Connor drew in another shuddering breath as he dragged a hand through his hair. Noah sat down again next to him and held his other hand tight.
“He was so fucking brave. They waterboarded us, did you know? Thought it was funny to use our own techniques on us. Fuck knows how they found enough water in that godforsaken place, but they did. Every day. He was so brave. In the end, he knew. He knew he wasn’t gonna make it.”
Connor’s voice broke, and Noah felt himself tear up. The things this man had been through, it was unspeakable.
“His body wasn’t as strong as mine, maybe, I don’t know. His will was, though. They never got more out of him than his name, rank, and number. He never told them shit. He was my best friend. He knew about me, knew I was gay, and he didn’t give a fuck. I held his body after he’d died. For hours.”
A mighty tremor tore through Connor’s body. Fuck, Noah wished Josh and Indy were here to help him, to help Connor. He needed them, all of them.
“It was so hot and his body got all bloated… And I still thought he was the most beautiful man on the planet. They left him with me for days, continuing their torture of me. Every time they brought me back to him, I threw up because of the smell. And yet I had to look at him. God, Noah, I loved him. I loved him so much.”
Noah’s eyes were filled with tears. Connor probably hadn’t even realized the depth of his feelings for Lucas until right now. If he had, he would’ve said something to Josh and Noah would have known. It wasn’t like there were any secrets between them. No, Connor had held all of this in, for way too long.
“I know, baby.” The term of endearment flew easily out of his mouth.
And then Connor opened his mouth and screamed. Heart-wrenching, sobbing screams that originated in his very soul. Noah stepped closer to Connor, and the man slung two arms around Noah’s was, leaned on him with everything he had. And wailed. Noah held him close, tears rolling down his face.
Within seconds, footsteps came running from both bedrooms. Miles arrived first, weapon drawn. He disengaged it quickly when Noah shook his head, put it on the kitchen counter.
“Clear,” Miles shouted out, presumably to Brad and Charlie. They arrived at the same time as Josh and Indy, both still putting on clothes as they came running in.
“They’ve found Lucas’ body,” Noah said. Nobody would need more details than that right now.
“Oh, God,” Josh said, immediately stepping in behind Connor, hugging him from behind. Indy stepped up, too, kissing Connor’s head. Connor never acknowledged their presence, but held on to Noah with all he had, sobbing loudly. It was disconcerting, yet at the same time humbling to see Connor leaning on Noah like this, finally surrendering to his emotions. God, the man had kept this in for so long.
Noah held him, aided by Josh and Indy until finally, Connor’s sobs were dying down, his body trembling and shaking. Noah’s hands cradled the cop’s head, stroking his dark hair. He needed a haircut, Connor did. His hair was longer than Noah had ever seen on him.
Miles’ boys had found shelter in his arms, one around each of them, as they huddled together and watched quietly, Max at their feet. He was a good man, the agent. Indy’s instincts had been spot on, as usual. Miles had been so fucking lonely. The man probably hadn’t even realized the depth of it until he’d moved into their crazy home. What a ride he’d been on. Noah was truly happy Miles had found a family with Brad and Charlie, and hopefully with the four of them.
It took a few minutes before Connor spoke. “His body is arriving at Andrews Air Force Base tonight. They’re flying him in today, but it will be late. But I could be there, if I wanted to, to receive him. They told me I could be present when he arrives. I also need to make arrangements for the funeral. He’ll be buried at Arlington, where he belonged. I need to call the office tomorrow and tell them what he’d want. I’m listed as his next of kin, you know.”
He was babbling, Noah noted, another sign of Connor’s emotional state. This man did not babble. Ever.
Noah looked up, locked eyes with Indy, then Josh. There was no way Connor was going by himself, but who would go with him?
“Noah will come with you,” Josh said softly.
Connor raised his head and looked up at Josh, finally letting go of Noah’s waist. Noah’s shirt was drenched with the man’s tears. “What about you?”
Josh bent over, kissed Connor gently. “I can’t come with you, baby. It would trigger too much for me, and you need to focus on yourself now, not take care of me. Noah will come with you to Maryland, to be there when Lucas arrives.”
Noah loved that Josh was deciding for him, for all of them. It said so much about the faith they had in each other. Then Indy bent over, too, kissed Connor just as gently, on his lips. “I’ll take care of Josh, I promise.”
Connor’s hand cupped Indy’s cheek for a second. “Thank you. He’ll need…”
Indy nodded. “I know. I’ll make sure he’ll get what he needs.”
“Come on, baby. Let’s get you dressed,” Josh said. He gently pulled Connor until the man got up from his chair, followed him into the bedroom.
Noah waited till they were out of earshot. “How will you…?” He couldn’t find the words, didn’t want to insult Indy by pretending he doubted him, or that he wouldn’t know what Josh would need after this.
Indy hugged him tight. “Miles will help me. You take care of Connor, Noah. He needs you to lean on.”
Miles. Yeah, that would work. He wouldn’t have Connor’s expertise, but the man had good instincts. He turned his head, made eye contact with him. Did he sense what was being asked of him?
“We’ll take care of him,” Miles said with confidence. Noah exhaled. Yeah, he understood.
20
An hour later, Noah and Connor left for Albany Airport, where they’d catch a flight to DC Josh had been able to book for them last minute by calling the airline directly. Indy’s heart broke for Connor, who had looked like a fucking zombie as he got in the car. He hadn’t even bickered with Noah about who was driving, their regular argument whenever they were going somewhere with the four of them. Indy sighed as the car disappeared out of sight.
He slowly made his way back inside, where Miles was apparently laying down the law with Brad. His face was inches away from Brad’s, his voice deceptively calm, but more authoritative than Indy had ever heard him.
“I will not take any crap from you, today, do you understand me, boy?”
“Yes, Daddy.” Brad’s eyes were spewing, though.
“If I hear that mouth of yours say anything more I don’t like, I will spank your ass so hard you won’t be able to sit for days. And trust me, it won’t be the kind of spanking where you’ll get to come, you feel me?”
“Yes, Daddy.”
“I know you’re disappointed. So am I, and so is Charlie. But you’re damn well gonna swallow it and get the fuck over yourself, or you won’t get your reward for another month. Am I making myself clear?”
The last bit of defiance disappeared from Brad’s face. Indy wasn’t sure what the reward was Miles had been talking about, but it sure as hell had been an effective threat.
Brad bowed his head, his shoulders dropping. “Yes, daddy.” He waited a beat, then added, “I’m sorry, Daddy.”
“That’s a good boy. Go apologize to Charlie, okay?”
Brad nodded. He seemed hesitant to leave. Miles smiled, opened his arms wide to pull him close and hug him, kissing his head. Brad mumbled something Indy couldn’t make out.
“I know. Let it go, Brad. You apologized, and now it’s good. I love you, sweetheart. Go make up with Charlie.”
He sent Brad off with a smack on his ass. All rebellion was gone from his posture, Indy noted. Miles’ approach seemed to be highly effective.
“What was that about?” Indy asked, curious.
Miles sighed. “We promised him we’d double-penetrate him today if he behaved yesterday. He did, but now I had to tell him we couldn’t, because of Noah and Connor
leaving. He didn’t take it too well.”
“DP? He’d like that?” Indy couldn’t even begin to imagine. Maybe Charlie was small, like him, so combined with Miles’ dick it would be doable. He’d seen Miles’ cock, if not up close, and it wasn’t exactly small. Then again, Josh loved taking Connor’s cock and that thing was massive. To each his own, right?
Miles grinned. “He’d fucking love it. He’s a dirty little shit with an eager hole. Pretty sure DP will be heaven for him.”
Yup, to each his own.
“Look, Indy, now that I have you by yourself for a second, two things. First of all, Brad had testicular cancer a while ago, and they had to remove one testicle. He’s highly insecure about his appearance. Also, he has some ED issues, all psychological. It’s getting better, but he can’t always get hard when you’d expect him to. Could you give Josh and the others a heads up just so they know? I’d hate for him to feel insecure around you guys.”
“Wow. So sorry to hear that, man. Is he okay now?”
Miles gave him a sad smile. “As far as the cancer, yes. The emotional stuff, that will take a while. Brad doesn’t trust me enough to share openly with me. Yet.”
Indy stepped closer, put his hand on Miles’ arm. “He’ll get there. I see some of myself in him, you know? He’s so damaged, wounded. But he’s making progress. You’re being great with him, Miles. You’re exactly what he needs.”
“Thank you. He’s exactly what I need, too.”
Indy grinned, pulled back his hand. “You mean a guy whose sexual appetite rivals yours?”
“He’s a little boy slut, always happy to be used. Can’t deny that’s a match made in heaven considering my cock is in constant need of attention. But I love him, Indy. I love everything about him.”
“I know. I wasn’t suggesting you only like him because he’s easy. Anyway, what was the other thing you wanted to ask me?”
“Josh. What does he need? How can I help?”
“Josh’s PTSD is exacerbated by stress. Any changes in his routine cause him stress, so today is a biggie for him because Connor is gone, and Connor is hurting, and both affect Josh. Right now, he’s good, but I expect he’ll struggle more as the day progresses.”
Miles nodded. “Okay. What helps to relieve him of that stress?”
“A BDSM scene. It’s one of the reasons why Connor works him over regularly. I mean, they both get off on it sexually, but it’s also a massive stress releaser for him. After a deep session, he’s usually episode-free for days, sometimes longer.”
“How long has it been since his last session?”
Indy grimaced. “Almost a week. They had one planned for today. I mean, Connor spanked him a few times this week, but those were quickies, not a full-on session. I could call Master Mark and ask for a session, but I’m not sure if that would work as Josh needs a lot of trust to let go.”
“What does he like?”
“What doesn’t he like? Spanking, paddling, Connor has started caning and whipping him, too. His pain tolerance has gone up, he told me the other day. Sexually, he likes it hard and rough. He has a cock cage, but Connor also uses nipple clamps on him, butt plugs, and he ties him up, of course.”
Miles’ eyes softened. “Are you okay with all this? I’ve read your file, you know.”
It was easy to forget sometimes how much Miles knew about him. In some areas, he knew way more than Noah, since he’d had access to Indy’s elaborate statements to the DA. Sure, he’d told Noah and the others some of it, but not everything. Some of it was so painful that he wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready to talk about it.
“Indy, if you ever want to talk… I’m here. Friend to friend, but with patient confidentiality. I wouldn’t tell a soul.”
Indy didn’t think. He stepped up to Miles, hugged him tight. The bigger man’s arms came around him as he held him close. “Thank you,” Indy whispered. “It means a lot to me. One day, I’ll take you up on your offer.”
As he turned his head to kiss Miles’ cheek, his body encountered Miles’ groin, which was as hard as Indy had expected.
“I’m sorry,” Miles said, wincing.
Indy reached out with both hands, grabbed his face and forced Miles to meet his eyes. “Dammit, Miles Hampton, that’s the last time I ever want to hear you apologize for your cock, you hear me? To me, to Noah, to anyone of us. We. Don’t. Fucking. Care.” He nodded when he saw Miles had gotten the message, then added, “If I hear one more apology out of that mouth of yours, I will spank your ass so hard you won’t be able to sit for days.”
He giggled when Miles’ eyes went wide for a second, before he recognized his own words to Brad. Miles laughed. “Yes, Daddy.”
Indy let him go. “I oughta smack your ass for even trying to apologize again.”
“Whose ass are we smacking?” Josh asked, walking in with his hair still wet from the shower he’d just taken.
“Miles’. If he ever dares to apologize for being hard.”
Josh rolled his eyes. “Who cares?”
“I know, right?” Indy said, laughing when Miles held up his hands.
“Okay, okay, I’ll stop. I promise.”
Josh hugged Indy from behind, and Indy leaned back against him. “We could also smack yours if you want to. Or if you need us to.”
Josh sighed. “Yeah, that’d be good. I’m antsy already. Maybe this afternoon?”
“Whatever you need, baby. We’ve got you.”
“Are you okay with me doing this, Josh?” Miles asked.
Josh nodded. “Yeah. I trust you and I really need it. Can you do it?”
“Yes. We’ll keep it simple, but make it intense enough to satisfy your needs. You’ll have to talk me through your limits, and especially any hard limits you have. And I’ll need to know your safe words.”
“I’ll safe word for him,” Indy offered. “It’s hard for Josh to relax otherwise, right, baby?”
Josh nodded. “I don’t use safe words with Connor because he reads me like an open book. We’ve tried it, but I was too focused on determining whether or not I liked something to get to subspace. It’s one of the reasons why we’ve build our sessions up so slowly in terms of intensity, because Connor sets a pace he’s comfortable with for both of us.”
“Indy, I have to ask again: are you okay with this? Can you handle this? I can’t worry about you when I have to focus on Josh…”
Indy loved that he was so concerned, for both of them. “I’m good. It was hard for me at first, but I’ve seen enough of what they do by now to realize Josh craves it. I love watching him sink into subspace and bliss out.”
“Okay, good. Josh, why don’t you and I take some time right after lunch to walk me through your limits? Oh, and do you want Brad and Charlie to watch, or would you prefer it private?”
Josh sought Indy’s eyes. “I don’t mind them watching, but are you okay with that, baby?”
Indy shook his head. “This isn’t about me. This is about you, what you need.”
Josh bit his lip as he clearly pondered it. “Let them watch. I think it would be good for them to see a scene, even a mild one like this, so they know what they’re getting into when they have to decide on our proposal.”
“Have you talked to them yet?” Indy asked Miles.
“No. I’d planned to today, but I’m not sure to would be the right timing now.”
Indy sighed. “Maybe not. I don’t know how this will affect Connor. But the proposal stands. We want you guys here. Just maybe wait a week or so till things have quieted down a bit?”
“Yeah, that sounds smart.” Miles shot Josh a confident look as he put a hand on his shoulder, slow enough so Josh saw it coming. “We’ve got your back, Josh. I’m gonna check on Brad and Charlie, but I’ll be right back, okay?”
* * *
Charlie loved cuddling with Brad, especially when the two of them were naked, like now. It hadn’t been the plan. Brad had come in to apologize after being quite rude when Miles had told him they’d h
ave to change their plans for today. He’d been honestly sorry, and Charlie had accepted his apology with ease. The fact that Brad was apologizing in the first place was big.
Then Brad had wanted to be held, and one thing had led to another, and Brad had rimmed Charlie till he saw stars. Actual fucking stars, as he’d come so hard he’d been unable to move for a minute or two. He’d offered to suck Brad off, but he’d informed him he wasn’t allowed to come, courtesy of Miles. So they had cuddled, both naked, simply talking and touching. It was absolutely perfect.
The three of them were perfect. Charlie hadn’t realized how much he needed both: to be taken care of and feel protected, and to be bossy and toppy. With Miles, he had the first, and Brad allowed him the second… Well, Miles did, too, to some degree. Charlie felt the man secretly loved it when Charlie got all bossy, though he’d never admit it to Brad, obviously. Theirs was one of those combinations that sounded and looked all wrong, but was so wonderfully right.
The door opened and Charlie turned his head.
“Look at you two, all naked and gorgeous,” Miles said.
Brad looked up. “Wanna join us?” he asked with puppy eyes.
“For a few minutes, yes, please. After that, I wanted to ask you to come to the kitchen, because we have something to discuss.”
Brad tensed in Charlie’s arms. “Is it something good?” he asked.
Miles made quick work of his clothes before he joined them on the bed, spooning Charlie from behind, effectively sandwiching him between himself and Brad. His cock was rock hard, poking Charlie in his back. He didn’t mind at all, loving the sensation of that strong body behind him.
“It is, and thank you for asking so nicely, Brad.”
Brad beamed and Charlie had to kiss him. Simply had to, because he was so cute, with tongue until they were both gasping for breath. Then he had to roll on top of him and rut against him, because that lean body felt so damn good underneath him, Brad’s hands possessively on his ass, pressing him close. Charlie had come not a half hour ago, and yet he was so damn hard again, so horny.
No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes Page 106
