All Brad could do was stand and look at Miles. He had to be kidding. This had to be some kind of misguided attempt to make Brad feel better, because why would anyone be turned on by him?
“You mean you’re turned on when I touch you, suck you off, or let you fuck me,” he said.
“No, idiot, I’m turned on by you. Apparently, I have a thing for prickly, rude guys who are unfailingly kind to their best friend. Plus, I love your tight body and your sharp mind. Dammit, Brad, I told you I like you. Why don’t you believe me?”
The words echoed in his head, demanding to be heard, felt. “Nobody has ever liked me,” he said slowly.
“Maybe because you never let anyone close enough?” Charlie piped up.
Brad’s eyes traveled to his friend, who stood determined behind Miles. “I let you close.”
“Yes, after much nagging from me. And you know I love you, I always have.”
“That’s different,” Brad protested. “We’re friends.”
Charlie smiled, a smile so sweet and sad at the same time it made Brad’s skin tingle. “We were never just friends. There’s always been a promise of more, but you held back.”
It wasn’t the first time Charlie had said something like this. “You’re eight years younger, sweetie, and my student,” Brad offered the excuse he always had whenever Charlie had hinted at more.
“Oh, fuck off. I haven’t been your student in a long time, and who gives a fuck about the age difference? Zack is sixteen years older than me.”
Brad took a step forward, eyes blazing. “Zack is a fucking pervert, an abuser, most likely a rapist, and a sadistic son of a bitch who should be in jail. Don’t you dare compare me to that piece of shit.”
Charlie’s eye grew wide, then moistened. Fucking hell, now Brad was making the one person cry he wanted to cherish more than anything or anyone.
“I’m sorry, babe. That was mean of me. Don’t cry. I know you love him.”
He stepped in, past Miles who watched them with kind eyes. He opened his arms and thank fuck, Charlie accepted his embrace, snuggled close. It was a little awkward with him being naked and Charlie dressed, but what the hell. It wasn’t like Charlie had never seen him naked before. He kissed his head, held him carefully so he wouldn’t hold him against his will.
“I don’t love him,” Charlie muttered against his neck.
“What was that, babe?”
“I don’t love him. I’m not sure I ever did, but if I did, I sure as hell stopped the first time he hit me.”
Brad pushed him back gently, so he could see his face. “Then why did you stay with him?”
It took a long time for Charlie to answer and when he did, his lip was quivering. “Because I was ashamed and embarrassed, and I didn’t know where to go.”
Brad frowned. “To me. You could’ve come to me.”
“I know.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
Charlie gently shook his head. “It’s complicated,” he said.
Brad forced himself to be accepting. It’s what Blake had taught him most, that domestic abuse was incredibly complicated and that victims had conflicting feelings about their abuser. All you could do was listen, be there, and let them sort it out. “Okay, babe. If you’re ever ready to talk, I’m here. And please know that you are always welcome to stay with me, as long as you want.”
“Really?”
Charlie acted as if that was news to him. “Of course! I thought that didn’t need saying.”
“You don’t think I’d hamper your style?”
Hamper his style? What was Charlie referring to? Oh, sex? “You’re talking about sex? Like I give a shit whether you’re there or not. You just watched me get pounded by Miles, doesn’t bother me in the least.” A thought occurred. “Does it bother you? Make you uncomfortable?”
“Not with Miles,” Charlie said.
That was it, then. There was no one else at the moment, since Miles kept him plenty busy. Well, provided Miles did indeed still want him. Besides, he rarely took guys home, but maybe Charlie didn’t know that. He usually kept it restricted to quick bathroom blowjobs or fucks.
“You two need to take a shower. I’ll wait.” Charlie kissed him on his lips, a soft kiss that made Brad long for more, so much more.
He watched as Charlie walked out, his head a scrambled mess of thoughts and feelings.
10
Miles didn’t know whether to kiss Brad or slap him, though he was severely tempted to go through with the first option. Maybe he could kiss some sense into him? The man was so fucking blind. How could he not see Charlie loved him? Not as in best friends love, but was completely in love with him? One look at Charlie’s face had made it crystal clear to Miles.
He’d bet good money that he knew why Charlie had stayed with Zack—or at least, why he hadn’t gone to Brad’s. Miles’ guess was that the pain of staying with a man he didn’t love was more bearable than moving in with one he thought didn’t love him back. Miles wasn’t too sure about Brad not loving Charlie back, though. The way he held him, the way he’d flinched when he’d realized he’d hurt him—those were not the actions of a man who didn’t care. Miles would bet his money on Brad loving Charlie right back. Something else was holding Brad back, other than his erectile issues, but as usual he was damn hard to read.
“Do you want to shower?” Brad asked, subdued. “Or do you need…” He gestured at Miles’ cock which was a half mast.
Miles perched his lips. “Are you offering?”
How would Brad respond? Ever since Brad had told him about his issues, Miles had wondered why he seemed happy to pleasure Miles. What did Brad get out of it? Not a boner or sexual pleasure, that much was clear.
“Sure.”
He meant it. Everything on his face, in his tone, in his body posture indicated his offer was real. What the fuck was going on with him? “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Brad, why are you doing this?”
Brad looked at him defiantly. “What the fuck do you care as long as you get off?”
It hurt. He knew Brad was lashing out in self-defense, but it hurt. It was the same as when he’d told him it was just sex, that he didn’t want Miles to get to know him. For some reason, he was deadly afraid of letting people in. Anyone except Charlie, it seemed. But how should Miles respond?
“You know that’s not true. I am interested in you, but you’re determined to keep me at bay.”
“I told you, this is just sex.”
Miles crossed his arms. “Well, I’m afraid that doesn’t work for me anymore.”
Brad scoffed. “Like you can afford an attitude like that. You need me.”
Damn, the man knew where to hit hardest. Miles bit back an angry response. “No, Brad, I really don’t. I’m immensely grateful for what you’ve done for me, but it’s still my choice. Right now, I’m deciding that I’m done with being used by you.”
Brad balled his fists. “Used by me? What fucked-up version of reality is that? You need me. You’re using me to get off. How the fuck could I be using you?”
“You’re getting something out of this. I haven’t quite figured out what and why, but otherwise you wouldn’t be doing it. You’re using me, and until you tell me why, you’re not touching me.”
Brad took a staggering step back. “You’re rejecting me?”
The pain on his face was so horrific, it broke Miles’ heart. “No, honey, I’m not.” He made sure his voice was kind. “I want you, but I want more than your body. You’re rejecting me, not the other way around. Tell me why you’re doing this and you can do whatever you want with me. Until then, you’re not touching me and neither is anyone else.”
The hurt was replaced by anger. “We’ll see how long you can keep that up.”
“You have no idea how stubborn I can be. I can handle the pain, Brad. The question is: can you?”
“I’m gonna take a shower,” Brad snapped. He muttered something under his breath that sounded like “fucking asshole”,
but Miles wasn’t sure. It had to be something along those lines, though, considering the thunderous look on Brad’s face.
Brad turned on the shower, his back turned toward Miles. Miles sighed, grabbed a washcloth from the cabinet and proceeded to clean his cock. He’d last for a while after two orgasms, but by his estimation he had about twenty-four hours before it would start to get mighty uncomfortable. He could only fucking hope that Brad turned out to be less stubborn than he himself was.
Charlie was asleep when he got back to the bedroom, lying on his stomach on his side of the bed. Miles smiled, as he carefully got into the bed next to Charlie. It had only been a few hours, and he already thought of that as Charlie’s side of the bed. Would he be comfortable spending the night there again? Miles hoped so. It had been unreal, sharing his bed with both Brad and Charlie, and despite everything that had just happened, he hoped for a repeat.
Charlie was so strong and yet vulnerable. He was such an intriguing mix of sweet and sassy, of insecure and bossy. Miles was drawn to him, wanted to take care of him and let Charlie fuss over him at the same time. Physically, Charlie still seemed to be recovering, judging by how often Miles found him napping. Then again, Brad had mentioned nightmares, so maybe he didn’t sleep well at night? Miles could only hope Charlie would recover mentally as well.
And then there was Brad. Prickly, defensive Brad who was such an enigma. Miles wanted to kiss him silly, fuck him till he’d stop being such an ass, and then hold him and tell him everything would be okay. Preferably with Charlie on Brad’s other side. Miles wasn’t sure what had happened with Brad, but something told him the man needed a whole lotta love. If only he would accept it.
Miles surrendered to the fatigue claiming him and fell asleep. He woke up more or less refreshed two hours later. A quick look sideways confirmed Charlie was still beside him. Brad had apparently left them by themselves.
It was six thirty, so maybe it would be good to wake him up so they could grab some dinner? They’d planned a BBQ with some friends, Josh had told him, as the man was dying to try out his brand new, shiny, big-ass Weber. Miles had never in his life said no to a juicy, well-grilled steak, and he had no intention to start now.
He carefully moved toward Charlie, put a soft, tender hand on his bare shoulder. He was so small, his skin so perfect now that all the bruises were gone. How could you hurt something so frail and beautiful? “Hey, Charlie, wanna wake up?”
Charlie groaned, shifted a little, but that was it. Miles shook him gently. “Sleeping beauty, time to wake up.”
“Don’t wanna fuck…” Charlie muttered.
What? Was he still stuck in a dream, or something? “Wake up, babe,” Miles said again.
“Leave me alone, please.”
He still sounded completely out of it. Maybe it would be better to let him sleep a little longer. He was about to pull his hand back, when a tremor tore through Charlie. The whimper he let out gave Miles’ goosebumps.
“No, please, no…don’t hurt me.”
Was he half awake and thought Miles was his boyfriend? Or was he stuck in some nightmare? Either way, Miles needed help. He rolled over to his side, pressed the buzzer Indy had shown him on the first day. It only took a few seconds for Brad to come in, a worried look on his face.
“It’s Charlie. He’s out of it, and I don’t know what to do,” Miles whispered.
Charlie jerked, then whimpered again. “Please, Zack, please. You’re hurting me.”
“Oh, shit,” Brad said. “Is he dreaming again?”
Brad had hinted before that Charlie wasn’t sleeping well and that he had nightmares. Apparently, this was a recurring event. Was that why Brad was getting so little sleep?
Brad took off his pants, then his shirt. He climbed in bed from the foot end, slid in close to Charlie on his side, so their bodies touched. He put a hand in Charlie’s neck, scratched it softly. “Hey sweetie, you wanna wake up? You’re having a bad dream, but I’m here.”
Charlie whimpered again.
“You’re safe, babe. I’m right here with you. Wake up, Charlie.”
“Brad?”
Miles exhaled in relief.
“Yeah, sweetie, it’s me.”
Charlie’s body moved, as he turned to his side. His eyes opened. “It hurts so bad.”
“I’m so sorry, babe.”
“I dreamed that you had left me, that you were angry with me.”
Brad moved in for a quick kiss on his lips. “I could never be angry with you. And you know I would never leave you.”
“Will you hold me?”
The tender way in which Brad cradled the fragile body in his arms made Miles’ insides go liquid. When Brad let his formidable defenses down, he was truly irresistible. He had such a big, kind heart, such infinite kindness for the wounded and hurt.
Charlie took shelter in Brad’s arms, there was no other way to describe it, the two bodies completely plastered together. It was almost too private a moment to watch, yet Miles couldn’t tear his eyes away. It was heartbreakingly beautiful, and also erotic as fuck. Holy fuck, Charlie was gorgeous. And him and Brad together, it was almost too much to take.
“You okay now?” Brad asked, his cheek pressed against Charlie’s.
Charlie turned his head, brought their lips together. Miles swallowed. There was such tension when these two kissed, even if it was a short kiss. How Brad could ever miss that and mistake it for mere friendship, was beyond Miles. The sparks were pretty much visible.
He raised his eyebrows when the kiss continued, deepened. Brad seemed to stiffen for a moment, then gave in. Tongues came out, invaded, sucked, making noises that had Miles hard in an instant. Should he leave? Surely, he was the third wheel here. But fuck, it was so mesmerizing, so fucking beautiful.
Charlie tore his mouth away, and the two looked at each other, panting slightly. Brad’s face was completely open, no trace of the guarded expression he usually sported around Miles.
“What are you doing?” Brad whispered.
“I want you.”
“Charlie…”
That one word was so full of longing, Miles’ heart ached for him. What was holding Brad back?
“Please, make me feel good, Brad.” It wasn’t a question, more a desperate plea.
“Charlie…are you sure about this?”
“I need your mouth on my cock.”
“Babe, I don’t wanna hurt you…” Brad said. Miles could hear the internal battle Brad must be waging in his voice.
“Dammit, Brad, stop talking and put your fucking mouth on my cock. Now. I need you.”
Miles’ eyebrows raised. Boy, Charlie was a bossy little twink, wasn’t he? Who the fuck could say no to a request like that?
Brad leaned in, gave him a scorching kiss, before scrambling on his knees. There was no foreplay here, no touching or exploring. He gave Charlie a gentle push to roll him on his back and took Charlie’s boxers off.
When Brad rolled flat on his stomach, Miles caught a good look at Charlie’s package. Holy crap, his cock was way bigger than Miles would have expected on such a small guy. Charlie was packing a serious tool there, rivaling Miles in size. They sure were equally hard.
Brad licked the head of Charlie’s cock, making him groan softly.
He should go. This was not meant for him to see. They must have forgotten he was there. He tried to move off the bed as quietly as he could, but Charlie rolled his head sideways and met his eyes.
“Stay,” he said.
“This is between you two,” Miles said, his voice hoarse.
“No, it’s not. You’re fucking him, too. Plus, he likes being watched.”
His cock disappeared inside Brad’s mouth. There was no way Brad hadn’t heard the exchange, but he said nothing. His head bobbed as he sucked Charlie, slurping sounds filling the room.
Charlie’s hand traveled to Brad’s head, much like Miles himself liked to do when Brad was sucking him off. Charlie moaned, sighing at the same time. “Fuck, y
ou’re so good at this,” he said.
“He is,” Miles heard himself say. “He sucks cock like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do.”
Charlie’s chuckle transformed into a soft moan as Brad sucked him deep, hard by the looks of it. His hand caressed Charlie’s hair. “You’re a good little cock sucker, aren’t you?”
What. The. Hell.
Brad didn’t seem to mind being called this, on the contrary. His expression was hard to make out, what with his mouth full of cock and all, but it looked like he was beaming. Why?
He’d told Miles he loved sucking cock, and he hadn’t lied. Apparently, Charlie knew this, too. Now Charlie had indicated Brad liked it when someone watched. And sweet, small Charlie had just bossed him around, ordered him to suck his cock, and Brad had obeyed instantly—loving it, by all accounts. How did this all fit together?
He kept watching as Brad brought Charlie to the brink, let him hover there for a bit, before sending him over. Charlie bucked as he came, and Brad swallowed greedily, taking every drop. He let go of Charlie’s cock, licking his lips. “Damn, you taste good,” he said. He scrambled higher, gave Charlie a kiss.
“More,” Charlie demanded. “I love tasting myself in your mouth.”
Brad grinned, kissed him again, with tongue this time.
They. Were. Killing. Him.
At this rate, he wouldn’t even last another hour, let alone a whole day. Fucking live porn right in front of him. He moved off the bed, his cock hard as a rock.
“You need help with that?” Brad asked behind him.
Miles turned around. Brad was on his back now, Charlie on his side beside him, a hand splayed on Brad’s abdomen, right above the waistband of his boxers. Boxers that contained, if Miles was not mistaken, one hard cock. Huh. Whaddayaknow, Brad could get hard under the right circumstances, apparently.
“Not unless you’re willing to tell me what I need to know,” Miles said. “You need help with that?” he pointed to Brad’s erection.
Charlie moved his hand lower so it rested on Brad’s cock. “I told you he likes to be watched.”
That’s what got him hard? Being watched? Miles didn’t buy it. If that were the case, he would have been hard in the bathroom, when Miles was fucking him while Charlie watched. No, it was more than that. Charlie knew it, too, because his pointed look at Miles was a little too deliberate.
No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes Page 93
