Blindspot (Daydream, Colorado Book 1)

by A. M. Rose

  As if he could feel him there, Drew turned in his sleep, and his head found Mason’s lap again. He cuddled close; a deep frown etched into his forehead. Mason wanted to smooth it with his lips until there was nothing there but smile lines.

  He leaned back against the headboard, holding Drew close and running his fingers through his hair the way he knew Drew loved. Sleep pulled at his eyes, but he refused to give in. Drew needed him, and he’d be there every step of the way for him.

  As Drew slept in his arms, he kept thinking about the last decade of his life without Drew in it. When they were teenagers and Mason first realized his feelings for his best friend ran deeper than friendship, he was so afraid. Everything was so big and dramatic in a way only a teenager could feel it. But the years went by, they went from teens to young adults, and his love never faltered, never diminished. If anything, it grew so much he felt like it’d would consume him whole.

  It was that moment that he stopped seeing glances about Drew.

  The moment Drew became as much a part of Mason as his skin and bones were. He had to tell him how he felt. And he did. Only to have his heart broken to pieces. He couldn’t help but wonder now if his love was part of the blame for what happened to Drew. Knowing what Orson had told him about someone reaching out to ask for help… he had to wonder. If he hadn’t been so completely in love with Drew, if he hadn’t been so wrapped up in him, maybe he’d have been able to see what was happening. Maybe he’d have been able to save him sooner. Maybe Drew wouldn’t have left.

  For years he thought Drew left him. Left because of him. And it hurt more than anything he had ever felt.

  Knowing that wasn’t the case changed everything. Except for the crippling fear Mason carried like a badge of honor. He wrapped it around himself like barbed wire to keep everyone away. Drew being back, being close, hinting that maybe, just maybe he carried Mason under his skin like Mason did him… confused him. Made him lower his guard a little bit. It made him reach out to see if it still felt the same. Kissing Drew. Being wrapped in his arms. Having him inside his body again.

  Only to find out that it wasn’t the same at all. It was more. So much more. Enough to shatter him.

  Did he care? He didn’t have the answer to that. Years of keeping everyone at arm’s length made it into a habit. It was his default mode to just remain distanced until the moment he knew for sure he could let someone in.

  But with Drew, there were no guarantees. He lived outside of Daydream, he had a life he at the very least seemed content with. A life he’d be going back to. A life that had no place for Mason in it.

  Yet, he wanted him enough to at least consider making the most out of the time they had together. He knew it wouldn’t be enough. A lifetime with Drew would be too short, but this was what Mason had, and now it was up to him to decide what would be easier to live with.

  Memories or regrets.

  The cynic in him tried to convince him it was just his body reacting to someone he was attracted to being so close. Mason was inclined to let that part win as a last-ditch attempt to shelter himself. He could do physical. Maybe getting Drew out of his system would be good for him. Maybe he’d be able to truly move on. Maybe he was an idiot who was trying his best to fool himself.

  His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he hurried to take it out before Drew woke up. Drew stirred gently in his arms, and Mason looked down to him, running his fingers through his hair until he settled back down, reaching with his arm until he wrapped his fingers around the fabric of Mason’s hoody. Mason’s heart jumped at the sight. He looked so fragile and small.

  Looking up to ask the sky for strength, he unlocked his phone and found Sage’s texts flashing on screen.

  Sage: Went okay?

  Mason: Not even close.

  Sage: Can I call?

  Mason: Later? Drew is asleep. Sorry.

  Sage: Don’t apologize. Anything I can do?

  Mason: Food?

  Sage: Ben’s already on his way with a bag. He’ll leave it outside your door.

  Mason: Love you.

  Sage: You better.

  He dropped his phone down on the bed and relaxed back into the pillow, glancing at Drew and allowing himself the guilty indulgence of placing the smallest kiss to Drew’s forehead. It made him squirm and snuffle for a short moment, and then gorgeous dark eyes were blinking up at him.

  “Hi,” Mason smiled, running the backs of his fingers over Drew’s pale cheek.

  “Hey…” He glanced around, noticing where he was. “Here again?”

  “Yeah. Darian brought us here after…” he trailed off, not sure if Drew wanted to talk about what happened. “I wasn’t sure you’d want your parents to see you like this.”

  “Good thinking,” he mumbled, fingers playing with the bottom of Mason’s hoody, showing zero signs of moving away.

  Mason did his best to ignore it, stomach tensing when his knuckles swiped across the bare skin at his hip. “How are you feeling?” he asked.

  “Like someone ran me over with a truck and then reversed back over me to make sure I wasn’t getting up?”

  “That’s weirdly specific…” Mason chuckled through the lump in his throat. He stopped that hand from working its way further under his hoody, but held it tight. “God, Drew… never do that to me again…”

  Drew swallowed. “Mason…”

  “No… I can’t see you in pain. Until we’re sure we know what was done to you, we’re not doing any more experiments.”

  “And if we’re never sure?”

  “Then… I don’t know… we’ll think of something.”

  “Promise?” he asked, lacing their fingers.

  “I’ll do everything I can,” Mason said as he slid down to lay face to face with Drew. Their hands twined between them and their foreheads almost touching.

  “I was scared,” Drew whispered into the space between them.

  “Of course you were…” Mason said, giving his fingers a squeeze.

  “When he said… when he said he wasn’t sure, but he’d try… it reminded me of…” He grimaced, like it hurt him to even insinuate.

  “Hey… I get it. I get what you’re saying. Don’t… please don’t try pushing the limits.”

  “Okay… yeah okay,” he breathed out and Mason leaned closer.

  “Are you in pain still?” he asked.

  Drew shook his head sluggishly. “Just phantom pangs here and there. Like a dull ache…”

  “Good. Let’s keep it that way,” Mason whispered, brushing their noses together, making Drew shiver in response. They held their eyes firmly trained onto one another, silence between them growing heavy. Their breaths were loud and labored, fingers clenched tightly around each other. He was on the verge of claiming Drew’s lips, and he wasn’t sure either of them were ready for it after the morning they’d had.

  Heavy-hearted, he pulled back, looking up into Drew’s eyes.

  “You hungry?” he asked, and Drew seemed to struggle to focus back on what he was saying.

  “Um… I guess…” he said.

  “Sage left us a goody-bag outside the door. Trust me. His food will make you hungry.” He forced himself to get out of bed. “You stay right there. We’re having a lazy day.”

  Drew cocked an eyebrow from the cushions and covers. “A lazy day?”

  “Yup, food in bed, silly TV, and then more food,” Mason said decisively, and Drew chuckled.

  “You can still eat enough for three people twice your size, I see…” he joked softly, and where a few days ago Mason would have bristled, now he just smiled at the fact that Drew still knew him.

  “Yeah. Why fix what’s not broken, y’know. Okay… stay here, I’ll be right back.”

  He ran out, collecting the bakery logoed bag that was somehow heavier than he was from outside his apartment. He grabbed a couple of plates, glasses, cutlery and a bottle of water from the kitchen. Everything else, Sage provided.

  He scurried back into the room, half-dragging, half
-carrying the bag of food. Climbing back up onto the bed, he handed the plates and cutlery to a now somewhat upright Drew, settling the glasses and the water on top of the bedside table.

  He dove into the bag and pulled out at least ten plastic containers: all keeping the food at the perfect temperature to eat.

  “Are you more of a breakfast-food-after-a-trauma kind of person, or a full-on lunch?” he asked as he opened all the containers and found all his favorites. Sage was the best.

  “I don’t even know what that means?” Drew chuckled and Mason shrugged.

  “Then grab a bit of everything. Best way to find out what suits you most,” he suggested wisely, watching as Drew did exactly as he said and piled his plate high with everything from breakfast muffins, to a scoop of pasta carbonara, and a tiny calzone.

  Nodding at his plate in approval, Mason dug into his own food with gusto. He turned the TV on, flipping through the channels until he found something that would suit the relaxed moment they were having.

  “Oh my god! Yes!!!” He fist-pumped, startling Drew into dropping the last bite of his calzone onto the bed.

  “Crap!”

  “It doesn’t matter.” Mason waved his hand over the stain making it disappear and then floated two more calzones onto Drew’s plate without really thinking about it. “Have you seen this show?”

  “Can’t say I have,” Drew mumbled through his new mouthful, watching the screen.

  “Ooooh, it’s hilarious. Basically, these two guys are mediums.” He put the word in quotation marks.

  “Aren’t clairvoyants real?” Drew asked and Mason nodded.

  “Rare, but they exist. These two though, total frauds. You’ll see. They didn’t script the show right, or one of them didn’t read the script… or they were both drunk… in any case, they kept arguing about what the spirits were saying, the audience was crying… it was a mess.”

  They settled in to watch and soon they were both in tears over the absurdity of the show. One episode turned into two before they switched to stupid soap opera re-runs, leaving them to just hum in the background as they talked.

  “Remember when you auditioned for that play in middle-school?” Mason asked, mouth full of cookies and a smile seemingly glued to his face.

  “Which one?” Drew asked with faux-innocence, and Mason threw a chocolate chip at him.

  “Don’t even try… the romantic one where you had to kiss Susie Pritchard,” Mason said and Drew groaned, grabbing and sticking his face into the nearest pillow.

  “I have a vague recollection of it,” he mumbled through the cotton and feathers.

  Mason snickered, pushing at it teasingly. “Mhm… so you vaguely remember leaning in for the kiss?”

  Drew uncovered a glaring eye and half his mouth. “Very vaguely…”

  “And you vaguely remember burping into her face?”

  “It’s very foggy.”

  He pulled at the cushion again, the skin on the backs of his fingers tingling where it touched Drew’s beard. “And is her crying and running off the stage also foggy?”

  “I have no memory of that.”

  “I think there’s a video of that moment if you need a reminder,” he taunted, winking at Drew when he peeked at him from behind the pillow. Mason’s insides turned at how cute he looked, rumpled and heavy lidded.

  He yanked the cushion away to destroy the image, sighing in despair when Drew’s pout only made the flutter in his heart worse.

  “Fine, if you want to relive high school through film, is there also a video of you trying out for the football team?” Drew asked, giving him a superior smirk.

  Mason gasped, coming up to his knees and narrowing his eyes at Drew. He pointed the stolen cushion at him. “Hey now… that’s taking it too far!”

  “What was it that coach Robins said?”

  Mason raised the pillow in clear warning. “That I can’t be on the team because I’d make everyone else look bad with how good I was?”

  “No… I don’t think it was that…” Drew murmured with his head tilted in faux-thought, not scared of a potential feathery death.

  “I was paraphrasing…” he declared, swinging the pillow at him.

  Drew laughed and caught it, yanking at it. Mason didn’t let go and slid forwards on his knees. “It’s an interesting way to paraphrase you can’t be on the team boy, you’re the size of the football, someone will step on you…” Drew said, close enough now that he could smell his earthy cologne.

  “I’ve taken some artistic liberties…” Mason said breathlessly, unable to keep from glancing at Drew’s soft mouth as it curved in that smile he loved so much.

  “Seems like you’ve taken the world’s supply of artistic liberties with that one, buddy,” Drew murmured, the friendly banter tripping off his tongue, but the tone… the tone made Mason shiver. He met Drew’s eyes that were lit with one burning question, possibility swimming in them…

  “Oh, shut up…” Mason said, letting go of the pillow and that connection point and retreating backwards. He caught a glimpse of Drew’s falling face and pretended he didn’t see as he made a show of getting himself comfortable again.

  The last few hours had been so nice. It had felt like he’d had Drew back, again and he’d been reveling in that feeling. Relaxed together, enjoying each other’s company, being silly. This thing between them that kept creeping in… he still didn’t know what to do about it. And so, retreat was the best option.

  “Let’s find something else to watch,” Mason suggested, blithely trampling down the sudden tension in the room. After a few quiet minutes, Drew followed his lead like he had been doing since he got back.

  Mason didn’t know how to feel about that.

  Food was devoured, more episodes of ridiculous reality shows were watched, and the day bled into night without them noticing.

  “I should probably go…” Drew said, and Mason felt himself getting colder just from his words. He knew it was safer to have Drew out of his space, and out of his head. But he wanted him to stay so much it was a physical ache. He couldn't tell him that though.

  “I’ll drive you home,” Mason said, and Drew shook his head, untangling himself from their blanket nest. Mason kind of hated it.

  “It feels good to move around after the worst of it passes. I feel okay,” he said, standing up and putting his shoes and jacket back on. Mason watched in silence, tugging a blanket around his shoulders because the bed was too cold now Drew wasn’t in it.

  “Um…” Drew said just as he finished, and Mason perked up at the sound of his voice. “I’m… I’m gonna have to talk to my parents.”

  Mason’s eyes went wide, and he rolled himself out of the bed too. “Are you sure?”

  Drew nodded, and Mason trailed after him as they walked towards the front door.

  “If we’re gonna find Reggie or Pete, or the book for that matter… it might be good to see what they know and maybe get the name of the PI they used to track me down,” he said, and yeah… that made a lot of sense.

  “Will you be okay?” he asked, unable to help himself, and Drew looked at him from under his lashes. God, how was he this beautiful?

  “I… Would you come with me? When I do?” he asked, voice high with anxiety, and Mason stepped closer, unable to stay away when he was so vulnerable in front of him.

  “Of course, anything you need.” Mason could count the flecks of gray in Drew’s dark eyes. He could see how the skin beneath his beard was slightly red and dry. He was close enough to taste him and after denying himself twice already… he was unable not to do it a third.

  He closed the distance between them easily. Like he’d been doing it a million times a day, every day. Like Drew belonged to him, and he was the only one who reserved the right to kiss him like that. He untangled their fingers to twine them back into Drew’s hair and pull him closer, their bodies aligned and Drew kissing him back.

  It felt different than the night they slept together, or the night of his nightmare. Ma
son was scared then. Out of his mind and just reacting. Needing to feel Drew close to ground himself.

  This was different. Now he needed Drew just because it was Drew. Because his feelings for him never went away, and he was too weak to fight them anymore. Seeing him in pain just cemented it. He’d take what he could get while Drew was around.

  He coiled closer to him, lips glued together, moving in sync. Drew’s arms wrapped around his waist pulling him against his body.

  “Mase…” he heard Drew whispering.

  “Shhh…” he said between their lips, chasing them back, refusing to allow the kiss to end. “We’ll talk about it, I promise… just not now.”

  He felt Drew nod against him, and it was enough. For the moment it would have to be.

  “You don't have to do this if you don’t want to,” Mason said, standing next to him on the porch of his parent’s house. It had taken him a day to come to terms with the fact that he'd have to talk to them in order to get the information he needed.

  “They’ll have questions,” Drew said, stomach churning with anxiety and hands trembling stuffed inside his pockets.

  “And they can ask them. That doesn’t mean you have to give them answers,” Mason said simply, a tiny pillar of strength next to him. Drew was so grateful to have him there.

  Things were confusing after the last kiss they’d shared. Mason had let it slip there was something between them other than mistakes and things to forget, and it gave Drew hope just as much as it created more questions. They hadn’t seen one another since he left that night until now, where Mason was all business. In this circumstance, he welcomed it.

  “Okay…” He nodded finally. “Okay, let’s get this over with.”

  “That’s the spirit.”

  They entered the house and found it eerily quiet. He knew his parents were home because he had texted them both and told them he would be there that afternoon to ask them something. So the silence was weird and unexpected.

  Both him and Mason shrugged their winter gear off and stepped inside, steps light as if the absence of sound forced them to be equally silent; as if they were participating in some sort of game of who could make the least noise.