by Kelly, Marie
When I closed the door behind him, we stood in silence just staring at each other. I had been thinking about this man since he walked out of my apartment with his brothers, yet he was standing in front of me, and I was stuck on mute.
“You good?” He chuckled, and I giggled.
“Yes. Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting to see you,” I admitted, and he nodded.
“Yeah, I’m sorry to just pop up, but I just wanted to check on you, and we didn’t exchange numbers.”
I don’t know why hearing that made me blush, but it did.
“That’s okay. I’m glad you came,” I said and quickly wanted to take it back.
“I’m glad I’m here too.”
Finally remembering how my legs worked, I led Jashawn to my living room, and we took a seat at the same time.
“So, you been good?” he started, and I nodded.
“Yes, I’ve been great, thank you. And what about you?”
“I’m alive,” he said, and we laughed.
Jashawn and I fell into a comfortable conversation, and he let me know how he had been holding up since he went back home. I told him about what I had been getting up to and even about James’ stupid ass.
Just like I did, Jashawn turned his nose up when I told him all what James said. I didn’t know why I felt so comfortable telling him everything, but he just made me feel like I could.
Our conversation just flowed like we had known each other for. Before I knew it, night came, and we had been talking for three hours straight. Not even knowing that James could easily come back and find Jashawn in my apartment stopped me. I just loved being in his presence.
Jashawn looked down at his watch, and I knew that meant he had to go, and honestly, I didn’t want him to.
“It’s late as hell,” he said, standing to his feet, and I followed. “Thanks for letting me in even though I just popped in on your ass.”
We chuckled.
“No problem. I actually enjoyed the company. I loved having you here,” slipped out, and Jashawn looked at me.
We stood staring at each other, and then I broke my eyes away while clearing my throat.
“Oh, before I forget, which is the whole reason why I came over, could I get your number?” Jashawn asked, looking shy, and I found that to be cute.
“Sure.”
I called out my number, and he called my phone for me to get his number.
“You gon’ call me, Dior?” He asked while walking to the front door with me right behind him.
“Of course.”
“Good, because I want an invite to the wedding,” he joked, but I didn’t laugh.
“There is not going to be any wedding,” I smartly responded, which made him smile.
“I hear you. Well, I’m gon’ hit you up. Cool?”
“Yeah.”
Jashawn stood staring into my eyes before his eyes landed on my lips. His trembled and slightly opened like he was about to say something. He blinked a few times, clearly snapping himself out of his trance.
“See you around, Dior.”
I could feel the disappointment rising through my body, but I swallowed it down. I didn’t even know what he wanted to say, yet I wanted him to say it if it meant he could stay around me for a little longer.
“Good night, Jashawn.” I tried to sound unbothered by him leaving.
With a wink of an eye, he walked away from my door, and I closed it.
Leaning my head against the door, I closed my eyes and sighed. James’ question from earlier rang in my head.
“What’s gotten into you, Dior?”
And my response—A real one called Jashawn!
Kanada Alton
A few days later
Like a bloodhound, I followed the smell of freshly brewed coffee and pancake batter. It smelled so good, and my stomach was rumbling something terrible. When we made it to the last step, TJ let my hand go and dashed into the kitchen ahead of me.
Over the short period of time that we had been there, he had grown quite accustomed to Ma and her family. The first night, he was shy, but it was like after that, he came out of his shell.
He ran all over the house like it was really our house and didn’t give a damn. When I would tell him to stop or to come back to me, Ma would cuss me out and tell me to leave him alone. Oh, and she cussed me and told me that if I ever called her Miss Phyliss again she was going to whoop me.
I couldn’t pretend even if I wanted to, I was happy there, and every night I thanked God that he led me in the path of Ma. She truly was a godsend.
“Good morning, Kanada. Did you sleep well?” Ma asked me as soon as I stepped into the kitchen.
“Yes, I did, thank you. How did you sleep?”
That king-sized bed in our room was amazing! It felt like I was sleeping on a mushroom of cloud.
“I slept good too, baby, thank you. Go ahead and grab you something to eat.” Ma motioned with a head nod to the food that was spread out on the dining table.
After I took in all the great smelling food that she had prepared, my eyes landed on Alvaro, who was sitting at the table with his daughter, KeKe.
“After breakfast, y’all can go play,” Alvaro said to TJ, who immediately started cheering and bouncing around with KeKe.
I slowly approached the table and took a seat opposite Alvaro. He looked at me briefly before going back to finish off his breakfast.
“You don’t see her sitting there?” Ma chastised Alvaro, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he finished off his cup of coffee and stood to his feet.
“Thanks for breakfast, Ma.” He kissed her cheek, picked up his cup and plate, and dropped them into the sink before walking out of the room.
Ma sighed and took a seat at the table.
“I’m sorry about my grandson.” She apologized on his behalf, and I shook my head while telling her not to worry about it.
“I’m used to it now.”
Since that night he caught me at the bus station and brought us back, Alvaro hadn’t said one word to me. He would happily and openly talk to TJ, but he would act like I wasn’t even in the room. Even if I spoke to him first, he would never respond or look at me.
“I will talk to him… again,” Ma offered.
“No, it’s okay. I understand why he doesn’t talk to me.”
I had admitted to Ma about the night Alvaro found TJ alone in my car. She just didn’t know the real reason why I had left him alone in the car. She told me that she understood what I was doing and that I was just desperate, so, to her, Alvaro was ignoring me for no real reason at all.
Ma let it go—which I was grateful for—and we ate breakfast together while idly talking about a few things we had watched on TV.
After we were all finished, I cleaned the children off and allowed them to go play in KeKe’s den while I cleaned the kitchen with Ma.
“I’m going to lie down.” Ma tapped me on the shoulder when we were done and walked out of the kitchen.
I turned and leaned against the sink with the palms of my hands while I looked around the kitchen. The thought of going outside in the backyard crossed my mind, but it was too cold, so instead, I left the kitchen to go see what the children were doing. I walked into the room, and they were playing with KeKe’s Play-Doh.
Keke looked up at me and smiled widely, making me smile back at her. She was so cute and such a well-behaved little girl. From the moment she met TJ, she welcomed him to play with her toys. I was expecting her to not want him to touch her things, like some small children behaved, but she was more than happy to play with him, which I was grateful for. He was alone a lot, other than when Lela’s children came over, and I watched them.
His brother and sister, of course. I shook my head at my own thought. To this day, it was still a shock to know that Lela’s children belonged to Terrence.
“I like playing with TJ because he likes playing with me,” KeKe said with a smile.
“And he likes playing with you too.”
&nb
sp; “A girl at my daycare won’t play with me, though.” Her gorgeous smile faded as her sad eyes fell to the carpet.
Walking closer to her, I bent down in front of her and grabbed her little hands.
“If that little girl can’t see how special, wonderful, and beautiful you are, that’s her loss, Keyanna. You are a great little girl, and don’t let anyone make you feel sad, okay?”
She lifted her head to look at me, and then that smile was back.
“Okay!” She beamed and hugged around my neck. Letting go, she went back to playing with TJ.
Smiling, I turned to take a seat and jumped with a gasp when I saw Alvaro standing near the door watching me.
His face was impassive, so I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. From the few times I had seen him around the house, I found out that he wasn’t someone who showed a lot of emotions outside of his daughter. He never smiled or laughed unless he was talking to her or Ma.
Alvaro was a mystery to me.
“You seem like you have some type of sense, so I’m trying to figure out why would you have left your son alone in the car?”
My face dropped, and then I angrily bit my bottom lip.
He has said nothing to me this whole time, and the first thing that does come out of his mouth is a question like that?
It was plain to see that he was judging me without knowing my story.
“Do you think I wanted to leave my son alone? Well, I didn’t, but I had no other choice! I was trying to get a job at the bar, so that I could look after him, and I had nobody to watch him for me! I have no one!” I gritted, feeling myself getting emotional, but I held my tears back.
“Do you know what it feels like to hear your child tell you that they’re hungry, and you can’t do anything about it? His dad was abusive, and he kicked us out with nothing but the clothes we were wearing, so I tried to get a job to look after him. There’s not a day that goes by when I don’t regret what I did, but I was desperate and willing to do anything to feed my son. Until you can walk a day in my shoes, Alvaro, don’t judge me!”
He just stood there with a frown on his face as his deep, chocolate eyes stared at me.
Turning around, I said, “TJ, come.”
When he gave me his hand, I pulled him out of the room right past Alvaro.
He could judge me all he wanted because he wasn’t doing anything that I wasn’t doing to myself.
Every day since that night, I had been asking God to forgive me for leaving TJ when I knew that I shouldn’t have. Anything could have happened, and I wasn’t going to allow Alvaro to make me feel worse than I already did.
Jashawn ‘Surge’ Ramsey
Since that night I went to Dior’s apartment, I had been outside there almost every night just watching her. I wanted to approach her again, but I couldn’t. I knew that I wanted her for myself, and I didn’t give a fuck that she had a nigga. However, clearly, she did, which was why I was about to do something about it. After staring at her building a few more seconds, I started my car and headed for my destination.
When I pulled up outside, I didn’t bother to give my car to be valet parked since I wasn’t staying long, so I just parked across the street.
“Welcome to Piccola Cucina, do you have a reservation?” The skinny male host asked me, and I shook my head.
My eyes landed on the person I was looking for, and I smiled. “Nah, I’m meeting a friend, and I see him right there,” I said, and then I walked right into the restaurant and sat at this nigga’s table.
He looked over at me with a confused face, and I smiled widely at him.
“Um, do I know you?” he asked, and I shrugged.
“Shit, we should since our dicks were going into the same bitch,” I said, and then I snatched up one of his bread rolls.
I cut it, spread some butter on it, and pushed it into my mouth, all while this nigga sat and stared at me.
“Oh, the name’s Surge.” I let him know my street name since I wasn’t there on one play around bullshit.
His jaw dropped, and he studied my face.
“S-Surge.” He repeated my name and then glanced around like someone was going to help his ass.
“Look, I just want to talk to you about Amber May,” I said, and his eyes bulged.
“Surge, look, I’m sorry. I didn’t know Amber had a nigga, and I damn sure didn’t know it was you!” He started to panic, all sweating and shit, and I put my hand up to stop him.
He looked like a street nigga, so I wasn’t surprised that he knew my name. Only illegal, street motherfuckers knew that name, but many didn’t know what I looked like. I pushed the last of the bread roll into my mouth and waved him off.
“Don’t even worry about it. She’s not my girl like that.”
“Oh, right.” His face twisted in confusion. “Well, what can I do for you, then?”
“I want you to keep Amber occupied, bro. Knock the bitch up and just keep her. Aight? Good.” I nodded, pushed a roll of money toward him, and stood to my feet to leave because I was done with the conversation. But then he stopped me.
“What? I can’t do that!”
I frowned and then slowly sat back down.
“Why the fuck not? You already fucking the bitch, just do the shit to get her pregnant and off my dick. Simple.”
“But I don’t even want her like that, man. We’re just fucking. I don’t want her to have my kids and shit.”
I stared into his eyes without saying a word or blinking. Dumb bitch busting it open for niggas who didn’t even want her; including me!
“Listen, either you do the shit, or I’m going to kill your ass for disrespecting me by fucking my girl,” I lowly hissed, and his jaw dropped again.
“But you just said she wasn’t your girl!”
“I don’t give a fuck what I said, nigga!”
He looked confused and stuck.
“The way I see it is, you have one of two choices. One, you knock Amber up with your seed. Or two, I kill you.”
He gasped and paused as he stared at me, and I glared right back at his ass to let him know I wasn’t playing.
“I guess I’m the pappy,” he said, and I smirked.
“Congratulations, nigga. I’ll buy you a gift.” I smiled widely. “You run your mouth to anyone, even to Amber, or she doesn’t get pregnant real fucking soon, I will end your life, Mark Bennett, and everyone you love,” I said, looking him square in the eye, and he nodded.
With that, I got up and walked away.
Call me petty or say that was a bitch move and see if I give a fuck. I wanted Dior in the worst way and nothing was going to stop me from getting to her.
One down, one to go.
As soon as I left the restaurant, I made my way to my second destination.
Amber thought I didn’t know about the niggas she was fucking with, but I knew all about them, and I honestly didn’t give a damn. They benefitted me because Amber spent less time getting on my fucking nerves, and more time sitting on their dicks. Although it was a few niggas that the hoe was actually fucking with, I picked that nigga Mark because he was someone who Amber saw the most. So, it would be easier for him to get her pregnant based on how often they fucked.
I was serious as fuck about having Dior, and I needed Amber out of the way, so she wouldn’t fuck shit up. No matter how many times I ignored that bitch and refused to fuck her, she didn’t get the message. So, I was going to make her leave me alone.
Now, there was only one other person in my way, which was why I was standing inside the apartment of that square ass nigga, James. I shook my head as I took in his whack ass furniture and wondered how this corny nigga got someone like Dior.
“OH MY GOD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE!” this pussy screamed when he walked in and saw me standing in his bedroom.
“My guy, shut the fuck up and take a seat!” I pointed my guns at his head, and he quickly sat down.
I looked him over and I almost fell out laughing in his face. The nigga lo
oked like got damn Carlton Banks from Fresh Prince of Bel air. With his pink sweater tied around his neck over a white polo shirt and khaki pants. His hair was low like his too, and he had big ass glasses on. I ain’t even bullshitting.
“The fuck she doing with this nigga?” I whispered to myself.
He continued to look from me to my guns, but he didn’t speak a word.
“Now, I need you to make a call,” I said and pushed one of my guns behind my back then picked his phone up off the dresser and tossed it over to him.
He caught it and then looked up at me with a confused frown.
“You broke into my house for me to make a call?” James asked, and I took a seat on his bed.
“Yeah. Now, call Dior.”
His eyes bucked when he heard me call her name.
“What? Hell no! How do you even know my girlfriend?!” He dropped his phone in his lap and folded his arms across his chest like a bitch.
Swoosh.
I pulled a knife from my ankle and threw it toward him. His eyes widened when it clipped his ear and landed in the wall behind his head.
“I’m calling her.”
He picked back up his phone and fumbled with it. “What am I going to say?”
“I got that covered.”
I picked up the large placards I made and put beside his bed when I first came in.
He looked from me to the card, and I raised an eyebrow as if to say, don’t fuck with me, and he nodded.
“Put that shit on speakerphone,” I demanded, and he did just that.
The room was silent as I listened to the line ring and then her voice came over. The way it made me feel let me know that I was doing the right thing.
“Hi, James,” Dior answered, sounding beyond dry, and I almost laughed.
My baby was fed up with this nigga, but it was all good. I was helping her out by getting rid of him.
James, on the other hand, his face said it all from her greeting. He was hurt, but oh fucking well! His eyes then landed on the first card that I was holding, and he sighed.
“Dior, I’m just calling you to let you know that we are over. You don’t deserve a bitch ass nigga like me who can’t even fuck you good because my dick is too small,” he read, and I heard Dior gasp.
