by A. J. Downey
I turned my head and smiled a little sadly and said, “Some things you just don’t ask a girl, now do you?”
She eyed me speculatively with her brown eyes from behind her glasses, the expression on her round, face curious and calculating.
“What do you want to know?” she asked.
“How bad are we talking and who’s Max?” I asked low.
“You going to do something stupid?” she asked me.
“Nope,” I said honestly.
“Too bad,” she muttered, dropping her cigarette on the ground and grinding it out with the round toe of her state-issued tactical boot. “Sometimes, an ex-con is just what you need in the interest of justice.”
She jerked her head, and I followed her inside to her desk. She clacked some keys and swung the monitor on its arm in my direction then gave me a pointed look.
“Now, you stay right there while I get your paperwork for your piss test, and I don’t want to hear it,” she said.
I nodded and gave her a two-fingered half-assed salute as she got up and fucked off, turning my attention to the monitor and the complaint listed there.
Ms. Tanis McGowan said that she met WA State Parole Ofc. Massimiliano "Max" Bianchi on the dating app Tinder. She said after several days of interacting with Ofc. Bianchi that she agreed to a date. She states that in the course of the date, Ofc. Bianchi became aggressive, and when she tried to turn down his advances, he then raped her.
Fucking son of a bitch.
After interviewing Ms. McGowan at length, she wished to pursue charges, however, after some time to think about it, she phoned the district attorney’s office and requested those charges be dropped, stating she was mistaken, the sex was consensual but rough and that she just wanted to put it behind her.
Yeah.
I’ll just bet that’s how that fucking happened. Maybe after ol’ Max paid her another visit or had some of his boys in blue, do it for him. Fucking animals.
I sighed.
No wonder she was hiding out. Scanning through, it looked like Max lived in Seattle and the attack happened inside the city limits. I bet the city pigs had something to do with her recanting. It would damn sure explain why Sauley had texted me and let me know the Seattle police driving by had spooked the hell out of her.
I felt a cold anger grip me and I nodded, sitting back in my seat, the address listed for good ol’ Max firmly burned into my brain. The old address they had on file for Raven was somewhere in the Fremont or Phinney Ridge neighborhood, maybe even as far as Greenlake. I was betting there were roommates. She could barely afford the shithole she was in now. There was no fucking way she could afford those neighborhoods without a gang of fucking roommates.
I wondered if any of them knew. I wondered if any of them cared enough about her, missed her, was worried about her.
I would find out.
She’d saved my life. It was time to give her back hers.
I pissed in the cup and told Kim it would pop positive for opioid painkillers. She nodded and without breaking eye contact, ditched the cup and her rubber gloves in the trashcan under her desk.
“You quit doing what you’re doing, and I won’t have to keep hassling you like this,” she said with a wink.
“Yes, ma’am,” I said and stood, looking over the cubicle farm to the glass-fronted lobby.
“Go on, get out of here,” she said and back to the keys of her computer her fingers went. I got the fuck out of there. No sense overstaying my welcome. I’d gotten more than I’d bargained for, honestly.
I thought about Raven, her soft skin, her warm herbal scent, and her soothing rich teas on the walk back to the club.
I missed her already, but I was no good to her like this. She didn’t have a phone, but I knew just how I was going to keep in touch.
Call me the romantic type.
8
Raven…
I woke by myself, and when I had turned my head to Mace’s empty place in my bed, it was to a torn piece of paper bag on his pillow. Scrawled in thick black pen on its plain surface was I’ll be in touch. -Mace
I’d groaned and sighed out. That had been several days ago and as I wiped down the empty bar at Shoreman’s, I couldn’t tell you the soul-deep disappointment that took root in my chest at the prospect of going home to an empty apartment again tonight.
It’d only been like three days, but it had, for all its life-or-death drama in the beginning, been a nice three days of company. I had to admit, Mace was easy to talk to and even easier to listen to. I wondered if he would indeed be in touch as his hastily scrawled note had said, or if it was just an easy let down.
If I really would ever see or hear from him again.
The thought of not was surprisingly a painful one.
Was I really that starved for close personal contact? I wondered. Or was the experience something real?
I knew the answer, I was just afraid to admit it to myself.
There was just something about Mace.
“Hey, yeah, sorry, bro. Last call was a while ago. We’re closed. We just ain’t got the door.”
I looked up at Manuk’s voice. He was our cook. A big Hawaiian dude who was as easy going as they came – until he wasn’t. I’d seen him grab a belligerent drunk by the face and march him out the front door to toss him in the gutter. Manuk was slow to anger, but when you got him there, he was like King fucking Kong. All brute strength and scary as hell.
“Sorry, ah, Raven, I’m here to walk you home. Mace’s orders… I’ll wait outside.”
I blinked slowly at Sauley who was standing there, an envelope in one hand and flowers in the other, looking decidedly uncomfortable.
I smiled and shook my head. “He’s okay, Manuk. Let him wait inside?”
“Sure thing, girly. Have a seat, brotha. You want a soda?” Manuk lumbered back around the bar with me and picked up a glass.
“Ah, no, I’m good – I mean, no, thank you. Just here to walk the lady home.”
“I like that,” Manuk said, and I rolled my eyes.
“I’m perfectly capable,” I said and Manuk grinned.
“Ain’t nobody say you weren’t. I just nevah liked the idea of it, you out there this late – even just a couple blocks.”
I smiled and shook my head.
“I can take care of myself,” I said and Manuk held up his hands in surrender. He knew better than to argue with me.
I sighed and looked to Sauley. With and arched brow, I asked him, “And what’s all this?”
“From Mace. I don’t know. I don’t ask questions. I just do what I’m told,” he said with a grin.
I went over and he held up the card. I plucked it from his hand. I smelled the flowers – a hastily bought bouquet of pink and white lilies with pink roses that was fragrant and beautiful –but still had the Safeway grocer’s price sticker on them and I grinned.
“He pick these out or did you?” I asked.
“Uh, I did. Do they suck?”
“No.” I laughed. “They don’t suck; but maybe take the price tag off next time,” I whispered loudly and then hid my mouth behind my hand and giggled as he cursed and went to work trying to peel the sticker off the floral department cellophane.
I opened the card while he struggled with that. The front was a cartoon bunny on its stomach holding a flower and under it was written, Need a Hug?
I frowned and opened the card, its message was, Thought so! I’ve been missing you, too. Hope we’ll be hugging soon.
I smiled. The handwriting above it was extensive and I didn’t want to make Sauley wait too long so I decided to read it at home.
“Gimme two secs to grab my hoodie and we can go,” I said, and he nodded, still scraping at the damn sticker on the flowers I was going to unwrap, trim, and stick in a quart Mason jar as soon as I got home.
“You out, sistah?” Manuk asked from the kitchen.
“Unless you got anything else for me,” I called back.
“Nah! See you tomorrow.
”
“See you tomorrow!” I called back and gathered my sweater and my bag from under the bar. Sauley stood up and got the door for me. I locked up behind me so Manuk didn’t have to come out and do it.
“You really don’t have to keep doing this,” I said casually, and he laughed dubiously.
“Mace would have my ass,” he said, and I twisted my lips thoughtfully.
“Not even sure why he cares,” I said with a one-shouldered shrug. “I mean, he just left.”
“Yeah, I get it,” he said and sounded a little rueful. He handed me my flowers, and I smiled. It was hard to be hurt or whatever with the blossom’s heavenly scent wafting up into my face.
“You guys want your TV and game system back?” I asked. “He sort of left that too.”
“Oh, uh, I’ll ask,” he said.
Our noses started to run from the cold, and when we reached my place, I asked for politeness’ sake, “Did you want some hot tea and to warm up before you go?”
“Ah, nah. Thanks for asking. I’m just going to head back to the club.”
“Okay,” I said. “Be safe.”
“Thanks, ain’t got no problem with that,” he said and shot me a wink. He was handsome in his own right; young, a devilish glint in his blue eyes and a slight unkempt scruff on his cheeks, his hair a medium brown and kept short. He was attractive alright, probably tattooed but with the cold, I hadn’t seen much to indicate it other than he seemed the type – and I would know considering how much ink rode underneath my skin.
I let myself into the downstairs and he waited, watching as I took them to my apartment door. I glimpsed him still standing out there when I slipped inside my cozy if shabby space and I sighed, throwing the locks and bolts behind me, securing myself as best I could from the outside world.
I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against the painted wood and breathed slowly for a moment, letting the emotions wash over and through me; surprised a bit that relief was at the fore.
Relief that he had been as good as his words left on the torn piece of paper bag that rested beside my bed. The paper that I held in front of my face and read over and over, trying to divine more meaning than what was there out of the printed words.
I went into my kitchen, used the cheap dollar store sheers I had to trim my flowers and arranged them in some water. The quart Mason jar I had was just big enough to contain them. That done, I went into my room, lifted off my bag and slid the card in its envelope from it. I sat on my mattress, flowers by my feet, and slipped the card out and opened it to read what he had written.
Hey Raven,
I told you I would be in touch. I wish this were in person but soon… I want to heal up completely before I come see you. I hope you don’t mind I’m sending Sauley as my messenger boy. It’s a lot kinder than some of the other shit he could be doing. I’m going to send him to walk you home every chance I get. Feel free to pass messages through him. Either written or verbal is fine. I’ll send more with him. I figure if I don’t hear something back this time you waited to read this.
I know it’s only been a few days or whatever, but I miss talking to you already. Gonna heal up the rest of the way, get caught up around here on the farm, and then I’ll be seein’ you. You don’t feel the same or you don’t want to see me, you just say so. I’ll get my ass gone and stay that way.
Sleep tight, I hope you’re warm enough. Save me a cup of that tea? It’s nice. I miss that too.
Mace
I lowered the card to my lap and looked down at the piece of brown paper bag, the corner of it trapped under the Mason jar. I smiled to myself and sighed. A sort of weight lifted. Maybe I mattered to someone after all. I set the card on top of that large piece of brown paper and got ready for bed.
I needed to write him something back, but I didn’t even know where to begin.
Thinking about it kept me awake past dawn.
9
Mace…
“She give you anything?” I asked when I answered the phone.
Sauley laughed nervously and said, “No, man. I think she read the card part but not whatever you wrote. She looked at it too fast.”
I grunted, a little disappointed.
“You go back tomorrow night,” I said.
“Oh, man…” He sucked in a breath between his teeth like he didn’t wanna say whatever was coming and I felt my forehead crush down into a frown.
“What?” I demanded.
“I’m supposed to do something for Mav tomorrow night, and I don’t know how long it’ll run.”
“Fuck,” I muttered. “Mav comes first, you know that, kid. Let me know.”
“Yeah! Yeah! For sure, for sure. Walking Raven home is kind of nice. I don’t think she has any friends.”
I didn’t know about that. Not yet. I couldn’t ride yet to go find out. I was barely making it around the fucking farm, feeding goats and mucking barn stalls and that shit wasn’t that hard, honestly. I mean, they were fucking goats not horses, and I wasn’t getting into the pens with them. Not yet. If one of the little bastards head butted me right now, it might break my ribs the rest of the way so Fen had me keep my ass on the outside of the fence.
“Yeah, I don’t know,” I said. “Good lookin’ out. Thanks for doing that for me,” I said.
“Yeah, no problem,” he said.
I hung up and blew out a breath at the ceiling of my corner of the barn loft.
That was another thing. I didn’t exactly have a whole lot of room to fuckin’ bitch about her apartment and surroundings when I lived in a literal fucking barn behind racks and shelves of Fenris’ woman’s pottery.
I gave one long and slow blink and rocked my head back, rolling my eyes to scan the rows of shelves over my head in the dim moonlight coming through the window by my bed.
I wonder if Aspen would make her something… a nice tea set. Matching shit that isn’t chipped, cracked, or broken.
I already knew the answer. Of course, she would. All I had to do was ask.
“God fucking damnit,” I heard down below.
“Yeah, Fen!” I called out. “What’s up?”
“Ginger had a stillbirth.”
“Aw fuck, you need my help?” I asked.
“No…” he sighed. “Yeah, maybe.”
“I’m already up,” I said groaning.
“Gahhhh!” He made a noise of frustration and I hustled.
“What’s up, bro?”
“Here comes another one,” he said as I came down the bottom of the stairs. I nodded and went to work, helping him out.
When we were finishing up, we sadly had two stillborn baby goats to bury. It was sad, but that was life. We didn’t always get a happy ending. The good guys rarely, if ever, came out on top, and there were a lot of wolves among the sheep just waiting to power trip and take advantage.
I stared down at the hole Fenris was digging at the edge of the property and I was restless. I wanted to be doing something. I wanted to get my facts straight, do my research, and take the time with Raven to earn her trust. I wanted the full story before I did anything, but I already knew this particular story wasn’t going to have a happy ending.
“Man, what’s the matter with you?” Fen asked, looking up at me. “You look like somebody shot your fuckin’ dog.”
I grunted and said, “Let you know when I know more.”
He straightened and drove the spade into the ground at his feet, the sun rising and the cold morning filling with mist. He crossed his arms atop the shaft of the shovel handle and fixed me with a hard, blank look that said we weren’t budging or finishing until I spilled the beans.
“Fuck,” I muttered and sighed. “I keep thinking about Raven,” I confessed.
He scowled. “She seems nice. Brave but timid at the same time. What’s up?”
“I don’t know, I mean, I do know now, but it’s complicated and I don’t want to be talking out of turn without having all the facts and hearing it from the horse’s mouth so to speak.
”
“It ain’t like you, being cagey, brother. You’ve always been one of the more direct of us.”
I nodded. “I know, but I’d like to keep my ass out of prison. I’d like to think I learned my lesson in patience and not going off half-cocked.” I cracked my knuckles and flexed my hands.
Fenris studied my face and finally nodded, working the shovel back and forth, his eyes on his work. He finally looked up at me and said, “When you get it figured out, come talk to me.”
I nodded solemnly.
“I fuckin’ planned on it. For sure,” I said. After what’d happened with Fen and his sister? He was going to have a fuckin’ field day with this.
The next time I sent Sauley to Raven, I wasn’t disappointed. He came back with a sealed envelope; white, business sized, and fairly thick – enough for several pages. I thanked him and told him “off, you fuck” and gave him a carefully packed crate of a teapot and cups for him to figure out how to take with him on his bike.
“How the fuck am I supposed to do this?” he demanded when I handed it to him.
I shrugged and told him, “Figure it out, and you better not break the fuckin’ contents.”
“Fuck, alright!” he said and with a gusty sigh, I left him at his bike to sort himself out.
I felt like fucking Gollum with his fucking precious with that letter tucked in my inside pocket. I headed across the grass to the outside set of steps up to my space in the barn loft. Hell, I needed to sort myself out and get my living situation under control.
This was no place to bring a woman, not even one as organic and down to earth as Raven.
I dropped down onto the full-sized mattress, covered in a thick layer of sleeping bags and took the envelope out of my pocket and slid my knife off my hip, flicking it open and working it under the flap. I sliced it cleanly along the top and took care to put my knife back where it belonged before I pulled the contents out.
It was a few pieces of paper and folded in among them a dried bit of curling fern. I wondered at that and turned my eyes to the flowing script on the page.
