“Stephan?” he asked, remembering just in time to use his old name.
“It’s horrifying what they did to him, your cousins. I hope they’re rotting in hell, both of them. But George was determined to silence him, and I had to do something.”
She wasn’t talking about his father’s testimony any longer, Connor realized. There was an edge to her voice, a chilling coldness. “What did you do, Mom?” he asked all over again.
“Your uncle is dead, let’s leave it at that.”
Connor fought to hold back a gasp as the truth hit him. “You…” he said, then stopped. He wasn’t going to implicate her, not like this.
“If whoever killed him did their job right, they’ll never find them, but if they do, you know what will happen.”
Connor could hear his own heartbeat in his ears. She’d signed her death warrant if the family or whoever was left ever discovered it had been her. You didn’t turn against the family like that. That had consequences, deadly ones. “They’ll kill them,” he said, and next to him, Wander jerked in shock.
“Yes, but here’s the thing, Connor. You’re the only one left. My dad, my brothers, their sons, they’re all gone. Their wives have all faded into nothing. Nobody is left to lead, you hear what I’m saying? If you stay away, the family is dead. Others may take over, but they won’t give a flying shit about George, Eric, Duncan, or any of them. It’s no longer personal.”
She was right. It was what Connor had hoped to achieve by taking out his uncle and cousins, but he hadn’t counted on Eric’s father keeping vengeance alive. “Does that mean the contract on Stephan’s head will be canceled?”
“Give it a few weeks. George backed that contract, so it’ll take time for the news to trickle down that no one’s left to honor it.”
“What about the lieutenants who are in jail, awaiting trial?”
She laughed again. “The money is gone. All the assets are gone. The cops raided everything, and what was left was seized by George’s killer. My guess is, they’ll disappear and will never be heard from again.”
“Mom…” His throat constricted, understanding what she was telling him.
“One last thing, Connor. There’s a lawyer in Boston named Trevon Wilson. If you should hear certain news, wait a while and contact him. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
He did. She’d made a back-up plan in case she got caught. “I love you, Mom,” he said again. “Thank you for everything.”
“You be happy, Connor,” she said, and then she choked up. “You live a long, happy life, you hear me? Don’t ever look back.”
“Mom…” He lost the battle with his own tears, somehow knowing that he’d never see her again.
“I love you, Connor. You be good now.”
And with that, she was gone, leaving him with the same parting words she’d used since he was a little boy. Every day, when she’d put him on the bus, those had been her last words. “You be good now.”
He dug his fingernails into his own hands to keep himself from falling apart as the phone dropped out of his hand. Wander snapped something at one of his men, but Connor was too focused on not crumbling to register what. It felt like seconds later that Indy and Josh were running in, then Noah, his heavy footstep always easy to distinguish.
"What the hell happened?"
That was Noah, his voice filled with concern, while Josh dropped to the floor in front of Connor and held him. He allowed it, dropping his head onto Josh's shoulder. He wasn't sure how long he rested like that, his thoughts a tornado of conflicted emotions, before he looked up. Miles had come in as well, both his boys still at work.
“Wander, I need you to leave the room for a few minutes,” Connor said, his voice hoarse.
The man had already heard way more than he should have, and with his brother being the DA, Connor wasn’t taking any chances. Wander seemed to understand, because he put on his jacket. “I’ll do an outside check.”
When he was outside, Connor took a steadying breath. This wasn’t gonna be easy, especially for Indy. He’d struggled so much already with knowing how many people had suffered and died, and Connor was about to add one more to the list. But he needed to know, they all did.
So Connor told them about the call, relating every detail and word, knowing he could trust them with his life. His family was here for him. Not his family by blood, but his family nonetheless.
“She killed him?” Miles said, his voice rising in pitch.
“The hints she gave were clear. I haven’t checked the news, but I’m sure it will be reported, what with the trial starting soon. The Fitzpatricks are still big news.”
“She did it to protect you,” Noah said slowly.
Connor nodded. “Yah. She said my uncle knew about my involvement in taking the Fitzpatricks down, but I dunno if she meant the raids or the shooting.”
He didn’t realize it until Indy gasped, the sound crystal clear in the room that had grown eerily quiet. Oh fuckity fuck. He’d just admitted he’d been involved in the shooting. Indy had known, and Miles must have suspected, but Noah…
Noah hadn’t known. But he did now.
* * *
He’d thought it had been Josh at first, when he’d first heard about the shooting. Noah remembered staring at that TV screen in the FBI’s waiting room in DC, seeing the news report on the shooting in Boston. His first thought had been that it had to be Josh, somehow. But then rational thought had kicked in.
Josh was in a facility, drugged up. Noah had given permission himself since the veteran’s psychiatric hospital had decided Josh wasn’t in the right frame of mind to consent to treatment anymore. Noah had read the reports, had signed all the papers. Josh had suffered a horrible setback there. So it couldn’t have been him.
And yet Connor had just blurted out he’d somehow been involved in that shooting. Noah’s head hurt as he tried to piece the puzzle together. The fact that Connor had left so abruptly. Their weird breakup. Josh being in such good spirits when he returned home, with Connor by his side. Indy, who had never wanted to engage in discussions about the shooting, stating he was happy his nightmare was over.
“You knew,” he said to Indy, noticing everyone was looking at him.
Indy slowly nodded. “I knew right away when Josh came home.”
“How?”
Indy shot Josh a quick look, then said, “Because he was too happy, too confident for a man who was supposed to have had a breakdown like that. Happy with Connor, too, which didn’t make sense unless their breakup was fake.”
A wave of emotion rolled through Noah. Indy had proved all over again how well he knew Josh, even better than Noah, who’d been his best friend since they were fifteen. “How did I not see it?” he asked Josh. “How did I miss this?”
He didn’t say it, but it stung, because he usually was so perceptive.
Josh let go of Connor and cupped Noah’s cheeks, kissing him gently on his lips. “You see me differently than Indy does. When you look at me, you still see the bullied high schooler, the insecure gay guy so scared of rejection. You see the soldier who tried so hard to fit in but never really did. And most of all, you see the man you’ve needed to protect for so long, which you did. You see my weaknesses, Noah, and that’s okay. It’s who we are and I love you for it. But Indy sees my strengths. He…”
Josh’s voice trailed off, and he looked at Indy with such love it took away the sting of his previous words. “He sees who I could be,” Josh finished at a whisper. “And so does Connor.” He looked back at Noah. “It was Connor’s plan, and he asked me, knowing I could pull it off.”
Noah had to swallow before he could speak, and Josh let go of his face. “I would’ve never asked you,” he realized. “I would’ve never put you in that position, too scared you’d choke.”
“Don’t blame yourself, Noah. You were what I needed for a long, long time. But like you outgrew your need for me and our twisted relationship, so did I. I’ve grown and changed, and knowing how m
uch Connor believed in me was a huge part of that.”
God, he was so right. It hurt to hear it, how much he’d been stuck in his perception of Josh, but it was true. Josh had changed, and Noah had never fully adapted his vision of him. “I’m so, so proud of you,” he said. “I’m sorry I didn’t see it till now, didn’t believe in you. But I’ll try to do better.”
Josh smiled, then leaned in for another soft kiss. “I never held it against you because I know your protective demeanor was born in love for me.”
Noah turned his head to face Connor, who’d been watching them with a slight unease. It wasn’t because of the affection, Noah realized, but because of the massive ramifications of his unintentional confession. He and Josh had committed a triple murder, and if anyone in this room talked, they could face a long time in prison.
“Did you know?” Noah checked with Miles.
Miles shrugged. “I strongly suspected. I read the FBI file on the shooting and when the ballistic report showed it was a standard issue military sharpshooter rifle, I figured it had to be Josh.”
“But you never said anything?” Josh asked with a hint of emotion.
“No. Look, I can’t condone vigilante justice, but in this specific case, nothing else would’ve brought Indy freedom. They could’ve still ruled the organization had they been imprisoned, so I could live with this outcome, and I’m sure a lot of the investigating agents feel the same way. It’s not like innocents were taken out, you know?”
They all nodded in agreement, and Noah’s eyes traveled back to Connor, who still sat motionless, his face pale. “Why?” Noah asked. “Why did you do this? You took massive risks.”
At first, Noah thought Connor wouldn’t answer, but then the man’s eyes found Josh and his demeanor changed. “Because I think deep down, I already knew how much Josh loved Indy. Losing Indy would’ve broken him, and I wanted his happiness more than anything. Plus, I owed Indy.”
The last statement didn’t make sense to Noah at all, but he let it go. He’d ask Indy about it later, maybe. The bottom line was that what Noah had thought to be a random act by strangers that had resulted in Indy’s freedom had been a deliberate plan by Connor and Josh. It filled his chest until the feeling was so big, he could barely contain it.
He dropped off the chair onto the floor on his knees, then clumsily made his way over to where Connor was sitting, who watched his progression with widening eyes. “What the hell are you doing?”
Noah waited until he was close enough, then put his arms around that big chest and leaned in for a strong hug. “I’m thanking you. I owe you everything, Connor. Everything.”
It only took a second before Connor returned the hug, squeezing Noah hard. “You don’t owe me shit. But you’re welcome.”
Noah wasn’t sure why, but he held on, feeling a tightness in Connor that he couldn’t define. It was confirmed when Connor dropped his head onto Noah’s shoulder, bringing his mouth close to his ear. “I’m scared.”
“For your mom?” Noah asked softly.
He couldn’t even begin to comprehend how complicated Connor’s relationship with his mother was. He hadn’t spoken to her in years, but that didn’t mean he didn’t love her. And from what Connor had shared about that phone call, she’d saved him. And Indy. Another reason why he owed Connor.
“What if they catch her?”
“Your family?”
“No, the cops. She’s right, there’s no one left of the family but me. The new lieutenants, they won’t care. It’s a problem solved for them, probably. It’s the cops I’m scared of. If they catch her…”
He didn’t finish his words, but he didn’t have to. Noah could figure out the rest. Life in prison would not be easy for Connor’s mom, not with her family’s legacy. There would be plenty of scores to settle.
“We’re here for you,” he said, offering all he could.
Connor’s head rested on his shoulder in full surrender. “I know. You lot are all the family I’ll ever need.”
13
Only two more weeks till Christmas, Aaron thought as he watched through the window while a heavy snowfall covered their backyard with a thick, fluffy blanket. Fifteen inches were expected, so his boss had told him to take a snow day and Blake had closed the studio preemptively. Their most recent houseguest had checked out that morning into a new place, and Blake had decided not to accept any new people until after New Year’s, so it was just the two of them.
Aaron didn’t mind sharing their home with strangers. It was a wonderful thing Blake was doing, offering a safe place to victims of domestic abuse, and Aaron had gotten used to the endless stream of people staying with them.
Shortly after he’d moved back in, Blake had decided to do a little renovation and he’d hired a contractor to create a door between their bedroom and the guest room next door, which had now become their playroom. It was locked from the hallway, only accessible through their bedroom, which ensured total privacy. The contractor had also put some kind of foam on the walls to create sound insulation, and that was a big reassurance for Aaron, who felt free to be himself in that room. It was his safe place, a little piece of heaven.
“Hey, puppy,” Blake said, taking a spot behind Aaron and wrapping his arms around him.
Aaron leaned back, breathing in Blake’s scent. Just feeling that strong body against his made him happy and content. When he was stressed, touching Blake always helped.
“It’s coming down hard,” Aaron said.
“Hmm. Vanessa texted me she made it to her new place, so that’s good.”
Vanessa had been their last guest, and she’d moved away to Rochester to stay out of reach of her soon-to-be ex-husband. “Glad to hear it.”
Blake nuzzled his neck. “Burke called me earlier to ask if he could stop by sometime this week. Would that be okay with you?”
Aaron could feel his heart rate spike at even the mention of his name. He’d be the first to admit Burke had behaved well during that Thanksgiving dinner, but that didn’t mean his anxiety over Blake’s brother and how he’d treat him was gone.
“Of course,” he said. “He’s your brother.”
“Oh my sweet puppy, I’m sorry he’s causing you stress,” Blake whispered, probably sensing his reaction. “If you want, I can meet him somewhere else, test the waters a bit more.”
The brothers had only spoken on the phone a few times since Thanksgiving, Blake busy with a tournament he was organizing in his studio and Burke occupied with looking for work and a place to live. Aaron had been beyond grateful that Blake had never even considered offering Burke a place in their home. He’d have accepted it because it was Blake’s brother, but boy, that would’ve caused him some serious anxiety.
Aaron turned around in Blake’s arms. “I don’t want to be a hindrance,” he said. “I’m happy for you he’s back in your life.”
Blake’s hand scratched his neck in that way that made Aaron want to lick him all over. “You’re never a hindrance, puppy. You’re the joy of my life. He can wait until you’re ready, okay? Besides, I need to see he’s changed first myself.”
Aaron nodded, then buried his head against Blake's chest, flooded with relief he wouldn’t have to face him again just yet. “Thank you.”
Blake kissed his head, his hand still scratching his neck, and Aaron melted against him. “You know what I was thinking?” Blake whispered.
“Mmm?”
“We’re all alone today… We have the whole house to ourselves. And with that snow, no one will stop by.”
Aaron’s heart jumped up. “Oh no! What will we do all day?” he said with a laugh.
Blake’s laugh rumbled in his chest. “I already turned up the heating in the playroom. Wanna play a little, my sweet puppy?”
Like he even had to ask. Aaron let go of him and shot him a happy smile. “Please.”
Blake smacked his ass. “Go get ready for me, pup.”
Aaron hurried off to their bedroom, where he had a whole basket full of h
is puppy gear. He stripped down in seconds, then happily lubed up the gorgeous tail-plug Blake had gotten him a few weeks before. He had multiple ones now, so he could pick whichever he was in the mood for. Today, he picked the newest addition because it had a smaller plug. He still loved that burn as he was filled, and some days he needed to feel it even more, like today.
He put on his puppy mask and secured his knee protectors and the little leather paws for his hands. That way, he could comfortably be on his hands and knees for a while. The floor was hardwood, so it was easy to clean, but Blake had bought several soft blankets and rugs that were washable.
When he was all done, he took his place in the playroom, waiting obediently on hands and knees until his master would appear. He wasn’t wearing his collar—that, as always, was up to his master to put on. Aaron shivered in anticipation of that feeling. When that collar snapped close and Master attached the leash, he felt so owned, so safe and carefree.
The puppy mask was new. They’d only used it a few times. At first, Aaron hadn’t wanted one, thinking it would be too restrictive, and Master had agreed. But then he and Master had watched some videos of puppy play, and Aaron had loved how it had made the puppies more real, and he’d asked if they could try it. They’d gone to a special store to buy one—where Aaron had been red as a beet the whole time—and now he loved it. They still didn’t always use it. Master left the choice to Aaron, and he loved that. Today, he wanted to sink deep, so he’d chosen to wear it.
Master usually let him wait for a few minutes so he could clear his head, and this time was no exception. There was no clock in the room, but it had to be ten minutes or so before he showed up. He’d taken his shirt off and was wearing jeans only, his muscles on glorious display. Aaron sat still in eager anticipation while Master kneeled on the floor.
“Come here, puppy,” he said, his voice rich and warm.
Aaron crawled over, putting his head against Master’s leg. He was rewarded with more neck scratches, and then Master’s warm, strong hand caressed his back with long, firm strokes that set his skin on fire. He loved it when Master did that.
No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes Page 128
