Beside me, Cora’s body softens and relaxes into my side once more. And it feels so fucking good to have her body pressed against mine. Her warmth and energy radiating into me. Soothing me. Revitalizing me. Like being home again. She rests her head on my shoulder and I rest mine on hers, closing my eyes and breathing in this moment.
Waves crash along the shoreline, cars rev and honk in the distance, wind whips our hair and I can’t tell where hers stops and mine begins. But neither of us moves. Both of us in a strange limbo of emotions and confessions. Our hearts thrown on the line, praying to not suffer the same pain as before. Promises exposed and hanging on the line as we breathe the same air for the first time in years.
But one truth holds absolute. I could sit with her on this beach for hours, not a soul around us, and feel nothing except bliss for the rest of my days. Everything about this moment is perfect. Everything about this moment is us.
Time evades us and I get lost in thoughts of what could be, causing me to almost miss when she speaks again.
“When?”
I am half tempted to tease her regarding the singular worded questions, but I bite my tongue. Now isn’t the time to tease and play.
“When the shoot ends, I’ll obviously need to go back. Alyson set up another shoot for me, but it should only be a day or two. And even though I don’t have to do it in person, I need to go talk with my mom. Tell her I plan to move back as soon as possible. She is the only person, besides Alyson, who needs to know.”
She lifts her head, stopping me. “What about your dad?” she asks, confused at why I only mentioned my mom.
I didn’t want tonight to be when I brought this to light, but it looks as though I will have to tell her now. I take a deep breath and hold her gaze. The only set of eyes to ever provide me solace. “My dad passed away a couple years ago. Heart attack.”
Instantly, her arms pull me into an embrace, lips at my ears softly whispering through light sobs. “Gavin, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”
Instinctively, my arms curl around her frame and I bring her closer to me. Within seconds, her legs straddle my lap and lock together at my backside. Yin and Yang. She weeps for me and my family. And I allow myself this moment to be raw, shedding tears for a man who was my role model for so many years. A man I have grieved for and thought I would eventually find peace after his passing. Until now. Sharing this with Cora makes the loss of him more potent and noteworthy. More real and closer to my heart.
Part of me forgot my mom and I weren’t the only people to lose him. When Cora and I started dating, my parents became hers too. After so many years apart, it never dawned on me to let her know sooner of his passing. Especially since we hadn’t spoken for more than a decade.
When the tears quiet, she doesn’t remove herself from our embrace. As if she knows the power it holds. As if she isn’t ready to let it float off with the tide.
“Thank you,” I whisper into her hair, my hands stroking lazy trails up and down her back.
“For what?” she asks, head tucked in the crook of my neck.
“For saying the right words. And just being you. Everyone I’ve told says or shows me pity. Or walks on eggshells when we’re in the same room. As if I’m this fragile creature who will crumple. So, thank you. You’ve always known how to say just enough to convey the right thing.”
I press a kiss to her temple and her arms and legs squeeze me tighter. We sit like this a little while longer before I make a suggestion to check the time. She pulls her phone from her back pocket, lighting the screen and mutters shit.
“Must be late,” I assume. We have been here a while. Felt like hours. But when emotions are heightened, time has a tendency to not measure the same way clocks do.
“Almost two. We should go. We have to be at Honeymoon Island by ten. Somewhere in there, both of us need to sleep and eat and whatever else.”
I laugh at her slight state of panic. “It’ll be fine.” I stand us up, her legs tightening around my waist, arms circling my neck. “Let me walk you back to your car.”
After a few strides, she unhooks her ankles and drops her feet to the sand. Once she is upright, I weave my fingers with hers and we trudge through the powdery sand and back to her car. Every six or seven steps, I glance down at her and happiness floods my heart. Warmth and love and everything right in the world.
Fuck, I have missed her.
We reach her car ten minutes later. She offers to drive me the quarter mile back to my hotel, but I decline, wanting to walk back and reminisce over tonight. She slips into the driver’s seat, starts the car and rolls down the front windows. Her hair whips across her face and steals my view of her perfect, soft green irises.
Bending down, I tuck the strands behind her ear and relish the way she leans into my touch. “I’ll see you in the morning.” Fuck, I want to kiss her again. My thumb brushes over her lower lip and she shudders, eyes slipping shut. How easy would it be to kiss her right now? But I don’t. I won’t. From now on, she needs to lead me. She needs to let me know she wants this as much as I do. I cannot be the only one putting myself out there. The only one pressing for this. For us.
When her eyes open, they smolder and I feel it deep in my groin. “See you soon,” she mumbles, releasing a deep breath.
I step back from the window, internally cursing myself for not taking what I want. But I know I am doing the right thing. All good things come to those who wait. Right? She pulls out of the parking space, gives me a brief wave and drives down the road. Taking a chunk of me with her into the night.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Cora
Fourteen years ago
Thank God it is the last day of school. I have never really been one to not like school, in fact I have always been eager to be there. But I am counting down the minutes, psyched to have the summer off and spending more time with Gavin. This school year is one to go down as a year worth remembering. So much has happened, and it is unimaginable that I am dating my best friend.
Weekdays seem to snail along, with the exception of when Gavin and I are together. Most weeknights we study together. And by study, I mean finish homework between make-out sessions. Not that I have another person to compare it to, but Gavin really knows how to kiss a girl senseless. It is ironic we are both each other’s firsts. First real relationship. First kiss. Those two kisses before Gavin don’t count since neither guy knew what they were doing either.
Oftentimes, I wonder what other firsts we will share. Perhaps we will be the first people, besides our family, we say I love you to. Just thinking about him makes me want to scream it to the world. Let everyone know he belongs to me. And I belong to him. But I want to wait for the perfect time. To say the words to him when everything feels perfect.
Another first that has crossed my mind is sex. I know neither of us is quite ready yet.
We have been friends since the beginning of the school year, which turned into best friends within weeks. But we have only been girlfriend and boyfriend for six and a half months. Plus, we are only fifteen. Isn’t sex something you wait to do when you are closer to adulthood? At least that is what all the adults tell you. But who knows when it’s actually okay.
Any day now, it wouldn’t surprise me if Mom and Dad have “the talk” with me. The talk is just a load of crap they tell you so you will stay focused on whatever it is they want you to focus on. Parents think having sex equals not doing anything else in life. I wonder if my parents dreaded the infamous talk. By now, everyone the same age as me has had at least one or two sex-ed classes—we aren’t stupid. And we all have access to the internet.
But now… as I sit here in my English honors class, I’m not focused on the teacher—who yammers on about what books we should be reading over summer break. Nope. Instead, my mind swims with thoughts of me and Gavin and summer break and making out and sex. Anyone glancing my way would certainly notice the flush spreading along my face and neck.
From head to toe, I am hot. And it has
nothing to do with the stifling outdoor temperatures.
Sex isn’t a topic either of us has broached while together. But the thought has probably crossed his mind if it has crossed mine. How could it not? Don’t guys think about sex more often than girls? That is what everyone says. Is he sitting in class right now thinking about it? Probably not. Geometry and sex aren’t two subjects that pair well. Then again, I’m ignoring everything my teacher says and thinking about it. What’s to say Gavin isn’t doing the same. If I think about sex every other minute of the day, is Gavin constantly thinking about it?
Sex, sex, sex.
I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts and catch Ms. Winters’ final thoughts on summer reading. “Everyone, be sure to pick up a copy of the summer reading list from my desk before you go,” she says a minute before the bell rings. “The sheet also has a few minor assignments you can earn extra credit on from your sophomore English teacher when school resumes.” Thank God everything she just told us is on paper.
The bell buzzes for the final time of my freshman year and cheers erupt from every classroom in the quad. Twenty-three of us rise from our desks, gather our belongings and head for the door. I grab a copy of the printout and wish Ms. Winters a happy summer break. She gives me a brief smile on my way to the door and returns the sentiment.
When I step out into the summer sun, I take a deep breath and tilt my chin to the sky, closing my eyes. I stand there a moment, hundreds of bodies moving around me like the running of the bulls. Summer fever is in the air and everyone is excited to not be here for months. Me included.
Strong, warm arms circle around my waist, tugging me back until I make contact with the body behind me. Gavin. I would know him anywhere. Even if I couldn’t see him, I would know he was there. That is just the connection we have with each other. An inexplicable bond fusing us together. Like a form of symbiosis.
I twist in his arms and turn enough to see his radiant smile in the sunlight. “Hey,” I say.
He kisses me sweetly on the lips before responding. “Hey. You ready to get out of here?”
“Definitely. Want to grab something to eat? I think a bunch of people are headed to the sub shop.”
“Yeah. Micah and Shelly are going. He said he’d give us a ride after if we went,” Gavin states.
“Cool. Anything you want to do after?”
“I thought maybe we could hang and watch your favorite movies on repeat.”
Like a five-year-old, I start jumping up and down like a fool. “Seriously?!” I plant a quick kiss on his lips. “You really are the best boyfriend ever.”
His returning smile and hug tells me he knows.
We are curled up on the couch, my back to Gavin’s front, as Lord of the Rings plays on the television. We have just reached the part where Arwen is trying to help save Frodo’s life because he had the ring on too long. Gavin stretches behind me, adjusting his arm as we spoon in the dim living room of my house.
His finger slowly skims up and down the side of my torso, repeating the circuit over and over. Since we started dating, he has touched me like this countless times. The soft strokes are sweet and soothing and stir flutters in my chest. But today, his touch feels different. My skin hotter. My body needier. Breath heavier. Heart more anxious. Only I’m not sure if it is just me feeling it.
God, I hope it isn’t just me feeling it.
My parents won’t be home from work for at least another two hours. And the realization of this tidbit causes perspiration to break free across my skin. My heart thump, thump, thumps louder in my chest. A tight pinch in my lungs as I try to breathe normal and not start panting. His fingers light a frenzy under my skin everywhere he touches.
When his fingers graze over the curve of my hip, my eyes roll back and I close my lids. A deep breath later and I roll over to face him. Once I resituate, his fingers continue their slow, sensual tease of my opposite side. I study his face, the light from the screen dimming and brightening with the scene and hiding his face every few seconds.
“You don’t want to watch the movie?” he asks, confused.
I swallow hard and want to laugh at his question. Want to ask if he is joking. He knows I have seen this a hundred plus times. I have most of the lines memorized. Have backup DVDs in case one gets scratched. But he knows how much I love it, so I don’t laugh. He watches them over and over with me because of how he feels for me. If that isn’t some form of love, I don’t know what is.
Reaching up, I thread my fingers through his hair and lean forward, bringing my lips to his. My top leg wiggles between his as he throws his over my hip, pulling me closer. We have made out on the couch before—at my house and his—but today feels different. More heated. More intense. A desire to go further. To take the next step.
His hand dips under my shirt and he grazes my navel with the tops of his short nails. The stroke has me drawing back and gasping. A second later, I bring my lips back to his in a frenzy. My hands roam his face, his neck, his chest through the cotton rock band tee. When I reach his waist, my fingertips tickle along the skin there, eliciting a hiss from his lips.
The urge to take it further lingers in the gravity surrounding us. Weighs us down. Both of us greedy. The fire. The hunger. The raw intensity of lust and desire. It drives us forward. As much as I have thought about waiting until we are a little older, I can’t deny how much I want him in this moment. And if I want him like this, I can only imagine what he must be feeling.
But he breaks the kiss. Our breaths panting, hearts hammering. And neither one of us can shift our eyes from the other.
“Do you not want to…” I leave the question unfinished, unsure if this is something he wants. He has as much of a choice to make as I do.
He catches the worry on my face and his answer is immediate. “I do. Believe me, I do. It’s just… what if your parents come home? That’d be a moment no one would ever forget. Plus” —he sweeps a few straggler hairs aside— “I’d like our first time to be more special than the couch while watching a movie. Not that we have to plan it, but it’s a big deal. For both of us.”
He makes a valid point. But I can’t help the rapid-fire pulse banging in my chest right now. Or the intense craving that grows low in my belly. “I guess you’re right. But can we keep making out? I was enjoying myself immensely.”
His laugh is loud and throaty and vibrates against my chest as he brings me closer to him. “Sorry I cut you off, baby.”
And then he leans down, brings my mouth back to his and we get lost in each other for the remainder of the movie. Arms and legs, hands and fingers, feet in tangles, skin touching skin. It’s hot and needy and all-consuming. When the credits scroll up the screen, we have to tear ourselves away from each other. Gasping and overheated.
Everything is perfect. Everything is wonderful. And I pray it will be like this forever.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Cora
Present
Can exhaustion and jubilation go hand in hand? Most days I would answer with a resolute no. Absolutely not.
But today, after only five hours of sleep, I haven’t stopped smiling since my eyes opened. It was the first reaction I had when my alarm sounded. Made brushing my teeth a bit more challenging. Even Luna noticed the difference in my demeanor when I poured kibble into her bowl, her furry little body weaving between my legs and purring loudly. If her mama is happy, she is happy.
The young woman behind the counter at the juice bar hands me my coffee and a small brown bag containing my coconut bowl. I sip the delicious brew before exiting and hopping back in my car. Before starting up the engine, I steal a quick bite of my bowl and relish in the creaminess.
The drive from Main Street to Causeway Boulevard is brief, loaded with sights and people. Runners and cyclists and families. Parks and playgrounds and golfers. One of my favorite parts of Dunedin is the small-town vibe. Everyone here is friendly. The town bursts with energy. Events pop up every weekend, if not more frequently. Not every
city has the same community atmosphere. It is invigorating and refreshing to know places like this still exist.
The line to get into the state park is long, as is typical on a beautiful day like today. I pay the attendant and drive into the park, heading for the agreed-upon meeting location. Blue skies with sparse clouds make up the view as a gentle breeze blows through my rolled down windows. The trees lining the road inside the park sway and glow under the beaming sunlight. This time of year is when my slice of Florida is perfect. A slight coolness with a ghost of the summer to come.
Parking under a small, rare patch of shade with my car backed in, I scan the lot for Alyson’s rental. When I don’t see it, I retrieve my bowl and enjoy my breakfast while waiting for her and Gavin to arrive. Rock music vibrates through the speakers around me. Five bites from finishing and three songs later, Alyson and Gavin drive through the lot in search of a space.
Dark sunglasses mask Gavin’s eyes from the world, his head pressed against the headrest. I imagine he is as tired as I am. No doubt his eyes are closed behind the lenses. We have exhausted each other, but are taking things in stride this week. I wouldn’t change any of it. More than happy to have exhaustion bleeding through my veins if things between us will shift for the better. Head back down the path we once traveled.
“God, I missed him,” I whisper to myself.
Although I haven’t dreamed it for two or three years, envisioning Gavin in my arms again has been something I never let go of. How could I let him go completely? How could I wipe away what we had? Our history… we didn’t just share the best two years of my teenage life. Two years that tattooed every perfect moment and emotion on my heart. Every important exchange between two people in a relationship, we had every single of those experiences together. First legitimate relationship. First real kiss. And sex… no one ever forgets their first. He was mine and I his. And no one can change any of that. No one can rewrite our firsts.
Through the Lens (Click Duet #1) (Bay Area Duet Series) Page 14
