"You're sure?" I asked as she urged me toward the open front door.
"Yeah. There's nothing left here save for ghosts." She turned back to face the empty space. "Five years is a long time."
"It is, honey. I'm very proud of you for coming back here. You're brave." I held my hand to her and she took it without hesitation.
"I was scared of the memories. Turns out, they live in my head. Not here." She gestured around us. "C'mon."
Part of me expected Dax to be a complete and utter mess after coming back here. I knew she harbored fear about it, fought nightmares and lived with the haunting memories. Sometimes, I wondered if our minds are scarier places than the reality we faced. For Dax, it appeared that way. It spoke to her bravery, that she was able to walk through the house where she was held captive for so long. Her worst memories belonged here. Maybe, just maybe, she had enough good to balance out the bad. Being by her side, walking it with her, was a gift in a way. When we left the bungalow, her shoulders squared as if she gained strength from this endeavor.
Our trek to the main house led us past a collapsed pool and unkempt yard. My expectations of Dax's mother's home wasn't this at all. I predicted fancy, just like her car and clothes.
Without knocking, Dax entered through the back door leading into the modern white and chrome kitchen. Like the bungalow, most of the cabinets lay empty with boxes on the floor. Rustling sounds greeted us as Dax led me through the dining room to the sitting area. The inside of the house had remnants of its elaborate core, though now, deconstructed, it didn't hold the same impression. We found Rowan perched on the edge of a chaise lounge, wrapping up small glass bowls and packing them away. We watched her for a few seconds, before Dax stepped in the room ahead of me.
"Mom," she said, her voice soft.
Rowan looked up, her eyes wider than usual. "Dakota. You gave me a fright."
"Sorry. Came in the back." Dax's shoulders tightened and I gave her hand a squeeze.
"Come in." Rowan stood up, dusting off her hands, similar to the way Dax had before, on a pair of well-worn linen pants. Gone were the business suits, and now she appeared as she should; like a retired woman in her sixties, occupied by life's day to day tasks. "Hi, Willa."
"Hi," I replied, my voice quiet. Part of me wished I'd thought to discuss an approach with Dax. Did she want me to speak? Stay quiet? My nerves got the better of me as I feared I'd tear the woman's head off the moment she came for Dax.
Dax urged me to sit on the far end of the sofa with her, my hand held in hers in her lap. Rowan came to sit across from us, perched on the edge of the coffee table.
"Can I get you anything? Coffee? Water?" she asked, gesturing between us.
"I'm okay," I answered, but Dax shook her head.
"Alright." Rowan folded her hands in her lap, her shoulders slightly hunched.
"Where are you moving to?" asked Dax. Her gaze affixed over her mother's shoulder.
"I was considering returning to Sequim. I wasn't sure how you'd feel about that, so perhaps Bell Hill," she said, leaning to the right in an attempt to get Dax to look at her. "How would you feel about that?"
"Do what you want, Mom. It's what you'll do anyway." Dax's hand squeezed mine, and I worried that we'd lose her before we'd even begun.
"Dakota, I just—" Rowan began, but Dax cut her off.
"I want you to apologize to Willa." She looked at her mother, her eyes narrowed.
"What—why?" Rowan glanced between the two of us.
"Because when you showed up at my house the night we were in the garage, you were rude in saying I was 'back to women.'" Dax's anger had her face turning red as she squeezed my hand.
Rowan pulled her gaze from her daughter to me. "I am sorry about that. I didn't know you were Eileen's daughter."
I opened my mouth to respond, but again Dax interrupted.
"Why would that matter? Rude is rude and dismissive."
"Dakota." Rowan let out a soft sigh. "I didn't mean to dismiss Willa. I meant to dismiss what I thought would be another person who would take advantage of you."
"It doesn't matter. You were rude to someone I love," Dax fought back.
"Well, I am sorry about that, Willa." Rowan met my gaze, and I nodded. She turned back to Dax. "I'm sorry."
"Not everyone I dated took advantage of me," defended Dax, her anger leading this conversation and I feared it would derail.
"Not all." Rowan's brows furrowed, her expression shifting to something that reminded me of my mother. "Dakota, tell me what's making you so angry at me. Just tell me. I know I've made many mistakes, but I need to know."
Dax laughed, her eyes welling up as she shook her head in disbelief. She looked at me, her hand shaking in mine, and I knew we were about to lose her.
"Tell her, honey. It's why we're here." I brought Dax's hand to my lips and kissed it. The gesture seemed to calm her down some.
She turned back toward Rowan, her eyes narrowed, her lips pursed. The stare down continued for several seconds until she calmed down enough to talk.
"I could understand why you moved me to Seattle as a kid. I could understand that you don't get what it means to be bisexual." Dax's gaze dropped to the floor and her nails dug into my hand. "What I can't understand is how you could blame me for what happened to me. Willa told me that just because I'm a cop doesn't mean I'm invulnerable to people hurting me. You could've said that. You could've validated that." She inhaled a slow, shaking breath. "When I told her, she made me feel validated and safe. You made me feel like it was my fault. Like I should've known he would hurt me just because I was a cop."
Rowan's expression fell, melting and aging her as it did. Her eyes, a dull gray-green compared to Dax's shimmery emeralds, welled with tears. She dropped her gaze to the hands in her lap as Dax continued.
"He imprisoned me for days, Mom. You didn't even check on me. Didn't notice Sadie never came home." Dax lost it at that point and she started to cry. She ran her fingers through her hair and I wrapped my arm around her. I watched as she warred with herself, fighting the urge to curl into me and stay strong to lay into her mom.
"I thought she was with you," said Rowan, her voice soft. "She was always with you when you were home. I thought you and Josh were taking time off together. I didn't know, Dakota. I didn't."
"Sadie was with me, Mom." Dax's voice caught in her throat. "On the floor in the kitchen after he brought her inside and made me watch the life drain from her." Dax's sobs broke at that point, and she dropped her head on my shoulder. I wrapped her in my arms, fighting my own emotions as I remembered Dax's reaction to the injured puppy we'd tried to save together. It broke my heart. All of it did.
"I'm sorry for that, Dakota. I'm sorry for all of it. It wasn't your fault. I wish I had checked on you and listened to you." Rowan moved to sit beside Dax as tears streamed her cheeks. "I wish I could've reacted better. When the police showed up and swarmed the house. I just...I didn't know. I handled everything wrong. Not just that. So much more."
The tension in Dax's body slowly faded and I knew she'd listened to her mother's words. Words I hoped she meant. I kissed Dax's forehead and she nodded against my lips, her arms around my waist. When Rowan raised a hand to touch her, panic lurched in my gut. I shook my head, catching her hand before it landed on Dax's shoulder.
"Give her a minute," I urged, squeezing Rowan's hand. "She needs a minute."
"Alright." Rowan returned my gesture, then lowered her hands to her lap.
Dax did need a minute, and more so. She kept her eyes closed, sobbing softly while I held her. She pressed me back into the sofa, into the same position as the early days in our relationship, and she curled up against me, her gun digging into my thigh. I held her head to my chest, choking on my own tears as I tried to control the pain I'd harbored for Dax and the terrible things she'd gone through. Rowan remained at our feet, her head in her hands as she crumbled similarly to Dax. They both needed time, and I'd be there through it.
I wa
sn't sure how much time had passed before Dax finally looked up at me again. Rowan stepped away to give us some privacy and most likely to get a hold of herself as well. I stroked Dax's cheek and she sniffled, her eyes bloodshot.
"You okay, baby?" I asked, my voice a whisper.
"Yeah. I passed out?" She leaned up on her elbow and I nodded.
"For a little bit." I tucked her hair behind her ear. "Your mom is in the kitchen."
"Can we go home?" Her hand stroked my stomach as she dropped her head on my chest again.
"Of course." I patted her hip. "C'mon."
Dax sat up, her hands shaking with a fine tremor as we pulled ourselves together. Rowan appeared with a tray of tea and three fancy mugs. She set it on the coffee table, then came to sit beside Dax. It made her freeze up, her gaze falling to the floor again.
"When your father and I divorced," Rowan began. "I lost myself. I'd lost myself long before that, too. Your father, Dakota, was very much like you. And I never understood him either as we grew older. I wasn't happy, and I dragged you through my unhappiness. It wasn't fair and I'm so very sorry for that."
Dax looked to her, to the face of the woman who now appeared much older than her sixty-three years, where the solemnity of her words tangled with her grief. Dax took a few deep breaths, her fingers digging into my thigh as she held onto me.
The weight of the conversation fell heavily around us. Dax swallowed down the emotion in her throat, hesitating as she appeared to choose her words with care. "I'm not sure I can forgive you yet," she said, a single tear sliding down her cheek. "Or trust you. But I've listened. Like you've asked."
"I've listened to you, too. Can we agree that we've heard each other today?" asked Rowan, her eyes shimmering with mist.
"Yeah." Dax nodded, holding her mother's gaze for the first time without rage and hurt brandished as a shield.
"It's a start." Rowan inhaled deeply, then let out a slow breath. Her gaze flickered in my direction and I slipped my arm around Dax's waist. "I know my opinion doesn't matter, but I support your relationship with Willa. You've always had a crush on her." Rowan smiled then, adding a hint of levity. "And she was always a wonderful girl."
A smirk cracked Dax's lips and she met my gaze. "Told you."
I laughed at that, nudging Dax's forehead with mine. "Pig Girl approves of this assertion."
"You'd better." Dax smiled then, finally settling down enough to breathe normally again.
I wasn't sure if this experience would offer them any closure or solace to old feelings, but I believed it was something that Dax needed to hear. Even though she said it didn't matter, hearing her mother tell her that she wasn't at fault and that she approved of her relationships would hold some weight. Dax, in all her pain, loved her mother and I could see that. Whenever Rowan came around, Dax ached for a moment of approval, a motherly gesture. Today wasn't perfect, but it was a start that I hoped could begin to heal some of the damage between them. I wasn't sure what changed Rowan, urging her to repair her relationship with Dax. Maybe she felt tormented by having to clean out the guest house where her daughter was hurt, or maybe she realized her own mortality at a prime moment. Or maybe she'd always felt this way, and it was Dax who needed steady footing to be able to engage in harder conversations. I couldn't be sure about any of it, but today, all we had was a little bit of hope for something better.
***
"What do you think my mom meant when she said Dad was like me?" asked Dax as she climbed into bed. Ever since I'd mentioned my affinity for her undergarments, she made an effort to wear either boyshorts or boxer briefs around the house before bed. Tonight was no exception. I settled Pepper in her crate, and after a long day with Macie, she nearly passed out after her dinner.
"I'm not sure, honey." I turned to Dax after fixing the blanket over half the crate to keep the puppy warm, I joined her on the bed. "Maybe in how you love the farm and animals."
Dax leaned against the headboard, holding her hands out to me. I took them and she guided me to straddle her lap. She gripped my hips, giving me a tug so that my stomach pressed hers.
"No panties. Good girl," she said, running her hands up my thighs to disappear under my sleep shirt.
"It's your rule, isn't it?" I chuckled as I said it and it made her grin.
"For you, yes'm." She cupped my face and kissed me with vigor. I melted into it, as her body burned under me. When we parted, her smile returned to her lips. "Yum."
"I should say the same thing." I brought her hands to my lips and kissed them. "First I want to say something else that's a little serious. Okay?"
"Okay…"
I smiled as I settled in her lap, holding her hands against my chest. "First, Dakota Stocker, I love you so much. Did you know?"
"Yes. I've been briefed on that." She nodded, playing right along. "I love you back."
"And I'm so proud of how brave you were today. I don't know if I could've done what you did. Facing all of that, talking to your mom. You inspire me, Dax. You really do." The confession left me, tangled on whimsical tears. Unlike the sad ones we shared earlier, tonight was all about the positive.
"You gave me strength, baby. I didn't do any of that alone." She bounced her legs a bit and I wiggled with her teasing. "It's been over five years since my life fell apart and I lived with it alone. Then one day, there you were, Willa Dean Hart, here to check on my sick horse and in turn, filled up my life so fast. I never expected you. And I never expected you to make it so good."
"Dax." I blinked away the tears that her words encouraged to fall as I pressed my forehead against hers. "It is so good. It'll only get better and better."
"I'm looking forward to it." She smiled, brushing her lips against mine. "I'm looking forward to making you happy, and building you a library here so when I ask you to officially move in, you'll have something you've always wanted."
I laughed softly, stroking her cheeks while doing so. "Was that your intention with that beautiful room?"
"Yes," she said, running her hands up and down my arms. "A real bedroom." She gestured around us. "Pretty like you, with all new things. The library of your dreams, and anything else you want."
"All I want is you, Dax." I claimed her mouth in between breaths. "I would love to build a life here with you."
Her smile met her eyes, and brushed her thumbs over my cheeks. "When everything is ready, I'm going to ask you to move in. So...just be prepared."
I laughed softly, nodding my agreement. "I will be. And we can keep the apartment above the clinic just for veterinary overnights. It will be great for staff to have a place to stay while looking after pets rather than on the cots in the treatment room."
"We have good plans." Dax's endless smile warmed my heart and I melted under her soft touches and gentle kisses.
"We do." I squirmed while grinning. Happiness never felt so good.
"I'm so proud of us," she said, her words as firm as her nod.
"Oh." I perked up. "Speaking of pride...I have something to show you."
"What's that?" Her brow furrowed and she watched as I gripped the hem of my shirt. I pulled it over my head, tossing it aside to reveal the pair of rainbow heart-shaped pasties covering my nipples. I grinned and Dax nearly cracked up as she read the bold font on them. "Gay AF? Oh my God, Will."
"I thought you might like that." I laughed, squirming around in her lap. "I bought two sets. One for you to see, and one to wear next weekend to Pride."
"I literally cannot wait for the whole parade to see your pretty tits." She buried her face between them as I burst into a round of hysterics when she tackled me onto the bed.
No one made me laugh as much as Dax and the endless joy she brought to my life washed over me like a swell of warm sea foam riding the most perfect wave.
"Wait! Should I sing for them? Our song?" I snickered as I burst into my karaoke debut. "Hart and Stocker, la la la lalala." And then hummed the rest of the Heart and Soul tune while she wrestled me into the pillows.
>
"Gah!" She nipped my chin. "Next time we're sticking to line dancing."
My squeals rang out as she tickled me, disturbing Pepper and the rest of the house if there was anyone else in it. Dax's red-faced laughter struck chords of happiness, filling both of us up with everything we never even knew we wanted. All I knew was that I would always want her, and I would cherish every memory we built together. Through every round of lovemaking, every silly text, and every animal we brought into our lives, I would hold on to it, breathe it, bask in it, and most importantly, keep her safe.
"Safe with me," I whispered against her ear, as our giggling settled to cuddles.
"Safe together," she said, sealing our promise with a kiss.
Epilogue
"Doctor Hart, something came for you up front," Joanna announced as she entered the treatment room with paperwork for the next patient.
"Probably the food we ordered for the Brooks family." I kissed the little French Bulldog on the head after checking his infected eye. "You're doing good, bubba." He licked my chin as if expressing his gratitude and I smiled. "Sweet boy. I love this dog, Jo."
"I know, right?" she squeaked, coming over to smooch him up. "His mommies will be here in about an hour."
"His eye is clearing up. Are there any big guys hanging out with Nellie behind the desk?"
"Nope. Just Pepper and Myrtle making a yappy stink."
"Let's put him up there. I hate to keep him crated back here alone. There's no other day visitors." I scooped up the pup and tucked him under my arm.
"Sounds good, Doc." Joanna opened the door for me and I headed out to the desk.
Nellie grinned at me the moment Pepper started jumping at my knees when she saw me. "She knows her momma."
"One of them." I crouched down to introduce Pepper and Myrtle to Jericho. "Jeri here has an eye infection that's been treated. Not contagious, but let me know if he licks or scratches at it, could you?"
"Sure thing, Will." Nellie beamed at how the two puppies wrapped Jericho into their games almost immediately. The three of them pranced off toward the area near the wall of charts that had their bedding and toys. "Also, something came for you."
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