by Kat Quinn
Then, an opening presents itself, but not in the way I had hoped. The remaining beasts dodge, no longer intent on killing regardless of their own health, but pulling back to a retreat. Instead, they form a circle around one of the gorillas as it charges back towards the tree line, Kieran hot on its heels. With no more enemies to fend against, I pivot, ensuring the rest of our party is in well enough shape to escape.
Except Dizzy is screaming, clutching Monty to her chest. Lin is standing, but his wounds have taken their toll. Connor is gone.
It only takes a second to understand, and know what must be done.
“Go to Fern’s. We’ll meet you there. GO.” I shout, already turning to chase down the retreating hoard. With the aid of a modified swift travels signet ring, I catch up to Kieran in just a few paces. But, now we’re no longer within our home’s defenses.
49. Kieran
My chest rips in two, heart and guts splattered everywhere as they’re ripped crudely from my ribcage, the agony is so deep. He may not be Mine, but he’s still mine. And he is Hers, so he’s mine. It doesn’t matter if it’s her grief or my own, I still feel the loss.
I will not accept this fucking loss.
My paws slam against the ground as I pound after the bastards that thought they could come to my fucking den and break my fucking pack apart. Hell no.
Any stragglers that break ranks from the horde, I ruthlessly rip to shreds, relishing the rich tang of their blood as it pools in my mouth, even as a small part of me regrets slaughtering so many of my cousins. A very small part of me. You always protect the pack, you do whatever it takes, no matter the cost. If the cost is my conscience I’ll gladly fucking pay it to keep the others safe and whole.
A freight train slams into my side as I cross the wards, throwing me far off course and knocking more than just the wind out of me while my ribs crack against a tree trunk. Following the mass of shifters trampling through our woods is a cluster of humanoid forms, separate from the sizable army of mages scattering off in all directions. This ambush was enormous, how the fuck did we miss it?!
Like hell I’m going to waste time trying to figure that out and let them get even further away. Every precious second I fall behind is one more I need to fight to get back.
Zeke appears at my side, “Get up. Now.” With both hands he yanks at my scruff, forcing me upright. “We’re losing them!” With unnatural speed for a human, he takes off, weaving with precision around and over obstacles.
I don’t wait; my paws thunder after him before my brain consciously tells them to take off. With each step, I call upon anything the pads of my toes touch, sapping elements from the ground at random, morphing them on the fly into anything I can think of. Tiny shards of minerals coalesce to form larger ones, like to like, until there’s enough to form crude projectiles. With a howl, I shoot them at the fleeing crowd, rage soaring through the space between us.
A few humans at the closest edge fall, lucky they were granted a swift death before I could catch them and refuse all mercy. Some of the shifters stop in their tracks, trampled by the escaping mob. They make no moves to defend themselves and are maimed or murdered in seconds. Good, evens our odds.
Knowing this fight won’t last long if my body gives up before my spirit, I draw iron from the blood coating my fur, joining it with whatever elements I can pull from the ground. In a constant liquid state, the metals ebb and glide along my pelt, a gruesome armor able to shift its purpose as quickly as I can shift my form.
Breaking ranks, a few humans turn to face Zeke and I, yelling and growling our fury as we launch ourselves straight at them, determined to rip through and overtake the escape party. Asshole mages fling raw magic at us, a couple shifters joining their defenses. At full speed, I duck my head and slam directly into the chest of a charging lion, nearly a match for me at my enormous size. Shaping the metal around my head into spikes that plunge deep into the feline’s heart, that fucker never stood a chance. As if it weighs nothing, I fling him over my shoulder and continue the charge, narrowly avoiding a tree as it falls to flatten Zeke and I in our path.
He spins out of the way, leaping over a boulder, both circular blades swiping through a spiderweb of vines that form to halt his progress. We don’t stop, we can’t stop, we rip right fucking through everything they throw at us, those assholes. Even the assholes themselves are no match for us, but they do manage to slow us down. Just enough that I couldn’t reach the swarm with a projectile, even if I tried. Fuck.
A howl rips its way through me, coming straight from the bottom of my gut and blasting through my teeth with a visceral force all its own. It’s angry, and it’s begging, but it refuses to accept defeat. Not this time, not again. I was there this time, it has to have made a fucking difference. My pack can’t keep getting stolen away, I don’t know if I’ll survive it.
“COME BACK HERE,” Zeke bellows, words that feel exactly the same as my howl; desperate, and demanding, and furious.
We give it everything we have, running like our lives depend on it, because Connor’s definitely fucking does. We mow down obstacle after obstacle, ripping apart opponents that turn to face us, smashing through any barriers.
But it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t fucking matter. Any time we gain ground, they make sure we lose twice as much… Until we’ve lost more than we could hope to recover. It’s not as if a mass of random-ass creatures would be impossible to track, their destructive train anything but subtle, but Zeke and I can’t keep going like this forever. Some of my ribs are clearly broken, each sharp and painful movement no longer possible to ignore as the initial rush of adrenaline fades away. One of Zeke’s shoulders is bloodied, his swings packing less of a punch than when we started.
If we keep on like this, we’ll die. Plain and fucking simple, we’ll die before they let us have our packmate back.
My chest clenches tight, throat thick with regret as I slow my pace to a stop. Panting, Zeke joins, knowing the same thing I do and hating it every bit as much.
We lost. We fucking lost.
Miles away, I feel her heart break.
50. Dizzy
Monty’s dead weight is like a thousand potato sacks, Lin and I struggling to drag him to the SUV, especially since Lin’s only got one good arm right now. We’re paranoid that someone or something is going to pop out at us any second, like a jack-in-the-box, yelling “Gotcha!” as soon as we think it’s okay to relax. There’s a corkscrew dug into my guts, turning and twisting and tightening them so much I can’t tell if I’m going to throw up from the anxiety and fear, or if there’s actually a corkscrew physically in there.
We take off like a bat out of hell, exploding out of the driveway and onto the road as though Cerberus themself were chasing us. Met them, once, very sweet doggy; really a big fan of catch.
Thankfully, Colonel Stubbs stayed hunkered down in the car during the fight. Otherwise? I honestly don’t know if either Lin or myself is in the right state of mind to notice him missing in all the chaos. The little white Frenchie sits up straight, keeping watch over an unconscious Monty, laying motionless on the floor. Aria joins as a guard.
“How did that happen?” I ask, knowing it’s a stupid question but throwing it out there anyway in case Lin happens to be able to catch it.
“I don’t know,” he shouts, tone absolutely dead serious and curt. His whole being seethes with venom, fiery eyes darting around continuously, daring anything and everything to test their luck against his need to destroy, need to avenge. Lin’s knuckles are white as his one good hand chokes the steering wheel, trying to kill it.
“Why did they take Connor?” Both of my hands dig deep into purple curls as I rake my nails back and forth against my scalp, trying to make sense of anything and only being able to make sense of the pain I’m trenching into my own skull.
“I don’t know!” Lin barks, then bites his bottom lip.
I say something we’re both fearing, “What if Kieran and Zeke don’t get him back?”
“I don’t know,” he says, choked voice breaking at the end. It’s a crack I feel just as much as he does, triggering more tears to push their way over the rim of my eyelids.
“We shouldn’t have left them!” I sob, “Why did we leave them behind?! Lin, we have to go back! We have to stay together!” I plead, slamming the side of my fists repeatedly against the dashboard like it’ll somehow fix everything and change this week to a fun family road trip instead of a desperate, fragmented escape. An escape we wouldn’t even be alive to make if they hadn’t snatched up Connor and run away, something I should be selfishly grateful for but can’t help and despise.
“They did what they had to do,” Lin says through gritted teeth, “we did what we had to.”
My whole body aches with pains that aren’t there, my skin not feeling right unless I claw at it. I can’t stop moving my legs, I can’t stop tugging at my hair, I can’t stop picking at the edges of my jacket and fingernails and barely-formed scabs. The entire drive, I stew in my complete and absolute freakout, elongated by Lin’s circuitous path that would be impossible to predict or follow for anyone. Hopefully.
By the time we pull up to Miss Fern’s house, I’m a complete and utter wreck. My fingers are bleeding, nails bitten down beyond mere stumps. There’s a small purple nest in my lap of hairs that were pulled and collected there. Lilly and Miss Fern are already at the gate of their bright house, expecting us with solemn looks on both of their faces. Leaping out of the car, I rush to Lilly and practically tackle her, burying my face into her shoulder as jagged sobs wrack my whole entire body. She doesn’t say anything, just lets me soak her shirt and try not to explode into a hundred thousand broken pieces.
And then I feel it, I feel an overwhelming sense of loss and desperation and grief wash over me, feel it like my own spine being ripped right out and plunged deep into my heart. Feel it like a puzzle that fits together perfectly having all its pieces violently severed and thrown into flames.
My knees give out, and I wail like a banshee directly into Lilly’s ear. Her long arms tighten around my much shorter frame, their strength the only reason I’m not my own potato sack slamming down to the ground, bloody from uncontrolled impact. She squeezes me tight and holds me together while I break all the way apart, Lilly’s stoic and firm embrace keeping the pieces in one place.
Connor’s not coming back.
51. Dizzy
“STUPID USELESS PIECE OF CRAP!” I scream, slamming the crystal to the ground, shattering the useless hunk of garbage into tiny useless shards of garbage. We’ve tried everything a thousand times over to locate Connor, to no avail. Wherever he is, he may as well be nowhere. Or on the dark side of the moon, or another dimension, or the dark side of the moon in another dimension.
“Love, we…” Lin closes his eyes, grabbing my hand and squeezing it tight.
“NO. We’re not giving up! We haven’t tried everything there is yet, I know it!” There has to be. I can’t just sit here on my butt, waiting for some sign from the universe to point use in the right direction.
“Nobody’s saying that, but maybe it’s time to take a short break, come at it with fresh eyes,” he says, his own impish features wracked with sorrow. Lin’s pain seeps through the spaces between his lashes, no matter how many times he tries to hide or harden his eyes. The man who lost his young love, so tried not to feel anything again, found himself feeling too much.
“If it was you,” I whisper, forcing him to look at my puffy, tear-swollen face, “wouldn’t you want to know I refused to give up?”
His gaze shifts away, the only answer I get.
“Of course I wouldn’t give up on you, Lin.” I look around, the others in various places around the green-themed room. “I wouldn’t give up on any of you.”
Monty’s awake but completely tuned out, mindlessly petting Colonel Stubbs with a truly blank expression. Between un-healing people to death and his brother’s abduction, the man hasn’t been coping particularly well. Especially after having to push himself hard to get the group back into relative fighting shape from some pretty distressing wounds; he’s had a lot to sort through and we’re giving him the time.
As soon as Zeke and Kieran rolled up in the little red hatchback, Kieran jumped out and punched a tree over and over again until it broke in half. Since then, he’s drifted between quietly brooding, or suddenly rage-screaming.
Zeke’s currently staring off into space, twisting one of the rings on a finger in thought.
Together, we’ve tried a ridiculous number of ways to find Connor, from crystals and spells and incantations and summonings, to using Lin’s truth abilities to see if we can follow the thread he sees that connects us all.
Except the thread is gone, I just smashed a crystal, and it doesn’t matter how many spells we’ve tried, they all end in nothing. It’s easy to want to give up, to say it’s not worth it to keep trying when all that keeps happening is zilch, but a part of me believes we’ll find a way. Even if we fail nine hundred and ninety-nine times, I’m still not giving up. What if the one that works is the one thousandth, and I threw in the towel just one round too soon? Anything has the potential to work, we just need to find the one that does.
But, I recognize in my men the frustration with their own feelings of helplessness. There’ve been plenty of times in my life when something terrible happened, and I didn’t think I could face another day knowing even a small part of it could have been stopped if I’d just done something differently. If I’d just been somewhere else, or moved just a little bit sooner, or found someone who could help.
Most of the time, I’d run, either away from trouble or away from making the problem worse, or even just because I was afraid I’d eventually need to run so might as well do it when I can rather than when I need to. I don’t stick around to solve problems, unless they’re small and silly like getting a new walking stick for some old lady in a coffee shop because her nasty green one fell victim to my wreck-shit-field. A long time ago, I resigned myself to being the problem, and stopped trying to really be part of the solution.
In the back of my head, running was always an option, just in case. It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve told the guys I’m staying put, part of me knew I didn’t actually mean it, pinky promise be damned. Running has always been my go-to move, and if a dumpster ain’t on fire, why go throwin’ a molotov cocktail its way?
Not any more. I’m fixing this. This family that crashed into me? The real and honest possibility that they’ll be ripped away from me at any minute without it being my choice, is sobering. Stability has practically been an imaginary word in my life, but for the last few weeks I’ve gotten a sample of what it tastes like. Something I thought wasn’t to my preference; that my taste buds would always be broken… But I see now I was just afraid to admit it was what I wanted, because some day I’d need to give it up and run away. Never thought it could just be snatched away instead.
“No more running,” I say out loud, face hardening. “I promise, no more.” Looking at each of them dead in the eyes, staring, forcing them to hear me. “I’m not running away, ever again. We are sticking together, we are going to succeed, and we are not letting anyone or anything stop us. Not even ourselves.” With a super mega death glare 3000, I dare any one of them to contradict. “Never give up, never surrender.”
Lin’s sad smile is an improvement, even if there’s still skepticism and pain around the edges. Monty looks at me, stress written in fine lines on his forehead, but there’s the tiniest spark of life hidden within the damp sheen of his tear-drained eyes. An improvement over blankness. Kieran nods sharply, the only one here already deeply acquainted with chasing the missing with every fiber of his being. We will not stop. Zeke continues to fiddle with his rings, looking off elsewhere, but he nods all the same.
Good. This is good. We’re in this. We can do it. I have to believe. I do believe.
“Knock knock,” Lilly says, knocking against the door frame at the same time. “You gu
ys hungry? Grams made sandwiches.” She balances a tray of food on one arm, tossing long, silvery hair over her shoulder with the other.
“Thanks, Duke,” Lin says, halfheartedly. “And for taking us in.”
She smiles sympathetically, “Of course, we were always going to have taken care of you. Always will, always will have. Not even a question.”
Passing out plates, I accept one from her without really looking at it. “Did Miss Fern or The Girls say anything to you yet?” With my eyes, I beg her to say yes. To say she knows the secret answer to everything and we’re all going to be okay, and this whole week is destined to wrap up with ice cream and happiness and a peaceful resolution. Lie to me, I beg, maybe I’ll believe.
“Sorry, babe,” she shakes her head. “Grams has been kind of tight-lipped. I’m sure she knows something, but she won’t say what. Usually that means knowing ahead of time will stop it from happening, so she has to keep everyone else a few steps behind to make sure those steps get taken in the first place.” Lilly blows out a frustrated breath, “It’s annoying to no end, let me tell you. Especially since I’m supposed to have the same info too, and just… don’t.” Tapping one finger to the side of her head, “Barely been more than static most of the month. Gives me a damned headache trying to dig into it and sift out what I can use.” Finished passing out the plates, she crouches down in front of me, one hand resting like a steady weight on my shoulder, “But I’ll do it for you, Dizzy. Dive right in and try to sort out even the smallest hint. Love you, girl, I got your back.” She squeezes my shoulder.
Even though she didn’t lie like I wanted, it’s still reassuring somehow. Another little boost to help bolster against the bad feels.
“Lilly…” I trail off.
“No problem. None at all,” she says, standing up and dusting off imaginary crumbs from the top of her thighs. “If you guys need anything, just holler. Try to get some rest tonight, Grams said we can hash things out in the morning.”
