by Sharon Shinn
She had given him one of those sweet, soul-deep smiles and put her hand to his cheek. “I don’t think you’d ever disappoint me, Nolan,” she said in a low voice. “But we can see that you get a little practice.”
They both lived on estates of a thousand acres. There were unused rooms in the mansions of each of their homes, any number of dairy houses, barns, outbuildings, and cottages that were empty at least some of the time. They had no problem finding privacy, and they were old enough to be able to dictate the uses of their time. That summer they met each other three or four times a week, on her family’s property or on his, and taught each other the finer points of love. Nolan had not believed how such a simple thing could assume such importance. During that summer, he could not stop thinking of her, could not stop replaying in his head the details of their last encounter. He was eighteen, and few physical pleasures had come his way—certainly none that so engrossed his whole body and rerouted all the circuits in his brain. He became obsessed with her, this girl he had known his whole life. He did not have a thought, waking or sleeping, that was not tinged by her cobalt skin and midnight hair. If he could not see her, he suffered. If he could not touch her, the flesh of his entire body tightened and grew anxious; to meet her in a roomful of people, when he could not even take her hand, was torture. He could see no possibility of recovery from such a divine and lunatic state.
That fever lasted nearly two full years, and when it burned past its highest pitch, a great warmth still remained with him. For her part, Leesa had never seemed quite as stirred by their lovemaking sessions as he was, though she had obviously enjoyed them. But she had had more on her mind that past year. She had been spending a great deal of time with her mother, learning more about management of the vast estates, and she had been deeply involved in her social circle of young women. Love with Nolan had not been her only priority; she had other things to preoccupy her.
And eventually, so did he. He finished his classes at Inrhio State University and was invited to join Cerisa Daylen’s team of scientists. He was sad to leave Leesa but excited about the opportunities before him, impatient to begin this new, surely brief, phase of his life. They had not been too unhappy at their parting because they knew they would see each other frequently, she coming to the city for visits, he returning often for family events. And within a few years, of course, they would be married and never need to part again.
Nolan’s five-year stint in the city had changed him more than he expected—more than Leesa realized, though apparently she had sensed more of his transmogrification than he had thought. It was not that it had lessened his affection for his family or his fiancée—not exactly—it was just that he had seen how different life could be. It had not occurred to him, till he began working in the city, that any man might live a life unbounded by women—that a man could live, work, eat, entertain himself, distinguish himself, or destroy himself, without the guidance and commentary of a mother, sister, cousin, aunt, or wife. He had never seen it happen before. At first, he had pitied the old bachelors he had spotted in the city apartments, alone, unloved, living untethered lives; but gradually the existence began to appeal to him more and more. He would not want such a life, not really, but it was not as miserable as it had first appeared.
The city had changed him in other ways, too—or changed some of his desires. More than once, he had caught himself watching Melina and wishing Leesa were a bit more like her—bolder, more aggressive, more vivid. Oh, Melina was not so unique—high-couraged, outspoken blueskin girls were common as weeds in a garden—and Leesa was just as sure of herself as Nolan could wish. But there was a spark to Melina, a universal flame, that caught fire at any human kindling. She loved the whole world, everyone in it; nothing bored her or seemed beneath her attention. Leesa was not so adventurous and would not view that as a fault on her part. She would disapprove of Melina’s passions, frown at her excesses. She would not consider them torches to throw her own straitened world into bright relief.
But that was Melina, and this was Leesa, and it was Leesa to whom Nolan had been betrothed. And she was an openhearted girl, and he loved her, and the course of his life was set, anyway. No stray wishes or comparisons could change that.
* * *
* * *
Leesa was to be in town four days, and Nolan had arranged to be off from work for two of them. Accordingly, he spent most of that time squiring her around the city, taking her to her favorite shopping venues and the best new restaurants, escorting her to concerts and the theater. She did not like the Centrifuge, so he hired a limousine and a driver, and they toured around town in style.
The central event of those four days, of course, was the party at Corzehia Mallin’s to which the whole world had been invited—or at least, that portion of the world which was composed of Higher Hundred scions currently residing in the city. Leesa had spent one whole day shopping for a dress to wear to this event, though she had brought two with her just in case she wasn’t able to find anything she liked. Nolan made a point of admiring her purchase every time she asked him if he didn’t think it was the most beautiful gown ever, but frankly he wouldn’t have been able to describe it five minutes after he glanced away. Fashion was not his forte.
Of course, he too would go in formal dress to this party, but for men it was much simpler: black trousers of extremely fine fabric, a white shirt of washed silk, form-fitting boots, and the latest hairstyle. Naturally, the shirt would have the subtle collar embroidery of his family’s heraldry—and equally of course, he would be wearing the medallion Leesa had given him the day they became engaged. But the outfit would not vary much from the attire he wore every day, except that the cut of the clothes would be fancier and the materials would be grander.
Leesa dressed slowly and carefully, and when she emerged, Nolan made a great show of admiring her. It was not hard to do; she was truly a beautiful girl. The dress (he remembered now) was blue, but a carefully selected shade that perfectly matched the tones of her skin, so that its swirls and folds seemed to be an extension of her long neck and graceful arms. She had pulled her silky hair into a complicated knot woven with sapphires and silver, and she wore a flat silver necklace hung with matching gems. She had done something impressive with cosmetics, because her face looked glamorous and smoky, and her eyes were as dark as the night sky.
“Don’t you look wonderful,” he enthused, taking her arm and turning her this way and that. “I like your hair that way! That really is a spectacular gown. How did you get so pretty?”
She laughed, not quite believing him, but liking the compliments anyway. “Well, I do think I look nice, but no one will notice me once Aliria Carvon arrives,” she said, laying her hand on his bent arm and mincing out the door beside him.
“Why? What’s she going to wear?”
Leesa shook her head. “Who knows? It’s always something outrageous. Don’t you remember the last party at my mother’s house? Aliria was wearing this incredible red dress and dark, dark makeup. Most of us can’t wear red because it clashes with our skin tones, but she was able to pull it off. She looked like a gilt girl, of course, but I suppose that was the point. People certainly noticed her.”
He was surprised to hear her use the slang phrase but let it pass. “Well, no matter how shocking her dress, she won’t be as adorable as you,” he said in a comforting voice, and she laughed again.
The drive to Corzehia’s was not far, for she lived in the fashionable indigo district just east of Nolan’s neighborhood, but the traffic was amazing. Every limo in the city must have been pressed into service, Nolan thought, for the wide streets were jammed with the long sleek cars, and they all appeared to be heading to the same address. Nolan considered this a fair augury of the evening’s tedium, but Leesa was so excited she actually squirmed in her seat.
“I haven’t been to a party in so long,” she said. “Isn’t this fun?”
Finally, they were bef
ore the house, on the sidewalk, at the door, being admitted by a triple set of hostesses who must be Corzehia and her mother and sister. Nolan only knew Corzehia vaguely and the rest of her family not at all, but apparently they were familiar with him.
“Oh, and you’re Nolan Adelpho!” the older of the three women greeted him, taking his hand in a very firm grip. “The scientist, isn’t that right? When are you two planning to be married?”
“Soon, I think,” Nolan said, giving her his politest smile. It was not up to him to supply dates and details; Leesa’s privilege, if she chose to exercise it.
“Tell her not to wait too long now,” she admonished. “Corzehia got married last year, and she was telling me just yesterday that she wished she hadn’t waited even that long. Your Leesa’s a prize, now. I hope you realize that.”
“I do,” he said, and smiled, and moved on.
They were in a mob of people working their way slowly down a long hallway toward the main ballroom. Leesa either knew everyone in their immediate vicinity or recognized their heraldry, because before they had made it to the threshold, she had exchanged light conversation with all the women within hailing distance. Nolan couldn’t count the number of times he heard the phrase, “Oh, that’s Nolan.” He couldn’t tell if the voices were pleased, disappointed, or merely exclamatory.
Eventually their passageway emptied into the main room of the house, a ballroom-sized chamber festooned with the sky blue and grass green plaid of Corzehia’s family colors. The room was large enough to comfortably swallow the crowd and open its doors for more. Glancing around, Nolan estimated that perhaps two hundred people were already there—and the evening was early.
“Do we hold court or do we mingle?” he asked, for it was never clear to him why some people seemed to take up stations in a room such as this while others made the rounds. Apparently, Leesa had no such doubts. She gave him a look of reproof and replied, “We mingle.”
So for the next hour they traveled slowly around the great room, pausing to talk to this prominent indigo matron and that self-assured heiress. Nolan knew only a fraction of the people there, though all of their family names were familiar to him, so Leesa spent much of the time whispering gossip and background information to him as they approached or departed from each cluster of guests. When Evelina Margosa said, “Oh, you’re Nolan” to him, he was tempted to reply, “Oh, you’re the girl who left two husbands in six months.” But he was incapable of such casual cruelty, so he merely smiled.
As far as he was concerned, the only really enjoyable conversation was the brief one they had with Melina and her jahla girl, Julitta. This time he was the one to make introductions, for Leesa had never met the women, and he watched curiously to see how his friend and his fiancée would interact. But it was conventional talk—they instantly began discussing what friends they had in common, where their estates lay, and some of the places they had traveled. Nolan turned his attention to Julitta.
“So are you having a good time?” he asked, since he couldn’t think of anything else to say. She gave him a nervous smile and glanced around the room as if she couldn’t quite believe she was in it.
“I’m trying to,” was her soft-voiced reply. “But I don’t know anybody here, and I’m not sure what to say to them.”
He did a quick second assessment of her face and clothes. Yes, he thought he had remembered correctly: mid-caste girl, not used to this scale of grandeur. She was pretty, in a mild, unalarming way; she looked eager to please but rather uncertain. Melina had not done her any favors by bringing her here.
“Well, this is the worst of it,” he said in a bracing voice. “Pretty soon the dancing will start, so most of the socializing will move to the sidelines. And eventually they’ll serve a buffet dinner, so that will give you something to do with your hands. And of course no one will expect you to talk while you’re eating, so make sure you get a big plate of food.”
She laughed, but she looked more grateful than amused. “Will they allow me to dance with Melina?” she asked. “It would be fine at one of my mother’s parties, but here—”
But here, no; she had guessed correctly. “Ah. Well. Perhaps not,” Nolan said. “I’ll dance with you, though. Do you like to dance?”
She nodded. “Oh yes! And I’m really a pretty good dancer, because I had lessons, so you won’t need to be embarrassed.”
“I wouldn’t be embarrassed,” he said gently.
Julitta glanced at Leesa. “But will your fiancée mind? I wouldn’t want—”
Nolan smiled. “I’ll be lucky if she has time for one dance with me,” he said. “She knows everyone in the room.”
“So does Melina.”
“What?” said Melina, catching her name. “What awful things are you telling her about me, Nolan?”
“I told her that I would dance with her because you would be too selfish to bother to find her partners,” was his prompt reply.
“Oh, good,” said Melina. “Because I’m going to have to dance at least once with Corzehia’s brother, and I know Mora Ellison will want me to dance with her son. I don’t want Julitta to be bored.”
“Bored? Here? Not possible,” he said. Melina laughed, but Leesa only nodded.
“Have you seen Cerisa?” Melina asked him, and he shook his head. “She’s over there on the other side of the door. She’d probably like it if you introduced Leesa to her.”
“I can’t imagine why. She doesn’t ever like it when I talk to her.”
“This is different. Trust me. It’ll make her happy.”
“A real treat for Leesa,” he said, his eyes on his fiancée’s face. She wasn’t listening to him; she was making polite but apparently kind conversation with the shy Julitta.
Melina leaned closer. “And did you see? Over there, by that horrible pot of blue roses? It’s Kitrini Candachi.”
He could not help it; he stared. “I thought you said—”
Melina nodded. “She came with her cousin. So far people have been polite—at least I haven’t noticed anyone ignoring her completely. But look at her! She looks as though she’s been scheduled for execution. She must be having a miserable time. I’m going to talk to her as soon as I have a chance.”
“She’s probably not too friendly,” he warned, remembering his brief conversation with her in the halls of the Complex.
Melina gave him a brilliant smile. “That’s all right,” she said. “I’m friendly enough for two.”
Shortly after that, Leesa and Nolan moved on, continuing their circuit around the room. Nolan did not want to, but he heeded Melina’s advice and directed Leesa over to where the head of the Biolab was standing.
“Good evening, Nolan,” Cerisa greeted him with all her usual cool poise. She was dressed in a silver gown and appeared to have been sprinkled with diamonds; she glittered coldly and with infinite self-possession. “Melina told me she thought you might be here tonight.”
Nolan made the introductions and was gratified when Cerisa held out her hand. She disliked casual contact, even on social occasions. But Leesa, of course, was her equal in bloodline and breeding, and that was something Cerisa would respect.
“Your Nolan is quite a gifted scientist,” Cerisa said to Leesa. “I have often been impressed by his ability to think through a problem and come up with an unusual solution.”
Leesa looked unreasonably pleased, but she did not, as Nolan half-expected, demand “Really?” Instead, she said, “I know so little about his work that it’s hard for me to understand how talented he is.”
“Oh, he’s talented,” Cerisa said. “But now that I’ve met you, I can see why he’s determined to leave my offices for your estates when the time comes. You’re quite a lovely young lady.”
Another smile from Leesa, this one a little coy. She was used to being admired by older women; she was quite a favorite with her mother’s friends. “Thank y
ou,” she said tranquilly. “But I’d rather hear praise of Nolan.”
Cerisa actually laughed, something Nolan did not remember ever witnessing before. “Well, he’s invented two drugs that between them have saved about two thousand lives,” she said. “That’s an impressive statistic to take home to your mother’s social circle.”
“And it will mean so much more to them because it’s come from you,” Leesa said. “They’ve all heard of you, of course. My mother mentions your name every time the subject of Nolan’s work comes up.”
Cerisa smiled, a somewhat wolfish expression on that haughty face. Nolan hoped suddenly that Melina had not subjected Julitta to a similar interview; she would not fare nearly so well as Leesa. “Well, you can tell them that my opinion of Nolan is the highest,” she said. “And that I will be sorry to see him go.”
Even Nolan could tell that comment signalled the end of the audience, so he murmured indistinguishable words of farewell and ushered Leesa away. She was positively glowing, which annoyed him just a little; he knew she was thinking how delighted her mother would be with Cerisa’s comments, and it irritated him that Cerisa’s words carried more weight than his own.
“Well, I can see you enjoyed that,” he said, a slight edge to his voice, but she missed it.
“Oh, she’s an old hag—worse than my grandmother!—but I was glad to hear her say such nice things about you,” Leesa said merrily. “Weren’t you?”
“She’s never said anything like them to my face, so I suppose I suspect her motives,” he said dryly.
“Her motives? What could those be?” she asked in an innocent voice.
He smiled down at her. “To please a pretty girl? You have a charming smile. Maybe she just wanted to see it.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Leesa said, but she was smiling, too. “She’s just the kind who can’t praise someone to his face. No doubt she’s been waiting a long time to find a way to tell you how much she values you.”
