by Beth Garrod
‘Errrrr, any idea what about?’ I willed with every particle in both of my bodies for it not to be about Saturday. Surely Frankie couldn’t have found out about the tickets?
Micha and Lou looked at each other, confused. ‘Er…’ Lou replied. ‘You really don’t know?’
I shook my head. ‘You mean you haven’t seen this?’ Lou held out her phone. This felt bad. Very bad. And even worse when she pressed play on a video.
Chase Cheney. On stage. The crowd cheering at the end of a song.
Uh. And indeed Oh.
‘So it’s time for “Fandemonium”,’ he purred into the mic. ‘The bit of the concert where I get a fan on stage.’
Chase looked round – and as he turned to the side of the stage his face lit up.
‘You again…’ He pointed. The camera whipped round to see who he was grinning at.
And that was when I knew my life as Lily had changed. For ever.
Because there my sister was, in my body, chatting away obliviously at the edge of the stage, studying an electrical box as if it held the secret of the universe – right up until lanyard lady tapped her on the arm and she looked up. At Chase pointing right at her.
She didn’t even blink. As if this was normal. How dare my body betray me so badly! And with a nudge from the lanyard lady my sister walked out. Right up to the microphone. In front of everyone.
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. My sister, in the worst slogan T-shirt ever, standing on stage next to the world’s coolest man.
At least she was in the dim bit of the stage.
Oh no. Scrap that. A spotlight flicked right on her. My stupid face beamed out of every single massive screen around the arena. My chin spot alone was the size of a small dog.
Deep breath, me.
Just a casual forty thousand people watching my sister, in my body, chat to Chase on stage. How badly could it go?! (Note to brain – don’t answer.)
The stadium was hushed, just an occasional whoop and whistle coming from the crowd.
‘Sorry,’ Chase laughed. ‘Did I disturb you?’
Please have remembered rule one, sister! Pleeeeease! JUST BE NORMAL.
‘A little.’ Erin didn’t sound even the tiniest bit fazed! ‘I was finding out how dry ice works.’ She grinned. ‘Freezing carbon dioxide. Fascinating.’
What hope I had of this being okay drained out of me and down one of the plugholes.
‘Enough!’ I flicked Lou’s screen off. I didn’t want to see the rest of that clip as long as I lived.
I’d thought Frankie laughing at me at the convention had been bad. But my sister had forgotten to mention she’d upgraded my mortification to include the entire world.
THE ENTIRE ACTUAL WORLD.
Neither Lou nor Micha knew what to say.
And Micha had started sniffing again.
Oh. No!
She must think her best friend bailed on her to go to the concert without her! As if she wouldn’t have been the first person I’d ask to come if life were normal.
Great. Now I was about to cry too.
I needed to get my Erin game face on, get out of here and sort this out.
‘Thanks, Lou. Not sure how I missed that one.’ Fake smile to the max. ‘Think I’d better go and find my sister…’
In a panicked blur, I pushed open the door, Agatha’s message whirring round my head. It’s easy to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes… but have you ever tried to put on their socks? What did she mean? I needed to figure it out fast, because I couldn’t go on like this. Messing up my life was bad enough, but not Micha’s too.
I marched out of the girls’ toilets. And right into Mrs Saddler. Who was chatting to Mr Sharma. A double whammy of misery.
‘Erin! How nice to bump into you. I’m very much looking forward to seeing some serious improvement in the run-through later.’ Mrs Saddler smiled, but I couldn’t muster one back. All I had was a feeble nod. I was rapidly running out of ability to pretend things were okay. ‘You know, it’s not too late to recast any roles.’ How could I forget when she kept reminding me?
‘Yes, Erin.’ Mr Sharma pulled his glasses down his nose. ‘I’m looking forward to seeing the same big improvement with Les Quizerables. You’re normally our star quizlete.’
Which isn’t even a word.
I made a squeak that sounded like Barry the Hamster (RIP) and ran. And despite hunting everywhere (SAS style, peering round corridors and flattening myself against walls to avoid Frankie at all costs), my sister was nowhere to be found. And she answered none of my messages or calls. My phone, however, was getting so many notifications it sounded as if someone was playing high-speed ping-pong. I switched it off.
This was a disaster.
My life was a disaster.
And this time I wasn’t even the one doing it.
I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to figure out how to mend things with Micha. Ideas for the editorial meeting would have to wait. I looked at the messages I’d sent her this afternoon – two blue ticks and no reply.
Me: I can’t explain right now, but whatever you’ve seen on the internet isn’t what it looks like. I promise.
I knew how lame it sounded without an explanation but what could I say?
Me: I had no idea what happened on Saturday was going to happen (would I really have worn that T-shirt if I’d thought I’d be seeing the god that is Chase Cheney???). I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you. I promise you are THE ONLY person I’d ever go see Chase Cheney with!!!
No reply. But I had nothing to lose any more so carried on sending her anything I thought might help. More apologies. More GIFs of football-playing porcupines. More congrats about the team.
But by the time the four p.m. rehearsal rolled round I hadn’t even got so much as a cross penguin back.
It was official – my best friend had stopped speaking to me.
And now I had to face Frankie.
I really would rather be anywhere in the world than sitting in front of the stage waiting for that to happen. Even at Circus Skills with Dad.
And where was Erin?!
I stared at my script while Lou chatted to Enthusiastic Mark. Even the words I spent all day yesterday learning had disappeared. Well, there were all still there but in no particular order.
Hoard thee… nuts and… squirrel?
I glanced down. Nope.
The squirrel’s hoard, and fetch thee new nuts.
Not that that made any more sense.
BANG. The double doors flapped open.
Frankie. And if looks could kill, I wouldn’t just be dead, I’d be erased from history. Luckily she was followed by Mrs Saddler. Although now all the sucking-up Erin had chosen to do by coming into school this weekend was going to be undone the second Mrs Saddler realized she was missing.
Mrs Saddler lifted her arms, her billowy top wafting out below her. She looked like a fabric bat.
‘Well, hello, my future stars.’ She waved her hand around the circle of chairs in a dramatic 360 spin. I caught Harley grinning. ‘As you know, today is our first full run-through. And with five days to go until the rrrrrrrreal thing, I for one cannot wait!’
I for two could wait so long that my shoes disintegrated.
I glanced up. Frankie was staring right at me. Gulp.
‘I know what you did,’ she mouthed. I glanced right back down. Had Frankie wanted the tickets after all? And found out it was me who took them?! Wow. I’d managed to make her hate me in two different bodies.
‘So, Erin!’ Mrs Saddler turned her enthusiasm to me. ‘As the defining character in this production, I know today you will lead by example and deliver your best performance yet.’ Oh hello, feeble nod, welcome back. ‘So…’ She clapped her hands. ‘Shall we get on with it?’
But with Frankie refusing to take her eyes off me and my sister AWOL, my head was officially scrambled. Did I feel sick with guilt? Or terror? Or just nerves? Whatever it was, when I got up on stage, the rehearsal was my wors
t one yet. I didn’t even feel better when Erin finally appeared. Apparently she’d been spending every spare minute in the art room giving some of the props a fresh lick of paint. Nice to know she was more bothered about making Mrs Saddler happy than replying to any of my frantic messages.
Out of all the days since the swap, this was the worst. And that was before Mrs Saddler summoned me over at the end of rehearsal. Erin came too, clearly worried about her precious play. Mrs Saddler waited until everyone else had cleared the hall.
‘If I had one word to describe your rehearsal, it would be…’ Mrs Saddler paused as she looked at Erin. ‘Am I fine to speak honestly in front of Laura?’
‘Lily,’ I corrected her. ‘That’s her name.’
‘Horrible.’
‘I quite like it.’
‘No, Erin, not her name. Your performance – it was horrible.’ Mrs Saddler took an overly dramatic inhale and stared into the distance. ‘I didn’t want to say this in front of the others, but if things don’t change significantly, you’ve left me with no other option.’ She nodded to where Lou had been sitting. ‘I’ll have to ask your understudy Lou to step up and play Titania.’
She couldn’t! Playing Titania was what Erin was relying on to film for her audition to Chinyere Okafor’s Drama Academy! Her only chance of getting in depended on it! ‘W-wh…’ I was actually stuttering. ‘What do you mean?’
The colour had drained from Erin’s face.
‘Well, Clara would have to step up and cover Lou—’ Mrs Saddler said, thinking out loud. But my sister interrupted, in a quiet voice I’d never heard from her before.
‘But Erin could do at least one of the performances? Because that’s what’s being taped to send to Chinyere Okafor. For the audition.’
Mrs Saddler laughed. ‘Oh no.’ She tutted as if my sister were being ridiculous. ‘That plan’s all changed. I was going to tell you all today if things had gone better. Ms Okafor is coming to watch the opening night on Saturday. She’ll be right here in the audience. So if Lou is playing Titania then…’ She shrugged. ‘I’m afraid that’s decision made.’
My sister looked as if she’d taken a punch to the stomach. If we didn’t swap back by Saturday, her dream was over.
To say the walk home wasn’t a laugh-a-minute was an understatement.
Erin was gutted about the play and while I felt bad for her I was furious she hadn’t told me what’d happened on Saturday – or been there for Micha. We snatched sentences back and forth, but it was hard to have a proper conversation when every ten paces we got interrupted by someone asking questions such as, ‘Does Chase really smell of marshmallow?’ It went something like this:
Erin: I was only backstage because you put me up for that stupid tour. Point one on the plan!
Me: And was part of the plan ever ‘share your love of dry ice with the world’?!
Erin: I didn’t tell you because I thought it wasn’t that big a deal.
Me: My best friend’s not talking to me, the world thinks I’m a laughing stock and Frankie wants to murder us both. DOES THAT SOUND LIKE A SMALL DEAL?
Erin: I can sort things out with Frankie. She probably doesn’t even know it was us. She probably just reckons you had something to do with me ending up on stage. It’ll be cool.
Me: She’s never been cool about anything to do with me, Erin.
Me: *Annoyed grunt*
Me: I still can’t believe I was the last to know.
Erin: I tried.
Me: But the rule was to be normal!
Erin: BUT THAT WAS MY NORMAL!
I had never needed to get home and flop on the sofa more.
But when we walked in Mum and Dad were sitting at the kitchen table.
‘Have a seat.’ Mum looked furious. ‘Your sister too.’
The chairs were pulled out ready.
‘You’re both in trouble. Big trouble.’
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
I normally didn’t have a clue what my parents were thinking. Like when they went to the car boot sale and came back with a ‘warm tub’ for the garden (like a hot tub, but broken so never heated properly). But right now I knew exactly what they were thinking. We weren’t just in big trouble, we were in The Biggest.
Mum rested her chin on her hand, closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. Even Mrs Saddler would be impressed.
‘Your grandmother rang.’
‘Grandmoan,’ Dad clarified. Mum gave him the Look. Now was clearly not the time for jokes.
‘My mother, yes. She asked if we’d seen this…’
My sister and I glanced at each other. Mum’s mum normally only got involved in our lives if there was free food, free holidays or something to seriously moan about.
Mum grabbed something from the worktop. The local paper. She pushed it towards us.
Aggressive Squirrel Goes On Sausage Roll Stealing Rampage
Why was Grandmoan bothered about that?!
But my sister was tapping the headline at the bottom of the page.
Local Girl Tells Superstar to Smarten Up!
Turn to page 2 for the full hilarious encounter >>>
Never had the word ‘hilarious’ felt as if it was going to be less funny. I put my hand over my eyes and watched through my fingers as Erin opened the paper.
To say the picture of me on stage with Chase took up a quarter of the page would be a lie. It took up half.
Local Lily Calls Out Scruffy Superstar Chase
Was it me, or was the room spinning?
‘I honestly spat out my mint tea when I saw it,’ Dad said quietly. ‘So how about one of you tells us what’s going on?’
I hated them being mad, but I couldn’t even explain and make it better – I was almost as clueless as them.
Mum glared at me. ‘And don’t think we don’t know you were involved, Erin. Ben’s dad confirmed you weren’t there on Saturday.’ She breathed in and out. Loudly. ‘I don’t think either of you need me to say we’re very disappointed.’ The ultimate parental burn! ‘In both of you.’
I mumbled sorry and with shaking hands pulled the paper towards me. How many people read this?! I had a horrible feeling the answer was… everyone.
With a shaky voice, I began to read it out.
‘The biggest nights of pop Lemford has ever seen touched down at the Artemis and Athena Arena last weekend. But one local girl stole the stage with a dose of unexpected honesty for A-lister Chase Cheney.’
I stopped to look at my sister, but she was staring at her hands.
‘After being invited on stage, Lily Mavers, 13, who was rocking a hilarious “Sorry I’m Late, I Don’t Want to Be Here” T-shirt…’
I’m sorry, how could the words ‘rocking’, ‘hilarious’ and that T-shirt go together?!
‘… proceeded to school the superstar in science. A bemused Chase, who eagle-eyed fans noticed was sporting an injury to his nose, laughed it off.’
Thank goodness I’d had a few hours to deal with this discovery.
‘But as he started playing his new hit “Honesty” he called Lily back out.’
I choked on my words. Back out? Back out! No one had mentioned a ‘back out’.
‘In an exchange some fans are describing as ‘mega lols’ while others have labelled it…’
I paused. I could see the shape of the words, but once I read them I couldn’t pretend they weren’t that bad.
‘… the ultimate insult to the fandom…’
My stomach clenched so hard my voice went up an octave.
‘… Lily played along with Chase’s on-the-spot quick-fire honesty game, giving answers that took the audience, and Chase himself, by surprise.’
Not to mention it was also taking me, actual Lily Mavers, by surprise! I looked up at my family. Stony faces all round.
‘Lily’s honest opinion of Chase? In need of a haircut. Her favourite Chase song? She named a track by Coldplay.’
I was probably already a meme, wasn’t I? I was never going on the internet again.<
br />
‘Her review of the concert? Long. And not enough dry ice. But fans were left reeling by the possibility Chase might have previously met the mysterious Mavers, when he said, “Remember what I said to you guys. For foot problems, always keep it breathable.” Insiders close to the star have suggested this could be a reference to some athlete’s foot cream Lily and a close friend were seen hurling at the pop star backstage.’
Hurling?
And was that a zoomed-in close-up picture of my hand on the tube from some blurry CCTV footage?! They’d made it look as if we’d done it on purpose! I’d smuggled the cream back into the bathroom cupboard, but Dad pushed it forward on the table, as if it were forensic evidence. In fairness, it would give a positive DNA test for Chase’s blood.
‘Support band Ego Rhythm Radio, who have teamed up with Chase on new single “Final Chance” released this coming Saturday, confirmed Mavers had “made a big impression” on the global superstar and joked “after her critique he might even pull his style socks up”. If you want to hear more from Ego Rhythm Radio, check out their debut album “Meet Me”.’
Silence.
It was hard to know where to start. I’d only been in the paper twice before. Once when I was five and won a fancy-dress competition as a very realistic gherkin. And the time my school won a netball tournament and the photographer didn’t realize I was only holding a bib while one of them went for a wee, and despite my protests made me stand in the photo.
‘Lily?’ Mum turned to my sister. ‘Have you got anything to say?’
Erin was still staring down. I almost felt bad she didn’t have a lifetime of disappointing Mum and Dad to help her through this. Almost, but not quite.
‘It was…’ Her mouth carried on moving but all that came out was a mumble.
‘Speak up,’ Dad said.
‘It was…’ She paused. ‘An accident.’
I almost fell backwards off my chair! Did I actually just hear her say that?
Was my perfect sister finally realizing what living my life was really like?
Mum sighed. ‘And was making poor Micha cover for you also an accident?’ She paused to allow the guilt bubble up even more. ‘And not telling your father and me?’
