by Kat Quinn
I shake my head. My head.
“Who said you get to decide anything about my life? What gives you the fucking right to ruin every single small moment of peace or happiness I’ve ever been lucky enough to catch a tiny smidge of? How can you possibly think that loving me and holding me back are even close to the same thing?” The words hit me like a physical blow, a fist blasting the air from my lungs. This is how you love; you make choices that are best for them. I made the choices, kept them at bay, kept them all at bay, kept her to keep her. I followed, I didn’t stray. Kept her in my soul, doesn’t she feel it?
“My darling, wait! Don’t let them fool you! I’m the only one who’s keeping you safe! The others don’t think they need to keep you alive, and you always reacted more when anyone other than me was on your trail. You must know that I do everything for you, don’t you?” I beg, through the doubt. She does feel it, doesn’t she? It’s so much clearer with her around. I’m so much clearer.
There’s a rage, a haze, it creeps up the back of my neck, engulfing my senses, raking deep poison into my mind. It squeezes, a hand, cruel. Pain, flares, burning daggers, scorching frayed nerve edges. I beg, I beg, I beg, let me go! Please, let me go. I blur at the edges, holding on, holding on, holding on. Don’t be gone, be me, be now.
“You dumb slut, I’ll find you and rip you to pieces.” The words from my mouth, but not from my heart. “I’ll enjoy it as you beg me to end your life, but not until you’ve seen me ruin these fools you’ve run away with. I’ll flay the skin from their flesh and force you to eat every last scrap as they bleed out in front of you. You will suffer, you’ll all suffer! There is no escape. We are coming.” The daggers pull back, poison receding, we’re left alone in its place.
My eyes widen, all this time, not safe. She promised! And more, she knows. She’s always known. I wouldn’t forget, she told me, but I wouldn’t, and even here, even this far, she knows. And she lied. Not safe, not safe, not safe. My insides crack apart.
I flee, run, darting away into the darkness, through the darkness. Nowhere is far enough. I thought there was a far enough. Panic grips my throat, swallowing made impossible.
Up my back, a chill; fingers stroking a spine. Bad boy, bad. Bad bad bad bad bad. Evil cunt, deserves worse and more. Come back to me, darling. You have disappointed mother far too long, and it is time for your punishment. Go to your room.
****
A hand strokes softly up and down my spine. At least, I hope it’s a hand and not the tentacle from some extra-dimensional creature set on cracking open the planet like a giant egg and scrambling its innards up for breakfast. With a side of toast, of course. Chances are pretty slim that’s what’s afoot, but… stranger things have happened? Hm. Will have to check the chart and get back on that one. Obviously, I’ll also have to build the chart, too.
The hand-tacle (Tenta-hand?) continues its gentle path, lightly sliding up the back of my shirt and seeking skin; a distinct lack of suction cups sort of putting a damper on my inter-dimensional theory, but there’s still plenty of possibilities. Threat of egg-destruction aside, the rhythm is calming, lulling me back towards the seascape of my dreams. Even space alien tentacles probably need to hang out in the water.
“It’s always so much clearer with you,” a soft voice whispers, barely audible over the hums and peeps of morning.
Wriggling in the voice’s direction, I’m not at all surprised to quickly bump up against Connor’s long, thin frame. My cheek smooshes against his bare chest, arm and leg hooked around him, needy koala bear-style. “Mmm,” I mumble, eyes still closed. “That’s what David says, too.”
Connor’s hand on my back stills, I feel his body tense with a held breath. Again, he whispers, “What’d you say?”
Nuzzling my cheek into his bare, scarred chest, I arch my back, spine popping like a whole bag of corn kernels at once. “David says I clear things up, too.”
Connor moves his hand to my shoulder, “Dizzy, why would you say that? Have you talked to him?”
I crinkle my nose, rubbing dried sleep crystals from my eyes with a yawn. “No, of course not, he said so in my dream. Little crazy pants, but definitely said it at some point.” Shaking my shoulder gently, Connor waits for me to peek at him. His head is pulled back just a smidge, catching the full view of my bedhead in all its glory. “What?” I ask, frowning at his wide eyes as they frantically dart between mine.
“You’re dreaming about David?” He asks. “The same David that attacked us, tried to kidnap you, and threatened to kill us last month? That David?” Connor’s still whispering, but it’s rushed and almost shrill in pitch. A line seeped in worry folds between his eyebrows as they rise.
“Yeah, but he didn’t really…” My nose crinkles again, eyes sharpening to slits. I know I know something, it just doesn’t make sense with my eyes open. Trying not to walk all the way across the line of wakefulness, I let the swirly-whirls in my head take me back on a ride through the surf of dreaming, trying to catch sea foam as it slips through my hands. “He’s not all the way David,” I say, the weight of layers upon layers upon layers compressing me down until I feel smaller than myself.
Like I’m at the bottom of a pyramid that’s somehow upside-down, my pointed tip buried in the sand, just a sliver above the surface. It’s being kept in the dark, not strong enough to make your way to the light on your own so you have to take the other layers at their word when they describe the sunshine. Until you don’t even question it, because you don’t remember a time before the sand. “I think… his… Mom? Is in his head?” I say, uncertain. Not uncertain, just not sure… how? I suppose stranger things have happened.
Fragments stick with me. Thoughts I thought I thought, but maybe he was thinking? Promises, protection, fear. Something about keeping his distance, keeping things clear. And thousands upon thousands of snapshots of me, seen through 3-D glasses—one lens love, the other hate. Childhood, and then a small cluster of recent year’s worth.
There’s a low rumble a few feet above us, like thunder trying to hide in the sky. “Damnit. Thought I imagined that shit.” Shifting onto my back, I look up, met with Kieran’s upside-down, hovering scowl. His now-cleaned ginger waves dangle freely towards us. It takes me a bit longer than is probably reasonable to realize he’s on the top bunk and not a floating, severed head ghost. “Fucker begged Monty to kill him last night, said he didn’t want to do any of this shit any more. I was pretty out of it by then-figured it was either a trick or something I made up.” He runs a freckled hand through his hair, “Shit,” Kieran curses under his breath. “We’re going to have to fucking save this prick somehow, aren’t we?” Sailors blush at the string of expletives he rushes out in a hushed tone before flopping back out of sight so hard the bottom bunk shakes with the force.
“Not necessarily,” Lin drawls calmly, head propped up as he lounges on top of a blanket near the wall. Sunlight filters in through the threadbare curtains, hazy light falling softly in a fine dusting on his unwrinkled, white shirt and infuriatingly perfect hair. Lin’s necklace just barely glints near the edge of his tie, shine not even close to holding a candle to that glossy black coif. “Regardless of his intent, his actions are still the same. And if he poses a threat that needs to be eliminated, then we eliminate the threat. Full stop.” As if he didn’t just propose murdering someone who might be some kind of mind-controlled innocent, Lin sits up and stretches his arms high, expression defaulting to a less blatant version of its generally amused state.
“First of all, we’ve already talked about this whole murder thing and how it’s not the solution to all our problems! If David’s not doing all the do he does, then he’s a victim and as the certified good guys, it’s our job to undo the bad-do-done and help him. Especially because... Well, I feel bad, okay? He was my only friend, I don’t think I’d be okay with it.
“And second of all, how the hell do you always do that?” I wave a hand in broad circles around my unruly mass of purple tangles, shape made eve
r lumpier as I slept. “If you’ve got hair magic, you need to share. That’s just what’s fair!”
Lin’s amused smile kicks it up a couple of notches, lips stretching as they try to reach either ear without splitting apart to reveal teeth. He crawls across the floor to me, slow and seductive in each fluid movement, mesmerizing as his fiery orange eyes burn away the world and demand my full attention. “You look perfect, Love.” He says; firm, and not entirely as teasing as I’d expected. Still trapped inside his focus, I’m given no other option as he strokes a finger under my chin, guiding it towards him for a long, slow kiss. Lin’s finger trails down my neck, goosebumps prickling to attention as it teases along my exposed flesh, making its lazy way to the peak of my hip, stroking circles. My eyes drift closed, a shiver stealing my breath as he pulls his lips away.
“Don’t think I didn’t notice you totally changed the subject,” I rasp, eyes still closed, one arm propping me up halfway. “But it is a pretty good subject, so class is now in session.” If only to muss him up a bit, I wrap Lin’s black tie around my hand and yank his mouth back to mine, melting into the warmth of his soft lips. On my hip, his hand flattens out, teasing touch replaced with a firmer, more grounded hold.
With just that one change, he stakes a claim; commits to the truth of the connection that’s been building and building between us. Lin’s a flirt, yes, but as his palm skims along my skin, memorizing every rise and swell of my body, he isn’t flirting. It’s territory I don’t know how to mark the borders of properly; new ground in need of a surveyor with hard hats and chalk lines and reflective vests to guide me through properly.
Pulling back, I look at the man in front of me; eyes closed, the barest hint of a smile on his serene face. In this moment, the mischievous, aloof devil we all know and love looks like the most content and adoring of angels. No one would believe me, even if I took a picture and used it as blackmail.
“Thanks for coming for us last night, by the way,” I say, grateful they went out of their way to come and do whatever they could, even if it was a hassle to get here and might have messed up their plans, and wasn’t even really their problem anyway. Reaching behind me, I grab one of Connor’s hands and lace my fingers through it, pulling his arm tight around me. “Both of you. You didn’t have to.” Connor’s chin rests in the crook of my neck as he sidles up even closer, big spoon to my little spoon.
Lin’s head cocks to the side, eyes opening with both brows furrowed slightly, lips pursing ever-so-slightly. A few beats pass, then his expression eases into something entirely different. Head no longer tilted, brows smoothed and lifted, lips melting into a small, sad smile. “Of course we did, Love. There was never even a question.” He tucks a riot of hair behind my ear, fingers brushing Connor’s cheek in the same motion. “You’ll see, some day,” Lin whispers.
Connor nuzzles my neck, blonde hair tickling my ear as he lets his lips softly linger on my cheek. He squeezes our linked hands tighter together, pressing me against him so close that even atoms would have trouble finding a path through. Between the solid, quiet, steady pressure of Connor’s embrace, and the firm weight of Lin’s hand back on my hip, I feel… grounded, not smothered. Maybe it’s partly because waking up covered in blood in a new place after missing a fight that could have killed you is a GREAT reminder that Kieran may have been onto something with this whole overprotectiveness thing. Maybe it’s just reassuring to be held together when every now and then it feels like you might explode into a thousand tiny pieces and float away, especially if you look too closely at the shit storm of chaos brewing all around.
Lin glances over my shoulder, devilish grin creeping back into its rightful place as he crawls backwards a few paces, maintaining firm eye contact with Connor. Standing, his hand drags up his own side, settling on the lightly rumpled black tie around his neck. Hips swaying just slightly to an imagined beat, Lin bites his bottom lip while loosening the tie and letting its knot glide smoothy apart. At the last second, he whips the fabric, Connor and I both flinching with the sudden crack. I barely register as it drops to the floor, focused fully on a much more important portion of the show.
One hand works the buttons of his silk vest, while the other forcefully smears itself up to his mouth, one single finger pressed firm against lips that demand our silence. That same hand works its way back down, Connor mirroring the movement against my torso as Lin peels off one half of his vest, letting it dangle freely while his hips exaggerate their movements. Lin grips the other edge, still in place, Connor digging his fingers into my hip at the same time. His cock stirs within its fabric prison, twitching against my ass in time with Lin’s swaying. As with the tie, Lin whips his vest with another crack, my pussy clenching at the sound as he casually tosses it over his shoulder.
Black straps cross Lin’s torso, their load clattering as they slide over his hips and fall to the ground.
No longer snaring Connor, Lin’s intense eye contact shifts to me, completely and totally fucking mesmerizing. Without realizing it, my hips have started to gyrate in time with his steady rhythm, grinding up against Connor as his hands follow Lin’s seductive motions. Lin reaches out both hands, one on top of the other, and purposefully drags it up his arm, fingers splayed wide. I’m treated to a full crop of prickling goosebumps as a firm touch is pulled along my skin.
Teasingly, Lin gently reverses their direction, stopping to pluck open the buttons at the end of his long white sleeve, methodically folding it back until it’s bunched in the crook of his elbow. More black straps circle his forearm, thunking dully as they’re unfastened and dropped to the floor. We’re treated to the same show with his other arm, Connor’s nails now dragging shallow trenches into my flesh, hard cock rubbing tight against my exposed ass, both of us worked up with no sight of relief.
We’re fully and completely enraptured; at Lin’s total mercy as our primal instincts lock into following his lead. Like snakes, he’s charmed us. Lin’s hips still sway, movements smoother and wider as he tugs, inch by inch, until the hem of his shirt is no longer tucked away. He bends down just enough to tuck his hands between his legs, nails raking up his thighs, skimming his hips, along each side of his ribs until they’re both high in the air, fingers splayed out like wings. Connor’s nails scraping up my thighs sends hot and cold shivers shooting out in all directions, my nerves especially susceptible to the feeling. A small moan escapes through the cracks, like a bandit thieving sounds directly from my throat.
Lin wags a finger in disappointment, pressing it tight against his lips once more before slipping the digit into his own mouth, teeth dragging as it’s slowly removed. A gasp flutters near my ear, Connor’s sudden intake of air flirting with the possibility of another wagged finger.
Focus switching again, Lin looks up towards the top bunk, toothy grin widening as he winks at Kieran, ensnared in Lin’s strip tease with the rest of us. With each jut of his hip, Lin releases one button of his shirt, torturously slow until each side is finally spread open. One shoulder bared, then the other, white fabric fluttering as it glides away from his tanned skin. My own borrowed shirt, the only article of clothing I donned before sleep, is so desperately askew it can’t really be considered as actively worn.
All the while, my whole body buzzes with electricity at watching Lin caress himself while Connor’s touch amplifies every erotic motion. I wriggle my ass against his hungry hungry hippo, ready to gobble up my pussy the second we’re both set free.
Stepping forward, Lin works the buckle of his belt, eyes catching mine as he slides it through his belt loops. Eagerly, I reach towards the hem of his black pants, pulling at the tented fabric to hopefully reveal a second stiff cock happy to see me. A sharp sting smacks against my hand as Lin slaps it away from my prize, snatching it back in an instant and yanking me to sit upright at the edge of the bed, skin tingling with the memory of Connor’s touch.
Not willing to let me go just yet, Connor shifts to sit behind me, straddling my legs between his own. His warm ha
nds flatten against my lower back, sliding the loose shirt up to expose bare skin. Together, Lin and Connor work to ease the garment over my head, taking their sweet damned time in the process. Each glance of one of their heated palms against my chilled skin is like a blessing, until I’m shivering with the frost left in their wake. I want to cover myself in their hands, tangled in the web of their warmth.
Connor kisses a trail up my back, each smack of his lips leaving a tiny, tingling explosion fizzling its brand upon my flesh. Lin leans in, grabbing the inside of my thighs and prying them apart, wedging his legs between mine. I crane my neck to look at him as he towers over me, Connor’s hands snaking around to just barely skim between my breasts, Lin dipping down to grip the back of my head while coaxing our lips together in a hard, slow kiss. Connor nibbles at the skin of my neck, pinpricks of passion; his hands rubbing, scraping, tweaking every surface he can reach, and his reach is exceptional. My entire body is alight, hungry with need and ready to feast on this delicious hunk sandwich on offer.
Lin breaks our kiss, swiping one index finger along my bottom lip before using it to turn my head towards Connor, who eagerly rents out the room of my vacant mouth. Lin’s single finger curls a winding trail of pressure up and down and all around until he finally, finally, teases it against my swollen clit. Almost over-excitedly, my tongue writhes against Connor’s as we fight to swallow each other whole. Each stolen breath between kisses becomes a soft pant, my own hand buried deep within Connor’s blond hair starts clawing at his scalp in time with Lin’s steady, slow teasing between my thighs.
I break free, head jolting back with a gasp when Lin suddenly plunges that finger, hard, into my slick channel. As one palm claps against my pussy, the other slaps closed over my mouth, muffling any sounds before they get made until I’m clear-headed enough to bite my own lip and keep quiet. I’m rewarded with a salacious smile, Lin’s touch slithering down the length of my arm and guiding my hand to to the hem of his pants. Even more eagerly than before, I hurry to try and remove them, fingers fumbling as Lin’s attention moves from me to Connor.
