she didn’t like that spoon. She was going to have a bruise or two and why that made her smile, she didn’t know, but it weirdly did. She did not want that spoon again and refused to think of why she wasn’t furious with Mac for turning her over his knee. Maybe the guilt of thinking she could take the baby away from him made her think she deserved it? Realistically, she’d been the one who brought it up to him. She put the thought away and went back to the kitchen, to clean up. Why that was her job, she didn’t know, but he seemed to think it was. Men. Sexist pig. No wonder he couldn’t keep a nanny. He’d not liked either of the ones that she had set up for a second interview with him, though she’d thought either of them would have done a great job. But who knew? Maybe they wouldn’t need one?
After loading the dishwasher and putting the leftover tuna casserole away, Jess poured herself a glass of tea, and wandered into the living room. Flipping on the TV, she looked at the baby monitor. Mac was still up there rocking Sam. Sam slept through everything. He was such a good baby, they were very lucky.
Why did she think of herself and Mac as a team? They weren’t. She had no legal rights to Sam at all. Her only access to him was through Mac’s good graces that he could pull at any time. She didn’t think he would, but who knew? He could meet someone tomorrow who hated her guts and refused to let her around either Sam or Mac. Would Mac spank this hypothetical new woman, too? Why did she care? She had no feelings for Mac, other than friendship and the bond they shared with Sam. So naturally, she didn’t care. Not one little bit.
Scrolling through the guide she settled on a rerun of an old sitcom. Maybe mindless entertainment would help her mind not race. Smiling at the monitor, she thought of the upcoming week. Ryan tomorrow. She used to like Ryan, she and Carly both. She hadn’t seen him since high school though, and wondered how he changed. Divorced with a kid. Amazing. She didn’t even know what he did now. The lawyer meeting, tomorrow too. Then Friday would be Sam’s doctor appointment. What would their lives look like on Friday? Would nothing have changed and the cousin be only a blip on the journey to adopting Sam? Mac adopting Sam. Not them adopting Sam, she reminded herself. Jealousy swept over her so hard she thought she’d choke. She knew she was the better parent than Mac or some random cousin, but also knew she had no ground to stand on. This far away cousin person who Sam didn’t know and Carly had never met had more of a legal right to Sam than she did. It was simply not fair. But then, as her mother had often told her, life wasn’t fair. Why she expected anything different, she didn’t know, but she somehow wished it were. Shifting, on the couch, she whimpered just a little.
“I hate that spoon,” she said out loud.
“Good. That meant it accomplished its purpose.” Mac walked in and sat on the couch beside her.
“It has a purpose. It’s to stir things,” she informed him.
“Now it is a multi-tasker,” he said. “What are we watching?”
“We are watching nothing, we just wanted some noise so our brain didn’t work overtime.” If he could do the royal we, so could she.
“Is it working?”
“Nope.” Twisting around to look at him, she whispered, “Mac, I’m scared.”
He pulled her closer to him and teased, “I’m not going to spank you again until you deserve it again.”
“I’m not afraid of that. It isn’t my favorite, but I’m not afraid of it or you.” She nestled into the crook of his arm, appreciating the comfort. “I’m afraid of losing Sam. I can’t bear the idea of it. Do we have to contact this cousin? Can’t we pretend not to have found him or her?”
“I thought about that,” he said, then sighed. “But what if they find out at some point, like when he’s six or eight? Can you imagine what that would do to him? I need everything legal so no one can take him from me. Worst case scenario, and I am going to do everything in my power to make it not happen, is if we lose him now, he will grow up in one stable household and not be yanked away when he’s four or six or older. That would be horrible for him.”
And for us, she thought. “I don’t want that for him,” she agreed. “But I’m really hoping this cousin is not at all interested in Sam.”
“Me, too,” he said. “Me, too. I’m not sorry I blistered your butt earlier, you know. You deserved it.”
“Did not,” she protested. Why wasn’t she upset about it? Her own brain baffled her sometimes. “You just overreacted.”
“First time I’m three hours late bringing him home, let’s see how calm you are,” he said.
Jess shivered at the thought. She’d be climbing the walls. “Do I get to spank you?” she asked.
“I doubt that very seriously,” he said. “But anytime you need one again, you just let me know. You have a very spankable bottom.”
What did that even mean? “Yeah, I’ll put that on my list of things to ask you for.” She looked up and wrinkled her nose at him. Mac leaned down and kissed the tip of it. “You taking any time off while Ryan is here?”
I’m working tomorrow until four when I go to the lawyer, then I’m off until Tuesday,” he said. “Vacation!”
“Only you would think taki
ng two days off was an actual vacation. That’s a long weekend.” Why were there butterflies in her stomach? Because he kissed her nose? He kissed Sam’s nose all the time. It meant nothing. She was, however, very comfortable with him for some reason. Sometimes with butterflies and sometimes without. Both physically and mentally. Emotionally? Well, that remained to be seen now, didn’t it?
“I guess I’ll go shower and go to bed,” she said. “Sam will be up in a few more hours.”
“When will he sleep through the night?” Mac asked her.
“Depends. Some do by now and I’ve heard stories of some not sleeping through the night until they are a year old.”
“That’s a long time to go with interrupted sleep,” he said, then stood up.
“But they are worth it,” she said. Picking up her glass, she carried it to the kitchen. “Night, Mac,” she called back.
“Night, Jess, sleep well. I’m doing night shift tonight.”
“Okay,” she said. Was she going to be able to sleep tonight with her mind whirling like a dervish? All she could do was try, she guessed.
Chapter 3
Jessie picked up the phone. “Mac?”
“Jess, I’m still at the lawyer. Ryan will be there within the hour, can you let him in and get him settled? I’ll be home as soon as I can.” Mac sounded tense and her heart pounded.
“Of course. How is it going?”
“Not good. See you soon.” With that he hung up on her.
Crap. Not good was not good at all. Not one little bit good. She looked over where Sam was doing tummy time on his fishy mat, trying to swat at the plastic fish under the see-through barrier. He loved his mat. She would leave the country before she’d let someone else take him. Mouth dry, she tried to stop her hands from shaking while worrying where she stashed the passport she’d not used in two years. Was it still valid? Did she need one for Sam? Legally, she couldn’t get one, she knew, she was simply panicking. Mac would handle things. She needed to calm down. “Don’t you worry, little Sam. Aunt Jess will take care of you. Don’t mess with Jess. Everybody knows that.” How had she even gotten that tag line? She didn’t remember. Did it matter? What was going on at the lawyer? What did not good mean? Ryan would be here soon. She needed to calm down. She didn’t know what he knew or didn’t know, so had to be sure to not say anything until Mac got home.
“Sammy boy, did you find the fishies?” she asked him, sitting on the floor by him. “Aunt Jess will take you fishing one day. We will go camping, to amusement parks, out on a boat and roller skating. I will walk you in on your first day of school, if I can. At the very least, I will pack your lunch and kiss you goodbye when you go, or take you to school with me and you can hang in my class until it’s time to go to yours.”
He looked up from his busy fish finding and gave her his dad’s grin. Mac’s grin. It would always make her melt. “I love you so much.” Scooping him up, she held him close, savoring his warmth and wiggles.
“Ryan will be here soon,” she told him. “Want to have a bottle before he gets here?”
Tucking him in her arm, she went to the kitchen to heat a bottle and soon they were settled in the rocker in the living room, looking out the window. “Maybe you need a puppy,” she told him. “Would you like a puppy? Aunt Jess will get you one. Maybe when you are just a little bit bigger. My yard has a fence. It would be a great place for a boy and his dog.”
It would, but she really needed to stop thinking about that. She had no right to this child she loved so much. Panic mode. She was really good at it. They rocked a few more minutes before she burped him and noticed Ryan walking up the front walk.
“Doorbell, baby. Let’s go let Ryan meet you.”
Sam seemed to agree, so they went to answer the door. “Hi, Ryan,” she said, opening it up. He had barely changed since high school He was still built, still had those piercing blue eyes and shock of thick dark hair, worn just a little too long. He’d grown the latest stubble fashion on his face, she noted.
“Jessie. Never figured I’d find you with a baby on your hip,” he drawled.
Rolling her eyes, she stepped back so he could come in. “I guess Mac told you he was going to be a little late. Come on in.”
“He did,” Ryan said, but didn’t elaborate, which rather irked her. She really wanted to know more about what was going on. Maybe he knew. Maybe he didn’t. Either way, he didn’t seem inclined to talk about it.
“Got your stuff? Come on, Sam and I will show you where to put your bags. Do you need to change or shower or anything?”
“Why, do I smell?” He followed her up the stairs. Typical Ryan smart mouth.
“Nah, I was just trying to be polite, remind me not to do that, again.”
“Okay,” he said, agreeably. “Mac did well for himself, didn’t he?”
“Yeah, he works all the time for it, too,” she said. “That’s his room down there. This is Sam’s room, then I’m using this one across the hall from him. Here’s the bathroom, and this room down here is where you will be.”
“Looks good,” Ryan said and threw his bags on the bed. “I’ll hang up a few things and meet you downstairs in a minute.”
“I made some snacks, I think Mac is planning on taking you out tonight, but who knows when he will be home.” She took Sam into his room to change him, and then went down to the kitchen with him. Settling him down on his little bouncer seat, that just came in today, with his toys in front of him, she noted it wouldn’t be long until she didn’t have to prop him up anymore. He was such a strong little boy, just like his mom. He’d be fine, she assured herself. She’d be there to make sure he was fine.
Ryan sauntered in a few minutes later. “Want a tea, a beer, water, soda?” she asked him.
“Beer sounds great. Had a long drive.” He walked over to Sam. “Is it okay if I pick him up?”
“Sure, he’s friendly and doesn’t bite,” she said, walking to the fridge to get him a beer and pour herself a glass of tea.
“Do you not bite, buddy?” Ryan said, picking him up. “Can’t believe Carly’s gone. It’s almost like it isn’t real and she’ll waltz in anytime, you know?”
“I know,” Jess said, opening the bottle and putting it in front of him. “It’s hard. I’m so glad we have Sam though. Mac is a good daddy, even if he can’t keep a nanny.”
“I thought that was why you moved in.” Ryan looked at her as he shifted the baby to one arm and picked up his bottle with another.
“I didn’t move in,” she protested, sitting down beside him. “I’m just here for a few weeks until I go back home. I have my own life, you know.” Did she? She didn’t have a job, but she had her house and her friends, her book club, her softball team, her volunteer work at the town festival, and her favorite places to eat, and hang out, plus the girls’ soccer team she helped coach. She would miss all that if she didn’t go back.
“So what is Mac going to do with this one when you go back?”
“Same thing your ex-wife does when she goes to work, I imagine. Same thing most single parents do. Scrounge for childcare,” she retorted, more tartly than she meant to. That was a low blow, she told herself. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t necessary of me, I’m just a little stressed right now.” Did he know anything? It wasn’t her place to tell him. “So tell me what you are doing and your life and do you have pictures of your daughter?”
“Well, I’m still living in Chicago up by where I went to college, have a job at an accounting firm there, and of course I have pictures of Libby. She is four now, and I have her part time. Right now she stays with me Friday, Saturday and Sunday and then I take her to daycare Monday morning and her mom picks her up and keeps her the rest of the time. I work half day on Friday so I can spend more time with her. I’m sure that will change when she starts real school and gets into activities and things, but for now it works for us and we will keep doing what works for her.” He pulled out his phone and showed her the pictures of a dark-haired, blue-eyed little girl wh
o looked just like him. “Ryan, she’s gorgeous,” she said, flipping the pictures.
“I know, thank you, and she’s just as sweet as her mom,” he said.
“Most divorced guys don’t have many nice things to say about their ex, much less that they are sweet.” She took the now sleeping baby from his arms.
“What can I say, I’m super special,” he smiled at her.
Shaking her head, she said, “I’m going to put Sam to bed. Then I’ll text Mac and see if he’s on his way or not.”
“I can do that.” Ryan picked his phone up from the counter while Jessie took the baby up to bed. She had often wondered how she would feel seeing Ryan again. She and Carly had a mutual but minor crush on him in high school, and like they did Mac, he ignored them. Feeling nothing more than a wave of nostalgia was a relief. Last thing she needed was a man around complicating her already very complicated world right now. She could and would be friendly and send him on home.
Putting Sam down in his crib, she checked to make sure supplies were ready for him for later and cocked her head, hearing Mac come in. Good. Would she hear anything before he and Ryan left for the evening?
She would insist on it.
Heading down the stairs, she stopped in the hall, giving Mac a minute to catch up with Ryan. There was just something about the sound of his voice. What was it? She didn’t need to think about that right now, she needed to find out what happened with her, their, his – his baby and the lawyer.
“Hey, Mac, Ryan’s here,” she walked into the kitchen as casually as she could. “Sam’s asleep. What happened?”
Both the men looked at her and her heart hammered. This did not look good at all.
“Sit down, Jess,” Mac said.
“No.” She folded her arms across her chest. Had she figured out where her passport was? She’d put the baby in her luggage. She had money in savings, she’d get her friend Emmy who worked in real estate to sell her house and send her the money.
