He grinned at her. "I like it."
"But the soup on the label looks like dog nuggets floating in golden grease, so I guess it didn't sell well and they sent it to the closeout store." Ester flung open her cupboard and there was nothing there but two cans of refried beans and a box of pasta. She stared at the empty spot where she was positive four cans of soup had sat the other day. She could see missing one, but four cans?
"That's weird," she said.
"You don't have to feed me, Ester," Theo said.
"I know, I thought it would be nice to eat something before you had to work."
"Maybe your roommates ate it," Theo said.
"Dennis doesn't eat my food. If he did, he would leave a note." But now that he said it, she was uncertain. Hadn't this happened before, things weren't where she remembered she put them?
"Maybe whatshername took it," Theo said.
"Why would MacKenzie take my food?"
"Does she have a key to the house?" Theo asked.
"Dennis would have mentioned it," Ester said, uncertain again. He could have mentioned it when she wasn't paying attention. Come to think of it, MacKenzie had been in the house when he wasn't around.
"Why don't you let me buy you lunch?" Theo said. "We'll stop at the hardware store and get a lock. You can lock everything up in your room."
"I don't need a lock." She hated looking like a fool in front of Theo.
"You could ask her," Theo said.
"Ask MacKenzie if she's seen my stuff? I don’t want to get into it with her. It's me, I'm sure. Sorry to woo you with food and then have nothing. I might have Saltines." This had turned into a humiliating mistake.
"Another time," Theo said.
"I'll walk out with you," Ester said.
Outside, Theo leaned against the driver's door. The sky was still gray, but the air was warm enough that the threat of ice was gone. "I offered you food and then failed," Ester said, anxious about him going. The last twenty-four hours had been amazing. He held her gaze like he was feeling the same way.
"I won't starve," Theo said. "I know you don't want to rock the boat around here but I think you should talk to your roommate. If he's the landlord, he should know something might be going on."
"Making an accusation won't help," she said. She moved closer to the car as if studying something on the hood.
"You could be diplomatic."
"I'll figure out how to deal with it," Ester said. They’d spent the night together. The adventure should end with a gesture. She might never have another chance to kiss someone so beautiful. Two steps and she could do it. She would count to five and if he wasn't in the car, she would do it. She stared at his lips.
"What are you doing for the rest of the day?" he asked.
Ester met his eyes and smiled. "Buy soup."
He still hadn't moved. She counted to five again while she moved a half-step closer. She hoped he might take the initiative but so far he was hanging back, looking carelessly sexy. But he wasn't hurrying to get back in the car either. If she was going to do it, she had to do it right now.
She chickened out. "I guess I'll see you later," she said.
"I guess so," Theo said, before he climbed into the car.
Driving away from Ester was one of the hardest things Theo had ever done. The last twenty-four hours had been like finding a place he didn't know he was looking for. He wanted to pick her up and take her back to that quasi-dorm room she was stuck living in and spend the afternoon pleasing her from head to toe. He wondered how thick those walls were. Poor MacKenzie would have one more roommate issue to complain about.
The entire scenario was impossible. He wasn't in any place to have a girlfriend. He was losing ground taking care of himself and keeping up with school. There was no time for them to do things together. He couldn't afford to take her out even if he had the time. Plus she had her shit together; she wasn't going to stick around for someone like him.
He circled the streets around his apartment until he found a parking spot. He lived in an older building with tiny studios he could afford without having to deal with roommates. Whenever money got tight, he wondered if he should reconsider but seeing what Ester went through, he would continue to live solo.
He didn't mind the small space because he had no possessions to fill it with. He had a queen mattress on the floor with an overturned box next to it with a lamp. There was an old dresser he'd found on the curb with a “FREE” sign. It would be left in the same place when he moved. He found a used table online and he had a single folding chair. The walls were bare except for a tribal flag. He could pack everything he owned into his car and be out of here in a few hours. The bed was the only item he'd be sorry to leave. Everything else that couldn't fit could go out on the curb.
Ester's roommate situation might not have been ideal but even being at her place a short time created unexpected longing for a sense of home. He didn't plan to stay in town long so he saw no point in fixing his place up but he envied her having a place to be settled.
When he got inside, he turned up the heat and perused the pitiful contents of his own cupboards. He filled a pan with water to boil for oatmeal and then pulled out the slow cooker. There was a chunk of beef in the fridge that he cut into cubes. He added a chopped onion and the last of the baby carrots and poured stock over it. That and a bag of noodles would get him through most of the week.
He left a message for Jess but it was already so late he was unlikely to get a moving job. It never hurt to ask. Then he signed into the muscle-for-hire app and hoped for some luck there.
He spread his homework out on the table and set up his laptop. There was an email from Professor Stone thanking him for his help on her project. Nothing about how much the extra time bought him. She liked his two essay submissions, too. She suggested he rethink his ideas for a final project. The day on the rez should have given him fresh ideas.
Fresher than what? She liked to push her students but it was tough to imagine her being this hard on everyone's project.
Ester had given him good feedback on what he had. He wanted to build on Fran's story. As he worked, his mind drifted back to Ester. He couldn't get her out of his head. The way she moved, with her long legs and adorable tiny butt. The way she was so easy around Arnie's family, with her humor and bright eyes.
His phone rang and his hopes rose. He would make money today after all. Only, the display said it was his mom.
"What's going on?" he said.
"Checking in. Wasn't sure if you were working today." She sounded tired.
"Trying," he said. "I got caught in the icy weather so I'm behind on everything. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. I wanted to see how you were doing," she said.
He wished he could be honest and unload. To let her know how he was so tired of struggling. Tired of being by himself. She would like Ester. He could hear her telling him not to screw it up, he wouldn't get many chances like that. Instead he said, "Swamped with school work. I went out to a local rez yesterday for a school project."
"How was it?"
"Different and the same. Made me miss you guys."
"Grandma asked about you. You should call her."
"I will." Theo blew out a short breath. If he failed school, he would be on his way home shortly. He didn't want to worry her but he didn't want it to surprise her either.
"You doing well in your classes?"
"I'm doing my best," Theo said. "Being a good student doesn't come naturally to me."
"True," she said. "You were always smart, but you never liked to follow directions."
"I haven't changed," Theo said.
"I'll let you get back to your studies. Call me soon."
He disconnected the call. The need not to disappoint her was feeling like desperation. Another unwelcome wave of homesickness tugged at his heart. He wished for some Ester-induced calm. That woman created a peace inside like nothing else. The part of him that endured the solitude didn't realize how thirsty it
was until Ester came and filled it up.
He twisted the phone in his hands. He wanted to talk to her. To hear her voice. To make her laugh. No time. He'd get caught up first and then have time for Ester.
He ate his oatmeal with a handful of raisins and read a chunk for his class, working his way through the chapters, typing notes into a computer file.
The muscle-for-hire app sent him a notice for a clean-up and moving job. He gratefully pulled on a sweatshirt and went to the job. It turned out to be a man and woman cleaning out their recently deceased hoarder mother's home. The rest of the day was spent packing garbage into plastic bags and hauling it to a dumpster, then moving around furniture the siblings couldn't handle on their own. By the time he got home he had enough energy to shower, eat a bowl of stew, and fall into bed dreaming of Ester curled up next to him.
15
The minute Ester walked through the door she was hit with the smell of poster paint. Rayanne and Tommy had cleared a corner of the room and spread poster boards across the floor.
Ester groaned. "We're really doing a protest?"
"With signs and everything." Rayanne didn't look up, her face scrunched into a furious scowl. She thrust her brush into a tub of red paint and then dragged it across the board. Ester walked around to see what slogan she'd come up with.
"Raisins out?" Ester said.
"I hate raisins," Rayanne said. "Squishy gross bits ruining delicious cookies and muffins. More people should protest raisins."
Tommy had a streak of black paint down one forearm. His said, Tired of Making Signs. He looked like his normal self: shaggy hair, a pair of black athletic pants with a red stripe down each leg, bemused smile as if remembering something funny that happened earlier. She couldn't shake the image of him in the office late at night, by himself, staring at a computer screen, his chin bouncing off his chest while he struggled to stay awake. She wanted to bring it up, but every occasion felt intrusive. She'd spied on him without meaning to.
Ester got down on the floor to join them. "She couldn't talk him out of it?"
"She tried," Tommy said. He went back over the letters again. The paint built up thick and shiny on the sign.
Rayanne said, "The board asked us to do things to attract support for the center. Arnie has decided the center needs a film and that that filmmaker lady is the one to do it. You were out there with her doing her thing. What did you think of her?"
Ester's mind leapt back, the time spent with Professor Stone muddled by the memory of what happened later…Theo pressed against her and the rise and fall of his breath in the dark. Not snoring, exactly, but an audible hum when he exhaled. A warm flush crept into her face. She shuffled the blank poster boards in front of her. "She's a good filmmaker, but I don't think we should protest city hall for the purpose of film drama."
"He's the boss." Rayanne stood up and held up her sign and waited for a response.
"You honor the unheard voices of raisin-haters everywhere. What did Linda say?"
Rayanne flung the sign to the floor. "She clings to the hope she will convince him to drop it, but for now our job is to make signs and recruit suckers to go down there with us tomorrow."
Tomorrow.
As much as she dreaded the idea of marching on city hall and waving a stupid sign, if Professor Stone was involved, there was a good chance Theo would be there too. Something equally happy and sad stabbed at her heart. In the week since they'd gone to Warm Springs, he'd disappeared. She shouldn't have been disappointed since he was up front about having zero time, but he could text or stop by when he was on campus.
She'd wandered by the computer lab once a day, hoping to run into him. The radio silence hurt her heart every time she thought about it.
"Nice glum face. Once you get past the disbelief and dread, you'll settle into resignation like the rest of us." Rayanne tried to pull Tommy's sign away and waved a fresh poster board at him.
"Linda's going to get mad if there aren't serious signs," Ester said.
"Like what?" Tommy said. "‘These are Ind'n lands’?"
"‘Protect Sacred Lands’?" Rayanne said. "‘Something something colonialism’?"
"Maybe the last one, if it were clever," Ester said.
"You see our problem." Rayanne handed over a wrinkled piece of paper. "Linda gave us a list. We haven't gotten around to it yet."
"I didn't know we had a list," Tommy said. He viewed his sign with renewed dismay.
"She knew without help we'd make a pile of signs that say things like: Cake v. Pie, You Decide."
"That makes no sense," Ester said.
"None of this does," Rayanne said.
Linda's list had over thirty ideas on it. She’d once joked she majored in protests at college. If nothing else, she must have excelled at sign-making. Ester found a pencil and a ruler. After considering the list, she measured out the words: Our voices deserve to be heard.
"That's a good one," Tommy said. He'd taken Rayanne's offered blank board and kept it in front of him but didn't even pretend to work. When Ester finished penciling, she traded boards with him. He grabbed his paintbrush.
On the fresh board, she lettered: City Hall ignores urban Natives. They settled into a rhythm. Ester mapped out the lettering while Rayanne and Tommy filled in with paint. Tommy stuck with the black paint but Rayanne rotated through all the colors they had.
"What ever happened with your roommate's girlfriend?" Tommy asked.
"Situation continues. She's a mild annoyance. It could be worse."
"It could always be worse," Rayanne said. "Talk to Dennis."
"It's not that bad. I stay out of their way," Ester said. She stored her food in her room now, too. She got home from work, heated something in the kitchen, then hid in her room while watching TV on her tablet.
"It's his girlfriend, not him, though, right?" Tommy said.
"I guess. He doesn't have a clue she's a pain to be around," Ester said. "This weird thing happened last weekend where food was missing, but I could've misremembered what I bought."
"Sweetie, I'm worried about this," Rayanne said. "You're talking about your home."
"We don't know for sure. I don't want to accuse her. Theo thought I should put a lock on the door. That seems so confrontational."
Rayanne stuck her brush into the paint and sat up. Oops. Rayanne knew Theo had gone out to Warm Springs, but none of the rest of it.
Tommy, clueless as ever, said, "Locking up the room you pay rent for is not confrontational. In this case, confrontation is what the situation calls for."
"How did it come about that Theo weighed in on this problem?" Rayanne asked.
Ester's face grew hot. "Don't make a big deal about it." She had a hard time finding the right words. "We were out at the rez a whole day. It was a long ride in the car. It came up."
"You rode in the same car?" Rayanne said.
Tommy had a sense for the best time to duck out. "It's almost time for youth basketball so I'm gonna run. The four signs I made are drying."
Nothing could deflect Rayanne from this line of questioning. She smiled and waved him off.
Tommy said, "Ester, call me if you want. I can bring a lock by tonight after work and help you install it." He put on his coat and headed out the door.
Ester took her time rearranging his signs so they could dry properly. She pretended to wipe a smudge of paint from the corner of one board.
Rayanne hadn't moved.
"I can finish if you're done," Ester said.
"You've been mooning around here all week but I didn't connect it with your guy. What's going on?"
Ester was tempted to deny it but she was tired of holding it all in. "He's not my guy. He works a million jobs. He told me he didn't have much time but I thought I would at least hear something."
"Did you contact him?"
"I thought about it but I don't want to bug him."
"How did you leave it?"
"Vague. It's becoming a problem. I can't stop thinking abo
ut him. You know, like the sound of his voice and going over all our conversations. And…I don't know…his pants. The way they fit. The way he moves in them. The part at the top where the fabric ends and you can see his skin—"
Rayanne laughed. "I thought you said there was a problem."
It was a problem. Ester didn't have the same social ease Rayanne did. Even when uncertain, Rayanne could cover it up with a witty remark or a funny gesture. Ester forgot to smile. She forgot to talk. She couldn't use words to express what she intended.
"I'm not good at this. I thought he would find me."
"You might have to meet him in the middle."
"How do I know where the middle is when nothing is happening? What if I'm being the clueless girl with the crush on the guy who is too nice to say ‘I'm not interested’ to her face but is conveying that message by not calling?" Something in Ester's heart tightened saying those words out loud.
"That's a risk," Rayanne agreed. "But you're unhappy now. Wouldn't you feel better if you knew the truth?"
"I'd rather be unhappy with hope than unhappy without." Ester gathered the brushes together so she could take them to the restroom and rinse them out. She took her time closing up the paint containers and wiping paint drips from the sides.
"Whatever you do, don't invite him to the protest. That's going to be an exercise in humiliation."
Ester nodded, another worry added to the list.
16
Linda climbed off the bus to join the others. She'd recruited a handful of kids from the Native Student Association, and a few people from an inter-tribal counseling organization she'd been working to partner with. Audra convinced a few friends from a Native professionals group she wanted Linda to join. Everyone was instructed to bring friends. When they’d loaded the bus, they had a single unoccupied seat. A protest of sixteen. That was bound to make an impression.
Rayanne and Ester passed out signs and stacked the leftovers near the door in case others showed up later. Professor Stone had asked them to put out the call on social media. At least Linda succeeded in shooting that idea down. That's just what they needed, people who liked to protest for the sake of protesting to make the event more volatile.
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