Teenage Mermaid

by Ellen Schreiber

“No one will even miss me,” I said, getting up.

  “Not a second longer!” she threatened, when I opened the front door.

  “Or I’ll turn into a sea fairy and grow wings?” I teased.

  “Or you’ll turn into an Earthee‌—forever!”

  “Forever?” Waverly asked, grabbing my arm.

  “Forever,” Madame Pearl repeated, with terror in her midnight eyes. “You will forget how to breathe underwater. You will plummet to the ocean floor and drown!”

  “Drown?” I said, shocked. “Impossible.”

  “Drown!” Wave echoed. “I told you this wasn’t a good idea.”

  “I’ll only be an hour. Anyway, there’s always a way to reverse spells,” I said.

  “There’s a legend that one can be saved through a kiss of love from an Earthee, who would then change into a merperson. But that’s only a legend,” Madame Pearl said.

  “I don’t need to worry about drowning, about love, or the moonrise. I’ll be home before the tide comes in.”

  “Remember the rules, child,” she warned as we left. “This isn’t breaking a curfew‌—this is changing your destiny!”

  I placed the horrible-smelling mixture in my abalone purse, unleashed Bubbles, and Wave and I raced away as mermen howled from the depths.

  I was too impatient to wait for tomorrow. After school Chainsaw agreed to comb the beach with me in search of my personal lifesaver. He wasn’t hard to convince. Looking for a beautiful girl? He did that every day of his life. Chainsaw had braces, freckles, and straw hair, but that didn’t stop him from thinking he was a studly gift to the female gender.

  When we reached the beach I was mortified. All my ads were gone. Didn’t law enforcement have better things to do? How would I ever find her now?

  “Cheer up! There’s a lot of other girls here!” Chain said happily. “Look at those two over there,” he said, pointing to a blonde and redhead lying on towels. He fearlessly walked over to them. “Hey, ladies,” he said gallantly to the two bikini-clad girls. “My friend, Spencer,” Chainsaw said, “was knocked out by his surfboard this morning and nearly drowned. He was saved by an intelligent, pretty girl. He’s looking for his rescuer to give her a sizeable reward.”

  The bleached-blonde girl didn’t have time for Chainsaw’s charm and placed her headphones back over her ears. But the redhead giggled, intrigued by this new pick-up line.

  “And you were wondering whether it was me or my friend?” she asked, taking a swig of Evian.

  “Exactly,” Chain said. “You see, Spencer was a breath away from death and his vision was understandably blurry. The only way he can identify his life-saver is if she performs mouth-to-mouth again.”

  The girl laughed wildly. “Did you ever hear that one before?” she said to her friend. “I told you Californians were wild!”

  The redhead looked me over as if I were a giant ice cream cone, contemplating if I were worth the calories.

  “Let’s go,” I said, nudging Chainsaw.

  “Well, what’s the reward?” she suddenly asked. “I mean if I’m the one‌—”

  “This necklace,” Chainsaw added, pointing to the heart dangling from my neck.

  “Are you crazy?” I whispered, glaring.

  “That’s an antique, isn’t it?” she said, eyeing the sparkling heart. She smiled at me and rose to her feet.

  “What are you doing?” her friend asked, taking off her headphones and sitting up.

  “We came to California to have fun, didn’t we?” the redhead asked, adjusting her blue bikini bottom. “Stuff like this never happens in Wisconsin!”

  She stood face to face with me. I wasn’t sure if she was going to kiss me or laugh at me. Her red lipstick was faded from the sun and her sweet chubby cheeks were shiny from sunscreen. Three days ago I would have jumped at the chance to kiss an attractive older girl. I would have even kissed Arnold Schwarzenegger in a blue bikini. But that life-saving kiss had changed me. The flirty tourist smiled, giggled, and stared into my eyes, ignoring her friend, who was shaking her head.

  What was happening? Girls never fall for this stuff!

  “Okay, pretend you’re drowning,” she giggled, leaning in.

  And I did something I never in my testosterone-driven years thought I’d do. I extended my arm to her shoulders, blocking her from kissing me.

  “Are you crazy?” Chainsaw screamed.

  “I’m sorry, you’re not her,” I apologized, and walked away.

  Chain stepped in. “You can save me!” he pleaded, leaning in to her.

  “Sorry,” she quipped, pointing to his braces, “I’m not into heavy metal!”

  “Are you out of your mind?” Chain panted, catching up to me.

  “You don’t get it. This isn’t about scoring!” I said, turning around. “Promise me you’ll really help me find her!”

  “Okay, okay. If you promise me one thing.”

  “Yes?”

  “Next time I get to be the one who was rescued!”

  I leaned against the railing on the pier, frustrated and exhausted, staring at the waves crashing against the rocks.

  “Dude, like if she’s that beautiful,” Chainsaw said, “she’s gotta have a major boyfriend. Probably three of them.”

  “Thanks for the support.”

  “I’m trying to protect you.”

  “Protect me from what?”

  “Maybe there’s a reason you haven’t seen this dream girl. She could be married. She could have escaped from prison.”

  “You just can’t believe a beautiful girl would like me!”

  “Of course I believe it, man! You’re a surfer stud! That buff babe was ready to smack your lips and she didn’t even know you, the true you. The you that’ll turn in early because you have to surf the next day. The you that reads Romeo and Juliet because you want to. The you that’ll hang out with scum like me!”

  I couldn’t help but smile. Chainsaw seemed to be out for himself, but in the end he was always there for me. “I just want this dream girl to be major league. I don’t want to lose you to a flaky heartbreaker,” he said.

  “You won’t lose me,” I replied, playfully punching him in the arm.

  “Come on,” he said, setting his chewing gum on the railing and then flicking it into the waves. “Let’s play a couple games of Alien Attack at my house.”

  “No thanks,” I said, as we began walking back to the beach. “I don’t feel like vaporizing green creatures.”

  “Don’t feel like zapping aliens?” Chainsaw said, stopping in his tracks. “Damn! I’ve already lost you!”

  We took a detour home from Madame Pearl’s just in case the sharks were still feeding. To our immense relief we encountered nothing more dangerous on our way back to civilization than a moray eel; that is, until we reached Shipwreck, a restaurant popular with the teen finball crowd, where an equally dangerous school of sharks ambushed us‌—Beach and Tide!

  “Perfect timing!” Wave said, jumping off Bubbles and tying her leash to coral.

  “I have to take my potion,” I whispered adamantly. “I can’t stay!”

  “Sure you can,” Beach said, grabbing my hand and helping me off.

  “I said I have to go!” I exclaimed, trying to unleash Bubbles.

  “It’s party time, urchin baby,” Beach said, bumping into me and accidentally knocking my purse into the sea.

  “My purse!” I screamed, darting after my precious potion as it floated away. Beach beat me to it and started for the door.

  “I need that!” I hollered.

  “Why? Are you paying? I like a woman who’s in charge!” And he disappeared into the restaurant.

  I followed after him through a massive hole in the hull which had caused the ship to sink. The interior was decorated with red vinyl chairs and silver metal tables, and strings of glow fish and fluorescent lights draped the ceiling. Waitresses wore white sailor hats and navy ties.

  “Beach’s birthday party is tomorrow,” Wave said, grabbin
g my arm and plopping me down beside him.

  I grabbed my purse back.

  “You’ll be there?” Beach asked, nudging me.

  “Of course she will,” Wave answered, cuddling next to Tide.

  “My mom needs me at home,” I announced.

  The waitress brought an appetizer of candied mussels and asked for our drink orders.

  “Frog juice,” Wave said. “Since when do you listen to your mother?” she challenged me.

  “We’re having company,” I said.

  “Make that two frog juices!” Wave ordered.

  I gazed out the porthole at Bubbles, reluctantly leashed to the pole. Like her, I couldn’t break free.

  Wave tied her backpack to her chair so it wouldn’t float away, but I desperately clung to my purse. She was cuddling with Tide; Beach was almost sitting on my lap. I wondered where Earthdude was. I wear your silver heart close to my own. Was he wearing it right now? I stared at my watch.

  “It’s been lovely, but I have tons of homework,” I said, rising.

  “Bored already?” Beach asked. “Let’s bop!”

  He grabbed my arm, dropped a half-eaten mussel back in the shell basket and pulled me to the dance floor at the stern of the ship. Music was piped in through sponge speakers that hung from the ship’s walls. A wave machine gently undulated to the rhythm of the dance floor water, making couples rock into each other. Twirling lasers flashed red sharks, yellow sea horses, and purple hearts. Couples jammed above and below us, working off the worries of a bad-hair day. My purse dangled helplessly as Beach spun me around.

  “You’re a great dancer!” Beach smiled, as a couple suddenly did a wild corkscrew spin over our heads, almost crashing into us. “I bet that’s not all you’re good at,” he said, pulling me close. He leaned in and kissed me.

  Beach kissing me? He was tasty, but something was missing in his kiss. Love?

  And that wasn’t all that was missing. I pushed him away and reached for my abalone purse. But it wasn’t on my shoulder!

  “My purse! My purse! It’s gone!” I shouted.

  “It’s okay. I’m paying!”

  Suddenly the water felt as thick as mud. I was moving in slow motion as I pushed through the sea of dancers. I swam toward the ceiling, dove back to the floor. I shouted to the DJ, but he just shook his head. I scoured every table on the way back to Wave and Tide.

  “Wave, I lost my purse!” I panicked.

  “Aren’t the Mud Rakers totally glacial?” she said, bopping her head and sipping her imported frog juice.

  “My purse! It has my new purchase!” I shouted to her.

  “We’ll get you another,” she said, almost relieved.

  “Someone might mistake my medicine for a Shark Attack and wake up with two legs!” I said, glaring at her.

  “Oh!” she exclaimed.

  Wave, Tide, Beach, and I went off in separate directions: Beach back to the dance floor, Wave to the bathroom, Tide to the galley, and I went to the upper deck. It felt like forever as I swam up the staircases and peered over railings, wondering if my purse had floated outside.

  Deflated, I swam back to our table. My search party wasn’t anywhere in sight. Had I lost them, too?

  “Is this it?” Tide called, hanging at the hostess counter, holding my abalone treasure.

  I swam over to him, relieved. But it felt lighter. I quickly opened it. It was empty!

  My heart sank. Even Wave looked frazzled when she returned from her search.

  “Oh, no!” she shouted, pointing to a preteen merscout sitting at a table with his troops, about to open the cork from my bottle. He leaned his head back, ready to gulp the potion down his throat.

  “You’re too young for this!” I said, grabbing it out of his hand.

  “I didn’t know! Don’t tell our troop leader! Okay?” he begged.

  I held the bottle tightly to my chest and made my getaway through the ship’s hole.

  “Wait for me!” Wave said, climbing onto Bubbles.

  “So I’ll see you tomorrow night at my party?” Beach called.

  “She wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Wave answered as we sped away.

  We raced to my favorite underwater hideout‌—an abandoned cave not far from my home. I had fixed it up with sea lettuce curtains, portraits of Earthees I had found at an open-water market, and hot-pink clay chairs. Shelves were adorned with rusty Earthee coins, a bright orange Earthee diving fin, a black high-heeled shoe, a Beatles’ Abbey Road compact disc, Panasonic batteries, and a carving of my parents at their wedding, dressed in white, kissing beneath a water lily patch. I used my hideout to listen to music, read teen mags, or fantasize about an Earthee life when I wanted to be alone. Only Wave knew of its existence.

  “Here goes!” I said, eyeing the potion.

  “Why don’t you just hang it on the wall with your other treasures,” Wave suggested.

  “I don’t have a choice,” I said, trying to pry the cork off.

  Wave urgently stopped my hand. “What happens if Madame Pearl is wrong? What happens if you grow two heads instead of two legs?”

  “Then I’ll be that much smarter!”

  “You don’t know what that stuff can do. You could grow two fins!” she said, pulling it back.

  “Then I’ll join the sea circus,” I said, pulling it toward me.

  “You could die!” she exclaimed. “Lilly, you could die!”

  We stared at each other. Her angry eyes turned sad.

  I had never really thought of that. I guess it was my nature. Act now, think later. Talk back to my parents‌—think about it in my room. Cut class‌—reflect in my hideout. Save an Earthee now‌—consider the consequences later. Maybe this was one time I should think before I acted.

  “I won’t let you die!” Wave said, jerking the bottle toward her. But suddenly the old glass bottle broke‌—the jagged bottom remained clenched in my hand while Wave held the broken neck. Its obnoxious contents oozed into the sea. We were both shocked, as the brown liquid slowly floated before our eyes.

  There was only one thing to do. I swam after the potion and swallowed as much as I could before it diluted completely. It tasted as disgusting as it looked and it took all my effort to keep it down.

  “No!” Wave shrieked, yanking me away from the potion as I struggled to cup more into my mouth.

  “Let go!” I cried.

  I continued swallowing the potion until I could see or smell no more.

  As I wiped gooey droplets from my mouth, I fell into a coughing fit.

  “Are you okay?” she cried. “I’ll call a doctor!”

  “No‌—” I said, through coughs. “I’m all right.”

  The sludge left a muddy tingling sensation in my mouth and throat, all the way to my stomach, which felt like I’d eaten rotten snails. We hung, motionless, like two stingrays, waiting for the metamorphosis. Would the transformation be instant? Would it take days? I didn’t know.

  I stared up at the clock. Seconds became minutes. I finally sat down. The tension was too great and I pulled out MerMusic magazine and flipped through the pages. I scrubbed my teeth in the bathroom. I straightened my battery collection. Wave sat on a wooden Earthee chair chewing her nails.

  “Look, I’m still a mermaid!” I exclaimed an hour later. “Satisfied?”

  “I knew that old woman was a crackpot!” Wave sighed, hugging me. “How could we be friends if you didn’t live in the water anymore?”

  “I gave away my crystal collection! I could have bought front row tickets to the Psychedelic Sponges concert.”

  “Or a backstage pass and autographed picture,” she teased.

  “I’m going back tomorrow to demand a refund.”

  “Think of it as a lesson,” she tried to comfort. “Mermaids belong in the ocean.”

  “And charlatans belong in the Underworld. Oh . . . I don’t feel so well,” I moaned, as we rode Bubbles back to my house.

  At home later that day, I couldn’t concentrate on
my Surf Slam 3000 video game. I gazed at my Sports Illustrated swimsuit poster, then tore it from my wall. Who needed a supermodel to pine over? That was kid stuff! After all, magazine girls required hours of professional makeup and pea-sized dinners. I had something real, even if it had only lasted a moment, a magical kiss from a dream girl I’d probably never see again. I switched off my desk lamp and lay on my bed, wondering if she’d ever find the ad, ever show up at the football field, if I’d ever see her again. I reflected on her pink lips, her sparkling smile, and caressed the necklace in my hand, wishing it were her.

  I lay awake in bed that night, despite being exhausted from the day’s events. My round mattress hung by red vines from the ceiling, which was plastered with glow-in-the-dark suction-cupped starfish, while real sea horses swam on top of my flashy red dresser, grabbing onto the marble cone drawer handles when they wanted to rest. Banned books were stashed under my clothes in a drawer. Beneath my bed, Bubbles slept restlessly as if she’d swallowed the potion, too.

  I lay awake wondering about Earth life. We knew that Earthees had legs, and we had fins. Similar, but different. But how different could they be, really, on the inside?

  Above my bedroom, above Pacific Reefs, far above the surface of the water, the crescent moon shone two hundred thousand miles away in the starry sky. But I still had fins, just like all my friends who’d drunk Shark Attacks or frog juice tonight‌—and not a rancid-tasting potion that cost a crystal fortune. But maybe it was best it hadn’t worked. Maybe Earth was too dangerous, as Waverly and everybody else believed.

  I closed my eyes, waiting for sleep, thankful that Madame Pearl was an impostor after all, and wondered how I was going to tell my mother I’d lost great-grandfather’s silver necklace.

  At 7:30 A.M. I stood by the south goalpost. This was one event I didn’t want to be late for. Not that my life was any big deal. Since my mom left my father and me when I was a kid, our house ceased being a home. I found peace only when riding the waves. I changed my hair color with my changing moods‌—to lift me out of a funk or cover up the fact I was in one.