Because now, when I asked him to put his gun down, and told him I’d get him the money, he believed me.
Thank God, he believed me.
Dean did exactly as I asked, and lowered the gun.
I heard the faint sound of police sirens in the distance. I’d been listening for them. In a minute Dean would hear them too. Who knew what he’d do then? I kept my eyes on Spencer and Nina. I felt their love. I really didn’t have to ask the question. But I wanted Dean to hear the answer—and to cover the sounds of the sirens for as long as possible.
“Love or hate, Spencer?” I asked. We’d played the game a hundred times.
A tear rolled down his cheek, but when he spoke, he spoke with pure conviction. “Always love, sweetheart.”
Spencer knew what Dean would never know.
Time was running out. I remembered the words I’d told myself earlier.
It’ll be okay.
I would have no more regrets. I had to do the right thing for the people I loved.
It’ll be okay.
So I struck, with everything I had.
Guided by light. By love. By what mattered most to me in this world.
I hoped to take him by surprise, and knock the gun from his hand.
I didn’t expect the gun to go off.
The pain shook like an earthquake inside me. I held my hands to my chest, felt the blood, thick and wet. The bell over the front door jingled. Of course I knew who’d left. I’d been right all those months ago. Dean really would let me bleed to death.
The sirens grew closer. “It’s going to be all right,” Nina said, her hand pressing hard on mine while Leo put my head in his lap. “We’re not going to let anything happen to you, honey. Just hang on.”
Before I blacked out, I smelled roses. The ones that say, I love you.
the hospital—1:02 p.m.
“Have you ever seen so many flowers?” It’s the kind man’s voice again.
“How many bouquets do you think we have?” the woman asks.
“The woman from the florist shop said she’s made thirty-two so far, and has orders for at least twenty more.”
“I wish we could bring them in here, so she could see them when she wakes up. I bet that’d lift her spirits.”
Footsteps.
“Can I try again? Can I try talking to her again?”
Mom. She’s still here.
“Sure. You never know when she might be listening.”
A cool touch on my arm.
“Honey? I wish you could have seen all the people last night. It was incredible, all the support for you. The kids at your school, they went door-to-door and asked people to go to the stadium with their candles and think good thoughts.
“They sang songs and held their candles for hours. All for you, honey.
“I have some messages. People wrote them down and gave them to me. I thought maybe I’d read some of them to you, all right?
“Alix wants you to know how very much she loves you. She said you are the best friend a girl could ever have.”
Sniffles.
“Maddie wrote, ‘The day you brought me formula was one of the worst days of my life. I was hurting bad. But then you showed me you cared, that someone actually cared. It gave me new hope. Thank you for that, Rae. Please get better.’ ”
She pauses. There’s a rustling of tissues. Mom blows her nose.
“Ms. Bloodsaw’s message is short. I’m not sure I understand what it means. But maybe you do? She wrote, ‘It’s happened, Rae. I believe the revolution you hoped for has happened. If only you could be here to see it. I hope you feel it.’ ”
A tear slides from the corner of my eye.
“I just saw Leo. He sends you his love and wants you to get better because you two have plans. He also said to give you this.”
I feel something cool on my finger. It can’t be, can it? Leo, how did you . . .
“It’s your ring, Rae. Grandma’s ring. Leo went to the pawnshop this morning and bought it back for you.”
I slowly open my eyes. Everything’s blurry. Mom brushes my cheek with her hand. “Oh, baby. There you are. Thank heavens. Can you feel how much people love you?”
I blink my eyes.
“I’m going to get the doctor,” one of the nurses says. “Rae, don’t try to talk, okay? You have a tube in your throat we need to remove.”
“Do you want to hear more?” Mom asks.
I give her a little nod and blink my eyes again. Mom gives my hand a little squeeze, as if to tell me she understands.
“Nina says she loves you, honey. Says you’re the closest thing she’s ever had to a daughter. And Spencer said to tell you how much he adores you and he wants an answer to this one when you come back to work. New scarf: pink or purple?”
More tears fall from my eyes. I am overwhelmed by the kindness. By the love. Mom gets a tissue and wipes them away.
“And now I need to give you my message, which is that I’m sorry. I know I’ve made more mistakes than a mother should be allowed to make. But I want you to know Dean can’t hurt you anymore. You and me, we’re gonna make a fresh start. Everything is going to be okay. Please believe me, Rae.”
My eyes have finally adjusted. I hold my mother’s gaze as I realize the worst is over.
Everyone makes mistakes, I guess. We do the best we can with what we’re given. I think that’s what I did. What I’ve always done. Leo told me exactly that, the day we admired the pink house with the daffodils and tulips.
Just like the flowers, Mom and I have made it through the dark, cold winter.
It’s time for us to bloom.
two months later
cherished
WHEN MY SHIFT IS OVER, I HEAD TOWARD THE DOOR OF THE flower shop. My first day back at work, and it went well. Mister comes over to say good-bye. I bend down and hold his face close to mine. I’m so glad he’s here with us. Spencer hadn’t brought him to work that awful day. Lucky dog. Missed out on all the excitement. To him, the flower shop is the same wonderful place it’s always been.
I was a little nervous, coming back to Full Bloom. But any anxiety I might have felt disappeared when I saw the sign.
IF YOUR NAME IS RAE, COME IN FOR A FREE FLOWER.
I knew that Spencer and Nina were waiting for me, and that I would love my job, and my friends, the same way I always had. Inside the shop, a big banner hung from the ceiling. “Welcome back, Rae—we missed you!”
Nina greeted me with the most gorgeous orchid I think I’ve ever seen. “For you,” she’d said. She gave me a gentle hug, with Spencer right behind her.
When he pulled away, he said, “So, what will it be? Pink or purple? If I get started now, I should have it finished by the fall.”
“I can’t have both?” I teased.
“You know the rules,” he said with a smile. “You have to pick one.”
“Better go with pink,” I said. “My friends say pink is my color.”
“Smart friends you have,” he said.
“Good ones too. Thanks, Spencer.”
The phone rang, and as he went to answer it, I glanced down at the floor. The floor where I’d lain, bleeding, as we’d waited for an ambulance. Any evidence of that day had been washed completely away.
Thanks to Leo’s quick thinking and dialing 911, the police and ambulance arrived quickly.
Dean had shot me in the chest, causing my lung to collapse. It hurt so much and made it really hard to breathe. When I got to the hospital, Dr. Lamb, the trauma surgeon, assessed me and I was prepped for surgery. By all accounts, the surgery went well. They were able to remove the bullet and repair my lung. I was on a ventilator overnight and had a chest tube for a few days. After that, I did respiratory therapy, which, while not exactly fun, wasn’t too bad.
It could have been so much worse. I can’t even count the number of people who have told me how lucky I am.
I’ll admit, I didn’t see it at first, when things seemed so bad. But I do now.
&n
bsp; As for Dean, he tried to run, but the police caught up with him. He’s in jail now.
People ask me why I did it, why I didn’t just give him the money and let him go on his way. They weren’t there. They didn’t see the desperation in his eyes. I knew, with what little cash we had on hand, it wouldn’t have ended at the flower shop. Dean wasn’t going to stop until he got what he wanted. Right or wrong, I did what my gut told me to do.
As I recalled that terrible day, Nina was the one to pull me back to the present. “We have a wedding tonight,” she’d told me. “We have a lot of work to do. You ready to get started?”
It had been a long two months. “Ready” didn’t even begin to describe it.
And once we got started, it was as if I’d never been gone. We joked, we laughed, and we made lots and lots of lovely flower arrangements. I almost didn’t want to leave. But everyone had agreed that for my first week back, it’d be best to take it easy.
• • •
Now I turn the doorknob as Spencer and Nina call out good-bye, and I yell, “See you Monday!” I’m so happy about those ordinary words, it’s almost funny.
Leo is waiting for me outside the Bean Shack. “The car is all loaded up. I’ve got everything we need. I even stopped at the market earlier and picked up some night crawlers.”
I scrunch up my face. “I don’t have to touch them, do I?”
“Why not? It’s part of the experience. You aren’t a real fisherman until you put a worm on a hook. Oh, I brought the video camera, too.”
“Is it too late to change my mind? Can we go to Hawaii instead?”
“No,” he says. “No way. We’re doing this. You’re going to love it.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“Hey, in case you haven’t noticed by now, anything is possible, Rae.”
He’s right. It is.
I figure this is a good time to tell him. “By the way. I found your channel. And I’ve watched your videos about ten times. Each.”
He smiles, leans in, and kisses me. “My secrets are revealed, huh? Well, I’m glad you told me.”
“No more secrets, remember?”
The world certainly knows all of mine now. They know about Dean and his problems, and how they became my problems too. I wasn’t sure how people would respond, but they have been so nice to my mom and me. Nicer than I ever could have imagined. People have sent us cards and money and notes of encouragement.
It makes me happy to know I was right when I wrote my poem “Scars,” which was selected for the anthology. Sharing brings people together.
Leo takes my hand and we start walking to his car. “I’m curious,” he asks. “Which video is your favorite?” I think on that for a moment, but I don’t have to think very long. “The one we’re going to make today. And tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that.”
So much fun to be had. So much life to be lived.
He starts running, pulling me along behind him. “Well, come on, then. We’d better hurry. We don’t want to keep those fish waiting.”
“Hold on a second, Leo. We’re going to throw them back after we catch them, right?”
He laughs. Then he stops, picks me up, and spins me around. “Rae, do you know what I love about you?”
I kiss him. “What?”
His smile almost blinds me. “Absolutely everything.”
acknowledgments
THIS BOOK WAS NOT AN EASY ONE TO WRITE, AND I’M SO VERY grateful for the people who cheered me on and helped make the book what it is today. Suzanne Young was one of the first people to hear the idea, on a spring day as we ate sandwiches at a park and tried to get inspired. Thanks for saying the four magic words: “You should write it.” Cheryl Renee Herbsman, who read an ugly first draft, gave me great direction while also giving me what I needed most at the time: encouragement. And Annette Pollert, my fabulous editor, saw the potential amid the mess and sent me off in a new direction that made the book a hundred times better.
The team at Simon Pulse is a great one, and I want you all to know how much I appreciate the work you do! Cupcakes for everyone!!
Sara Teasdale’s poems included in this book are in the public domain. I am very thankful for the ability to use them in my book, and I can only hope Sara would approve. Her book of poems I chose to reference, Flame and Shadow, was published in 1920, and readers who might like to read more of her work can search online or check the local library.
I’d like to thank Eric and Carol Taylor for their generosity, as it was at their home where I worked on this book not once, but twice, surrounded by snow and blue skies and friends. And thanks to Becca Fitzpatrick, Rachel Hawkins, Irene Latham, Lindsey Leavitt, and Emily Wing Smith for being fun snow bunnies and friends.
Thanks, as always, to my family.
Librarians and booksellers who talk up my books, nominate them for lists and awards, and are simply awesome for putting books into the hands of readers, thank you so much!
And finally, thank you, dear reader. Where light shines, darkness disappears. My hope is that this book might be a source of light for you.
LISA SCHROEDER is the author of I Heart You, You Haunt Me and numerous other books for kids and teens. When she’s not writing, she enjoys walking the dog, baking delicious treats, and reading books other people write. Lisa lives with her family in Oregon. You can visit her at lisaschroederbooks.com.
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SIMON PULSE
SIMON & SCHUSTER, NEW YORK
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also by
LISA SCHROEDER
I Heart You, You Haunt Me
Far from You
Chasing Brooklyn
The Day Before
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SIMON PULSE
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First Simon Pulse hardcover edition January 2013
Copyright © 2013 by Lisa Schroeder
All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Schroeder, Lisa.
Falling for you / Lisa Schroeder. — 1st Simon Pulse hardcover ed.
p. cm.
Summary: Very good friends, her poetry notebooks, and a mysterious “ninja of nice” give seventeen-year-old Rae the strength to face her mother’s neglect, her stepfather’s increasing abuse, and a new boyfriend’s obsessiveness.
ISBN 978-1-4424-4399-0
[1. Family problems—Fiction. 2. Dating (Social customs)—Fiction.
3. High schools—Fiction. 4. Schools—Fiction. 5. Poetry—Fiction.
6. Stepfathers—Fiction. 7. Florists—Fiction.] I. Title.
PZ7.S3818Fal 2013
[Fic]—dc23
2012012993
ISBN 978-1-4424-4401-0 (eBook)
Falling for You Page 21
