by Tina Martin
“Yeah. He was picking up Junior,” she decided to tell him. It sounded a lot better than: He spent the night. With me and the baby. In my one-bedroom apartment.
“Oh, okay,” Colton said, though he thought it was strange that Garrison would be there so early to pick up the baby. “So you and Barringer…”
“What about me and Barringer?”
“Are you officially over?” Colton inquired.
Calista grimaced. “Nothing’s official. We’re just taking a break.”
“You mean, you’re taking a break.”
“If you want to put it that way, yes. I guess so.”
“A three-month break…”
Calista narrowed her eyes. “Where are you going with this, Colton?”
“I’m not around you guys much and I don’t know you all that well, Calista, but I do know Barringer. I was at the wedding. I know how much he loves you. The man told me he would never get married. Then you came along. He couldn’t resist you. Still can’t. If you took the time to talk to him, you’ll see the hurt in his eyes, hear the pain in his voice. He’s my cousin, yes. He’s irritating, hard to get along with at times, but I love him like a brother. Give him a chance. He still loves you. Why else do you think he wanted me to come here and talk to you about painting those bedrooms?”
Just to irritate me, Calista thought.
“You’re both prideful,” Colton said.
“I’m not prideful. I’m hurt.”
“Well, so is he. Get over it.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. If you didn’t want to hurt so much, maybe you shouldn’t have gotten married.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” Calista said, not following him.
“Married people are supposed to experience tribulation, right? Read that a long time ago in the Bible, perhaps the reason I’m still single.” Or maybe the reason he was still single was because his ex-girlfriend, Miriam, left him to be with a man who, according to her, had more ambition than settling to be a small town painter. Colton removed the check from his pocket, looked at it and said, “Tell you what…I’ll keep this check to use as payment on the job when you and Barry are ready to complete the rooms.”
“You don’t have to do that, Colton.”
“I know I don’t. Anyway, I have to get back to work. I’ll see you later, Calista.” He turned to head for the door.
“Okay. Later, Colton.” She rubbed her eyes listening to her phone ring from the bedroom. She swiftly walked there, answering when she saw it was Kalina. After exchanging greetings, she told Kalina about her conversation with Colton. Kalina couldn’t believe it.
“I’m serious,” Calista said, setting a bowl of grits inside of the microwave. “That’s what he told me.”
“And we’re talking about Colton?”
“Yes.”
“Colton, Mean-faced Blackstone?” Kalina said.
“Yes. That Colton.” Calista laughed while taking the bowl from the microwave. She sat at the kitchen table alone eating while talking to Kalina on speakerphone. “I was just as surprised as you are. Trust me.”
After she’d finished laughing, Kalina said, “He’s right, though. There is a passage in the Bible that points to married folk going through a lot of trials.”
“Why is that? I mean, if two people love each other to the point of spending the rest of their lives together and fully committing to one another, why does so much headache come along with it?”
“Because you’re both different. You have different backgrounds, completely different outlooks on life—”
Calista rolled her eyes. “I knew I shouldn’t have asked a newlywed. Bryson does anything you want him to.”
“And I return the favor by doing anything he asks of me.”
Calista smiled. “Aw…I remember when I used to be that way…when I was so concerned about how Barringer would feel about a particular situation before I knew how I felt about it. Everything was always about him, and I mean everything.”
“So what happened?”
“When I realized he didn’t care about how I felt, I stopped caring about how he felt. Two wrongs…blah, blah, yeah, I know, but still doesn’t change the fact that I was tired of expending all of my time and energy on a man who took ev-e-ry-thing I had to give without giving me anything in return.”
Calista ate more of her food, then said, “I’ve been thinking about Vivienne lately.”
“Me too,” Kalina said. “Random memories just come out of nowhere, like her and Garrison dancing together at my wedding reception. She was pregnant with Junior, and Garrison had his hands on her stomach. He loved her. He really did.”
“And what’s sad is, even that night, they knew about the risk…just hadn’t told anyone.”
“Yeah…makes you sadder to think about that.” After a few moments of silence, Kalina said, “Hey, you see Garrison on a steady basis since you watch Junior all the time. How is he?”
“He seems okay on the surface, but I can tell it’s eating away at him, you know. He’s still mourning, and he hasn’t had that moment where it actually hit him. You know what I mean?”
“You mean after the shock wears off…when the real grieving happens?”
Calista nodded.
“Yes, I know the feeling all too well. It happened to me when my mom died,” Kalina said. “I just hope Garrison reaches out to someone when it happens to him because it’s going to happen at some point.”
“I’ll try to encourage him to confide in his brothers. I’m not sure if he’s been talking to any of them on a regular basis.”
“Um…I don’t think so. The guys have had a few game nights and, according to Bryson, Garrison never comes. Barringer is hit or miss.” Kalina sighed. “I don’t this feeling…like the family is falling apart. I come from a highly dysfunctional situation, so when Bryson invited me to be a part of his family, I was excited to finally have a real family. Now everything seems so strained. Vivienne is gone. Garrison is a single father now. You and Barringer split…”
“It’s just a difficult time right now, Kalina. But just hold on to Bryson. Okay. He’s the noblest of them all.”
Kalina smiled big. “Thank you, Cali.”
“And don’t tell him I said that.”
Kalina laughed.
“Well, now that I’ve finished breakfast and have been ministered to by Colton, I need to get some chores done.”
“Okay, sis. I’ll see you later.”
“All right. Bye, girl.”
Calista ended the call, then took her bowl to the sink.
Chapter 18
After finishing up laundry, most of which consisted of juniors cute, little baby clothes, Calista wound her hair in a bun and jumped in the shower. With a few errands to run, she dressed quickly, wearing a pair of printed yoga pants and a matching blue shirt. She applied gloss to her lips, grabbed her purse and opened the front door. That’s when she saw him – Barringer, standing there wearing a black baseball cap so low on his head, it nearly hid his dark eyes. He was dressed casual today – had on a white shirt and a pair of dark jeans.
Goodness, he was fine. Clean-shaven. Mustache trimmed above a pair of smooth lips. Lips she remembered being succulent. Tempting and tasteful. And his dark skin beckoned her attention more so than before. Against the white shirt he wore, his skin looked extra dark, like some exotic, finger-lickin’ good chocolate from the world’s finest chocolatiers. She remembered he used to joke about his complexion when they were dating, saying: The blacker the ‘Barry’, the sweeter the juice. And he wasn’t lying. It had been sweet, but time and circumstances had changed him. Changed them.
Not seeing him in a while had made her appreciate his good looks, things she realized she’d taken for granted. His broad shoulders. Muscular physique that normally stayed hidden underneath expensive suits. The way he could wear a pair of jeans low on his hips. No man could wear a pair of jeans like Barringer. And no man could excite her like him. Mad and al
l, it didn’t matter. Barringer was the only man to make her feel desire stirring in her belly.
“Barry, what are you doing here?” she asked finally after a full minute, the longest minute in the history of time, had passed between them.
Barringer stood there, staring at Calista, not saying anything for a moment, just loving the way her shirt matched her light skin tone and how those pants showed off her curves. He stared into her eyes, caught under her spell. Who couldn’t she captivate with her beauty? With those alluring, pink, sugary lips of hers and big, black eyes, smooth as silk skin and luscious, dark black hair tinted with a hint of burgundy?
“Barry?”
“Did I catch you at a bad time?” he asked when he saw her purse on her shoulder.
The sound of his voice made her tingle all over, but she couldn’t let him see what kind of effect he was having on her. She was still mad at him. “Actually, I was on my way out to run some errands. Why?”
He took a step forward. “You’re not going to invite me in?”
I did just say I was on my way out, didn’t I? She took a step back. “Sure. You can come in for a minute.”
Barringer stepped inside looking around her apartment. Nice, he thought quietly to himself. It suited her. Decorated to her taste down to the most insignificant detail. Like the flower on the dinette in the kitchen that matched the curtains in the living room.
He took a seat on the couch and saw a baby rattle on the small, wooden coffee table. He picked it up, shook it so it did its job – rattle. He placed it back on the table. “You’re still watching the baby, huh?”
Calista narrowed her eyes at him, trying to figure him out. The man didn’t want children, but he was playing with a baby rattle…
“Barry, I really need to get going.”
He looked up at her. “Can you sit down for a moment?”
Calista forced a breath. She dropped her bag on the floor next to the loveseat where she decided to sit.
“I know I’m intruding on your precious time,” he said curtly, “But I figured since we haven’t spoken in a while, I would make the effort. Did you talk to Colton? He called me last night to see if you still wanted those rooms painted.”
“He came by this morning. I told him to talk to you about it,” Calista said.
“Why did you tell him to talk to me? You usually handle those things.”
“Right, but I don’t live there anymore, so I don’t want to overstep my boundaries. It’s your house now, Barry.”
“No. It’s our home, Cali.”
Calista looked at her unpainted fingernails, pondering what he’d said. Our home. Was he delusional? How could he think it was their home when she hadn’t lived here in three months? “Okay, well I told Colton to talk to you about it since you’re there. I’m not there.” She looked up at him, instantly feeling herself being pulled into the depth of his eyes.
“Did you really leave me because of the baby issue?” he asked.
The baby issue. Calista frowned. She didn’t want to talk about this now. She had errands to run. And why wasn’t he at work? “That’s part of it, yes, but there are other issues which I’ve already brought to your attention and I’m really not in the mood to reiterate those things to you, Barry. I have a lot to get done today and if you wanted to talk, maybe you should’ve—”
“Called first?” he said with raised eyebrows and contempt in his voice, “Because you changed your number, remember, so I couldn’t call you.”
“I changed my number because you were leaving angry voicemails and text messages.”
“Why wouldn’t I be angry? My wife of five years left me out of the blue, high and dry—”
Calista rolled her eyes. “High and dry…”
“Yeah. High and dry. I don’t have a right to be angry?”
“You do have that right, but how does it fix anything?”
“How does living apart from me fix anything!”
Calista’s face reddened in exasperation. “We’re going in circles…always going in circles with senseless arguing. All I ever wanted was a family and loving husband, a real family man who valued his family…who knew how precious time was. I was twenty-nine when we married. Now, I’m thirty-five. Do you know that puts me in the high-risk category for pregnancy now? You probably don’t, because you’re more concerned about advancing your company to the next level to be focused on anything that concerns me.” She looked up at him, catching his direct stare back at her. His eyes looked glossy. Narrowed and glossy.
Barringer folded his lips under and interlocked his fingers. “I can’t have children, Calista.” There, he said it. He looked her in the eyes and finally admitted it, watching a frown grow in her forehead.
“What are you talking about?” she asked, seeking clarification.
“I can’t have children.” When he saw her expression grow even more confused he said, “It’s impossible for me to get you pregnant. I’m sterile. I shoot blanks. If you don’t understand what I’m saying by now, I don’t know how else to make you understand.”
“B-but, every time we made love, you made sure we used birth control. You told me you weren’t ready for a baby. If you knew you were sterile, why use birth control?”
Flustered, he responded, “Because I didn’t want you to know. I’m sure you would’ve wondered why you weren’t pregnant and I—”
Barringer took a breath. “I didn’t want you to know I was sterile, Cali. I’d been trying different treatments for a few years and nothing worked.”
“For a few years?” she asked. “Why not just tell me what was going on, Barry?”
“I couldn’t.”
“Why couldn’t you? You made me think you didn’t want children. Every time I asked about children, you told me the time wasn’t right. Why not tell me the truth?”
“Because I knew you would hate me for doing so.”
“I wouldn’t hate you for being honest with me.”
“You would,” Barringer said, lowering his head. “I didn’t tell you because I feared you would not have married me.”
“Married you?” Calista said faintly. “You…you mean you knew about this before we got married?”
Barringer nodded shamefully. “I did.”
Her expression hardened. “You knew you couldn’t have children, and you didn’t tell me.”
“Cali—”
“Wow,” she said, holding a hand over her heart. “You’re such a liar, Barry.”
“I knew you wouldn’t want me if you found out. So I decided not to tell you and, instead, proceeded with the treatment so I could give you a family. I wanted a family, too.”
Calista’s eyes flooded with tears. “So you were dishonest with me right from the start.”
“Cali, I’m sorry.”
Calista squeezed tears from her eyes. The sight of her doing so ripped Barringer’s heart into two.
“Say something.”
Calista sniffled. “There’s nothing to say, at least nothing that’ll be beneficial at the moment. Just—” She sniffled. “Just go, Barry.”
“Calista, I—”
“Please leave,” she said softly. Sniffling.
Barringer stood up. “For whatever it’s worth, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to deceive you.” He stared at her for a long moment, watching her cry. When she covered her face with her hands and whimpered, he turned around and headed for the door.
Chapter 19
When Calista was able to clear her eyes and hide the puffiness and redness that had settled underneath with concealer and powder foundation, she proceeded out of the door. She was in a daze while shopping for groceries, pushing the cart up and down lanes, thinking about what Barringer told her – that he couldn’t have children.
She took two boxes of lasagna noodles from the shelf, dropped them into her cart.
I can’t have children. I’m sterile…
She couldn’t get those words out of her head. If a person couldn’t have a child and knew a p
otential marriage partner wanted a child, wasn’t that person under obligation to be straightforward, upfront and honest?
Not Barringer.
He held the secret for years. Said he took measures to reverse his infertility, but the treatments hadn’t worked.
I didn’t tell you because I feared you would not have married me…
She couldn’t say what she would’ve done at the time. Too bad he didn’t give her a chance to make that decision. Calista blew a breath, attempting to force away sadness. “Okay, Calista. Keep it together. You can’t be crying in this store.”
She waved her hands in front of her face to help dry the tears forming in her eyes. And then she remembered to head back over to the wine aisle to grab a bottle of Sangria.
* * *
Back at her apartment, she unpacked groceries then sat down on the couch where Barringer had sat. Tingles ran through her again. She could still smell his scent. Gosh, she missed his scent. It didn’t matter know angry she was at him. How much he annoyed her. She didn’t even care that he’d lied. She missed him, and had he told her about his condition before they married, they could’ve dealt with it together. Instead, he chose to do it all on his own, just like he’d made the decision to take over his father’s company without even consulting her.
She looked at her purse when she heard her phone ringing from it. Instead of getting up to get it, she closed her eyes and bathed in Barringer’s scent, trying to guess who could be calling.
It wasn’t Barringer. She still hadn’t given him her number. Maybe it was Kalina. Or what about June? She hadn’t spoken with her in a couple days.
“Nah, it’s not June,” Calista decided. “I bet, it’s Candice. That’s who it is. Candice.”
She pulled herself up and fumbled around in her bag until she found her phone. It had since stopped ringing, so she looked through the call log and saw she had been wrong about the caller. It was Garrison.
A smile came to her face when she thought about Junior. While she was able to get a lot of work done today, she still missed him. In some ways, she felt like Junior was her child. She loved him. Took care of him any time Garrison needed her to. It was the least she could do.
