“That hot guy you were fighting yesterday! Well, more like savagely crushed, but you fought for a while last year! He seems totally into you, and he is smoking hot! We’ll be a swirl of beautiful browns, entangled together-”
Phavian stops short as he realizes Anaar has walked off, leaving him to his imagination. Following after him into the bedroom, Phavian grabs Anaar from behind, kissing him on the back of the neck.
“Come on! This would be awesome! A real nice way to spice things up!”
Anaar pulls away from him as he enters his closet. “We are not some old couple looking to revitalize our marriage… Who says he is even interested, and even if he were, who are we now, Codi and Pryshka?”
“Why not!? Look at all the fun they have, and they couldn’t be happier!”
“If you want to have sex with him so badly, why don’t you go ask for yourself? I don’t see him turning you down.”
Phavian stops his shuffling, walking into the massive closet so that he would be face to face with Anaar. “Seriously? You are giving me permission to go have sex with another guy? Without you.”
Without skipping a beat and continuing to figure out what he would wear, Anaar responds. “Why would I care about something as trivial as that? At the current time, it would appear I am going to live forever, and since I can’t get sick, it isn’t like I have to worry about STDs or anything. My life is going to be far too long to be concerned with such meaningless things. People are sexual beings. I will no doubt be with lots of people over my lifetime. What good would it do for me to dwell on their dalliances?”
Though he started the conversation, Phavian found himself not liking the direction it was headed. “I can’t believe you think so little of our relationship that cheating is no big deal. Not only that, but expected! So is that it? You have been cheating on me?”
“I have no idea how or why your brain operates the way it does… You are the one who started this whole thing! How am I suddenly the villain under suspicion?”
“Because you don’t give a damn about our relationship!”
Anaar grabs a shirt and a pair of pants, storming out of the closet. “Yes, let’s count the number of times I’ve saved your life with nothing else on my mind. I just don’t think it is sustainable for two people to pretend they never have attraction to others. Feeling this way, I can’t bring myself to be upset over something like sex. Go out. Romp, play, whatever. As long as you are coming back to me, what does it matter?”
Phavian scrunches up his face, peering at Anaar. “So you are back to normal now?”
“What are you talking about?”
“You have been this walking ball of emotions for like two months now, and have been acting super out of character. This is much more like the logical, overly analytical person I have always known.”
Anaar spins around, staring Phavian in the eyes for a moment. “All of you knew there was clearly something wrong with me, but instead of trying to help me, it seemed like a better idea to just leave it be?”
“You know it isn’t that simple.”
“Really? How not? ‘Anaar is being really weird. Perhaps we should try to assist him in whatever is troubling him.’ That simple.”
“Now you know better than that. You are the one who tries your damnedest to keep us out of your affairs for our safety. Given how you were acting, we didn’t know if you were going to get better, or blow us all up. You know why people don’t run away from you like… well a nuclear bomb?”
“I’m sure you plan to enlighten me.”
“Because despite having the power to wipe out everyone in an instant, you are the sweetest, most caring person alive. You always go the extra mile to help others. Given the difference of ability, people really respect that someone like you would be concerned about them. Take that away, and you are just a walking nightmare waiting to happen.”
“Great… thanks for the talk. I need to get out of here.”
Phavian watched as Anaar finished dressing, somewhat dejected his speech seemed to have fallen flat. “Where are you going?”
“To see someone who might actually be useful in this situation.”
Anaar headed toward the door, leaving Phavian to scurry after him, trying his best to figure out something to say that would salvage even a portion of their exchange. Before he had the opportunity to speak, the door had already opened and closed, signaling his departure. With his chance missed, Phavian slumped against the wall with a heavy sigh.
“Maybe I should have waited a few days to ask about the threesome…”
Anaar trudged across the expanse, almost oblivious to the existence of others. He needed time to himself to properly gather his thoughts, and something he had taken for granted about transit was that it was perfect for such. Being as self-absorbed as he was, it was no surprise when he did not realize he had bumped directly into someone.
Even in his most addled of states, his ability to detect others should have never allowed the incident to happen, but he felt it was perhaps testament to just how heavy things were weighing on his mind. He brought himself fully back to reality to find an extremely red-faced Hugo with multiple bandages all over. Anaar wondered if he had been traveling whilst invisible, which could explain why they collided, but he immediately dismissed it since his powers rendered Hugo’s invisibility completely useless.
“Of course you wouldn’t even have the fucking decency to watch where you are going! Oh I forgot, we are all supposed to be mindful to steer clear of your path since our lives literally depend on it! Well fuck you bro!”
Anaar found he had no words for the heavy aggression being lobbed at him, but it was indeed his fault so he made quick to apologize. “You are right, I’m sorry. I should have been paying attention to where I was going. I’ll be sure to be more mindful in the future.”
“Oh now you want to be all meek and mild like nothing fucking happened?! Look at this shit!” Hugo pulls down some of the bandages to reveal severely burned skin that appeared to have been healed, but only to a small degree. “Two fucking burn specialists and neither could do better than this. Said I would have to come back for follow up sessions like therapy, but I still may never fully recover!”
Anaar could already understand the extent of the damage without seeing it, but as he looked upon it, he was confused why something of that severity would be an issue, particularly for a specialist. He shook the berating thoughts from his head and focused on the issue at hand. Hugo was clearly incensed with him, and it was likely for something he had actually done, rather than the typical disdain for just existing.
“It just wasn’t enough for you was it?! You stood at the top of Fire Affinity royalty! Untouchable, but at least there was still a little room for the rest of us. Oh no, that is not enough for grand fucking emperor Anaar! Why be content with being an emperor when you can instead be a god?! What was that? Just being a Demolitionist isn’t good enough for godhood? How about being a True Fire Quintessence that creates fucking dragons with an auto attack mode! Who the fuck is able to completely destroy people while they are asleep?! Fuck you, you fucking evil ass monster!”
It all came flooding back to Anaar’s mind, even though it was still hazy. He did remember waking up, though the reason why he would fall asleep in the middle of the Melee still eluded him. Upon waking, there were people burning in front of him and he simply left. It must have been Hugo based on his account. He almost wanted to ask how Hugo was even still alive if he had been doused in the everlasting flames, by his dragonling, but he figured it was the worst time to feed his curiosity. He also realized he would need a name for his dragonling if it were going to be a more frequent presence in his life.
“Hugo, I want to deeply apologize. It was never my intention to hurt you so gravely, nor make you feel less than. That is the last thing I would want. I know it is a fierce competition, but I never intended for anything to happen that could not be undone. If there is anything I can do-”
“Yeah, choke on
a dick and fucking die already!”
Hugo storms away from Anaar without allowing any sort of response. He wondered if it was because he never thought of himself as lacking power, but he could not understand when people blamed others for their own weakness. Though he would not say it to Hugo, all logic pointed to him never being in the situation if he had not tried attacking. He knew his familiar was good enough to differentiate mere passersby and those with aggressive intent. Though he truly was sorry for the supposedly extensive damages that other Medics could not heal easily, he could find no direct fault with himself. Going back to the thoughts he had before, but making sure to be aware, he headed onward toward the west side of campus.
In a rare turn of events, when Anaar arrived at the dojo, Master Shin was not in the main chamber. Unlike most faculty and staff who lived in the lavish faculty housing in the southeastern part of campus, he chose to live in a space he had made comfortable inside the dojo. To his knowledge, he was the only student to have ever seen the small and spartan lodgings. Crossing through the hall, he made his way down a series of corridors until he arrived at a door, rapping gently upon it a few times. After a few beats, the door opened, allowing him entry.
“This must be quite severe indeed if you chose not to wait for me to be available.”
Anaar was surprised to see Master Shin dressed so casually. All the other times he had been to the small lodgings, he had been invited and Master Shin was already dressed and about his day. Though his normal attire was nothing flashy, he had only known him in his more traditional clothing that resembled a gi. Now seeing the man in nothing but what looked to be pajamas or loungewear, he was so disarmed he almost missed the thinly veiled disdain in his statement.
“Oh… Oh I am so sorry. It is just so late in the day, and you are usually through more at 6am than most people get done in an entire day.”
“Everyone is entitled to a day of respite on occasion are they not?”
Anaar nods dejectedly. “You are right, and I am sorry for the disrespect and presumptuous behavior. I will come back another time.”
Master Shin makes a beckoning motion with some irritation, indicating he wanted Anaar to come in. Taking heed, he quickly scrambled in where Master Shin closed the door. Extending his hand to a table, Anaar understands the cue to be seated.
“If I had no intention of receiving you, I would have never opened the door. Few know of this place, and only two would be so bold to visit it. I was certain who it was. I am more surprised you did not simply teleport yourself in.”
Though he had been staying quiet and reserved thanks to his misstep, Anaar was particularly fired up by this comment. “Why does everyone think I would do that?! Also, whether or not you are aware, someone took the time to install the same protections on this room as ours. This is vault level security.”
Master Shin gives Anaar a knowing squint, which causes him to bashfully divert his gaze from the man.
“Okay, fine. No it isn’t enough to keep me out, but that is beside the point! Just because I can do something, doesn’t mean I will do it, or even think it is acceptable to do it! What about me just screams ‘I love breaking and entering?!’”
Master Shin was caught off guard by the sudden outburst, and could not help but chuckle. When Anaar noticed this, he was relieved that the old man seemed to be in good enough spirits to find levity in his rant, but not pleased he found it amusing in the first place. Serving tea he had just prepared, Master Shin sat opposite of Anaar, the look on his face giving the cue he was prepared to listen.
With a sigh and a sip of the tea, Anaar began the conversation. “I know this is going to sound absurd, trust I am having a hard time even articulating it. Despite that, I feel you have one of the most open minds of anyone I know, and don’t have any ulterior motives regarding me… at least not overtly.”
Master Shin raised an eyebrow, taking a sip of his own tea and remaining deathly silent. This would be unsettling and intimidating for most, but since the majority of people in his life tended to ask questions without taking the time to listen first, it was always refreshing to confide in Master Shin who refused to speak before obtaining all the information.
“Something has been very wrong with me since came back to campus. I know there is the obvious astronomical surge in strength and the host of new abilities to go with it, but it isn’t just that. It feels like these past few months have been a blur. They started fairly clear, but it just becomes more and more obscure as I try to remember recent events.
People around me have been passively watching as I did more and more things farther from my character. Now that I have become aware of the problem, suddenly everyone wants to tell me how difficult I have been to deal with. Why would no one tell me anything sooner?!”
Master Shin was quite intuitive when it was his time to speak. Seeing the question in his eyes, along with the pause, he offered up his own reasons for not addressing the issue.
“It has been a very difficult time for you. Despite your abilities, you are still human, an a young one at that. It would not be incorrect to say no one should have to be forced to bear the burdens you carry. Given how devastating a blow taking Yefferson’s life with your own hand was, I for one felt I had no license to lecture you on how your grief manifested. I would not be so presumptuous to speak for others, but I sense they might have had similar feelings.”
“You aren’t wrong. Pretty much everyone else said the same thing. I feel like I should be appreciative for their consideration. Call me selfish, but I feel as if I give so much to everyone, so how hard is it to just push past the surface level and dig deeper on occasion?”
“You must understand your place within your circle. You have become the pillar that holds up everything and everyone around you. Those being supported by you are comfortable with cracks, or general wear to their pillar. This is something they believe is within the scope of their influence to correct. When the pillar is all but shattered however, this causes a paralysis in those being supported as they cannot fathom what would happen should their pillar fully crumble.”
Anaar took a moment to deeply ponder what he had just learned. Hobb had previously scolded him about his habit of inserting himself where he was not needed, and then complaining when the situation became dependent on him. He had no conscious knowledge of him doing this, but as he examined his relationships, it was true he was the one everyone looked to.
When someone needed support to break through to another level in their abilities, he was always the first person called. When a leader was required, it always defaulted to him. Even Ixnes had begun relying on him, much more than he relied on her. He wondered if people placed such faith in him due to his immortality, but even those who knew nothing of it behaved in the same manner. He decided there was little more he could glean from the topic at the current time, which prompted him to continue with his story to Master Shin.
“This is where it gets really crazy… I feel like I… ‘woke up’ during the Melee, and when I reflected on the things I could remember, it felt surprisingly familiar. It took me a while to pin down the feeling, but I’m positive it felt similar to when that darkness in me took over. The only difference is this time I was not in control. If what I have learned is true, that darkness was a link between Yefferson and me. I might be losing it, but I don’t think Yefferson is dead. I think I’m possessed by my older brother.”
Master Shin’s eyes flared for a moment, but rather than concern, Anaar was surprised to find more amusement on the old man’s face. “Possessed?”
“Fine, perhaps possessed is inaccurate and overly dramatic. I don’t think he is dead though. Okay, maybe physically, but if I absorbed his powers, who is to say I didn’t absorb his psyche too? Isn’t that what I was built to do? Consume? If we were originally intended to be one being, this might be one way the universe is correcting its course. I could find more ridiculous reasons for what is happening to me.”
Though the method by which he ch
ose to nurture and show support was far from warm and cozy, Master Shin had never once let him down. Keeping consistent with his glowing record, Master Shin had immediately stood from the table and began rummaging in another room. He reemerged with a small boombox, a relic that Anaar had only seen once before in his life. Placing it on the table, he looked to Anaar with the expression that typically indicated a lesson was incoming.
“I am no doctor of mental health, but it sounds quite similar to a fractured psyche or multiple personality disorder. There is a special type of meditation that was used in my home to treat these maladies as it allowed one to retreat deep into themselves. Perhaps there you will find answers to your questions. This music will assist in reaching the trancelike meditative state, but first I must instruct you in the process.”
Master Shin took Anaar through a series of breathing exercises and methods to clear his mind. Anaar found clearing his mind to be extremely difficult since he was forever swimming in a never-ending sea of thoughts. It took him over an hour just to finally clear his mind to an extent he could continue, and another three hours to reach the trancelike state. Master Shin never lost patience with him however, as it had taken him months to achieve such a reflective state of mind. Master Shin could tell Anaar had arrived by the change in his breathing. He knew then that there was nothing left to do but wait and not disturb the boy.
Anaar found himself sitting on the floor of a small empty room when he opened his eyes. Not one for rash actions, he took a while to survey his surroundings before moving. Either something was blocking his powers, or there was no life to be found where he was. He had become so used to the constant buzz of feeling every living creature for miles, that it was as if he had lost all his senses. Even though he could see the room around him, it would have been no different if he were blindfolded.
Standing and moving to the door, he opened it, noting that it made no sound, and he could not hear himself breathe, nor hear his feet plodding across the floor. Once he stepped out of the room, he found himself in an endless expanse. Everything was the same as far as he could ‘see.’ Without warning he is shocked by a sudden voice.
Revelations (Song of Sophangence Book 4) Page 33
