by Cheree Alsop
I sat against the wall by Kip’s bed late the third night. My parents had let me skip school the past two days so I could recover from everything we had been through. I spent the time between the old tree and Kip’s room hoping Marek would pull through. Dad came in often to feel his forehead, peer into his eyes, and check the bandaging; he always left with a small shake of his head.
Mom spent most of her time cooking. I had promised to take her to the Downs with Marek’s permission when he woke up, and she spent every waking minute fixing food and supplies she felt the Lost and Shifters needed. I knew she especially looked forward to seeing Whisper again.
Fellow was another one who searched for any sign of change. He slept over Marek’s feet, unmoving except to follow me to the tree and back. I had dozed off on a chair, my head against the wall, when I heard Fellow stir. His dog tags jingled as he sat up, staring expectantly at Marek’s face. My heart skipped a beat when I saw that his eyes were open.
I stumbled to the side of the bed, my heart pounding. “Marek, I. . . .”
He tried to speak, but his throat was dry. I helped him sip a tiny bit of water from the cup I had put on the nightstand and replaced every night so he would have fresh water if he awoke. He coughed, wincing weakly with the pain. “The tape?” he managed to get out.
I nodded, a pit in my stomach. I had hoped he would somehow forget it. “I put it in the back of my closet,” I said quietly. “No one will find it there.”
He nodded, looked like he wanted to say something else, then turned his head away. His hair fell over the neatly sewn gash above his eyebrow. I hesitated, then swept his hair aside gently. He looked back at me. Tears rolled down his cheeks.
“Marek.” I didn’t know what to say. If only he hadn’t heard the tape. If only May was alive and Raven hadn’t been shot. If only Marek wasn’t a Shifter. I caught myself.
“I’m no one,” Marek said so softly I barely heard him.
“No, that’s not true.”
Marek shook his head against my words, his eyes closed tight. He was quiet for so long I wondered if he had fallen asleep again, but then he whispered haltingly, “He was my brother. He shot her. He didn’t care.”
“It wasn’t Shane that did that,” I replied. I moved onto the bed so that I sat near his pillow, careful not to make the mattress move.
“I should have found him, Kyla. I shouldn’t have given up the search. I could have prevented all of this.” His eyes were still closed and his voice weak.
I shook my head. “You never stopped searching. I know you didn’t, Marek.” He opened his eyes and looked up at me as if willing himself to believe my words. “Every group of Lost you found, you were searching for him. Every time one made it home, you wished it was him. You didn’t fail him, Marek. He failed you by allowing himself to become what he is.”
Marek shook his head again, his eyes on the opposite wall. He forced the words out. “If I had brought him home, May would be alive, my parents would be happy, and maybe I could have gone home as well.”
“What about the Lost?” I asked softly. “What about Whisper, Raven, and the others. They needed you, and still do. I need you.” I swallowed against a knot in my throat. “Family is not who you’re born to, Marek. Family is made of the people who love and depend on you, who deserve you, and who would fight and die for you. They need you around and they. . .Marek, I. . . I need you. . .I love you.”
He met my eyes again and held them. For the first time, I saw tiny flecks of gold in the blue, a reminder of all he was, of how different he was. I didn’t care. I bent slowly and kissed him lightly on the lips; he kissed me back as softly. His lips were warm.
I sat back, suddenly embarrassed to look at him. “Kyla?” he asked, his voice hesitant. I turned back to him. “I need to sleep,” he said in a tone that was apologetic, yet begging me to understand. “Would you stay with me?” His voice fell to a whisper. “I’m afraid to dream.”
I nodded wordlessly. I moved over so that my back was against a pillow by the wall. Marek fell asleep with his head on my lap, my fingers entwined in his tangled hair. I leaned against the wall and thought about the tape.
***
When I woke up next to Marek, his good arm was around my shoulders and Dad was checking his wounds. I gave him an embarrassed smile, but he merely nodded warmly. Apparently, the fact that Marek was awake surpassed the other fact that his daughter had fallen asleep under the arm of a wolf Shifter. I felt Marek take a sharp breath in response to Dad’s careful fingers on his shoulder. I sat up slowly, anxious not to jolt the bed.
“Good morning.” Marek’s voice was quiet, but stronger than last night.
I looked down and saw that he was watching me; there was a bit of color in his pale cheeks. “Good morning,” I replied, feeling suddenly shy. I rose, mumbled a quick hello to Dad, then made my way to my room.
Once alone, a confusion of emotions battled my calm façade. I sat down on my bed and picked up Sammy, the small teddy bear I had kept since I was little. The worn black eyes stared at me blankly, offering no answers to the questions I couldn’t put into words. I stared out the window until a tap on my door brought me back.
“Come in,” I said quietly, though I really didn’t feel like talking to anyone.
Mom entered the room, Rosie on her hip. She put the toddler on the floor and Rosie quickly occupied herself with emptying the contents of my backpack. Mom sat onto the bed near me and kicked off her shoes. She sighed and settled back. “I hope those kids like home cooking, because they’re getting plenty of it,” she said with a tired, satisfied smile.
“What time did you get up this morning?” I asked her curiously.
“Early,” Mom replied with an evasive smile. “I saw that Marek looked a bit better, and figured I should get a head start if we’ll be going over to the, uh, whatever you call it, soon.”
“The Den, Mom,” I replied with a laugh. “And I think you got a head start three days ago.”
“You can never have enough good food,” Mom said, quoting her plump mother-in-law with an exact impersonation of her what-I-say-goes manner. We both giggled, relieved at the lightening mood.
“I worry about you,” Mom said after a few moments of comfortable silence in which Rosie decided she was bored with the backpack and moved on to my music collection.
“No, no, Rosie,” I chided gently. The little girl grinned at me and continued pulling out the cases and stacking them into a tower. I gave up and let myself ask, “Why?” I feared my parents would forbid me from seeing Marek. I knew I had really pushed it by falling asleep next to him, but that was an accident; I couldn’t have said no to Marek’s plea for a friend to help keep the nightmares at bay. But Mom’s answer surprised me.
“You’re growing up so fast.” Mom gently took the bear from my hands. She ran familiar fingers over its thread-bare fur. “It seems like just yesterday you were toddling around the house. Dad used to take you to the clinic to see all the new puppies.” She smiled. “I remember Grandpa carrying you through the woods on his shoulders. You both had matching smiles of pure happiness.”
Mom gave a small shake of her head. “It just seems like life is getting darker, more survival than living.”
I had never heard my mother talk like this. She seemed so sad, like she had lost something she couldn’t get back. “I still enjoy things, Mom. It’s not all bad.”
Mom smiled. “I know.” She brushed a strand of my wayward hair behind my ear. “I just feel like you’re getting too many realities of life too quickly.”
I thought of what I had learned of Marek’s past, of being shot at by Falconans, of seeing May die, and of seeing Marek so close to following her. I nodded. I understood exactly what Mom meant.
“Just promise me something,” Mom said, rising and handing Sammy back to me. She bent down and started to stack the music back on my shelf.
“Okay,” I said, joining her. Rosie giggled and tried to unstack the cases as fast as we stacked
them.
“Promise me you’ll take time out just to be a teenager.”
I nodded, smiling. “I will, Mom. Don’t worry.”
Mom picked up Rosie and stood, finally convinced that the music would never get put back with Rosie’s helpful assistance. She glanced at a picture on my dresser of me and Dad dressed up for a daddy-daughter date at the middle school years ago.
I caught her wistful smile before Mom turned to go. “Oh, Mom?”
Mom turned back and Rosie waved. “Yes, dear?”
“The Senior Ball is coming up in a month.” Mom’s face lit up. I pressed on. “And the theme is to be an actual Old English style ball, like in Pride and Prejudice or something. I have no idea what to wear.”
Mom practically beamed at the invitation. Rosie reached up and pulled her hair from its bun, but Mom didn’t seem to mind. “I’ll help you, if you’d like.”
I nodded. “I’d really like that.”
***
Raven watched over Marek and Rosie while I drove Mom, Dad, and Kip to the Den. Even though his arm was in a sling, Raven had only to remind Mom that he normally watched fifteen to twenty Lost to convince her that he could handle my baby sister. We were going to leave Kip, but he begged me to let him come despite Dad’s realistic fears of the Downs. I owed my brother for his help with Marek, and I really wanted to show him what Marek and Raven did so that he could understand them better. He now sat in the back with Mom under a multitude of different casserole dishes.
“You’re sure the car’s going to be safe here?” Dad asked when I pulled our old Honda into the empty garage. We had abandoned the Falconan’s car under an overpass, and we only had one vehicle since the Neon was damaged beyond repair. Phoenix went to the scene of the accident when he found out what happened. He removed the plates and the VIN number, then torched the Neon so no one would link it with my family. I was sad about that; it felt like losing a reliable friend.
I understood Dad’s concern. “Don’t worry, Dad. This close to the Den, the inhabitants of the Downs fear the great black wolf that roams the streets. They don’t come near here anymore.”
“Cool,” Kip said from behind us.
They followed me into the dark, dusty warehouse, the presence of the giant machines as ominous as when I had first come to the Den. I led them to the trap door, then pressed my hand on the panel. Kip, a boy seldom surprised, stared in amazement when the panel dropped in and slid out of the way, revealing the ramp. Mom followed close behind Dad as I led them to the next door. When I opened it, Mom gasped.
From the platform, we could see Phoenix wrestling in a pile of blankets with two of the Lost. Another ran through the kitchen armed with a water gun, three children played hide and go seek under the tables in the main room, and Whisper played dolls in her room with the youngest girl, a seven year old who said her name was Sunshine; the last two, a pair Marek suspected had come from an orphanage, played video games on the big television.
“You say you guys already took some of the children home?” Mom asked, her eyebrows raised.
I nodded. “Five of them; there’s nine left.” I tried not to think of the fact that May, the fifteenth, would never go home.
“This place is awesome!” Kip said excitedly. He was already halfway down the flight of stairs.
“Should he just go in like that?” Mom asked.
Phoenix stood up and was looking at us; a kid hung from each arm in an attempt to pull him back down. I waved and he nodded in recognition. I walked down the stairs, Mom and Dad trailing behind. Soon, however, they were immersed in the workings of the Den.
Dad was in the motorcycle room with Phoenix. Glancing in, I saw a gleam of childish excitement in Dad’s eyes as he ran a hand over Marek’s favorite jet black bike. Phoenix tossed him a helmet. Dad stared at it. “Wanna go for a ride?”
Dad looked back and saw me watching. “Don’t tell Mom. We’ll be back in a minute.” I laughed and nodded. Phoenix gave me a thumbs-up, punched the button to open the side door that led up to a back alley, and wheeled his camo-painted bullet bike up the ramp with Dad following right behind.
I shook my head, fighting a smile. Kip was on the computer with Flint. Even though the young wolf Shifter didn’t talk, they hit it off through their like of electronics. Now, they both searched the files for information on the Lost children that were left.
Mom was in the kitchen with Whisper, Sunshine, and two more of the Lost making cookies. From the smile Mom threw me as she went past the door, I could tell she was in her element, cooking and surrounded by eager, hungry kids.
I made my way to the lift with the intent of going to the roof, but a doorway in a dark corner by the motorcycles caught my eye. Its door was missing and a brown blanket had been tacked up for privacy. I glanced around, saw that no one was watching, and ducked under the blanket. Surrounded in darkness, I fumbled along the wall until I found a light switch.
I was surprised at the size of the room the light revealed. Roughly half the size of the main room, it was dimly lit and had a feeling of safety in its simple layout. A punching bag and knuckle bag were in one corner, and a pair of red gloves and a towel were thrown carelessly onto a chair nearby. A bed with tousled blankets sat in the opposite corner. I walked over to it, drawn to a picture on the nightstand.
I picked it up and stared at a very young Marek, his black hair still unruly and hanging in front of his bright blue eyes. He had an arm around his little brother. I found myself staring at Shane, trying to see the tall, merciless Falconan in the little boy’s face. Shane had brown hair like his mom and a grin that revealed an adorable gap between his two front teeth. Marek’s mom and dad stood behind them with content smiles on their faces. I could see Marek’s strong jawline and height in his father’s reflection.
There was something on young Marek’s face that held my gaze, something I hadn’t seen before. In the picture he looked so carefree, so innocent, like he had the world at his fingertips and nothing could beat him down. I sat the frame back down carefully, trying to hold that picture of him in my head. Could he ever feel like that again after all he had gone through?
I left the room as quietly as I had entered it, glad that Marek had a place of solitude like I had in my tree. I only hoped it was enough to help him through the battle he was fighting now, enough to help him find himself again.
Chapter 38- Marek
I kept my eyes shut, trying to will myself back into the dreamless sleep that was an escape from thoughts I didn’t want to face. Then I saw May’s pale face in my mind’s eye, her little arm around the brown bear we had given her. A tear escaped from my closed eyes and slid slowly down my cheek. I moved my left hand to brush it away. The sudden pain in my shoulder stole my breath. I gasped and grabbed it with my right hand.
The touch of bandages under my fingers brought it all back. I was in Kip’s room. May had been killed and Raven shot by my brother, Shane, and I wasn’t Marek. The real family I still loved wasn’t my own, I had let down the pack by being unable to protect them against a threat that wouldn’t give up until they were all dead, and I had brought danger to Kyla’s family, the only people who truly treated me like just another person.
Kyla. Her scent touched my nose. I opened my eyes slowly while telling myself that I should just crawl out the window and die somewhere alone. That thought was similar enough to Galbran’s plan to make me push the bitterness and despair back down, determined to live.
The bedroom was dark. I was alone. A clock next to the bed showed 3:53 a.m. I turned my head to the left. A little worn brown teddy bear sat near my pillow. It was the source of Kyla’s scent.
I reached slowly across with my good arm, wincing at the compression of my wounded shoulder. The bear was old and obviously treasured. The thought that Kyla had left it there brought a small smile to my face. The smile left as quickly as it appeared. I shouldn’t be here. My presence had already brought her harm. How could her parents let me stay?
I had brough
t danger to this home, and my continued presence would mean bad news for them if the Falconans returned. Grimly, I vowed to leave as soon as I was healthy enough to get out of bed. I owed it to them to do what I could to keep them safe. My eyes grew heavy; I gave myself back to sleep’s hold and the threat of merciless dreams. The brown bear rested under my arm, a gentle reminder of the angel that had been stolen away from me by the one person I had never given up searching for.
Chapter 39- Kyla
I forced myself to go to school the next two weeks while Marek spent the time trying to regain his strength. I couldn’t explain why, but it was hard to see him. I found myself avoiding Kip’s room and making up excuses as to why I arrived home late each night.
When I wasn’t at school studying or at Dad’s clinic, I wandered to the parking lot to watch Kip and his friends play or I snuck through the backyard and climbed the tree where no one would see me. I wanted to visit the pack, but since we only had one car now, I had to rely on Raven’s and Phoenix’s frequent visits. Mom went over there often, too, to drop off more food. I was convinced that the Den now held enough provisions to feed an army.
My friends at school were obsessed with their costumes for the upcoming ball, but it felt so unimportant to me. I planned with them, but only to avoid their questions. When they weren’t talking about dresses, corsages, colors, and hair styles, most seniors were busy preparing entrance packets for college applications. I gathered mine together half-heartily. Being a veterinarian didn’t call to me like it did before. I still wanted to help animals, but it seemed like I could do so much more to help the Lost and the Shifters. I just didn’t know what.
“Preoccupied, Ms. March?”
I came back to the present with a jerk that knocked my history book to the ground. I glanced around quickly. Most of the class had already left. I hadn’t even heard the bell. Embarrassed, I ducked to pick up the book. “Just a lot on my mind,” I mumbled.
