Connor rubbed his chin. “That wasn’t very subtle, was it? I had no idea what I was doing. All I knew was that I needed to see him again.”
“It’s not like I can make fun of you, seeing how I fell for Indy from the second I met him.”
“He’s special,” Connor agreed. “He and Josh are two of the strongest people I’ve ever met.”
Noah cocked his head, meeting his eyes over the two sleeping bodies between them. “You’re not so bad yourself, Connor.”
“You starting to like me, Flint?” Connor joked, his insides warm with Noah’s compliment.
“Well, you kissed me, so I kinda feel obligated, you know?”
They both smiled, an easy camaraderie between them that Connor would’ve never thought possible a year ago. “If you call that a kiss, we need to talk. That was a mere peck.”
Then Noah’s hand reached over Indy and Josh to find Connor’s, covering it with his own and squeezing it. “All jokes aside, Connor. I hope you realize that you’ve become my best friend. I’m so grateful you’re in my life.”
Connor’s mouth dropped open. That was not what he’d been expecting at all. “But…but what about Josh? And Miles?”
Noah smiled at him, not letting go of his hand. “You know how complicated my relationship with Josh has always been. There’s so much history there, that it’s a struggle sometimes to allow myself to change in my interaction with him rather than fall back on how we’ve always been, if that makes sense. And Miles, it’s different. I love the guy to pieces, and I couldn’t be happier he’s living with us, but it’s not the same. You challenge me, and you inspire me to be a better man, and you’re there when I need you. You’re my best friend, Connor. Just accept it.”
Connor’s head was scrambling, trying to come up with something, anything. But all he had was a bone-deep gratitude. He didn’t have Noah’s words or his psychological insights. Hell, until Noah had just spoken, Connor hadn’t even realized he felt the same way about him. When the fuck had that happened? When had he stopped tolerating Noah and had started…loving him? It was the weirdest thing, to be confronted with your own emotions like that.
“I’m…I’m speechless. I legit don’t know what to say.”
Noah grinned as he let go of Connor’s hand, but it was a kind grin, one that said he understood. “Tell me you love me too, so we can get some sleep.”
That quip restarted Connor’s brain. “What happened to the all-night fuckfest you promised?”
Noah shot a poignant look at Indy and Josh. “These two are out for the count, so unless you wanted to get to second base with me, sleep it is.”
Connor was still smiling when he closed his eyes and settled in for the night, but the last thought he had before falling asleep was of him kissing Noah again. Weird.
7
There were few things Charlie took more seriously than decorating a Christmas tree. Makeup, maybe. Or shoes. But this time of year, getting the tree just right was crucial to the holiday spirit, Charlie felt.
At first, he’d been a tad concerned with the lack of enthusiasm for this project from the others. Brad had given him a blank look, as if he wasn’t even sure what a Christmas tree was. Heathen. Miles hadn’t been jumping for joy either, but Charlie would turn him around. He was sure of it.
The good news about no one else giving a flying fuck was that he had free rein. He’d asked Miles for a budget, and Miles had smiled at him and said he could spend whatever he felt was reasonable. That was a dangerous thing to say to Charlie, whose talents had never included handling money well, but he gave himself a stern order to not overspend.
He was doing really well, until he discovered Target had already discounted its holiday supplies. But since no one in the whole freaking house even owned so much as a Christmas ornament between them, they couldn’t fault him for spending a little more, right? After all, they had a big house to decorate. He’d do everything stylish, in specific colors, and it would look magnificent.
Charlie was in his bedroom, finishing putting on his lipstick, when Miles called for him. “Charlie, love, there’s a delivery for you.”
Yay, his Target delivery was here! He hurried to the front door, where the UPS guy was stacking box after box near the door. Charlie frowned. Were they all for him? That couldn’t be, could it?
The guy dropped another long box. Ah, that was the tree, Charlie saw. He’d picked a large one that would stand beautifully in the living room.
“That’s it. I counted them out,” the guy said.
He waved in a friendly gesture and climbed back into his truck. Miles looked at the boxes, a puzzled expression on his face. “What’s all this?” he asked. “Did you get a head start on Christmas shopping?”
Charlie smiled at him. “In a way. This is the Christmas deco stuff I ordered. I told you.”
Miles’s frown deepened. “You said you’d buy a tree and some ornaments. This looks like you bought half the store.”
“It was all on sale,” Charlie said. “Buy one get one half off.”
“Hmm,” Miles said, and Charlie didn’t feel like he appreciated what a good deal that was. “Let’s get it all inside and see what you got.”
“Oh, Christmas decorations,” Josh said as he helped bring the boxes inside. “What did you get?”
“I chose everything in blue, white, and silver. Wait till you see the tree,” Charlie said, feeling giddy at the thought of revealing it. “It’s massive and it will look perfect here.”
But when he unpacked all the boxes, Miles’s frown seemed to deepen. Instead of enthusiasm, he hung back while Josh and Indy praised Charlie for his choices and started to set up the tree. He could understand why Brad didn’t give a shit, though even he tried to say something nice. And Connor and Noah were excused as well. But why didn’t Miles show even a shred of appreciation?
And then he remembered, the little detail Miles had confessed about hating the holidays. He missed his parents and his sister, who’d all died in a boating accident years ago. Charlie’s heart filled with love as he walked over to Miles, who was observing from the couch. He slipped onto his lap and hugged him.
“I’m sorry you miss them,” he said, confirmed in his line of reasoning when Miles buried his head against Charlie. Around them, the room grew quiet.
“I miss them so fucking much this time of year,” he said, and Charlie heard the emotion in his voice. “My dad would buy the biggest natural tree he could find and my mom would decorate it with us. Every year, she’d add the sorry attempts at Christmas ornaments Belinda, my sister, and I would make in school. They were awful, but she always hung them.”
Charlie wished he had a memory like that, but his own mother hadn’t given a shit about him or anything he did in school. And even less after she’d started suspecting he was gay. He pushed the memory down. Now was not the time. Besides, Christmas didn’t hold specific negative memories for him, not like it did for Miles.
“Do you still have them?” he asked. Miles wouldn’t have thrown them out, would he?
“Yeah, they’re in a box in the garage. I haven’t looked at them since I packed them, many years ago.”
“We should put them up,” Josh said softly. “So you can remember them in love. I don’t have anything like that from my childhood.”
“Me neither,” Indy said. “We had Christmas trees a few times, but nothing personal like that.”
“I’m sure my mom kept all my craft projects,” Connor said with a laugh. “They’re probably in a box somewhere in her house. She never threw anything out.”
“I’ve got a box from my mom,” Noah said. “My dad gave it to me a while ago, said he wouldn’t use it anyway.”
“Bring them in,” Indy said. ‘If you want to. I agree with Josh that it would be lovely to honor your loved ones like that.”
With a little digging, Noah and Miles both found their boxes in the garage. Both were organized and had all their boxes neatly labeled, which made Charlie laugh. It was
a good thing he had nothing in storage, because it would’ve taken him ages to find anything. Hell, he lost his phone half the time.
Noah had decorations his mother had bought, old-fashioned ornaments made of glass and various angels. And Miles unpacked a load of clumsily crafted ornaments he and his sister had made. One was a little foam Christmas tree with a picture of a young Miles.
“That was fourth grade, I think,” Miles said.
“God, you were cute,” Charlie said.
“Were,” Brad repeated with a cheeky grin, which made Miles smile.
“Careful, brat. Or we’ll find out how cute you look with your ass all red.”
“Yes, Daddy,” Brad said, but his eyes laughed as much as Miles’s.
They put the tree up and hung the ornaments. When it was done, it looked nothing like the modern, stylish tree in silver, blue, and white Charlie had imagined, but they all agreed it was perfection.
* * *
Five days after the wedding, Indy was still basking in the afterglow. It had been picture-perfect, their intimate gathering, and the wedding night one for the books. The ceremony shouldn’t have made a difference, but it did.
Indy held out his hand, studying the gorgeous ring Noah and Connor had surprised him and Josh with. They’d been sneaky, those two, making their own little plans, but Indy loved it. Indy had blinked when he’d seen all four names in the engraving. He’d expected his and Noah’s names, or maybe his in the middle and Josh’s on the other side, but Connor’s had been added too. It had surprised him, and yet it hadn’t, this proof of how their relationship was still evolving.
Even now he sensed it, as Connor and Noah were in the bathroom together, showering after a workout. Before, they would’ve waited their turn, even if they didn’t care much about seeing each other naked. But they’d grown closer, and it showed in little things. He and Josh couldn’t be more excited, since it made things so much easier.
“Admiring your bling?” Miles asked with a laugh.
Indy dragged his eyes away from his hand and smiled. “Very much.”
“It’s gorgeous,” Charlie said, snuggled up against Miles, flipping through a fashion magazine. “Didn’t Noah and Connor want rings for themselves?”
Indy shook his head. “No. Noah has an aversion to any kind of metal on his body after his accident. It feels restrictive to him. He wore his dog tags for a long time, but he took those off a few months back. And because of that, Connor decided it would be better if it was only me and Josh who wore them. It’s their wedding gift to us.”
“That’s beautiful,” Charlie sighed.
They looked at the door when Brad walked in, his face showing he’d had a rough day. Still, he hung his jacket on the right hook, deposited his shoes and his backpack in the right place, and greeted them all. Max got an extended belly rub before Brad sought out his boyfriends. Charlie scooted over, making space for Brad, who settled next to him on the couch with a deep sigh.
“Bad day, sweetheart?” Miles asked, his hand finding Brad’s head and stroking it.
“Yeah. Nothing big, but I’m tired, Daddy.”
They hadn’t talked about it much, but Indy knew Burke’s return had affected Brad. Indy was proud of him for taking a stand and being open about his relationship with Miles and Charlie. That couldn’t have been easy for Brad, who was so sensitive to rejection.
“Do you want me to draw you a nice bath so you can relax a little?” Miles asked.
Before Brad could answer, a phone rang with an unfamiliar ringtone. Indy froze.
The new DA had provided him with a burner phone. No one else had that number, they assured him. Indy had appreciated the gesture, even if he was a little freaked out that a measure like this was still necessary after Duncan had died. The phone had remained silent, except for an occasional text. But now that phone was ringing, the ringtone shrill and on a frequency that made his head hurt.
He picked it up quickly, his stomach swirling uncomfortably. Across from him, Miles tensed, gesturing at Charlie to go get someone. Noah and Connor, Indy guessed.
"Hello?" Indy said.
"Please provide the verification code given to you with this phone," a detached, female voice spoke.
Indy blurted out the four-digit code they'd agreed upon and that he’d memorized.
"Please hold for Mr. Dwyer," the woman said.
The DA himself was calling. This was not good. Connor came hurrying in, still shirtless, and took a seat next to him. Without hesitating, he reached for Indy’s hand. Indy was glad for the comfort the sensation of that big, strong hand provided.
"I'm sorry to disturb you at home, Indy, but I’ve received some worrisome news I wanted to share with you."
If nothing else, Indy appreciated the directness of the new DA. This man wasted no time on chitchat or polite conversation but went straight to the point.
"What happened?" Indy asked.
"The FBI has informed us they have received credible threats against you. They’ve been monitoring the chatter of several operatives within the Fitzpatrick organization. Things were quiet after Duncan Fitzpatrick was killed and most of the organization was in disarray, but lately, they have picked up renewed chatter. The pattern that's emerging is that there is a new leadership rising within the organization, and some of these leaders are determined to prevent you from testifying."
Indy swallowed back the bile that had risen in his throat. "What do you mean by credible threats?"
Even through the phone, he heard Dwyer letting out a deep sigh. "I’m so sorry, Indy, but there's a renewed contract on your head. The reward is nowhere near as high as it was previously, but still high enough to attract unsavory characters. The good news is that so far, there’s little concrete information they have on you, and it doesn't seem like your address has been leaked, but the FBI fears that if they take long enough, they will find you. I really want to urge you again to accept our offer of placing you in a safe house."
A new contract. Indy closed his eyes, trying to process what the DA was telling him. Would this nightmare never end? He thought he'd be free after Duncan died, after Connor had taken down so many of the leaders in the Fitzpatrick organization. They should've known there was too much money to be made from the drug trade for the whole organization to collapse. Someone new would always rise to the top.
And he was the biggest threat to sending a whole bunch of their leaders to prison for a long time. Even with all the other evidence they had, the DA had assured Indy that his testimony was crucial. He was the only one who could provide a first-person witness account of the daily operations of the Fitzpatricks.
"The contract," he asked, forcing himself to stay calm. "Is it dead or alive?"
"It's a kill contract, Indy. They’re no longer interested in taking you alive."
"Well, at least that's good news," Indy said, and he didn't realize how true that was until he had uttered those words.
His biggest fear had never been dying. It had always been to be taken alive and tortured to death. Or worse, to be taken alive and forced to do the will of his captors because they would take his loved ones. Noah. Josh. Connor. Miles and his boys. Indy had so many more weak spots now than before. A kill contract was good news, since it meant they were only after him.
"Our offer of a safe house stands. We can relocate you anywhere in the country, and as I assured you before, we’re willing to allow you to bring your partner with you. Pardon me, partners. We understand your relationship is unconventional, and we’re willing to accommodate. Please understand, Indy, that your safety is a big concern for us. We want to win the case, but it's also because we don't want to see you or your loved ones harmed."
Indy wasn't sure if the man was speaking the truth about the latter part. He sounded sincere, but then again, he was a politician of some sorts, wasn't he? Indy had never met a politician who couldn't lie through his teeth and make it sound like the sincerest compliment ever.
What he did know, because Mile
s had told him as much, was that the offer for a safe spot not just for him but for Noah, Josh, and Connor as well was extraordinary. If nothing else, it indicated the value of Indy's testimony. That didn't mean he was tempted in the least to accept the offer. Not even after what the DA had just told him.
"Mr. Dwyer, I appreciate you telling me this. Believe me, I understand the gravity of the situation. But understand where I'm coming from. I have done nothing but run for the last two years, and I’m done. I can't run anymore. I have to take a stand. That means I'm staying home, with my loved ones, with my family."
Dwyer sighed again. "I was afraid that would be your answer. I understand, Indy, but I really urge you to reconsider. And if the prospect of a safe house is too much for you, please allow us to place a permanent protection detail on you and your partners. We want to make sure you're safe."
Indy thought about it. The idea of having strangers around him, federal agents, was almost as bad as going to a safe house. It would mean a total loss of privacy, not just for him, but for all of them. It would affect Josh’s PTSD for sure, and it would be an impediment of their lifestyle, including the interactions between Miles and his boys. What would happen if Brad had an off day? Or if Josh needed a heavy session? How on earth could they pull that off with federal agents watching them?
No, if they needed protection, they'd have to go the route Noah and Connor had suggested and hire private security, men they could vet and trust. Men they could choose based on their understanding of their unconventional relationship, as Dwyer had formulated it so politely.
"Thank you, but I'll need to think about this. Quite frankly, my experiences with the FBI and cops haven't been all that good, as you know from reading my file. Plus, even having federal agents around would be a massive breach of our privacy. I will discuss it with my partners, and I'll let you know. I doubt we'll take you up on your offer, but I think we will consider hiring private security."
Dwyer was silent for a few beats. "Indy, can I speak frankly?" he asked, his voice dropping to a low level. "And by frankly, I mean that this conversation stays between us, or at least between me and you and your partners?"
No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes Page 124
