Connor lowered himself on the couch, parked Josh on his legs and shot Blake a glance. “Start talking.”
Blake took them through the events of the night, making sure to mention each and every detail.
“Can you describe the three men?” Indy asked. His voice was tight, his hand clinging to Noah until the man lifted him up and put him on his lap. Apparently, this was a very affectionate household, Blake thought.
“All about the same height. About six feet I’d guess. White. Normal build. Baseball caps, one of them a Red Sox cap. He’s a smoker. They drove a red Toyota with New York plates. The two I heard talking sounded like Connor.”
“Sound familiar?” Connor asked Indy.
He nodded, shivering. “Yeah. Duncan’s hit team. They’re nicknamed Larry, Moe, and Curly. They were with him when he…”
He didn’t finish the sentence, but Blake had an idea. Once, during a grapple, Indy’s shirt had pulled up, exposing a scarred back. The kid had survived something heinous, and these men had been a part of it.
“Stolen car, probably,” Connor said. “Smart choice, too. One of the most common cars.”
“How did they make the connection with jiujitsu?” Noah asked.
“From what I understood, they had an address for him. A false one, but they were visiting jiujitsu schools in the vicinity,” Blake said.
Indy, who had been leaning back against Noah, sat up. “An address? Near here?” He frowned, then froze. “Houdini.”
“What?” Connor asked.
“Houdini. He’s the guy who helped me get false papers. When Noah had his surgery, I contacted him for new papers and an Ohio license. It had a Columbus address on it, though, not one near here.”
“Was that license in the name of Indiana Baldwin?” Connor asked.
“No. Laura Downey. I used it when I drove south to…” Again, he stopped.
Connor’s eyes indicated he understood, but Noah shot Indy a puzzled look. “When did you drive south?”
Indy looked at him until understanding dawned in Noah’s eyes as well. Blake was becoming more and more intrigued. What the hell was going on?
“What?” Josh asked, looking from Connor, to Noah, to Indy, and back.
Connor kissed the top of his head. “Don’t worry about it.”
Josh's eyes darkened. “Don’t shut me out. I can handle it.”
Interestingly enough, both Noah and Indy seemed to defer to Connor. “Baby, those assholes who attacked you decided to appeal.” Josh's gasp was audible, but Connor put a hand on his arm and steadied him.
Josh had been attacked? Huh, Blake wondered if Aaron knew, but judging by the puzzlement on his face, he had no idea what this was about, either.
“Indy traveled south, paid them a visit and took care of it. They’ve withdrawn the appeal and are back in jail,” the cop said.
Josh looked to Indy. “What did you…?”
Indy smiled, a smile so full of love that it touched Blake. “I can be quite persuasive when I want to be.”
Josh leaned over and grabbed Indy’s head. With Noah and Connor watching, he kissed him deeply. “Thank you.”
“No, Josh, no thanks needed. We’re a unit, remember? We’ve got each other’s backs.”
It was so pure, this love, that it tugged at all of Blake’s heartstrings. Man, he wished he’d find love like that some day. He shot a quick look at Aaron and noticed the same longing on his face.
Josh let Indy go, but Noah grabbed him, cupping his cheeks with both hands and looking him straight in the eyes. “You and I need to have a little conversation about your methods of persuasion… You took care of this yourself? What the hell, Indy?”
Noah sounded more worried than angry, Blake noted. Apparently he hadn’t known about this little expedition either, though Connor obviously had.
Indy shrugged. “You were in the hospital recovering. This was something I could handle, Noah. You know I can take care of myself.”
Noah kissed his forehead. “I know you can, baby. Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”
Indy shot him a look that was half love, half exasperation.
“How did you communicate with this Houdini?” Connor got back to business.
“Email. We have a code. I can email him see if he’s compromised.”
“I hate to interrupt, but is that safe?” Aaron said. “Email addresses and IP addresses are easily traceable nowadays.”
Indy nodded. “I know, but mine is blocked. I have various safeguards set up to make sure I’m untraceable.”
“Oh, okay.”
Seconds later, Indy was back with his laptop. He fired off a quick email. “It will take an hour,” he said. “It’s part of the code. It still doesn’t explain how they got an address in New York for me, though.”
Connor leaned back, pulling Josh close. “Aaron, I hate to ask it so explicitly, but can we trust you with this? Indy’s life is on the line here.”
Blake frowned. What was it with these men that they were so cold toward Aaron? It had to have something to do with Josh, but what the hell had Aaron ever done to deserve this? Indy seemed to be the only one who was halfway decent toward him.
“I know,” Aaron said softly. All his confidence from the club was gone. “I won’t tell anyone anything.”
“That would be a first,” Josh mumbled.
Blake had had enough. He leaned forward. “Look, I don’t know what your problem is with Aaron, but you either stop with these veiled barbs, or I’m walking away, right now. I don’t owe you shit, and traumatized or not, you’re being a massive asshole.”
For one second, Josh looked guilty, but then his face showed anger again. “Ask him. Ask Aaron what he’s done to deserve this treatment. Ask him how he has treated me.”
There was such venom in the voice of this otherwise kind and gentle man that Blake turned his head. “Aaron?”
9
Aaron had always known this moment would come. The moment where Blake would discover the truth. The moment where he’d find out what Aaron was really like. The moment where he, too, would walk away, reject him. All Aaron could do was face this moment with the last bit of honor he had left.
“He’s right,” Aaron said. “Josh has every right to treat me like crap. It’s what I did to him for years.” He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. If he was gonna go down, at least he could do it with dignity. “When he came out, my parents were horrified. Disgusted. They thought Josh a perversion, an abomination. From the day he came out till the day he enlisted, they treated him like absolute crap. They ignored him for the most part, barely talked to him.”
“And so did you!” Josh lashed out. “You were my brother, and you chose their side. How could you, Aaron? How could you treat me like that? What did I ever do to you?”
Aaron’s shoulders sagged. “Nothing. It was all me, Josh. I treated you horribly, and I’m so sorry.”
“Why? I don’t understand.”
Aaron’s eyes blurred from the tears that were forming. He looked down now, desperately wanting to avoid the disgust in the eyes of everyone present. “I was scared.”
Josh scoffed. “What the fuck did you have to be scared about? You were the golden child.”
“He was only twelve, Josh.” Indy’s voice was kind, steady. “He must have known he too was gay, or at least suspected it. He saw how his parents reacted to you, had discovered their love was conditional. He must have been scared out of his mind.”
“He could’ve changed, later on, when he was older. He could have stood up for me when I got beaten up in high school for being gay.”
“Josh, he wasn’t even in high school back then,” Noah said gently. “We were fifteen when we met, remember? Aaron was only thirteen and still in middle school. That time we met, that was the last time you got beaten up, right?”
Slowly Aaron raised his head. Josh was studying him with a mix of anger and confusion, tears dripping down his cheeks. Connor held on to him but said nothing.
“You should’ve heard the things he said to me, quoting the Bible and telling me how sinful I was. He was spouting the same hateful shit as them.”
“No wonder, if that was all he heard. How long did it take you to get rid of your self-hate, growing up in an environment like that?” Indy asked. “It’s programmed behavior, Josh. He didn’t know any better. He was a child.”
“He was sixteen when I enlisted. He never even said goodbye. I was going off to war, and he didn’t give a shit. He was no child. Sixteen is old enough to know better.”
Aaron’s body shook. He’d never fully appreciated the depth of Josh's hatred toward him. It was completely deserved, but it cut so deep he was bleeding on the inside.
Indy scooted over toward Josh and pulled him off Connor’s lap to cuddle. “When I shared my story with you, you told me I was innocent, even of the things I’d done, because I was a child. I was the same age as Aaron, baby. His story and my story are different, but we were both victims of our circumstances. He didn’t mean to hurt you. He just didn’t see any other way. It was survival, don’t you see it? Choosing your side meant losing his parents.”
“I came to you,” Aaron whispered. Josh turned his head to face him. Aaron swallowed, gathering his courage. “A couple of weeks before you graduated. I came to your room, wanting to talk to you. You brushed me off, told me Noah was your brother now. After that, I didn’t even try. I couldn’t compete with Noah. It was obvious how much you loved him. You would’ve followed him anywhere—and you did. You followed him into war. As far as you were concerned, you no longer had a brother.” His last word ended with a sob that tore through his chest. “I’m so sorry for what I did, Josh, I swear. But I had no one. You had Noah, and I was left all alone with them.”
He broke down, no longer able to look at his brother and see the pain and reproach on his face. At least Indy had tried to defend him, though it was useless. Josh would never forgive him, and he had every right not to. Aaron hid his face in his hands, closing his eyes. The idea of Blake witnessing all this—he’d never felt more ashamed in his life.
Suddenly strong hands lifted him up, picking him up as if he were a small child. Blake placed him on his lap, putting his strong arms around him. He pressed Aaron’s head until he surrendered and buried it against Blake’s chest. Then Blake nuzzled his neck, kissed his forehead. “It’s okay, Little Aaron,” he whispered in his ear. “You’re not alone anymore.”
Aaron’s throat was too constricted to speak. Why was Blake doing this? Hadn’t he heard what Josh said? Surely he’d realized by now who Aaron really was. What he’d done to Josh, it was unforgivable.
“I didn’t remember,” Josh said. “I didn’t remember saying that to you until you brought it up.”
Aaron opened his eyes but kept his cheek resting against Blake’s chest. Josh’s face lacked anger for the first time that night.
“Josh, I don’t know you very well, obviously,” Blake said, “but is it possible that your anger toward Aaron is misdirected and is actually aimed at your parents? I don’t mean to make light of how it made you feel, what he did, but aren’t the real culprits your parents?”
Blake was defending him? Aaron’s heart rose up, lighter than before. Blake’s arm was holding him tight, his hand casually petting Aaron’s cheek. For such a tough and cool MMA fighter, he sure was a cuddler.
Josh let out a shivering sigh. “I don’t know. Maybe. I’ve been angry at him for so long that it’s hard to see it in a different light.”
“I get that. Trust me, I do. But try and see his side, too. He’s been angry with himself forever, has pretended to be someone else all this time, and it’s made him lose sight of who he is. If you think you hate him, you have no idea of the contempt he feels for himself.”
Aaron blinked slowly. He felt completely exposed, naked. Blake had seen inside him, all the way to the dark depths of his soul. And yet he was still holding him, still touching him, still defending him. Did that mean that maybe there was something worthy inside him after all? Something lovable?
He rubbed his cheek against Blake’s shirt and was rewarded with another kiss on his head. For a second, he felt like the little boy he’d once been, safe on his mom’s lap. How long ago that seemed. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d felt this safe, protected. Loved.
“I don’t know,” Josh said again. “I’ll have to think about it.”
“That’s okay,” Blake said. “Aaron isn’t going anywhere.”
Blake wanted him to stay. Another weight was removed from his heart. No matter what was happening between them, and even though Blake had assured him he didn’t do relationships, at least he cared enough about him to want him to stay.
“You’re pretty,” Indy said, clearly trying to break the tension. “That makeup looks good on you.”
“Thank you.” He sent Indy a shy smile. He hadn’t forgotten how he’d embarrassed himself with him, but maybe Indy was willing to forget about that? At least it didn’t seem like he’d told Noah, or Josh for that matter.
“And where the hell did you get those jeans, because I have got to get me a pair of those.”
“Hell, no. You are not putting your gorgeous ass in jeans like that. I have trouble enough keeping my hands off you as it is,” Noah said.
Aaron smiled, despite his wounded heart.
Indy’s laptop dinged, signaling incoming mail. He read it, frowning.
“Did he reply?” Connor asked.
“Yeah, but… Oh, damn it.” His face turned white. “He’s compromised. Look, Houdini has this code. He replies exactly one hour after receiving a message, no matter what time you send it. He did. He also has a code for the meeting place, which is always a Starbucks. This, too, looks legit, but there’s a third element. He never, ever uses capitalization. He let me know that if he ever used a capital letter, it meant he’d written the message under duress. Look.” He turned his laptop toward Connor and Josh. “I is spelled with a capital. It’s not him, they got to him.”
* * *
Connor trusted Indy’s assessment about Houdini. The kid had an excellent brain, plus more street smarts than anyone Connor had ever met. “What does this mean, Indy? Assuming the Fitzpatricks are behind this, what information do they have about you now?” he asked.
Indy sighed. “My current alias and my Laura Downey alias, including social security, driver’s license, and maybe diplomas. Houdini set up an entire background for each, including credit card history and stuff. Maybe a previous alias, I don’t know. Depends on how detailed Houdini’s records are.”
“Have you used those for anything that can be tracked back to you?”
Indy shook his head. “No. I’m extremely careful. I don’t have bank accounts or credit cards, my phone is a burner phone, and I paid cash for my car.”
“Car insurance?”
“Yeah, but registered under Laura Downey with a fake address in Columbus, Ohio.”
The kid was smart. So how had they gotten so close to him? “If they’re looking for you here, that means they’ve found your Indiana Baldwin alias. How did they know you were taking jiujitsu lessons? You never registered as a student, correct?”
“No. I have a letter from…” He suddenly turned to Blake. “You have to check in with Professor Fox.”
“Matt Fox would never sell you out, Indy,” Blake said.
“I’m not worried about him selling me out. I’m worried about his safety if they discovered what he did for me.”
“I’ll contact him,” Blake said.
“No,” Connor said. “Don’t. If they’re keeping an eye on him for some reason, a phone call from the guy owning the studio they broke into is gonna set off alarm bells. Who is this guy?”
“He’s the highest ranking jiujitsu professor in the country, and he happens to live in Boston. He visited the studio where I was training at the time, and he picked me to grapple with him. He took a liking to me, I guess, offered me a private lesson. I was su
spicious, figured he was some closeted gay who wanted to get into my pants, but he was the real deal. After I agreed to testify, he sent me this letter through the cops. It states that any BJJ studio in the country has to give me free lessons and protect my identity. I guess he figured I might change my mind about testifying, make a run for it. Being from Boston, he must have been familiar with the Fitzpatricks, or at least their reputation. BJJ isn’t exactly a squeaky clean sport, you know. Lots of bad guys take it, too.”
Connor nodded in understanding. “Who else knew about this letter?”
“Only me. And the studios I’ve used it at, all over the country. I’ve managed to get about one lesson a week in, on average, at least until I broke my arm.” Indy paled. “That’s it. The robbery. I had to use my Indiana Baldwin ID in the hospital after the robbery, to pay my bill. They asked for an address, so I gave them a local one. It was fake, but it was in Albany.”
“If they had your driver’s license number from this Houdini guy, they could have traced it back to where it had been scanned,” Connor confirmed. “Still doesn’t explain how they know about the jiujitsu angle.”
Aaron spoke up. “I recognized Indy from the news broadcast after that DA was murdered. What if others did, too? It was national news.”
“The contract,” Connor said. He could have slapped himself for not thinking about it. “There’s a big contract on Indy’s head. You said it yourself: it’s a sport that attracts criminals as well. If only two people called you in from somewhere in the country with a connection to jiujitsu, the Fitzpatricks would have figured it out.”
“It doesn’t even matter how they know. Fact is that they know, and they’ve gotten close. Both my active aliases have been compromised, so I have nowhere else to go,” Indy said.
He looked so small and young, Connor thought. Too young to be dealing with all of this. When would he ever have the opportunity to live freely and fully?
“If you’re sure about testifying, you’ll have to connect with the FBI as soon as possible. They’ll set you up in a safe house,” Connor said.
No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes Page 65
