Broken and beautiful. Those two words brought Jenni’s face to mind. The ache he felt at being away from her hadn’t subsided and he doubted it ever would. Still, she was safe and that was all that mattered.
Max straightened and looked out across the graveyard. Kooky was working in the northeast corner, slowly and methodically moving from one grave to the next. Max occasionally heard him whistling, but for the most part, the silence was only broken by the wind or the occasional noise from cars driving by on the highway.
Katya started barking and Max turned to see a car turn off the highway into the cemetery entrance. As it came closer, his heart started pumping faster.
Jenni.
Damn it! Why was she here when he’d told her to stay away?
‘Looks like we have a visitor,’ Kooky said beside him.
‘Ja,’ Max murmured. ‘I believe it is Mrs Fields.’
Without saying a word, they started walking towards the cottage and reached it just as Jenni was pulling into the driveway. Katya barked, her tail wagging in excitement as Jenni stepped out of the car. She looked stunning in her light brown wool coat, her honey tresses tumbling in curls over her shoulders, both sides pulled back in perfect Victory rolls, her lips full and red.
‘Katya, you gorgeous doll!’ Jenni said, crouching to ruffle the dog’s fur. ‘You are back to your old self, aren’t you?’
Max clenched his fists as Katya licked Jenni’s cheeks and she laughed. The scratches on the dog’s chest hadn’t fully healed, but they would, thanks to Jenni’s ministrations. Mein Gott, she shouldn’t have come.
‘What are you doing here?’
Jenni straightened and turned her mouth into a pout. ‘I’m glad to see you too, Max.’
‘I told you to stay away. It’s too dangerous.’
‘You should know by now that I don’t do what I’m told.’
That damn stubborn streak of hers again! Suddenly angry, Max took her by the elbow and led her into the cottage. She didn’t say a word, and let him steer her into the living room where she promptly took a seat on the couch and crossed those curvy calves, grinning up at him like a mischievous little girl. Kooky settled into his red chair and the grey tabby jumped into his lap. The old man appeared to be enjoying himself a little too much.
‘You can’t even say hello?’ Jenni gave Max the same smile she’d used on Chief Thompson in the police station that day. But it wouldn’t work on him. Not this time.
Max leaned against the mantelpiece. ‘Tell me what you’re doing here.’
‘I miss you.’
He wished he could believe her, but he knew she wanted something.
‘Max has missed you too,’ Kooky blurted. He threw Kooky an incredulous look and the old man shrugged. ‘Well, you have.’
‘Even if I have, it doesn’t make her being here any better.’
Jenni laughed. ‘Is there an assassin hiding in the bedroom?’
Irritated that she wanted to make light of this situation, Max unbuttoned his coat with clumsy fingers. ‘This isn’t a game.’
She frowned. ‘I know it isn’t.’
‘Then why did you disobey me?’
‘Disobey you?’ She folded her arms over her chest. ‘Listen, mister. You don’t get to tell me what to do. I had enough of that with my husband.’
Max felt colour heat his throat. ‘Do you not understand that I only have your best interests in mind? For you to stay safe, you need to stay away from me.’
‘I don’t want to stay away from you.’ She clasped her hands in her lap, took a deep breath, then slowly let it out. ‘So, Max, I’d like to ask you to be my date to the Valentine’s dance tomorrow night.’
He hadn’t heard right. She had not just asked him to go with her, out in public, to a dance celebrating the most romantic holiday of the year.
Kooky clapped his hands. ‘What a splendid idea!’
‘Splendid?’ Max bellowed. ‘That is… is…’ He yanked his coat off and flung it onto the rocking chair. ‘Das ist die dümmste Idee von der ich jemals gehört habe!’
Jenni gaped at him before turning to Kooky. ‘Did he just turn me down?’
Kooky chuckled. ‘Max does not think your idea is a good one.’
Bloody damn right it wasn’t a good one! What was she thinking? Going out in the open, exposed like a deer in a hunter’s sights.
‘So you are turning me down,’ Jenni said, mockingly incredulous. ‘I didn’t think I was such a bad catch.’
Max pulled at his hair so hard his scalp hurt. ‘At any other time in our lives, I would be thrilled, indeed honoured, to escort you to a dance. But not now.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because it is too dangerous. I won’t risk it.’
The mounting tension between them was palpable, and Max was relieved when Kooky cleared his throat and said, ‘I think the two of you need to be alone for a bit.’
He shuffled out of the room, the cat trailing behind him.
Left alone, the silence in the room was stifling. Max had the urge to pull the window open and clear the air. He loved Jenni for trying to help him, loved her more for refusing to back down in the face of the town’s certain persecution of her. But taking him to the dance, especially when her secret was out, would be blatantly thumbing her nose at them all.
Jenni folded her hands on her knees and regarded him. ‘It’s just a dance, Max. That’s all.’
‘Nein, it is not just a dance,’ he said, softening his voice. ‘And what about your condition?’
‘I’m just fine. Dr Harvey said I can resume normal activities. I just have to watch my blood pressure.’
‘We will be the centre of attention.’
‘Perhaps. But at least we’ll show them we’re not afraid.’
Mein Gott, but he admired her, even if her proposal was incredibly foolish. She believed in him, believed him to be a good person, capable of redemption.
‘Damn it, Jenni,’ he growled, crumpling the now-empty cigarette pack and flinging it on the couch, ‘how many times must I say it? I am trying to protect you. You’ll forgive me if I don’t want to be responsible for putting in danger the life of the one person who has become more dear to me than I want to admit.’
Jenni gasped and he turned away, unwilling to see the expression on her face. He’d admitted his feelings, stopping just short of declaring his love, and he didn’t want to know if those feelings were reciprocated or rejected. He couldn’t bear to see her pity.
‘Max, I don’t know what to say…’
‘Then say nothing.’ Suddenly feeling very cold, he kicked at a half-burnt log in the fireplace. Why had he said that? It had been his plan all along never to let her know the extent of his feelings. It was too complicated, too hard, too impossible to make it work, even if she did feel the same.
‘Max, look at me.’
He inhaled deeply, dreading what she would say, but turned to her anyway. The lamplight touched bits of gold in her hair and softened the lines of fatigue around her eyes, but it could not mask the determination in her gaze.
‘You should know by now that I am in charge of my own life. And if being safe means leaving you to the wolves, if it means leaving you to stand up against them alone, I don’t want to be safe. Isn’t that exactly why you can’t leave the past behind you? Why you feel so much guilt over what has happened to the Jews and the Germans who were killed? Because you didn’t stand up for them. It doesn’t matter if I stay at home or we go to Pearly’s Dance Hall. Safety is an illusion.’
He remembered how the Jews would lock their doors, keep their heads down and try to blend in, all in an attempt to keep safe and avoid trouble. If they didn’t rattle doors and make noise, if they just kept to the status quo, maybe life would go on as normal. An illusion indeed.
But it was different here. It had to be.
‘Nein,’ he replied. ‘There is a difference between being smart and inviting danger.’
‘Do you honestly think I will be inviting d
anger if I go to a dance with you?’
‘Yes!’ His voice rose an octave but he didn’t care. ‘Just being around me is dangerous! Whoever vandalized downtown, whoever hurt Katya, will not hesitate to hurt you. What about Roy Carlton? Do you think you will be exempt from his bullying?’
‘That is a chance I am willing to take.’
She crossed the short distance between them and he could smell the sweet rose scent of her perfume. So close he could almost touch her. But he didn’t dare.
‘Why? Why would you risk this for me?’
‘Because you would do the same for me.’
She was right, of course. He would risk it all for her. But he couldn’t allow her to do the same.
He couldn’t help himself and he took a chance, gliding his finger across the sensitive hollow between her upper lip and her nose. The contact startled her, but she didn’t move.
‘I admire you for your bravery.’ He leaned his head closer, desperately wanting to kiss her. He might not get the chance again, but still, he held back. ‘But I will not escort you to the dance, not when there’s a chance you could be harmed. I beg of you, do not put me in such a position. I have already lost too much, Jenni. I can’t stand the thought of losing you too.’
The deep blue of her eyes grew darker. Jenni stroked the hair back from his forehead, her touch light.
‘Kiss me, Max.’
He didn’t hesitate.
He pressed his lips to hers, lightly at first. But then all of his long pent-up passion spilled out and he pulled her against him. She didn’t resist; she kissed him back.
When his hands wanted to do more than just grip her shoulders, he forced himself to pull back, to take a deep, calming breath to slow his erratic heartbeat.
‘Wowsers,’ she whispered, staring up at him, her pupils huge. ‘You sure know how to make a girl’s knees go all wobbly.’
Her comment made him chuckle and he brushed his knuckles along her cheek. ‘I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.’
‘Well, it was worth the wait.’ She smiled. ‘But you’re still taking me to the dance.’
He groaned. ‘Störrisch. Stubborn! Did you hear nothing I said?’
‘Every word. But you obviously didn’t hear what I was saying.’
Max threw up his hands in defeat. ‘I heard you perfectly.’
‘No, you didn’t,’ she countered. ‘Don’t you see, Max? I don’t want to be afraid either. Everyone knows I’m pregnant and that the father isn’t Danny. This town will do its best to shun me. I made a mistake, and no one can make me feel worse about it than I already do. But does that mean I have to hang my head in shame the rest of my life and hide myself away? No.’
‘I understand that, but it’s not the same. You have much more to lose than I do. You have your children to think about.’
‘I am thinking about them. I need to teach Marty to stand up for himself.’
‘And how will Marty feel if he loses his mother because of it?’
‘I would hope he would understand that, sometimes, to do the right thing, you have to put yourself at risk.’
He wanted to shake her. ‘How could you possibly want to defend me when you know of my past?’
She stared at him, incredulous. ‘How could you possibly want to kiss me knowing I committed adultery?’
‘Because I know you made a mistake.’
‘So did you.’
‘It’s not the same,’ he ground out. ‘You saw the picture. You know who I was friends with. You know I didn’t stand up for those who couldn’t stand up for themselves.’
‘Stop trying to make me hate you, Max. It’s not going to work. I know what kind of person you are. You’re not a Nazi. You’re not a spy. We’re all being faced with tough questions that have no easy answers. You’ve made mistakes. We all have.’
He wanted to believe her. Oh, how desperately he wanted to. But there was one mistake she didn’t know about, and he could never tell her. If he did, she would hate him. He had to make her see that her concern for him was misguided. He simply wasn’t worthy of it. He hadn’t been for a long, long time.
‘Stop it,’ she said.
‘Stop what?’
‘Stop thinking you’re not worth it.’
It was like she’d read his thoughts. But then it hit him. She knew how he was feeling because they were the same, she and him, afraid to move forward, too consumed by guilt, afraid that forgiveness and redemption were unattainable.
And then she smiled. ‘You are worth it. We both are.’ She took his hand and squeezed it. ‘Now. Will you take me to the dance or do I have to go by myself?’
* * *
The simple gold band hadn’t left her finger since the day Danny placed it there. Even when she’d wanted to yank it off and throw it in his face, demanding he remember his vows to her, to love her and honour her, she’d stopped short of the gesture, too afraid of his reaction.
But Danny was gone now. And she’d kept the gold band on not so much as a reminder of him, but as a reminder of the vow she’d broken.
I pledge my faithfulness.
How easily she’d cast that promise aside, consumed by loneliness and a yawning need to be loved, to be touched. And even though Rafe had made love to her, he’d not assuaged that need. Instead, those gaping holes had been filled with loathing and guilt so intense she’d struggled under their weight. Life had been incredibly hard since then, a constant battle to remain upright when all she wanted to do was cower.
But tonight… tonight would be the birth of a new beginning.
Jenni pulled the ring off, kissed it, then placed it in her jewellery box. Perhaps Marty would want it one day for his bride. Or perhaps it would stay there, become one of many relics whose time was now over.
She studied herself in the mirror, smoothing down her dress. She’d chosen a style that had been popular before the war: a soft white peplum edged with red piping. It suited her figure and, amazingly, still fit and hid her belly. She’d pin-curled her hair and wore one side pulled back with her grandmother’s ruby-jewelled barrette. Ruby earrings dangled on her lobes, and she’d carefully applied her make-up with only a hint of lipstick. She’d been tempted to use her trademark red, but for some reason, it didn’t feel right for this evening.
‘Wow, Mom,’ Marty said from the doorway, ‘you look swell.’
‘Thank you.’ She threw him a grin. ‘It’s fun to get dressed up once in a while.’
‘You’re gonna knock Max’s socks off.’
His comment made her belly flip and she could feel her face redden. Well. So what if she did knock his socks off? It wouldn’t be such a bad thing. After all, that kiss yesterday had been a darn good one. She’d been surprised at how it’d made her feel. As though she were coming alive again.
‘Max is just a friend,’ she said, slipping into her black Cuban-heeled pumps. She straightened and then twirled around for Marty. ‘Well, what do you think?’
‘Yep,’ he said, ‘Max is gonna like it. You’ll be prettier than anyone else at the dance.’
Anxiety suddenly seized her. What was she doing, going to a Valentine’s Day dance? She, a fallen woman, pregnant with another man’s child, and taking the most hated man in town as her date. Was Max right? Was she certifiably crazy?
A small hand slipped into hers. Marty stood beside her. ‘I know you’re scared, Mom. It’s okay.’
Her bravado almost crumpled. ‘Oh, Marty, I am scared. Maybe I shouldn’t go.’
‘You like to dance, don’t you?’
‘Well, yes, but—’
He shrugged. ‘It’s just a dance.’
Just a dance. She wished she could explain to him how it was so much more than that, how her going to the dance would be a giant fist planted squarely in the eyes of the people who looked down on her and Max. She could see it now, their hateful gazes, their sneers, whispered words behind hands.
Marty must have sensed her unease because he frowned. ‘Are you worried because p
eople might be mean to you?’
She nodded. ‘Yes, that’s part of it.’
‘Max says there’s always going to be mean people, but that we can’t let them make us feel bad.’
It didn’t surprise her that Max had given her son such wise advice. She’d heard some of their conversations. He easily answered her son’s questions and never made him feel insignificant. In truth, he would make a good father someday.
‘That’s true. But sometimes those mean people can hurt our feelings.’
‘It hurt my feelings when they called me a Kraut-lover at school,’ Marty said, ‘but then I figured out why they were doing it.’
‘Oh? And why was that?’
‘Well,’ he said, pulling at his chin, a move so like his father’s Jenni almost looked away, ‘it’s easy to call someone a name and then run away. But it’s harder to be someone’s friend when they might have done something wrong or something different than you. I didn’t like Grady Young in kindergarten because he kept throwing sand at me. I thought he was mean and so I called him a dodo head. But then, one day, I saw him sitting all by himself. I went over and asked him why he threw sand at me. He told me it’s because he wanted me to play with him, but he was too scared to ask. He’s my best friend now.’
His simple wisdom astounded her. But then again, so often she’d learned lessons from her son when she’d thought it would be the other way around.
And even though he was growing taller and wiser and didn’t like it when his mom got all mushy, she pulled him into a hug. ‘Thank you,’ she said, ruffling his hair. ‘You’re a pretty smart cookie.’
To her surprise, he hugged her back, and for a moment, she savoured the feel of his small arms around her, knowing she would return to this memory in the days ahead, whenever life threw curveballs her way.
‘All right,’ she said as he stood back. ‘Are you and Katya ready to go? Hank will be here in a few minutes to pick you up.’
‘Not yet,’ he said, already running towards the door. ‘I have to get my Captain America shield!’
Jenni laughed but she quaked inside. If only she had a shield she could carry to the dance, one that would repel all the stares and whispers, and whatever else they might have to endure.
The Stranger From Berlin Page 29
