Cupid and Psych (Cupid Inc Book 2)

by Andie M. Long

  “Anyway, that weird friend of Sam’s was there—Ebony—and she said Sam’s first client will arrive Monday, straight delivered to the branch, so we’re up and running, baby.” He raised a hand to smack against mine and then dropped it when I failed to meet it, given I was standing three feet away and not walking over just to high-five him.

  “You let me hang.” He shook his head. “I can’t believe you let me hang.”

  “I’m letting you hang out here. That should be enough for you. Don’t think you’re spending all your spare time here either. I don’t have time to keep vacuuming up that unicorn confetti that’s dropping out of your pocket. I’m guessing you wanted to make an entrance this morning?”

  “Of course. They need to remember the first time they met me.”

  “Oh I don’t think there’s any danger of them forgetting.” I mumbled under my breath.

  Max went to his phone again and tapped keys. “So, girlfriend, to make sure our schedules align. Tomorrow, it’s all about getting the building ready for the grand opening on Sunday, takeaway at yours, and then Monday 8am, we open the doors of Cupid Inc.”

  “Pedal back there, fella. Takeaway at mine?”

  “Don’t mind if I do.” He spread his hand over his chest. “Oh I’m so happy you live next-door. It’s going to be am-ayyy-zzing. Right, got to dash. I have a back, sack, and crack scheduled. Got to look my best for Sunday.”

  Oh my god, I hoped he wasn’t still thinking of doing a naked conga down to the beach to go skinny dipping.

  My first night in my new apartment passed peacefully. The mattress was memory foam and my sleep undisturbed. After a shower, coffee, and a slice of toast, I grabbed my bag and made my way down the stairs and around to the front of the building. There was an access door at the bottom of the stairwell for Max and me to use, but I wanted to stare at the outside of my new place of work.

  I stood stock still at the front of the building. It looked like Cupid and Christmas had a baby.

  How had they done this by 10am?

  The outside of the building was festooned with pink and silver Cupids and angels. The large window of Cupid Inc that faced the reception—which the last time I’d visited had a venetian blind covering it—now was uncovered and a white Christmas tree blocked most of the window. It also was decorated in pink and silver with huge swathes of what I presumed were tinsel but could easily pass for feather boas. A pink carpet went from the entrance to the front of the property.

  “She’s here. What do you think?” Max beamed.

  “It’s very…”

  “Pink? Over-the-top? Dramatic? Migraine inducing? That’s what I’ve come up with so far,” said Rebecca, Max’s sister. She rolled her eyes at him.

  “Oh shut up, Miss Pissy Pants. Just because I got my own way for once. Slither back to where you came from if you don’t like it.”

  Max and his sister did not get along. Then again, most people found Rebecca difficult to stomach seeing as she loved to be number one and was forever attention seeking. If I ever met their parents I would hug them hard. They must have thrown a party when they both left, that or slept for a year solid.

  “Where’s Samara?”

  “The lazy sod has fallen asleep on the couch in your counselling room.” Max said. “I reckon she had another wild night with the husband with how tired and pale she looked this morning. She needs to see daylight; she’s spending far too much time in nocturnal pursuits.”

  I sighed. It had been a long, long time since I’d gotten any that wasn’t provided by something with batteries.

  “I know that face.” Max walked over and hugged me to his chest. “Because I wear it myself and so does poo-face over there. It’s the look of the single person. We need to get laid. How does it look that we work for Cupid and we’re single? We need to practice what we preach, so all three of us need a date asap. Agreed?”

  “Do not be trying to matchmake me, brother.”

  “Why not? I’m in charge of the undateables now. You’re perfect.”

  “Fuck off.”

  “I’m going to make a coffee. Then you can tell me what I need to do to help here.” I began to walk towards the staff room.

  “Throw all this out and start again.” I heard Rebecca tell Max.

  “Throw you out and start again.” Max chuntered back.

  Thank goodness my office was soundproofed for confidentiality.

  After I’d made myself a drink, I pushed the door to my office open and watched as Samara opened one eye, paused with a confused look on her face, and then slowly sat up, pushing her curly blonde hair out of her face.

  “What happened?”

  “Apparently, you fell asleep in here.”

  “I came in to open your blind and then my eyes were just closing. Couldn’t resist a little lie down.”

  “Well maybe you should sleep at night?” I winked.

  “I did, I promise. I wasn’t feeling too good, so I actually went to bed early.”

  “Well, looks like your body is playing catch up. Anyway, if you want to wake up fast just go and look at the pretty decorations, because Christmas and Valentine’s made a baby outside.”

  “Oh God. I told him to take what he wanted to do and hold back three-quarters of it.”

  “Then I dread to think what he had planned. It looks like a Barbie dream home. A pink paradise.”

  Samara slowly edged herself off the couch, walked over to me, took the drink from my hand and threw it down her throat like a chaser.

  “I’m off to kick some arse.” She said.

  “Rebecca’s out there.”

  “Even better.”

  Rebecca and Samara were currently having to work on their professional relationship. Having worked as Cupid representatives in neighbouring districts, there had been no love lost between the two of them. Cupid had had enough and was making them work as a team to get past it. They were civil, but it was clear to see that they actually wanted to punch each other in the throat. I didn’t know about therapy sessions for clients, I think the staff needed help first, especially Rebecca. She was at the centre of two lots of conflict, one with her brother and one with Samara. I wondered if there was anyone she actually got along with.

  Samara dragged the Christmas tree to the corner of the reception and put the blind back down but open.

  Max opened his mouth to protest, but Samara just stood with her arms folded over her chest.

  “Take up the pink fake-leopard skin rug off the floor and go burn it. And if one piece of unicorn confetti comes out today, I’ll add you to the pyre.”

  An hour later the place was still decorated with pink and silver but at least now it was relatively toned down. A table had been placed in the reception ready for a buffet that Jax was catering, and Samara had set up a display on the reception counter of leaflets detailing our services.

  “I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to display business cards and price lists for your grooming parlour here. It should be Cupid Inc stuff only.” Rebecca huffed.

  Samara looked ready to bludgeon Rebecca to death with the box the leaflets had come out of.

  “Maybe for the opening it should just be Cupid Inc stuff, but let’s get a noticeboard and a leaflet holder and encourage the community to share their offerings here. After all, they’re all places for people to meet which is what we’re all about isn’t it?” I said.

  “Fine.” Samara harrumphed.

  Rebecca looked smug.

  Samara addressed her directly. “By the way, Rebecca. You must have sat in some chocolate before you came here. At least I hope it’s chocolate. You have a huge patch of something brown on your butt cheek. Please don’t sit on any of the furniture. We don’t want it looking shitty.”

  Rebecca shot off in the direction of the bathroom.

  “There’s nothing on her backside is there?” I queried.

  “Nope, but she is a shit and an arse so that is what she’ll see in the mirror.”

  “Well, I�
�ve had all the fun I can handle for one day. I’ll see you all tomorrow when we officially open this place.”

  That actually brought a big beaming smile to Samara’s face. Then Max came into the room, and so did an annoyed looking Rebecca.

  Samara held up a hand, went behind the reception counter and placed four champagne glasses and a bottle of fizz on the counter.

  She popped the cork which hit Rebecca in one of her boobs.

  “Sorry.”

  “It’s fine. It’s the most action that breast has seen in a long time.” Rebecca quipped, shocking us all.

  We burst out laughing and Samara poured and handed everyone a drink.

  “To Cupid Inc.” She said.

  “To Cupid Inc.” We toasted.

  Then Samara’s phone began ringing. She placed her drink down.

  “Why? Did she do something to it? Freaking hell, Ebony, you drive me crazy.”

  She put the phone down.

  “Everything okay?”

  “She told me not to drink the champagne but won’t say why, so everyone put it down. Talk about making the occasion fall flat.”

  “What did you do, buy a cheap bottle off the back of a van somewhere?” Rebecca quipped.

  I left them to a new round of arguing. Surely, things could only get better?

  Samara

  The one time I was running late and miserable because I had a bug and felt nauseous, would be the day I needed to be punctual and my usual bouncy and perky self.

  I couldn’t face breakfast and was putting Touche Eclat on my face like cement.

  “They won’t believe I’m late because I’m ill. They’ll think we were shagging.” I complained to Johnny.

  He shrugged his shoulders. “Can’t be helped that they think you can’t resist me.” He turned around and shook his arse at me.

  “I can’t resist you usually. Stupid bloody viruses getting in the way of my libido.”

  “I’m still willing to give you one even with your head in a bucket. You only have to ask.”

  “Ha ha.”

  “Okay, are you nearly ready? Because didn’t you say the ribbon snipping was at eleven? It’s half-past ten.”

  I groaned as my stomach rumbled. “I was supposed to be there for half-past nine. Rebecca will be jumping up and down in her eagerness to deliver some opinion on it.”

  Johnny grabbed my shoulders and stared down at me. “Stop focusing on that woman. I feel like there are three of us in this relationship. She’s winning while she’s winding you up, love. As Ella from Frozen says wisely, ‘Let it go’.” He starts singing which reminded me of when he howled at the television when he was a Whippet and For the Love of Dogs came on.

  “Fine. Come on then, let’s get this show on the road.” I told him and we headed towards Johnny’s car.

  Johnny’s beeper went off, indicating an emergency at his veterinary surgery. He phoned in while I got myself comfy in the passenger seat. I could just go back to sleep. My eyes were closing when Johnny spoke. “Oh dear. Sorry, I’ll drop you off, but then I’ll have to go shoot down to the surgery. There’s an emergency.”

  “It’s fine. It’s only a boring speech and a lame buffet. The animals need you more.”

  “I’ll try to get back.”

  “Seriously, don’t worry about it. I’m sure you won’t miss anything important.” I told him.

  I really should learn not to tempt Fate. That woman had it in for me.

  Cupid had come to open the building and to make a speech. Of course, most humans just thought it was hilarious that a man was pretending to be Cupid himself, not believing for a moment that he was the genuine article. I looked around the reception at the people milling around, recognising a few faces. India was right at the back hiding behind the Christmas tree. I waved and went over.

  “Sorry, India. I’ve got a bit of a bug, so I’m running late. How are you doing?”

  “I’m okay. To be honest I’ve only just come inside. There was a cat hanging about outside. Lovely little black thing. Dead fussy, so I’ve spent most of my time with that.”

  I didn’t bother telling her that it was probably Maisie, who was currently in human form and getting ever closer to the tuna sandwiches and party sausages on the buffet table.

  “Right, well, if you’ll excuse me a moment, I just need to let Max and Cupid know I’m here and then I’ll come back over.” She nodded and I went off in search of my colleagues and boss.

  “Glad you could make it.” Rebecca drawled in a tone that told me she’d hoped I’d miss the event altogether.

  “I’m so sorry, Cupid.” I said to my boss. “I have a stomach flu.”

  “Well you’re here to listen to my amazing speech so no harm done. Hopefully it’s a twenty-four-hour thing so you can get off to an efficient start tomorrow.”

  “Oh yes. I can’t wait to start reviewing Rebecca’s past records to see if there are any mistakes I need to rectify.” I smiled at her sweetly. “Sorry, I mean anyone in need of aftercare.” Although we had background checks to do as Cupids, for most that was it before they ‘pointed and shot’ their arrows. Rebecca was a point and shooter, p&s for short. I preferred to check up on those I’d matched to see if the match was successful, or if not, to see if there was anything I could do. I called this aftercare and that was what my new probation period was focusing on. Rebecca would ensure she p&s’d enough people, both in Withernsea and neighbouring Hornsea-which I’m sure she would because she certainly p&s’d me and Max off-and I would focus on a couple of cases of aftercare, including going back over Rebecca’s last couple of years of Cupiding.

  “If only I’d also been given the power to shoot friendship arrows.” Cupid shook his head and walked over to the microphone we’d had erected at the side of the reception area.

  “If I could have everyone’s attention please.” He asked. “Then once I get my speech done, we can enjoy the lovely buffet.”

  I knew then that his speech wasn’t going to be long. Nothing got in the way of Cupid and food.

  “Today marks an important day in my life as Cupid. A new way of working where we embrace the modern life. With the advent of dating agencies and apps, Cupid has needed to rethink a few things, and this is the first of those. A place where people who find it difficult to get anyone to date them for any period of time can come; and a place where those who were matched but who still have feelings for each other can see if Cupid and counselling can work together to heal any cracks in the relationship.

  “Of course, we still need to make sure enough people around the world are matchmade, and for that we also have a Point & Shooter in the team. So I’d like to ask—and I’m saying them in alphabetical order, because they’re a prickly bunch even without arrows—Max, Rebecca, and Samara, please step forward.”

  We all walked alongside Cupid.

  “So firstly, introducing Max who will be working alongside those struggling to date; Rebecca, who will keep uniting matches; and Samara, who will be ensuring those couples that still have love stay together.” He looked around the room. “Ah, Jessica, please step forward.”

  Jessica came and stood at my side. “I hate this.” She whispered.

  “Jessica is our psychologist who will be assisting our Cupid representatives where needed. This is my fantastic team, and so without further ado I will cut the ribbon currently stopping access to the buffet and declare this building open.” He snipped the ribbon, and everyone burst into a round of applause.

  “Enjoy your five minutes of fame because I intend to be the best Cupid rep around Withernsea, honey.” Rebecca whispered close to my ear. It was at that moment that the smell of the tuna sandwiches hit my nostrils and a vomit tsunami rolled through me.

  I threw up all over Rebecca’s legs and shoes.

  Well, Johnny had told me to let it go…

  Rebecca gave out a blood curdling scream and started heaving. “Oh my god, oh my god. There’s puke on my legs and my shoes.” A middle-aged woman with curly,
honey-blonde hair came running forwards with a massive pile of paper towels and started dabbing at Rebecca’s feet. “I’m Mabel, lovie, the domestic. I’ll have you cleaned up in a jiffy.”

  Jessica led me to her office and got me to lie down on that gorgeous couch. “Oh, Samara. Maybe you should have stayed at home?” She took a bottle of water out of a mini-fridge in the room, unfastened it and passed it to me. I sat up and took a sip, enjoying the cool freshness on my tongue.

  “I feel fine now. In fact, I could do with something to eat. I’m just tired, which for me is entirely normal.”

  Jessica’s eyes narrowed and she looked at me in an appraising way I didn’t like.

  “Samara?”

  “Yes?”

  “Is there any chance you could be pregnant?”

  I guffawed. “Oh god, no way. No, Johnny and I use contraception. It’s firmly wrapped and I don’t take the packaging off that present. There are some gifts you don’t want to receive.”

  “They’re not foolproof, but fair enough, if you use protection maybe it is a stomach bug. It’s just a friend of mine used to do that puking and then wanting to eat thing. Plus, you’ve always had a great rack, but your boobs look super-perky and full.”

  I looked down. They did seem a teeny bit bigger. I ran my past shagging Olympics through my mind and then my life came to a crashing, stomach-churning halt. My face must have told the story as Jessica’s wastepaper basket was held beneath my chin as I chundered once more.

  “When Johnny was turned back into a human. We didn’t think…” I stared at Jessica. “I shagged Johnny without a johnny. The irony. I can’t be pregnant. I don’t want one.” I could feel my breath coming in shorter gasps as I clutched for air. “Is this room getting smaller, the walls? They’re closing in. Oh my.”

  It went dark.

  When I came to, Jessica was at the side of me on the couch and my feet were elevated.

  Everything came flooding back.

  Was I pregnant?

  As my gasping started again, Jessica passed me a brown paper bag. “Breathe into it, Samara, and calm down. You might not be. We need to get you a test so you can find out one way or another.”