by Rye Brewer
Fane, on the other hand, was terse. He used few words.
I couldn’t imagine Fane laughing, ever. The weight of the world was on his shoulders. He had skills I had no understanding of. So many secrets. There was no joy, no spark, no vitality. He was a survivor—all the joy had been rubbed away, just like time had worn down the stones in the cemetery.
“What do you think about him now?” I asked Gage. “What’s your gut reaction?”
“I was overjoyed when I first saw him, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“And now?” I forced him to meet my eyes, dipping my head to follow his gaze until they locked. “Now what do you think?”
He shrugged. “Now I have questions. A lot of questions.”
“Yeah. Me, too.”
17
Anissa
The second we were out of sight of the others, I pulled my arm from Jonah’s grasp.
“What is wrong with you?” I hissed through clenched teeth. “Why are you hellbent on making a scene in front of everyone? Especially your sister?”
“Why are you hellbent on starting a fight with me?” he hissed, just as sharply.
“Because, no matter what we go through or what I do to show you I’m trustworthy, you still lie to my face. Continually. Why do you do that?” I wanted to hit him—anything to vent how I was feeling. “I mean, you tell me you want to protect me or something, right? How can I trust you to do that when I can’t even trust you to be honest with me?”
“That’s exactly why I held back. To protect you. And while we’re throwing accusations around, why do you insist on making it so hard to keep you safe? You question me at every turn. You make my life impossible.”
“Oh, well then.” I took a step back. “Don’t bother yourself anymore. I don’t want to make your life any more impossible.” I turned to go back to the others and find some way to get back home, but he stepped in front of me.
“No. Not until you listen to me for once.”
“For once.” I laughed, not bothering to hide the scorn on my face.
“Yeah, for once. Really listen. Don’t run away before I get a chance to explain to you.”
I was fine until I met his eyes. I was always a fool for him when I caught sight of his eyes.
And he probably knew it.
“Fine. I have nowhere to go, anyway. Not without help.”
Still, I stood at a distance. Every moment that passed only made my fury more real, almost strong enough to taste.
He lied to me. He didn’t think I mattered enough to tell the full truth to.
I felt like such a fool for ever believing him.
He took a deep breath. “For one thing, it wasn’t my secret to tell. It’s Fane’s.”
I rolled my eyes, though he had a point. “That’s pretty convenient.”
“Second, there’s a reason why he’s been in hiding all this time. I believe him when he says it’s dangerous for us to know he’s Fane. You don’t know how much I wanted to tell you, but when have we had more than a few minutes alone since he reached out to me?”
“Keep talking.” I hated the way he melted me down even when I was determined to punish him for lying.
He might not have come right out and lied, but a lie of omission was just as bad.
“I had to ask myself if telling you this secret would put you in danger. Fane isn’t exactly revered. There are groups who want him dead, and I doubt they’d stop with killing only him if they found out he had a group of other vampires around him who knew his identity. Think about it. Why did he adopt this identity? What has he seen? What secrets might he know, and what did he have to do to survive over the years?” He paused for effect. “What did he reveal to us that we might tell others?”
The whole cold truth hit me.
We could die just for knowing Dommik Bourke isn’t dead.
“And while I trust you not to give away his secrets, I know there are people out there who won’t stop at anything to get the information they want. I shudder to think what they would do to you to get answers. Remember what Marcus did to your sister? I bet that’s child’s play in comparison.”
I shuddered—the memory of Sara’s agony was etched in my mind and heart. I would never forget the screams, the torture on her face. She had transformed into a soulless monster, unable to think or reason or feel anything but soul-searing hunger. It was living hell.
And yet, there was a flaw in his logic. “Simply being in Fane’s company marks me for punishment, right? No matter whether or not I know who he is, his enemies will see me as a threat. Why would it matter if I know who he is, then? I’m already in trouble.”
He sighed. “Don’t remind me, okay? I can’t help that, but I don’t want to make things worse, either. I’m scrambling around, trying to do damage control. I can hardly keep track of who knows what anymore or who’s a bigger threat to us at any given moment.”
I felt sorry for him as he leaned against the thick marble wall, although I was still hurt and angry. I hated thinking of myself as a burden, but that was how he’d made it sound. Like I was just one more thing for him to worry about.
He already had his clan and his father and the brand on his arm, not to mention his missing brother—who at least had reappeared now.
“Would it make things easier on you to share with me? I might have a perspective that helps you. You never know.”
He tilted his head to the side, staring at me. “Maybe.”
“You can trust me to keep it between us.”
“That’s never been an issue,” he snapped. “Stop making it about that. I’m telling you, it’s the rest of the world I don’t trust.” His eyes glowed with a light I had never seen.
“Okay, okay.” I didn’t like him taking that tone with me, but we could talk about it later—when I wasn’t concerned he would try to rip my head off.
“This is all about Lucian,” he murmured. “He’s the reason my family turned vampire. He’s been bent on revenge against my father for centuries.”
My head spun from that little bit of information.
Lucian.
I had no problem believing it, even without explanation. How I’d always felt Lucian didn’t mean half of what he said. The coldness in his eyes. How he obviously loved the attention while he pretended to be humble. As though he only cared about the league and the vampires he led.
“Why?” I breathed.
He told me the story of his father’s youth as a human, how he and Lucian had been best friends. I could almost see all of it—the way Elena and Dommik fell in love and brought on Lucian’s jealousy. Obsession leading him to turn Elena, and love leading her to turn her husband—not to mention the love it took for him to want to turn.
By the time Jonah finished, there were tears in my eyes.
“I wouldn’t put it past him,” I muttered when he went silent.
“He’ll stop at nothing to destroy our family. Do you understand now how serious this is?” His eyes searched my face. “You can’t have a more dangerous enemy than Lucian. It gets no worse than him.”
I looked around. “I don’t know. There are so many other dimensions, places I never knew existed until now. It might get worse than him, right?” I tried to be lighthearted, but there was no helping Jonah at that moment.
He was way too far gone.
“And to think,” he murmured, “all this, even after our mother’s long gone. He won’t stop even now. For all I know, Lucian’s the reason she’s gone. Fane won’t tell me anything about that.”
“I’m sure it’s too painful for him and he only wants to spare you the same pain. You can’t blame him for that.”
His expression hardened, and his eyes seemed to go dark. “No, I can’t blame him for that. But I can blame him for forgetting about my mother and getting himself involved with that witch.”
I gasped then paused to absorb and sort this out. “The witch? You mean, Sirene?”
His nod was grim. “Yeah. Her. The one carrying
his baby.” He might as well have been talking about garbage, he sounded so disgusted.
I covered my mouth with one hand to stifle another gasp, louder than the first one.
A baby?
“But she’s… She can’t!”
“No kidding,” he growled. “A witch, and after he was with somebody like my mother. He really fell far, didn’t he?”
I cringed. “I don’t mean it that way. I mean she’ll die. It will kill her.”
“What?”
“Don’t you know? A witch can’t bear a vampire’s baby. She’ll die.”
And she was so beautiful, too. How terrible. To think of her knowing the danger she was in, but carrying the baby anyway. Probably loving it more than herself. And the poor baby, never having its mother because she wouldn’t live through the childbirth.
And Fane. What would it be like to know his baby killed its own mother? Would he feel guilty over it?
I wasn’t sure what I expected from Jonah. Maybe sadness. Concern, at least.
Instead, his eyes turned hard. “Why should I care what happens to that witch?”
If he had hit me, I wouldn’t have felt more surprised. Who was the stranger standing in front of me?
“How can you say that?” I whispered.
“Easily. What, you think I should care that my father—who hasn’t been there for his kids in decades, in case you forgot—got a witch pregnant, and now she’s going to die? He said it himself. He’s different now. He’s the sort of vampire who consorts with a witch. He’s made his bed, and he can lie in it.”
“But… the baby. It’ll be your brother or sister, and it’ll grow up without its mother. Doesn’t that matter to you?”
“I’ve spent all these years without my mother. Am I supposed to feel sorry for it?”
He talked about his own sibling as a thing. He even sneered when he did it.
Nothing I said would get through to him.
That much was clear. He was determined to hold a grudge.
And it made me wonder about him. How well did we really know each other? I was so sure I understood what happened in his heart, wasn’t I? So, who was I looking at? Could someone who loved me have so little compassion?
It was as if I didn’t know him at all.
Maybe I didn’t.
“Do you ever feel we never really got the time to get to know each other?” I asked.
He frowned. “Where did that come from?”
“I’m just wondering. We haven’t had a whole lot of time to get to know each other well. It’s easy to feel we’re deeply connected when everything around us is so crazy. Isn’t it?”
“Sure. I guess so. I keep wishing for the time to simply be us, if that’s what you’re talking about.”
“It is, in part.” I lowered my gaze to the ground—or, rather, the fog swirling around my legs. “I’m not sure what I mean, I guess. It’s not easy to say.”
How could I tell him I didn’t know how I felt about him anymore? I didn’t want to look at him. He’d shown me a side I didn’t want to see again. Where was the kind Jonah I fell in love with?
“What’s the rest of it?”
At least he didn’t sound hateful or cold anymore. That was a plus.
I willed myself to lift my head and meet his eyes. “I’m sorry. You don’t know how hard it is for me to say this. It’s just… I don’t know about us right now.”
His eyes widened. “You can’t be serious. Since when? Is it because of the whole Fane thing?”
“It’s bigger than that. I don’t know you. I don’t know what to think right now.” It had been too much of a tornado of emotions, accusations, and now his coldness.
I took a step back, then another.
“Where do you think you’re going? You’re not leaving, are you?”
“No, no. I just…” I wrapped my arms around myself to keep from shaking. I didn’t want us to be over, not when I didn’t know how I could survive without him. He was the best thing that ever happened to me. Only I wasn’t sure I liked him very much.
“I can’t believe this,” he murmured. “You can’t mean it. You’re—”
“I’m not saying I want us to be over. I’m only telling you I’m not sure what’s going to happen to us after this. Maybe we need more time to get to know each other, I don’t know. I feel different all of a sudden, and I thought you should know. I’ll still go with you to be of any help I can. I won’t desert you now. But once this is over, I’m going to see my mother. And I’m taking Sara with me. I’m sure they’ll want to see each other, too. I’m letting you know, so you’re aware of my intentions.”
He opened his mouth then closed it.
The look on his face was enough to rip my heart apart. I wanted to take it all back, beg him to forgive me.
I hated to think I’d hurt him, especially when he was already going through so much.
He surprised me then. “If that’s the way you think it has to be, I won’t beg.”
And just like that, everything was different.
18
Anissa
The air between us felt colder, somehow. I wished we had found a better time to talk things out—we were about to go into something neither of us had a clue about, and I had made things weird.
Allonic cleared his throat loudly before turning the corner and revealing himself to us. “Fane wants to speak to everyone before we move on.”
Jonah made a strained sort of choking sound, like a cross between a snort and an exasperated sigh.
I didn’t bother glancing back at him.
They were waiting for us, grouped together at the gate to the mausoleum.
Philippa’s eyes were cold, full of judgment and accusation. All I felt when I looked at her was fatigue—I was so tired of fighting. What would she think of what just happened between me and her brother? Every marching band in the city would have to clear their schedule to perform in the parade she’d throw.
Fane waited until we were gathered together. He scanned us all with a critical eye, his gaze lingering on his children before he spoke. “There’s no reason to sugarcoat this. What we’re about to go into… it’s dangerous. We have no idea what we’ll find, or who. We’ll have to be on guard at all times. We’ll have to keep our eyes open, as well as having each other’s backs. We have to protect each other once we start moving.”
He regarded his kids again. “It’s important for us to work together. As a family.”
“How can you say that?” Jonah asked. “You tell us you’re gone—the man who was our father, I mean—but then you tell us we have to work together. Which is it?”
“Right now, we have to be as united as possible. This isn’t the time for bringing up hurts and slights.”
“That’s not fair,” Philippa said. “Please, don’t belittle what we’ve been through.”
He nodded slowly. “You’re right, of course. The reason I brought you all together like this before we got started was answer a few of the questions you have. I want to remove as much of what stands between us as possible.”
“What about our mother?” Gage sounded stronger than he had since he first showed up on the roof.
Philippa nodded. “Yeah. What happened to her?”
The pain etched on his face was very real.
I remembered what Jonah had just told me about the love between his parents, and what it had meant to them. Elena had turned Dommik so they could be together, instead of running away in shame the way Lucian had expected her to do. They had loved each other enough to build a life together and have children and walk into an entirely new life side by side.
“All I can tell you is she didn’t make it. I know you want to know more, and I wish I could tell you—believe me, I do. Only it’s not something you want to hear. Trust me. And it’s not something I feel I can share. That’s the most I can say.”
He stared at them as though offering a challenge. Would any of them dare press him on it?
I studied them
out of the corner of my eye and could tell they were torn between needing more and wanting to stay out of a fight. They might even have been trying to respect his wishes.
When none of them spoke up, he went on. “It’s been many years since I lost your mother. I’ve always carried her memory with me, and I always will. She was the center of my world for a long time, and I’m sure nobody gets the chance to find love like that more than once. That sort of instant, soul-encompassing love.”
He glanced at Sirene, and I realized where he was going. I peered up Jonah, standing on my right. His face was a mask of pain and anger. Was this the best time for Fane to announce an addition to the family? I wasn’t sure. Not if he really wanted his family to feel united.
“However,” he murmured, “someone else has come into my life, and you deserve to know about her.”
Philippa gaped openly. “Her?” She pointed to Sirene.
“Yes,” he said. “Sirene.”
“Tell them the rest,” Jonah muttered through clenched teeth. “They should know everything.”
“What?” Philippa asked, looking from Jonah to Fane. “What’s he talking about?”
Sirene nodded with a sweet, gentle smile, and my heart ached for her. She had to know what was in store for her.
Fane appeared pained but managed to keep his composure. “Sirene is carrying my child.”
Philippa let out a strangled sound I had never heard from her before. I couldn’t tell if she was upset for the same reasons Jonah was. Was it disgust? Heartache for her lost mother’s memory? Knowing Sirene wouldn’t live through it? All three?
Gage, on the other hand, didn’t make a sound. He only frowned.
I wondered what he was thinking. Did he feel the way Jonah felt? Meanwhile, I could almost see waves of emotion radiating from Jonah. He didn’t know how to feel, I realized. He couldn’t be on his father’s side for fear of betraying Elena’s memory. Once he had time to absorb the news and process it without the rest of the world falling in around us, he would do the right thing.
