The time Lucas had finally asked why Connor never dated, and how Connor had blurted out the truth. Lucas’ response had been a simple, “Okay, bro. Don’t make no fucking difference to me.” He’d been straight, though. Not a womanizer by any standard, but definitely straight. And still, Connor had loved him.
Noah had listened, throwing in an occasional supportive word here and there, but nothing more than that. No advice, no well-meaning clichés, simply presence. Connor had talked more than he had in his entire life, and it has been cathartic.
Visiting Lucas’ mom had been brutal. He’d met her several times before, this tiny, slender woman who’d somehow managed to give birth to a six-feet-two Marine. She’d lost weight, was so damn fragile, and it had broken Connor to give her the news.
She’d cried, but she’d also been happy. “He’ll be at peace, Boston,” she’d told him, using the same nickname Lucas had called him. “We’ll give him the burial he deserves, and he’ll have peace.”
He’d nodded. She’d asked him to arrange the details, and he would, of course. Lucas had been damn proud to serve, and he’d wanted to be buried at Arlington, so that’s where he’d go.
They hadn’t stayed long, but had waited with leaving till a cousin of Lucas had been able to come to stay with Mrs. Sheedy. She’d hugged Connor as they had left. “You let go of him now, Boston, you hear me? It’s time to let go.”
“I loved him.”
“Of course you did. I’m not blind. And he was a better man because of it, because of you. He respected you, Boston. He couldn’t love you, not the way you loved him, but you were his best friend.”
He’d sobbed like a child in her tiny arms.
The ride back was a blur. He must have drifted off at some point, because he blinked, and they were almost home. Or maybe he’d been staring out the window all that time.
Letting go. How did he do that? How did you let go of someone who you only now discovered you loved? Lucas had been dead for years, but it felt like it happened yesterday.
“The boys are okay,” Noah said. “Miles texted me that Josh and Indy are asleep after a good session.”
Connor hummed his approval. Truth be told, he’d hardly thought about Josh today. His mind had been so full with Lucas, it was like he’d had no capacity for anything else. Should he feel guilty about that? Probably.
“It’s okay, Connor,” Noah said.
He turned his head. “Hmm?”
“It’s okay to be selfish right now. You’re grieving. Josh understands.”
Josh would. The man knew about pain, about coping. He was the strongest man Connor knew, with the exception of Indy. Those two, what they had walked through, it was phenomenal.
“Miles took care of him?”
“Yeah.”
“Did he fuck him?”
It was funny, but he wouldn’t even have minded, which was ridiculous. Or it should be, since he’d been so possessive of Josh once upon a time. When had that changed? Maybe when he’d realized Josh truly loved him, that he wouldn’t lose him to Noah, or to Indy, or to anyone else. What they had was so much more than mere sex—no matter how good the sex was.
He sure hoped he could fuck Josh when they got back, though. He was restless, in the mood to fuck really, really hard. Let off some steam. He got hard thinking about it.
“No. Indy did. He worked him over good with the paddle, though. Indy texted pictures, if you want to see them?”
It was funny how Indy and Noah communicated. Josh would text him sometimes, but they were either short to-the-point messages relaying some information, or a simple I love you in a few variations. Indy and Noah texted entire stories, complete with pictures and whatnot.
Noah dug his phone out, handed it to Connor. He looked at the pics, smiled. “Hot damn, that’s one wicked red ass. Beautiful.”
One thing was certain: he would not be able to fuck Josh. There was no way, not with what he’d apparently endured already. It would have done Josh good, no doubt. He’d been due a session anyway and with the stress of what had happened, he would have needed a solid level of pain to cope.
And if Indy had fucked him, he would have let Josh come afterward, at least twice, because that’s how Indy rolled. The kid was no pushover, but he was way too tender-hearted for a dom. Even denying Josh an orgasm would feel cruel to him. No, Josh would not be in any mood or condition for sex. He’d be willing to if Connor asked, but it would not be good for him. He handed Noah his phone back, sighed.
“You okay?” Noah asked.
“Yeah.” He pondered it for a bit, then decided to level with him. “Was hoping for a hard fuck when I got back, but looking at that pic, that’s not gonna happen.”
“He would do it, if you asked him.”
Connor shook his head. “No. I won’t ask him. I will never put him in a position where he’d feel he can’t say no.”
“You’re a good man, O’Connor,” Noah said, banging a right onto their driveway. “Honorable.”
Maybe, but he was also horny as fuck now. Oh, well. He’d live.
When they walked in, Miles was in the living room with his two boys, watching a movie. Thank fuck they didn’t ask any of the obligatory “How did it go” questions.
He walked straight into his bedroom, where Josh was sleeping on his stomach, Indy reading a book in bed next to him. Indy carefully got off the bed as he spotted them. He walked out, closed the door softly behind him.
“How is he?” Connor asked.
“He’s good,” Indy said. But how are you?”
Connor shrugged. He had no fucking idea how to answer that question.
Indy reached out his arms and when Connor hugged him, simply jumped up. He caught him easily—the kid weight nothing— held him close. He loved how affectionate Indy was with him now. It was such a dramatic change from the skittish boy who’d been scared of even being touched.
Indy rubbed his cheek against Connor’s. “I’m so sorry for you, Connor.”
“Yeah.”
When he put Indy back down, the kid made contact with his massive hard on, which still hadn’t subsided. “Sorry,” he mumbled.
“You can’t fuck him,” Indy said, crossing his arms.
“I know, little firecracker. I know. I saw the pictures. Is he okay now?”
“Miles was awesome. Used only the paddle, but so slowly and so long he had Josh squirming, begging for more. I fucked him twice, then had him suck me off a third time before I allowed him to come.”
Huh. Indy had more Dom skills than Connor had given him credit for. “Thank you for taking care of our man,” he said, meaning every word. He rearranged his cock, trying to get it to settle down.
Indy beamed. “Always my pleasure. I took a bath with him, then rubbed his ass with that lotion you always use. You know, the aloe one.”
Connor nodded. “Good. That’ll help.”
“I wasn’t sure if he needed a cooling pack or not, and he fell asleep before I could ask.”
“Nah. Let him be for now. The longer the burn lingers, the longer it’ll help him to keep his head clear.”
Behind them, the door opened. “Connor,” Josh said simply. He walked straight into Connor’s arms, hugged him tenderly. “I love you.”
No empty words from Josh either. He understood loss. They all did. Connor kissed Josh's soft lips. “How are you, baby? Did Miles work you over good?”
He put his hand on Josh's ass, gently rubbed the skin that was searing hot under his hand. Josh winced.
“Fuck, yes. When he started paddling me, I thought he was joking, it was so gentle. But after like fifty strokes or so my ass was on fire. I lost track after that, completely sank into subspace.”
Miles stepped into the hallway, grinning. “I used the water drip method. Small drops seem harmless, but water that drips for a long time will win from a rock. Plus, I blindfolded him, made the room silent, and had him lie facedown on a towel you had used before, Connor. I didn’t want him to be reminded who
was in the room with him, and risk yanking him out of his zone.”
Josh turned his ass toward him. “Wanna admire your handiwork some more?”
Miles laughed. “You look perfect, Joshua. I love a solid red ass.”
Connor kissed Josh one last time, then let go of him. He stepped toward Miles, hugged him. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
He almost flinched when his own hard cock rubbed against an equally hard member, and quickly stepped back. Miles’ eyebrows went up, and it looked like he wanted to say something, then thought better of it.
He met Josh's eyes. “Babe, you’re hard,” Josh said.
“It’s okay.”
“I can…”
“No, you won’t.” His voice was firm. “I love you, Josh. I’m not using you like this.”
“You can use me.” Brad’s voice was timid, but carried over everything and everyone else. He stepped forward, turned to face Josh. “He can use me, with your permission.”
“Brad…” Miles said, his voice hesitant.
Brad swiveled, faced him. “We agreed this morning that we could all express our limits, our wants, and needs. I want this. You know I do. So I’m telling them, and they can say no if they want.”
“He’s right,” Charlie said. “Brad loves being used. It’s why he was so willing to help Miles, even when he didn’t know him.”
Brad nodded, faced Connor again. “I suck at handling emotions. I’m really sorry about your friend, but I don’t know what to say, how to make you feel better. But this, this I can do to take care of you. Indy said that you and Noah, you’re willing to discipline me when Miles is not here. You’re taking care of me. Please, let me take care of you.”
Connor didn’t know what to say. He looked at Josh. “Babe…”
Josh cocked his head as he made eye contact with Brad. “He’s raw, edgy. He won’t have the patience to be gentle.”
Was he serious? Connor’s mouth dropped open. Was Josh seriously considering this?
“I know. I can handle it.” Brad’s voice was confident.
“Miles, you’ll be his safe word,” Josh said. “You keep an eye on him, and you tell Connor when Brad has reached his limit.”
“Babe,” Connor said again, when Miles nodded his agreement.
Josh faced him with the sweetest smile on his lips. “You want this, baby. Be honest. When you knew you couldn’t fuck me tonight, it’s where your mind went. It’s why you’re still hard, because deep down, this is what you were hoping for.”
Hot shame assaulted Connor and he closed his eyes. “No, don’t do that. Don’t you dare feel ashamed,” Josh said. “I love you. I want you to have this. You’ll fuck him, and we’ll all watch, and you’ll love every second of it. And so will Brad. He needs you as much as you need him right now. Make him feel used, baby, like he’s part of us, because he is.”
His head spun. Fuck Brad while everyone was watching? His cock was so hard his balls ached. Josh brought their foreheads together, held his shoulders.
“You told me when we met that I did not need to feel ashamed for what I wanted, how I was wired. The same is true for you. This is who you are, baby. You love fucking, you love fucking hard and rough, and dammit, you love doing it in public. You’re perfect the way you are.”
“I love you.” His voice broke.
“I know you do, baby. I want this for you.”
He surrendered to the need thundering through his veins. “Okay.” He kissed Josh one last time, barely able to hold himself in check, then turned to Brad. “Strip,” he ordered, his voice low.
“Let’s clear the kitchen table,” Indy said.
“Maybe put a soft blanket on it?” Charlie suggested.
Connor heard and saw, but his attention was focused on Brad who stripped naked in seconds.
“Lift your arms, babe.” Josh's voice. He obeyed, and Josh pulled his shirt off, then made short work of his socks, pants, and underwear. When his cock sprung free, Brad’s eyes widened, and he licked his lips.
Connor fisted himself once. “You like my cock?” he heard himself say.
“Fuck, yes, Sir.” The ‘sir’ rolled off Brad’s lips as if he’d done this a thousand times before. “Can I please suck you?”
He nodded, and seconds later Brad was on his knees in front of him, taking him in. He hit his throat, but then he did something, and Connor sunk in even deeper. He moaned.
Miles had not been exaggerating. Damn, this kid’s mouth was wicked, and he sucked cock like a pro. Connor widened his stand. Brad held his mouth and throat open, formed a perfect O with his mouth, and Connor sank in deep, then pulled out. He fucked that wet, hot mouth deeper than he’d ever experienced before.
“Oh, he’s good,” Indy said.
Connor opened his eyes, suddenly aware everyone was watching. Josh and Indy stood together, Josh holding Indy to his chest. Miles held Charlie, already rubbing himself against Charlie’s ass. And Noah was readjusting his cock, undoubtedly enjoying the performance. He smiled. Fuck, he loved it.
A shiver danced along his spine, his balls tingling. “Close,” he warned Brad, who kept on sucking as if his life depended on it. Seconds later, he unloaded, Brad bravely swallowing as much as he could, but some of it was dripping down his chin.
“God, look at him,” Charlie said. “Our dirty boy slut, cum leaking out of his mouth. Doesn’t he look beautiful, honey?”
Miles merely groaned, as much in pleasure as in frustration probably.
Brad let go of his cock, sat on his knees with an eager look, awaiting instructions.
“You want more, boy?
“Yes, sir. Please, sir.”
“Kitchen,” he pointed.
It was a strange procession of men walking into the kitchen. Josh was still naked, and Indy was only wearing boxers. Brad was naked, of course, as was Connor, but Miles. Charlie, and Noah were still dressed. That wouldn’t do.
“New rule. If we’re having an orgy, everyone gets naked,” Connor decided. “If you’re gonna watch me fuck, you do it naked.”
No one protested, which told Connor they were on board. A quick peek around the room revealed that there wasn’t a soft cock in the house, with the exception of Josh in his cage. Even Indy had a boner again.
Charlie put a fleece blanket on the kitchen table, and Brad lowered himself on his stomach, spreading his legs wide. Miles handed Connor a big bottle of lube. Yeah, they were gonna need that.
He stepped close, smacked Brad hard on his ass. He let out a cute little yelp, which amused Connor so much, he slapped him again. “You ready for my cock, boy?”
“Yes, sir.”
There was no denying the kid was downright eager. Good. Connor squeezed a good amount of lube on his fingers. “Open up, boy. Imma start with two fingers, ‘cause I wanna see just how hungry your hole is.”
“Yes, sir.”
He slid in with ease, Brad pushing back on him to let him in. “That’s a greedy little hole you’ve got there, boy. You gonna take three fingers for me now?”
“Yes, sir.”
He pulled out, added a third finger. It met some resistance, but Brad relaxed quickly. “Look a you, taking my fat fingers with ease. Oh, you’re gonna love my cock, aren’t you?” He scissored his fingers, felt Brad’s canal clinch around him, before he bore down again.
“Fuck…Yes, sir. Want your cock, sir.”
“Not until you can take four.” Brad might be willing, but Connor was not hurting him. Not beyond what would bring the kid pleasure anyway.
He pulled out, added that fourth finger, carefully slid back in. Brad had to work for it now, little puffs of breath indicating he was breathing through the burn. His inner sleeve tightened, spasmed, then let go, and Connor pushed his fingers in as far as he could.
“Last chance, Brad. Do you truly want this?” He changed his tone, didn’t even want to come close to being his Dom or his daddy or whatever the fuck authority figure would push the man’s buttons. He
needed to give consent, Brad to Connor, nothing else.
“Yes. Please, Connor. Use me.”
A switch flipped in his head. He grabbed his cock, put some extra lube on it so it was completely slick. Every eye in the room was trained on his beast, with the exception of Brad, who lay slightly trembling on the table, his head turned to the side.
He lined up, found Brad’s hole with the fat head of his cock, and pushed in.
“Ugh…” Brad moaned.
Brad’s ass gave way, and he slid in, slow but steady, filling him, breaching him. Everyone was watching how he was fucking. For the first time ever, he was proud of his cock, proud of his size.
Brad’s whimper transitioned into a high-pitched moan. “Oh…fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck…”
He wasn’t complete relaxed, but Connor couldn’t wait anymore. He pulled back about halfway, slid back in. Brad’s eyes rolled back in his head, and he bit his lip.
“Mmmmmm…what a mighty fine ass you have, boy.”
He pulled further out, surged back in with slightly more force. Brad braced himself against the table. Held the other end of the table with both hands.
“Yeah, you better hold on to something, boy, ‘cause I’m about to let loose on your ass. You ready for me? You ready to be pounded?”
“Yes, Sir,” Brad managed between cliched teeth. “Bring it, Sir.”
Bring it. Connor grinned. Oh, he would bring it, alright.
He pulled out entirely, rammed back in. Brad whinnied, and the whole table moved at least an inch. “Hold that fucking table,” Connor snapped.
Hands reached out to steady Brad, others to block the table.
“Come on, Connor, pound that ass,” Noah said, laughing.
He slammed in again, smiling. God, this felt good. He caught Josh's proud look, looked him straight in the eye as he repeated his move. Josh's lips curved. “Fuck him harder, baby,” he said.
How could he say no to that? A red haze descended as he let loose, truly let loose, for the first time in his life. Even with Josh, he’d always held back a little, but now all bets were off. Brad’s body spasmed at some point, probably from an orgasm, but Connor didn’t care. Nor did he stop when his own orgasm tore through him, unloading his balls with unholy violence. No, he dug his fingers into Brad’s hips and fucked him into oblivion.
No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes Page 116
