The silence stretched out between them. If she'd known she would see him, she could have come up with three things. They could have a conversation but she needed a place to start.
Two young women called his name and ran over breathless.
"We have a place to stay," one of them said. Her eyes grazed Ester for split-second before she returned her attention to Theo. "We can go to the club with you."
So this was what it felt like to be so embarrassed you could die. She would have turned to dust and disappeared if that were an option.
Theo barely reacted, no doubt to save her pride. He kept his voice low. "Get there early when I'm working the door, otherwise there's a cover and you'll have to wait outside. Pete is the other bouncer. I'll tell him you're coming."
"We'll see you tonight," they said, their eyes shiny.
Ester swallowed the lump of despair in the back of her throat. "I guess you're still at Frenzy's."
"Until the end of the month."
He still planned to move. Her heart sank into her feet. If she felt hopeless before, this was worse. She searched for something that would make it sound like her life was moving forward in a spectacular fashion, but not much had changed.
"I'm moving, too," she told him.
"Away?" he said.
"From Dennis. I set up a camera in my room and caught MacKenzie stealing from me. He broke up with her but it's time to find something else."
"Good for you, I'm glad you—" She could tell he was about to say “stood up for yourself” but he cut himself off. "Good luck finding a place you like."
"Thanks," she said.
The concourse stretched on forever. She never wanted to say goodbye but couldn't wait to get it over with. Having him standing so close to her again was waking up all these terrible emotions that she'd stuffed down and convinced herself didn't matter.
"You still driving?" she asked.
"Yes, and moving for Jess," he said. "I retired from the muscle-for-hire app since working for Arnie."
They arrived at the parking garage elevator. Theo pressed the call button.
"Was it a good week?" she asked, not sure what she meant.
Theo shrugged. "It was only an okay week."
The elevator doors slid open, and they stepped inside. Theo pressed 2. Ester pressed 4. This was the last time she would be standing this close to him. She wanted to do something. Hug him? That didn't feel right. The elevator doors slid open at the second floor.
"See ya, Shoshone," he said.
"Bye, Theo," she said, the tiniest catch in the back of her throat. She rode up to the fourth floor and found Rayanne waiting at the car.
"Everything okay?"
Ester shrugged and wiped away a tear.
"Did he say anything?"
"I don't want to talk about it now," Ester said.
"I've never seen anyone built like a linebacker look so haunted, like someone stole his kitten."
Rayanne tried to hug her, but she shrugged her off.
Linda came charging off the elevator a few moments later, wiping her own eyes. "That went great," she said, half sobbing. "Three of the tribal leaders gave me handshake commitments on the spot. Two more want me to talk to their Councils." She took a deep, shuddering breath. "And we got our meeting with the city."
"The suing letter worked?" Rayanne said.
"What did Arnie say?" Ester asked, not understanding what went wrong.
Linda wiped her hands across her face again. "I never had a chance to talk to Arnie about the intent to sue letter. Virgil told him we were successful, and he stormed off."
"I'll drive," Rayanne said.
Linda didn't protest. She crawled into the passenger seat, fastened her seatbelt, and stared straight ahead. "He's furious with me. He'll never forgive me. I said I would always be straight with him and first I yanked his girlfriend's movie and then I did this behind his back. It's not Virgil's fault. I shouldn't have kept it from him."
"He'll cool off," Rayanne said. "You guys have a lot of history."
Linda gulped a few times before regaining her composure.
Ester understood why Linda sent the letter without discussing it with Arnie but not why Arnie would be so angry, if they got what they wanted. The day's drama was catching up with her and all she wanted was a hot shower, a good cry, and then sleep.
35
Saturday morning, Ester rode her bike to the office. The sky was clear and pale blue with true spring in the air. Daffodils bloomed in the campus flowerbeds. The office was a mess after the crazy schedule of the conference and she spent a few minutes tidying up before she got to work.
She plugged the drive into her desktop computer and finalized the long version of her film. Jack had given her permission to use the Beat Braves music she wanted, and she added that to the mix. Then she swapped a couple of scenes around and fretted over several edits. She watched the final version one last time, with Theo's golden voice telling the story she wanted to tell. His words remained steady and familiar over the images.
Every time she heard his voice on the film, her heart stuttered and her eyes dampened all over again. That was it. They said goodbye. She had to stop thinking about it.
She'd already filled out the form for the filmmaking workshop. All she had to do was upload her film and hit send. If she thought about it too long, she wouldn't do it, and the deadline was coming up. She hesitated over the application and what it meant to get in. If she succeeded, she'd need time off from work and she'd have to take a break on her aggressive student loan repayment plan. If she failed, she could put this silly distraction behind her and recommit to being a spreadsheet wizard. She could sign up for advanced courses in data crunching for nonprofits. There was nothing stopping her from making movies for fun on the side.
She hit the button.
The act of doing one small thing for herself boosted her higher than she would have guessed. She couldn't imagine getting over Theo, but the sadness had to go away, eventually. Linda had secured local support and a meeting about their building. The center still wobbled but not from such a dire place.
On the way home, she rode her bike past a house with a room for rent. It was a newer row house in a line of boxy buildings painted a shade of beige so drab, the builders had to have purchased it on clearance. From the street, each unit seemed to consist of a big garage door with a square window above and brown front doors dividing each unit. A cheap plastic sign was fastened to the wrought iron fence out front with the number to call.
This was early reconnaissance. It wasn’t like she had to call, but at least it was an idea. She stopped and dug out her phone so she could save the address and number for later.
There was a missed text from Theo.
Could I talk to you again? I messed up yesterday. I'm ready now. I've got three things.
Her heart thudded faster. She considered her response, her fingers hovering over the touchscreen. After a minute, she got back on her bike. Theo's place wasn't far. She took off in that direction. She locked her bike up in front of his place and tiptoed up the stairs. When she got to his door, she heard him speaking to someone.
She froze. He did have those plans with those women from the conference. He wouldn't expect her to stop by. Too late now.
Her hands shook. She almost changed her mind, but she tapped on the door.
Theo went quiet when the door inched open. "Gotta go. I'll call you back."
"Hi," Ester said, hoping this wasn't going to be an embarrassing mistake. "Did I interrupt?"
"Talking to my mom. I'll catch up with her later." He still hadn't opened the door all the way. "You're here."
"I was in the neighborhood. Is there someone in there?"
"You're the only one who has ever been in here," Theo said.
Ester shrugged and allowed a playful note into her voice. "You know what they say, once you jump out of an airplane, it's easier the second time."
"No one says that," Theo said, a half-smile on h
is face. "Will you come in?"
Ester hesitated before stepping inside. Boxes lined one wall and the closet was in disarray. His laptop sat open on the kitchen table with his notebook open beside it.
"I brought the movie." She had a hard time meeting his eyes. She was afraid he would be angry or annoyed or emotionless. She finally took a peek. His eyes were sad, haunted, like Rayanne said.
He gestured at his computer. "A copy for me or do you want to watch it now?"
"Later. You have three things?"
He let out a heavy sigh. "I have a hundred and three things."
The apartment walls closed in, smaller than ever. A car alarm went off on the street somewhere outside. She couldn't figure out what to do with her hands. She took a deep breath. "What's one?"
"Will you forgive me?" Once Theo started, the words came out quickly. "I shouldn't have gotten angry at you or said any of those things. All the working and worrying, I was worn to nothing. Except for you. You were the only thing that was right and I shouldn't have walked away. I don't like to disappoint the people that I love."
Ester swallowed and played those words back in her head. That was the longest speech she'd heard from him since she met him. He had the same inconsolable look on his face that she'd been wearing since their falling out.
"I shouldn't have said I didn't want you," she said, her voice barely a whisper. "That's not true."
He smiled at her hopefully. "Can we fix this? Ester Belle Parker, will you be my girlfriend again?"
Ester smiled back. "Is that your second thing?"
"It is."
She let her eyes travel around the room. They stopped on a wad of black fabric on the bed. She was still processing his words, which sounded like… "Are those panties?"
Theo winked. "I sleep with them under my pillow."
"They're mine, right?" Ester said, mildly embarrassed she hadn't noticed they were missing.
Theo laughed. "Of course they're yours." His body shifted, and he reached for her hand.
She looked at it and then at him, his eyes filled with the same longing that she felt. She let him pull her into his arms and hugged him tight, her cheek pressed to his chest. "I want to be your girlfriend."
There was a long quiet pause while they settled into each other, their future less uncertain.
Theo said, "I did some work for Arnie's cousin, and Professor Stone said she'd take a look at it. I could pass all my classes after all."
"We blew off her film without telling her," Ester said. "She's probably not in a great mood when it comes to Indians."
"If I fail, I fail. Arnie is convinced he can find some scholarship money and the timber association has more work for me so I think I'm going to be okay."
"I thought you said you were moving?"
"I'd rather stay here with you."
Ester squeezed him again. "Good. I applied for the film workshop."
"You did?"
"You were right, I was a big fat fraidy cat," Ester said. "I sent off the application this morning."
"I would have been disappointed if you didn't," Theo said.
They hadn't loosened their embrace. Ester couldn't help but be comforted by the sound of his heart in her ear. "Did you have a third thing?"
Theo leaned over and picked up something from the kitchen table. He showed her a key. "I was going to give you this earlier."
"For here? When earlier?"
"When the plan was to leave, I thought you could stay in my place. Lease isn't up until June."
"You thought I might like to stay in the empty apartment of the guy who ran screaming into the trees at the first sign of disagreement?"
"I don't agree with that characterization of events," Theo said.
"Withdrawn. You thought me and my broken heart might like to stay in your empty apartment?"
Theo put the key back down and hugged her again. "It wasn't a well thought out plan. Not like the rent is paid until the end of the lease."
Ester mock-sighed. "Well, I have learned that every plan doesn't have to be well thought out."
"Good," Theo said. "I want you to have it now."
A mixture of joy and fear clutched in Ester's belly. They were solidifying something.
"This place is too small for both of us in the long run but we can find a bigger place in June," Theo said.
Her heart jumped in her chest. "We just had a big bad thing, and now you want to move in together?"
"Don't you?"
"Shouldn't we give it some time?"
"You mean think it through? All the pros and cons and make a list of what could go wrong? And then sit down and talk about it? You run it by Rayanne. I run it by Fran. We do research online and find other couples who moved in quickly and tally the results—"
"This seems like the kind of thing a person would think through," Ester said.
"I have. I can't imagine fitting better with anyone else than the way I fit with you."
Ester dared her wheels to spin faster. "Could we put things on the walls?"
Theo chuckled. "We can put our names on the mailbox, too. If you want to get fancy, we'll buy furniture. If we find a house, we can get a dog."
"This sounds fast," she said.
"Does it? It's not until June."
Ester kissed his cheek. "Do we have to decide this second?"
"Only if you don't want to leave me hanging."
"It's the least I could do," Ester said, kissing along his jaw.
"I love you, Ester," Theo said. "You feel like home to me."
Ester froze, lips in mid-nuzzle.
Theo wrapped his hand in her hair and tilted her head up to his. "I wouldn't have said it if I wasn't sure."
Ester smiled. "First a key, then a declaration. This is a big day for Theodore Dunne."
"I suppose," Theo said. "I know how I want things to turn out. The rest depends on you."
"Without thinking about it first? There is thinking to be done."
Theo laughed.
"Done thinking," Ester said. "I love you, too. So, what kind of dog should we get?"
Theo kissed her. "You don't want to savor this exchange for a moment?"
"I'm savoring. And I'm planning ahead," Ester said.
"Okay. A rescue dog. Whatever dog needs us the most, but probably not a really little dog or a super hairy dog. But what if we fall for a super hairy dog?"
"We'll pick up a vacuum on the way home," Ester said.
"Just like that?" Theo said.
"Just like that."
THANK YOU FOR READING
The story of the Crooked Rock Urban Indian Center will continue.
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Book 3 is the story of Tommy meeting Elizabeth, the woman who will knock him off his feet.
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Estimated release date: Summer 2018.
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Endnotes
Indian Country is a diverse place. Tribal communities, individuals and organizations are different depending on their history, culture, traditions, geography and leaders—this is true of individual tribes, and is true of urban Indian communities. There is no typical organization that serves urban Indians.
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I’ve created Crooked Rock as a place to serve my stories. My intentions are always respectful and based on my experience and observations as an Indian, and in the course of my work in Indian Country.
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You might be wondering about the cover. Are those native people?
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Unfortunately, no. The cover is made from standard stock photos. The selection of stock photos of indigenous people is skimpy, and sadly, my numerous attempts to set up a photo session of my own failed. If you can provide pro-quality stock photos of cute Indian couples, please get in touch at [email protected]. I would love to work with you.
Acknowledgments
> Thanks again to my early readers Kira Walsh, Marguerite Croft, Jennifer Malace and Hannah Parker. Your time and comments are always helpful and appreciated. More thanks to editor Lorelei Logsdon (www.loreleilogsdon.com) and cover artist Holly Heisey (www.hollyheiseydesign.com). And a big smooch to my ever-patient husband Bob Hughes who always empties the dishwasher.
About the Author
Pamela Sanderson is a citizen of the Karuk Tribe and lives in the Pacific Northwest. She is employed as a legal assistant working on behalf of Indian tribes and tribal organizations. When she isn’t working or writing, she enjoys baking, gardening and following Major League Soccer.
Also by Pamela Sanderson
Crooked Rock Urban Indian Center
Book 1 Heartbeat Braves
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Season of Us
Lovesick Braves Page 23
