I go completely still. It’s like she’s thrown a bucket of cold water over my head and woken me from a wet dream. I bring my hands to my face, thread my fingers through my hair and lean back against the chair, absorbing her last sentence.
“You want to be my son’s guardian?”
She doesn’t skip and replies instantly.
“Yes.”
“Charlotte,” I rasp, swallowing hard against the lump in my throat. “Do you have any idea what that means?”
“Yes, it means as soon as you get out of here you can be his father and he can start to heal.”
“I… I don’t know what to say.”
“Say yes, Bishop, say yes and as soon as I leave here, I will go to Schwartz and have him petition the court for emergency guardianship.”
I don’t know what to say…I wasn’t expecting this.
“Does he know you’re here, that you’re asking my permission to do this?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “The only one who knows is Jack.”
My mind instantly flashes to the day he sat here with Wolf and suggested some stranger named Grace take my son in. He must’ve done this.
“Did he put you up to this?”
“What?” she questions, her eyebrows pinching together in confusion. “No. We spoke after the courthouse and we were talking about what happens next…” she pauses and goes to reach for my hand but stops herself. “Bishop, I want to do this. Connor and I have forged a good relationship and now with the trial behind him, he can thrive. He can finally be a kid. You’re going to get out of here soon and you’re not going to be able to see him regularly. We don’t even know how long it will be until you’re granted supervised visits. Instead of getting therapy and moving on, he’s going to be missing you, wondering when he’s going to see his dad again. He deserves more than that and so do you. Let me do this,” she pleads, tears filling her eyes.
“Please, let me do this.”
-Twenty-two-
Charlotte
Present
“Look! It’s snowing,” Connor exclaims from the backseat. Too wrapped up in my thoughts and trying to concentrate on the road in front of me, I didn’t even notice the flurries on my windshield. Now, it’s hard to concentrate on anything else. Every snowflake that touches the glass reminds me of the ones inked to Bishop's shoulder and his desire to play in the snow with Connor.
“Do you think we’ll still be able to go?” Connor questions.
I divert my gaze to the rearview mirror, finding his worried eyes looking at back at mine.
“Of course, penguins love the snow, silly,” I assure him. “Hey, wipe that frown off your face. Nothing is going to stop us from going to the zoo today.”
“Not even, dad?”
When Bishop didn’t answer the phone, I decided to take matters into my own hands.
A promise is a promise.
There were too many hearts at stake for me to just accept defeat. We fought to be where we were before I found that gun. The odds were stacked against us from the very first day and we overcame obstacle after obstacle, we could overcome this too. All we needed was a reminder of what could be and to clear our heads. We needed to reevaluate what we wanted out of life and what we wanted from each other. Bad decisions may have brought us together, but greater ones would keep us together if that’s where we belonged.
After Connor handed me back my phone, I made the first great decision and told him to get dressed. If Bishop wouldn’t come to us, we would go to him. We got in the car and I started for his apartment. Halfway to the destination, I realized he probably wasn’t there. Last night when he left my house, he wasn’t the same Bishop who hugged me outside of Riker’s the day he was released. He was a man with a patch and there was a mindset that came with that. I first noticed it at Connor’s birthday party. The men who huddled around Schwartz’s car on the day of the intervention were ready to attack, but at that birthday party, they were men who just wanted to play with their kids.
I turned the car around and headed for Big Nose Kate’s. Walking away from us couldn’t have been easy for him and I know Bishop well enough to know, he would seek punishment. He’d want to wallow in his misery and there was no better place for him to do that than Satan’s house.
Rounding the bend of Arthur Kill Road, Big Nose Kate’s come into my view and my heart plummets when I don’t spot Bishop’s bike. I start to wonder if I was wrong. Maybe I don’t have it all figured out after all. Still, something makes me pull into the side lot. It’s like this magnetic force is grabbing my soul, telling me not to leave. I kill the engine and round the car, pulling open the back door.
“Where are we?” Connor asks as he takes my hand.
I find myself at a loss for words. I don’t want to tell him Bishop is here because if he’s not he’ll only be disappointed, and he’s had enough of that to last a lifetime.
A promise is a promise.
“Come,” I say instead, leading him up the front walkway. With every step I climb, a memory flashes before me and I’m suddenly transcended back to the night we came here together to celebrate his homecoming. It was right before the court-appointed me Connor’s guardian and he was still living with the Clemins family. We spent the night laughing and flirting. Living and loving. It was also the first night he kissed me and the night I knew for certain, I wanted to be his girl.
Reaching the door, I pull it open and glance around the bar. A woman in her mid-forties greets me and my first thought is she doesn’t fit in here. Dressed in silk palazzo pants and a fitted cold-shoulder top, she looks like belongs on Park Avenue, not behind a bar serving whiskey.
“Can I help you?” she asks.
I turn to Connor, bending my knees to make us eye-level and ask him to stay put while I talk to the nice lady. He nods his head and takes a seat at one of the tables. Once he’s situated, I make my way to the bar.
“Hi…I’m…looking for Bishop.”
“You must be Charlotte.”
“I am,” I confirm. “Do we know each other?
“I’m Maria, Wolf’s wife. We met briefly at Bishop’s party, but I had to leave early because I wasn’t feeling well.”
It’s no wonder I don’t recall her. I only had eyes for Bishop that night. A bomb could’ve gone off and I wouldn’t have realized but if you asked me how many times, he smiled; I’d say thirty-six. I’d tell you he touched my leg twelve times and when we stepped outside to get some air, he gave me his jacket and rubbed his hands up and down my arms eight times before bringing me into his strong embrace. I wanted to live the rest of my life in those arms and I wanted to die in them too.
“I’m sorry,” I murmur. “That night is a blur.”
A beautiful blur.
“Is he here?”
She nods.
“Straight down the hall, you’ll find a staircase. His apartment is on the right.”
I glance over my shoulder.
“Would it be okay if I left Connor with you for a few minutes?”
“Sure, go. He’ll be fine.”
I thank her again before going to Connor. Explaining I’ll be right back, that I’m just going to check on something, I assure him Maria is good people, and he’s in safe hands. Then, I follow Maria’s instructions, climbing the stairs two at a time until I reach the landing. Finding his door, I lift my closed fist and knock with all my might. I keep at it until the door finally swings open and Bishop appears, filling the frame.
“Peaches,” he rasps. “What are you doing here?”
Standing in front of him now, I drink him in from head to toe. His hair is a mess, probably from running his fingers through it so many times and there are dark circles under his eyes that match mine. He’s got more scruff than usual and is wearing the same clothes from yesterday. I lift my eyes to his.
Brilliantly blue.
Beautifully broken.
Tormented and still, so full of love.
“A promise is a promise,” I whisper.
“You promised to take us to the zoo and in this family, we don’t break promises. Not to Connor and not to each other.”
His shoulders slump at my words and he leans his back against the door. I watch his throat as he swallows and runs those skilled fingers once again through his curly hair.
“Look at me,” I demand, my voice shaking.
Lifting his head, he meets my gaze and I step forward. With my hands trembling, I lift them to his face. He leans into my touch and I close my eyes.
“Look at me,” he repeats roughly.
It’s my turn to do as I’m told. Our eyes lock and we lean into each other ever so slowly until our foreheads are touching and we’re breathing the same breath.
“I could stare at you forever,” he murmurs. “Tell me why you’re here. Where’s Connor?”
“He’s downstairs with Maria. I don’t know what we’re doing here, Bishop, but I need to figure it out because I can’t lose you or Connor. So, today, we’re going to go to the zoo and we’re going to forget what happened last night. We’re going to forget everything we’ve been through and we’re going to feed the penguins. Then, I’m going to my mom's for a few days. Connor has off from school and I already told Schwartz I will be taking some time off work. I need to clear my head and figure out where we go from here because I can’t go back. I can’t go back to life before you and your son, I just can’t…”
My voice fades and tears fill my eyes as I pull away from him. He reaches out and cups my chin, lifting it so my eyes meet his once again.
“You didn’t show up, and you didn’t answer our calls.”
“Because for a little while I thought you and Connor were better off without me. I don’t know what I’m doing either, Charlotte. My whole life has been one shit storm after another. I don’t know how to be the man you expect me to be, but you’re not better off without me and neither is my son because there ain’t a man on this planet who will worship the two of you like I will. So, you take all the time you need. Get your head straightened out, and I’ll do the same. Today, we’ll go to the zoo and feed the penguins because a promise is a promise and we don’t break promises.”
The tears fall and he thumbs them away. I don’t know how long we stand there, quietly staring at one another. A minute, maybe ten, but when we finally pull away, there’s an understanding between us. It radiates from our eyes and bleeds into our souls.
Life isn’t always easy, and neither is love.
We get knocked down and we struggle to get back up.
But when we stand, we stand tall.
We realize we’re stronger than we give ourselves credit for.
And when love is pure, when it’s true, it’s worth all those ups and downs.
I leave him to get dressed and make my way downstairs to Connor. Apparently, I was gone long enough for Maria to recruit him as a taste tester and I find the kid sampling meatballs. At least we won’t have to stop for lunch.
Bishop joins us twenty minutes later, dressed in clean clothes and the scruff on his face is trimmed. Connor runs to him and he sweeps him into his arms. I hand him the keys to my car, and we bid Maria farewell. Stepping outside, Bishop stares up at the sky, at the falling snow and a grin spreads across his full lips. His gaze slices to me.
“It’s snowing, Peaches.”
“Yeah, it is.”
“We’re going to be alright, baby,” he whispers as he reaches for my hand.
“You sound sure of that.”
“It’s snowing, Peaches,” he repeats. “It’s not just a dream,” he continues before tugging his son’s hand. “Hey, Connor, before we go to the zoo, what do you say we play in the snow?”
Connor’s eyes light up at the idea and soon, they’re chasing each other around my car, throwing snowballs at one another.
It’s not just a dream.
It’s a dream come true.
-Twenty-three-
Charlotte
“Goodnight, Charlotte,” Connor says as I press my lips to his forehead. Tucking the blankets into his sides, I hand him his Hulk.
“Goodnight, sweetheart. Sleep tight and don’t let the bedbugs bite,” I murmur, brushing his hair away from his forehead. “Don’t forget, I’ll be in the room across the hall if you need anything, okay?”
Sleepily, he nods. I stand over his bed for another moment, not ready to leave him just yet and watch him close his eyes. A couple of minutes go by before he drifts off to sleep. I turn around to head for the door and spot my mom standing in the hallway outside the room. She looks from Connor to me and smiles softly as I make my way towards her.
“Poor little guy was exhausted, huh?” she says when I reach her.
“Yeah, I guess he had too much fun baking cookies with you,” I say as I draw the ends of my cardigan together and cross my arms over my chest. She glances back at my old room where Connor sleeps and smiles. A look of nostalgia crosses her face.
“It’s been a long time since there was a child in this house baking cookies.”
Baking was her thing with Bethany. When we were kids, she and my mom would bake every Sunday while my dad and I worked on things around the house. We’d clean out the garage, organize the basement, things like that and then the four of us would sit in the living room and eat the cookies while we watched old Tom and Jerry cartoons.
“Speaking of cookies, the frosting is set on the oatmeal raisin ones we made earlier and I have a fresh pot coffee, what do you say we go down into the kitchen and have some.”
“I’d like that,” I whisper, letting her lead me away from the bedroom.
We make our way downstairs and I grab the tray of cookies, setting them on the kitchen table while she takes two mugs from the cabinet and fills them both with coffee. She leaves little room for cream her and fills mine to the top, remembering that I drink it black.
When me and Connor showed up at her door this morning, she didn’t ask any questions. She hugged me just as tight she usually does and immediately went into the role of Mother Hen, making a big breakfast for us. I loved watching her interact with Connor and it warmed my heart to see him be so receptive to my mother. She could be a lot, but he took it in stride, soaking up all the attention.
“Connor is a great, kid, Charlotte. I can see why he’s so special to you,” she starts, and I immediately fill with pride as I smile.
“He’s the best,” I tell her. “He’s been through so much and still, somehow, he’s remained sweet through it all. I don’t think there is another kid on the planet like him,” I continue, reaching for a cookie. I break it in half and dunk it into my coffee.
“Therapy has helped?”
I nod, lifting the cookie to my mouth to take a bite. There’s nothing quite as delicious as my mom’s oatmeal raisin cookies.
“He’s been in therapy even while he was with the Clemins.”
“That’s the foster family who had him before you got custody.”
“I don’t have custody; I have temporary guardianship which Schwartz had to pull some strings to make happen because he was perfectly fine in with the Clemins,” I explain. “It just made more sense for him to be with me, you know. Bishop and I wanted Connor to move on from everything and having Bishop as a constant in his life has helped the cause. If he would’ve stayed with the Clemins, he wouldn’t have seen his dad as soon as he did. They’d still be under supervised visits and we feared that would trigger memories and stunt his healing process. It helps that his caseworker is all for Bishop getting custody, he’s a little more lenient with us.”
My mom nods, taking a sip of her coffee and I pop the other half of the cookie into my mouth.
“So, what happens now?” she asks.
Chewing, I contemplate the question. We’re still a way off from Bishop getting custody and I fear the longer we wait the more time he has to get into trouble, especially after this whole mess with the Knights.
“Well, Bishop’s next court date isn’t for another month. The judge will evaluate the c
aseworker’s findings and either he’ll extend his visits or if everything checks out, award him custody.”
“And then?” she asks, gently placing her mug on the table.
“They’ll probably—”
“Charlotte, I’m not asking about Bishop, I’m asking what happens next for you? What do you do when that beautiful boy leaves you and goes to live with his dad?”
Her question catches me off guard and I feel all the air leave my lungs. The truth is, I don’t know what happens to me.
“Sweetheart look at me,” my mom coaxes softly. “I’m so worried about you.”
“I’m fine,” I argue. “No need to worry about me,” I continue as I take a handful of cookies from the plate. “I just haven’t really thought about what happens once they’re together forever. I guess they’ll be another case…” my words fade as my throat suddenly goes dry.
“Oh, Charlotte, honey, you’re not fine and you haven’t been for a long time,” she says, emotion heavy in her voice. “I blame myself. After Bethany I lost sight of everything, including you and I’m so sorry for that…” her voice cracks and I lift my head in time to spot a big fat tear roll down her cheek. “I’m sorry, Charlotte, I’m so sorry.”
My own eyes fill with tears and blur my vision as I reach across the table and cover her hand with mine, giving it a gentle squeeze.
“Mom, you’ve got nothing to be sorry about. You were going through a lot and you still always showed up for me. I never questioned if you had my back. Not once.”
My father was another story.
She wipes her cheek with her free hand and shakes her head.
“I cheered you on and I encouraged you to follow dreams that weren’t your own.” She pauses, taking a deep breath as she glances out the window. “I know you know about John.”
Pinching my eyebrows together I shake my head.
“John?”
“Mr. Sanders,” she clarifies, bringing her eyes back to mine. “I know that you’ve known about him and me for quite some time and I’ve played it off like you didn’t and we’ve tiptoeing around the fact I’ve moved on.”
Breaking The Chains (Satan's Knights Prospect Trilogy) Page 17
