I nodded. “Yeah. I am. Not just because I’ve never been camping.” I sighed. “I do stupid things, too. Like breaking up with my boyfriend when he’s having problems. What was I thinking?”
I felt him staring at me. “Rae?”
“Yeah?”
He didn’t say anything. His eyes were soft. Kind. He held his hands out far apart. “Freak? You? Not even close. Sometimes you have to do what’s best for you, no matter what. I mean, no one can look out for you better than you.” He paused. “He’ll be okay.”
I took a deep breath. “I hope you’re right.”
“Of course I am. Now finish your sandwich so I can show you what a freak looks like shooting videos of random crap.”
“You’re not a freak,” I said.
He smiled. “Well. Takes one to know one.”
muddy boots
AFTER WE FINISHED EATING, WE HEADED OUT ON FOOT, VIDEO camera in hand. It was chilly but not freezing cold like it had been earlier in the week. The clouds rolled by in a parade of white mixed with gray. Leo pointed the camera skyward as he spun around slowly. When he passed under a tree hanging over the sidewalk, he stopped and shot up through the branches. I wanted to see what he saw, so I got underneath the tree with him. A maze of empty branches zigzagged through the air, higher and higher.
“It looks kind of sad without the leaves,” I said.
“Lonely,” he said.
“Yeah. Exactly.”
We started walking again, neither of us talking. When we got to the end of the street, we made our way back toward the cluster of trees. The muddy ground squished beneath my boots.
“Sorry,” he said. “You okay with getting a little dirty?”
“Despite the fact I’ve never been camping, yes. Mud washes off. Or so I hear, anyway.”
He chuckled. “Go ahead of me. I want to get a shot of you walking toward the trees.”
I stopped. “No way. I don’t want to be in the video.”
“Okay, fine.” He handed me the camera. “You shoot. Just don’t show my face. Anything else, fair game.”
I stood still, hit record, and watched through the lens as Leo walked on without me. He had a cute butt. Cute, like the rest of him. Okay, so he wasn’t the kind of guy who caused girls to stop and stare, like Nathan Sharp. He was your average boy next door, with brown hair and brown eyes. And now, I discovered, a cute—
Rayanna Lynch, stop it.
I zoomed in on Leo’s feet and the ground all around them—step, step, step. When he ducked behind a tree and I couldn’t see him anymore, I pointed the camera up, like he’d done earlier. The clouds had begun to break, so sunlight streamed through the branches, creating a beautiful portrait of branches and sky. Everywhere I looked, I felt the contrast of darkness and light.
I let the camera roll as I walked, zooming in, zooming out. Everything faded away until it was just me and this lovely place filled with greens and browns, and the smell of earth mixed with the soft scent of pine. I could literally feel the peace seeping into my pores.
I don’t know how much time had passed before I felt a tap on my shoulder. I lowered the camera as Leo put his finger to his lips. Then he pointed at a squirrel up in a tree. I giggled and zoomed in on our new subject. He scurried across the branch, to the trunk, and then down to the ground. Leo and I stayed perfectly still, watching him, his big fluffy tail twitching this way and that as he ran.
When the squirrel finally disappeared into the woods, I stopped filming and handed the camera back to Leo. “I love it here,” I said. “It’s so peaceful.”
“No matter how many times I come here, I don’t get tired of it. The light and the weather and the seasons are always changing, so it’s never the same.”
I leaned up against a tree and wondered why I’d never thought about coming here. Why I never thought about going somewhere to just be quiet and let myself breathe.
“Thanks for inviting me today,” I said. “It’s exactly what I needed.”
“You want to talk about it? I get lots of practice listening at the coffee shop. People love to explain their desperate need for a caffeine fix.”
“My stepdad’s been out of work for a while, and I have to give him some of my paycheck.” I corrected myself. “Most of my paycheck. It’s so stressful at home, you know? He sold his Bronco because he needed the money, and then last night he took off in my truck. On top of everything else, I broke up with Nathan.”
“I’m sorry, Rae. That’s a lot to deal with.”
I leaned my head back and looked up at the sky. “Some days I wish I could just run away and leave it all behind.”
“Where would you go?” The way he asked, it felt like if he could, he’d take me there. His voice sounded so warm and comforting.
“Anywhere.”
“Pick a place.”
“I’ll go with Hawaii. A sunny beach sounds nice.”
“Okay, close your eyes.” I looked at him. He stood there, a big grin on his face. “Go on, do it.”
I closed them.
“Listen. You can hear the gentle hum of the ocean. The waves, lapping the shore. And smell the scent of coconut lotion on your skin.”
“Just like your shampoo,” I said.
“What?”
I kept my eyes closed. “Your hair smelled like coconut when you got out of the shower.”
“Shhh. You are in Hawaii, not in my house smelling my fabulous hair. Now, feel the warm sun on your face and the cool sand on your hands as you lie on your towel. You scoop up the sand and let it fall gently through your fingers.”
“Can I get a cold drink with one of those little umbrellas?”
“I’m a barista, remember? But if that’s what you want, here you go. You take a sip, the taste of ice and strawberry—”
Just then, my phone rang, startling me. I opened my eyes. “Crap. Sorry.”
I checked the number. Alix. She’d probably heard I’d seen Nathan. I sent it to voice mail, but it was too late. The peace I’d felt disappeared. Reality came crashing in, squeezing me so tight, it almost hurt.
“I should probably get home.” The reluctance in my voice was hard to hide.
He took a couple of steps toward me. His eyes begged me to trust him. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry. I have to go.”
Leo and I kept quiet until we reached the sidewalk. I smiled at him. “You’re sweet, you know that?” He shrugged and his cheeks turned the color of cherry blossoms. I’d embarrassed him. “For a few seconds there I almost believed I was in Hawaii.”
He grinned. “Well, you looked smoking hot in that black bikini.”
Whose cheeks were a pretty shade of pink now?
no reassurances
IT WAS MOM’S DAY OFF. WHEN I GOT HOME, I FOUND HER OUT back, sitting at the white plastic patio table, wearing her robe and smoking a cigarette.
“Mom, I’m home.” No response. “You want something to eat? I can make you a sandwich.”
Again, no response. She didn’t even look at me.
I shut the door and went to work making her a bologna sandwich. As I spread the mayonnaise on thick, the way she liked it, I wondered where Dean had run off to this time. Mom’s car was gone—we could only hope he wouldn’t go completely insane and sell it, too.
I took the plate with the sandwich and some chips and set it on the table, along with a Coke. “You have to eat, Mom. Okay?”
She looked up at me, then down at the plate. Her tired eyes blinked a couple of times, and then she reached over and picked up half the sandwich. I knew that was all the thanks I’d get.
I went to my room and called Alix.
“Hey, sorry I couldn’t take your call earlier.”
“Nathan’s back,” she said. “Santiago hung out with him for a while.”
“Yeah. I know. He came by the shop this morning.” I slumped down onto my bed. “What did Santiago say? Does Nathan seem all right?”
“He saw you with Leo,” she said s
lowly, like she was trying to break the news to me ever so gently. “He was pissed. I’m pretty sure Santiago used the words ‘psycho pissed.’ ”
I sat up straight, my heart beating fast. “Wait. What? When did he see us?”
“He saw the two of you get into your truck. Then he followed you to Leo’s house. Fortunately, that’s when Nathan called Santiago, and my brilliant boyfriend told him to get the hell away from there before Nathan did something he’d regret. They met up at Mickey D’s. Santiago got him some lunch. Said once he got him to start eating, he chowed. It was like Nathan hadn’t eaten anything for two days.”
“Okay, wait a second. I saw Nathan this morning. Early this morning, like nine o’clock. I didn’t leave the shop until two. Are you telling me he sat there, waiting for me, all that time? Because if that’s what you’re telling me? That’s crazy.”
“I know.” She breathed it softly, as if agreeing with me would make it even worse.
I ran my hand through my hair, trying to figure out what it all meant. And no matter how I spun it around, I could only come to one conclusion.
“Alix?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m scared.”
I wanted her to reassure me like she always did. I wanted her to tell me Nathan was just a normal boy with overactive hormones and a few personal issues. I wanted her to say everything would be okay and he’d get over it, and things would go back to how they used to be.
But that isn’t what she said. Not even close.
“Rae?” Her voice quivered just slightly, and I knew what came next. “I am too.”
• • •
I dreaded going to school on Monday more than I’d dreaded anything in my whole life.
What would Nathan do? What would he say to me? Would he completely ignore me? Spread a bunch of rumors? Did he think I’d dumped him because of Leo? The questions running through my brain were out of control. I wanted them gone, to disappear like chalk on a sidewalk after a rain shower.
I tried to imagine what might be going through Nathan’s head, but I couldn’t even pretend to know. Nathan didn’t think like anyone else.
Lucky for me, Alix was waiting for me at my locker instead of Nathan.
She pulled me into a hug. Then she said, “His parents took him away. They left early for winter break. You don’t have to worry. Nathan’s gone.”
I collapsed against the lockers. “That is the best news I’ve heard in probably forever.”
She reached over and held my hand. “Rae, I’m really sorry. I feel like it’s all my fault, this mess with Nathan. I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard.”
“No. Don’t say that. You didn’t know things would turn out like this. I wonder where his parents took him? Are they back together? I mean, last I heard, his mom wasn’t even letting his dad in the house.”
Alix put her hands on my shoulders so we were looking eye to eye. “Hear me loud and clear, okay? It’s not our problem. He’s gone, and his parents are taking care of him. Now, let’s get through the next two days so we can have a glorious winter break, okay?”
Oh, right. Because after all this fun, there was Christmas to look forward to.
Not.
surprises
WITHOUT NATHAN AROUND, I FELT LIKE MY OLD SELF. THE TWO days flew by and on Tuesday, when the final bell rang, I hugged my friends good-bye and wished them a merry Christmas. Alix and her family were heading to Sacramento to visit her grandparents, while Felicia would be spending the break skiing in Vail. Envy seeped through my pores. I wanted to go somewhere. Anywhere.
“What are you doing?” Alix asked.
“Oh, you know,” I joked. “We’ll be taking the old yacht out for a spin around the Virgin Islands. Should be a blast, as long as I remember my sunscreen.”
Alix smiled, then hugged me again. “I’ll miss you. I’ll see you when we get back, okay?”
I was going to miss her too. I hated the thought of not seeing her for two weeks. But it wouldn’t do any good to whine about it. I tried to smile. “Okay. See you soon.”
When I got to work, I found Leo standing outside the Bean Shack. He looked troubled. Down. We’d been swamped at the flower shop, so I hadn’t seen him since our little adventure.
“Hey, Leo. How’s it going?”
“Rae, can we just fast-forward through the rest of this month? I swear, all anyone wants to do is bitch about stuff. What happened to peace on earth and goodwill toward man?”
I dropped my backpack in front of me and leaned up against the wall next to him. “Never heard of it. Is that some new-wave band or something?”
He nudged me with his elbow. I looked over at him and was pleased to see half a smile. “I’m done editing our video,” he told me. “If you give me your e-mail address, I’ll send it to you.”
I reached into my backpack and pulled out a pencil and a piece of paper. “I can’t wait to see it,” I said as I wrote my address down. “Is it good?”
“Better than good. Brilliant.”
I laughed as I picked up my backpack and slung it onto my shoulder. “I see modesty isn’t your strong suit. Well, I look forward to taking in the brilliance. And now duty calls.”
I started toward the shop and then I stopped, remembering something. I reached into my backpack and pulled out the book he’d lent me. I handed it to him. “Thanks a lot. You were right. It was really good.”
“So good you might say . . . brilliant?” he teased.
I gave him a little wave as I headed into Full Bloom. Inside, I inhaled the familiar, sweet fragrance of flowers as I gave Mister a few pats on his head.
“Rae,” Spencer called to me as he hung up the phone. “Death by guillotine or hanging?”
“Gross,” I said, taking a seat next to him. “Hanging, of course. But why are you in such a morbid mood today?”
He took my hand and held it up to his chest. He wore a festive, red-and-green-plaid sweater vest over a long-sleeve white T-shirt. My hand covered his heart. “Kevin and I got in a huge fight last night,” he explained. “It was awful. Is my heart still beating?”
I pulled my hand away and gave his shoulder a little shove. “Of course it’s still beating. You’re stronger than that, Spence.”
He sighed. “No. I’m really not. I’m a fragile flower, Rae. An orchid. That’s what I am.”
I stood up and put my arms around his shoulders, pulling him into a hug. “Well, what do you know? My favorite.” He wrapped his arms around me tight. We stayed that way for a while. He needed it. And maybe I did too.
“Thank you,” he whispered. “You’re the best, my little Rae of sunshine.”
I pulled away, my hands resting on his shoulders. “It’ll be okay. Take home some flowers. A bottle of wine. And apologize. A lot.”
“But—” he started to protest.
I held my finger up. “Doesn’t matter. Make it right. That usually starts with sorry. For something. It doesn’t have to be for everything, but for something.”
“I hate to interrupt, but could I get some help here, please?” Nina called to us as she came through the front door carrying a large box.
Spencer jumped up to help her. “Sorry, darling. I was just getting in a quick therapy session. Rae’s quite good at listening, you know.”
“I don’t doubt it,” she said as she placed the box into Spencer’s arms. “She’s good at a lot of things.”
“What’d you buy?” I asked.
“Stupid printer died this morning,” she told me, taking Spencer’s stool as he carried the box to the back room. “And, good heavens, it’s insane out there. You’d think Christmas was tomorrow. Speaking of which, young lady, I made up the schedule last night and I didn’t put you on it. I figured you’ve been working a lot lately, and you needed some time with your family and friends.”
I felt panic rising up in my chest. “Wait, what? You took me off the schedule?”
“Yes. Starting tomorrow, the twenty-second through the third of January.
You know that once the holiday is past, it’ll be dead as a doornail anyway.” She patted my arm as she got up. “Spencer and I can handle it. Take some time off, Rae. Have some fun. Do whatever it is kids your age do when they have nothing but time on their hands.” She smiled and winked at me.
I didn’t know what to say. How could I be stuck at home with nothing to do for twelve days? Not to mention that if I didn’t work, I didn’t get paid. Dean would throw a fit.
“Nina, look—”
“No buts about it. I’m paying you too. All good employees deserve a paid vacation once in a while.”
So that was that. I was taking a vacation, whether I wanted to or not.
I spent the rest of the afternoon helping Spencer put together some wreaths and flower arrangements for the Lutheran church in town. The time flew by, and when the clock struck six, my heart sank a little bit. Home. I had to go home. For almost two weeks. It made me shudder just thinking about it.
As I put on my coat, Nina walked over and handed me an envelope.
“Merry Christmas from me to you.” I turned the envelope over in my hands. “Well, go on,” she said. “Open it!”
The flap wasn’t sealed. I peeked inside. A hundred dollar bill was tied with a pretty red ribbon.
“Nina!”
She waved her finger in front of my face. “Uh-uh. No arguing. It’s a little Christmas bonus, that’s all. Buy yourself something nice, okay? I’m assuming finances are still an issue, since your planets continue to be in retrograde. It probably won’t solve all your problems, but maybe it’ll help a little.”
I gave Nina a hug. She smelled like lilacs. When I pulled away, I said, “Thank you. For everything. You’re the best boss a girl could have.”
“Have a great holiday, okay?”
“I’ll try. You too. What are you doing, anyway? Please don’t say working.”
“My friend Linda invited me to spend Christmas Day with her and her family. The rest of the time, I’ll be here.” She shrugged. “What can I say? It makes me happy.”
When she said it like that, I couldn’t get upset with her. It made me hope that someday, when I had a full-time job, I’d love it as much as Nina loves hers.
Falling for You Page 11
