Josh pressed his clenched fists against his head in an attempt to make it stop.
“Josh, stay with me, baby.”
Connor’s voice pierced through the fog in his head. He fought back the cloud enveloping him, wanting to stay in the present, stay with Connor.
Strong arms lifted him, and he was parked squarely on Connor’s lap. “I’m right here, baby. Stay with me.”
In a reflex, Josh leaned back, felt the safety of the muscular body surrounding him. “That’s it,” Connor said, his mouth close to Josh's ear. “Lean on me. I’m right here with you. I’m gonna kiss you now, okay?”
The words wouldn’t come yet, and his eyes wouldn’t open, but Josh knew he’d made it through. Connor’s breath danced over his lips, and then his warm, firm mouth settled on his. Hell, yeah. Within seconds, he was back, relaxing into the kiss. Connor was such a terrific kisser. His mouth was like the rest of him, big and firm and hot as hell. And his tongue…the man could work magic with it wherever he put it.
Connor pulled back his mouth but kept Josh close. “You good?”
Josh nodded. Swallowed. “Yeah. I’m back. Thank you.”
As soon as he opened his eyes, Josh had to face Aaron. How embarrassing he’d seen him this weak, this vulnerable. Josh pushed back that thought as utter bullshit. Aaron had no right to judge at all. Plus, Josh didn’t give a shit what his brother thought or felt about him.
He opened his eyes, ready to combat whatever judgment he’d see in Aaron’s eyes. Instead, he found his brother studying him with worry.
“Are you okay?” Aaron asked.
“I have PTSD. I don’t deal well with shock.”
Aaron looked uncomfortable. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“You would’ve if you’d bothered to come see me after my discharge. How long have you known you were gay?”
“A couple of years. I knew for sure after you’d enlisted, but I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to accept God would be so cruel as to make us both gay.”
Josh grimaced. “At least you’ve dropped the whole rhetoric on men choosing to be gay, choosing this lifestyle. That’s what you and Mom and Dad kept telling me, that I chose this for myself.”
Connor’s arms tightened around him as if to signal he was safe. He leaned back more, let himself be supported by Connor.
“I know that I can never make up for what I did to you. All I can say is I’m so sorry, so very sorry.”
The sincerity in Aaron’s words was easy to spot, but Josh wasn’t sure if it was enough. Would there ever be a way he could forgive Aaron? Move past this? His life had been hell at home, and his brother had been a part of that.
“What happened to you to get you looking like this?” Connor asked.
Aaron shuffled his feet, shifting in his chair. “I got beat up two days ago.”
“I can see that. Why?” Connor said patiently.
“I went to a bar. Someone took offense to me being gay.”
“A bar close by?”
Aaron sighed. “O’Flannigan. I wanted to relax a little, find the courage to come here. Look, I didn’t know, okay? I met this guy. I thought he was flirting with me, and I flirted back. When I asked him to meet me out back, he showed up with his friend, and they beat the crap out of me.”
Connor shook his head. “O’Flannigan is about as redneck as you can get it up here. They don’t like gays on principle. We get called in regularly for fights and assaults there. Not that much ever sticks as they all defend each other till kingdom come. Still, you should press charges.”
“Connor is a cop,” Josh explained when he noticed Aaron’s confused expression.
“No, thanks. I know a lost cause when I see one. So, no offense, Josh, but what happened to Noah? Did you guys break up?”
Understandable as the question was—Aaron knew from Josh's teenage years how close he and Noah had been—Josh had no intention of explaining anything. “I get that you’re sorry, Aaron, and I believe you mean it. Doesn’t mean it wipes out everything you did to me. And it certainly doesn’t mean that now you’re gay, too, we’re best buddies. You haven’t earned the right to ask me anything about Noah.”
Aaron’s shoulders slumped. “I know. It’s… I didn’t know where else to go. I’ve run out of options, and you were my last resort. But I understand you don’t want anything to do with me. I deserve that.”
Josh studied Aaron to see if he was playing the woe-is-me card, but his words rang true. “I didn’t say that. You can stay here, at least for a day or two till you figure out your next step. Just don’t ask too many questions.”
“Thank you, Josh. I mean it. I won’t be a bother.”
* * *
Connor was waiting in bed till Josh was done taking a shower. His offer to take one together had been kindly rejected as Josh had indicated he needed some time to think. As an introvert, Josh needed alone time to recharge. Connor understood all too well, being introverted himself, but he couldn’t help being disappointed since it had been such a tense day. He would’ve loved to relax together in the shower.
Josh had made up a fresh bed for Aaron in the guest bedroom and had moved Connor’s stuff into the master bedroom. Connor seemed to be taking Noah’s place in several aspects. He tried to let go of the weird vibe surrounding that. It wasn’t like Josh could do anything about his brother showing up out of the blue.
Connor had insisted on checking Aaron out physically. He wasn’t a doctor, but he knew enough to spot the signs of possible trouble after a beating like that, like broken ribs or internal bleeding. It looked like Aaron had gotten away with mere bruises—though an impressive number.
Aaron had slept part of the day, no doubt exhausted by both his injuries and a lack of sleep in the last few days. He had said little, but Connor got the impression he’d been living in his car. Things had to have been desperate for Aaron to throw himself on the mercy of the brother he’d treated like crap.
It had been scary, watching Josh slip away like that. Connor had remembered what Noah had told him, how your voice could be enough if you caught it early. He’d figured kissing Josh couldn’t hurt either. It had certainly worked for Indy.
Josh's earlier confession of having slept with Indy made more sense now that Indy turned out to be a guy. But it still left Connor with questions. Why had Indy slept with him when he was in love with Noah? Josh and Noah, Connor could understand. He didn’t like it—and that was an understatement—but he understood why they’d needed each other. But Indy and Josh? Why would Indy do that?
Unless Indy had a reason to choose Josh over Noah. Josh was softer, easier. A bottom.
Connor remembered what had happened to Indy, or Stephan as he’d been back then. The story of how Duncan had set him up with their vile serpent of a cousin Eric and how Stephan had taken the guy out—it had broken Connor’s heart and filled him with a deep respect at the same time. He was nothing if not a survivor. But there was no doubt an experience like that had resulted in sexual trauma. And who better to help him overcome that than another survivor? Josh must’ve offered to let Indy fuck him, to show him how different it could be. Connor sighed with relief as the puzzle bits fell into place.
It was a little disconcerting, this complete focus of his mind and body on Josh. Connor had felt nothing like this, not even close. He’d been attracted to men before, but he’d never, ever felt this deep need like he did with Josh. What had started out as simple attraction in that Stewart’s store, had morphed into something much more complicated and intense. A constant desire to be with Josh, to be near him. A powerful need to take care of him and protect him. A pressing want that burned through his veins and made him almost crazy at times.
Love. This had to be what love felt like.
Josh stepped into the room timidly, a towel wrapped around his waist. “Sorry, it took me a while to relax.”
Connor smiled. “It’s okay, baby. What’s not okay is that towel. Why are you depriving me of the most fa
ntastic view ever?”
A shy smile spread across Josh's lips. “You’re saying my body is better than, say, the skyline of Boston? Or some breathtaking mountain lake view?”
Connor chuckled. “Baby, your ass tops anything I’ve ever seen. Hands down. Now ditch the towel.”
His two favorite words echoed through the room as Josh unhooked the towel and let it slide to the floor. “Yes, Connor.”
“Much better,” Connor let out, his voice hoarse. “Turn around.”
Josh obeyed, flashing Connor a full view of those gorgeous long legs and that amazing tight butt. Connor hadn’t been joking: Josh's ass was a sight to behold. Those two curves were so perfectly tight and soft at the same time.
“How’s your hole?” he enquired. Josh hesitated, and Connor’s eyes narrowed. “Do not lie to me, Joshua.”
He watched a powerful shiver tear through his lover’s body. “It’s still tender. But I want you, Connor. It’s okay, baby, I can take it.”
Damn, Josh all but pouted, and it made Connor’s insides go liquid. “No,” he said firmly. “I’m not taking you when you’re still sore.”
Josh pushed his bottom lip out into a full pout. “Before Indy came, Noah would fuck me every day. I don’t need to wait.”
“Really? You thought that a comparison to Noah would make me give in? Dumb strategy, Joshua. Last time I checked, Noah’s dick wasn’t on equal terms with the Beast.”
Shit, had he referred to his own cock with that term? Josh would never let it go now.
A slow, seductive smile played around Josh's lips. “True. The Beast has no equal. Nothing feels as good as your cock inside me, baby.”
Oh, fuck. If Josh kept that strategy up, Connor was toast. He had to do something, because he was serious about not fucking Josh until he was completely recovered. He wasn’t taking any chances.
“I’ll tell you what, baby, how about we do a little wager? I haven’t come all day, and to be honest, I’m horny. If you manage to make me come five times tonight, I’ll prepare a session for you later this week that will make yesterday pale in comparison.”
Josh's eyes grew big, and a delicious blush crept over his cheeks. “And if I lose? Which I won’t, but out of curiosity.”
Connor put on his stern face. “If you lose, I won’t fuck you for another week. Fair’s fair, right?”
“And I can do whatever I want to make you come, correct?”
Connor had to swallow. What was Josh planning? The gleam in his eyes promised little good. It didn’t matter. Even he with his stamina couldn’t come five times in a row. “Anything, except making me fuck you.”
“Oh, you’re so on. Trust me, you’ll see actual fucking stars by the time I’m done with you. Now, lay back on the bed and enjoy the ride.”
* * *
It took a little over a minute for Connor to blow his first load. Josh licked his lips as he sucked the last bit of cum off the Beast. Making Connor come with a blow job was almost too easy as the guy still wasn’t used to the sensation of his cock in Josh's mouth. Josh had no doubt the second and third orgasm would be doable as well, knowing Connor’s insatiable stamina. The fourth and fifth, however, now that would be a challenge. He’d have to come up with something special…and he knew just the thing.
He jacked Connor off for a second load, which took slightly longer, then went to town on another blow job for the third one. It took more effort, but seeing Connor’s deep satisfaction when he came had been worth it. It was time to take it to the next level.
He brought a warm washcloth from the bathroom and cleaned Connor up. If the man had any inkling what was coming, he never said a word.
“Relax,” Josh said, still buck naked. “The next round will take a while.”
Connor’s eyebrow rose. “Anything you’d like to share?”
Josh smiled. “Not really. Turn on your stomach, spread your legs and let me do my thing.”
Obeying orders did not come easy for his man, not even after years in the service. He shot Josh a look stuffed with warnings, which Josh happily ignored, but turned around.
Josh grabbed a bottle of massage oil and heated the lavender-infused oil in his hands. He straddled Connor’s broad back, let his bare cock brush against Connor’s skin, causing him to get goose bumps. Josh smiled. He hadn’t even gotten started.
He began at the top, kneading Connor’s neck and shoulders, then made his way down. God, his man was built, every muscle solid and perfectly defined. Connor had expressed his admiration for Josh's ass, but holy fuck, his own ass was damn fine, too. And those thighs… They should video having sex sometime. Watching that massive body of Connor’s pound the shit out of him had to be the best view ever.
He showered every inch of skin with loving attention from his hands, stroking, massaging, rubbing, and petting. Connor let out a stream of happy moans and groans, and his muscles relaxed under Josh's ministrations.
When he reached Connor’s lower back, he felt the muscles quiver in anticipation. He dropped even lower, massaging the muscles connecting those strong butt cheeks with the lower back. Connor tensed despite the relaxing massage. Josh smiled, withdrawing his hands. He scooted down, grabbed Connor’s right foot and started kneading it. Connor let out an unhappy mewl.
Again, Josh worked his way up, hitting every inch of Connor’s legs. When he reached his thighs, Connor spread them even wider without being asked. Josh ran his hands up the inside of Connor’s right thigh. Connor’s ass contracted, his body expecting the much-anticipated touch—but it never came. Connor had to be cursing him.
Another growl escaped Connor’s lips as Josh switched to his other leg, repeated his move. Again, Connor’s body went on high alert, almost inviting Josh to dig in higher, deeper, further. Josh bit back a smile at the blatant invitation Connor was extending. Nope, it wasn’t happening. He had other plans. With a lightning-fast move, he climbed off Connor.
“How did that feel?” he asked.
Connor raised his head, shot him a look so dark it would have made milk turn sour. “Pretty fucking unfulfilling.”
“You’re welcome,” Josh said, smiling broadly. “Turn on your back again, sit up against the headboard. I’ve got something for you to watch. Watch, mind you, not touch.”
Grumbling, Connor did as Josh asked. Josh grabbed something from the drawer in the nightstand, hiding it from Connor’s curious eyes. He threw a bottle of lube on the bed as well before climbing on and maneuvering himself on his knees, facing Connor. He wasn’t gonna stay that way, though. If his man thought Josh's ass was heaven, he would love this next part. Or not.
Josh squirted lube on his hands and rubbed them together to heat the liquid up. He grabbed his cock—which had become rock hard from pleasuring Connor—and with slow, almost lazy moves began to jack himself off. He caressed his balls with his other hand, rolling and fingering each one before giving extra attention to the sensitive spot behind his balls. He stroked, fisted, pumped, his eyes never leaving Connor’s. Much to Josh's satisfaction, the Beast was fully awake. Apparently, it appreciated Josh's little peep show. And man, he was only getting started.
He rubbed his thumb over his crown, making circles, then pushed on the slit. That never failed to make him shiver in anticipation. Euphoric bliss blazed through him, ending in his weeping cock and strained nuts. Fuck, he wanted to come so badly. But it wasn’t time yet. He needed Connor with him, and he wasn’t there. Time to level up.
He turned around, spread his legs wider and brought his ass back far and low. Connor was getting a prime view. The low groan he let out suggested he was enjoying it. Josh's right hand trailed to his ass and stroked, teasing his own hole. He scratched it with a nail, made himself shiver. It contracted, ready for more.
He dipped his index finger in, swirled it around. With his fingers slick with lube, he added a second finger. He pulled out, explored his crack, squeezed his own butt cheeks, kept grazing his back door. Fuck yeah, it was a little weird to do this with an audience
, but a quick peek over his shoulder confirmed Connor was mesmerized.
With a satisfied grin, Josh grabbed what he’d hidden before: a slim, black vibrator that despite its size, packed a serious punch. He lubed it up before bringing it back. He trailed it down his crack…and back up again. He repeated the move, swiping his hole, surprised by a violent shiver when his body was denied what it wanted. His cock was dripping with precum and his ass quivering for more. Enough with the teasing.
He dipped the vibrator lower again, this time not stopping when he reached his back entrance. With a slight push, it slipped in, and he couldn’t hold back a sigh of relief. He pushed in and pulled back, each time a little farther and deeper than before. His own moan of pleasure mingled with a grunt from Connor, who shifted on the bed. Josh dipped his head low, looked between his legs and caught Connor repositioning his cock. The Beast was, as Josh had counted on, once again ready for action.
Josh spread his legs wider, let his head rest on his left arm and brought his ass up high, while his right arm kept up the push and pull with the massager. It had nowhere near the effect of the Beast, but it still felt fucking good. If he kept this up, he’d come in minutes, probably less. But the little toy had one advantage over Connor’s cock, a nifty little feature that had brought Josh to screams of pleasure many times before.
The bed moved again, and Josh brought his head up to see what Connor was doing. He’d gotten the lube and was squirting a healthy amount in his right hand. Josh's smile became a low groan as the vibrator hit his pleasure spot. His hips jerked and his ass tightened around the slim shape. Fuck, how he wished it was Connor’s dick in his ass. And as much as he enjoyed pleasuring Connor and teasing the hell out of him, he’d ten times rather have his man be in control, ordering him around.
Slick sounds alerted Josh that Connor had started to jack himself off—exactly as Josh had hoped. And perfect timing, too, as he was oh, so ready to blow his wad. He positioned the massager against his prostate, then turned it on. It pulsated and Josh moaned. When you had that thing in the right spot…another deep groan…it was unbelievable.
No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes Page 43
