by M. J. Haag
However, there were no crashing doors or roars of aggression. Just the quiet of a warm house at night.
“Your brother’s nice,” Tasha said.
“He can be until you catch him eating the last bag of chips. Then, you’ll want to shoot him in the foot.”
She snickered.
“Will he really show me how to use a bow?” she asked.
“He and Mom both will. Archery will be good for you. It’s oddly calming.”
She quieted again, and my mind drifted back to Thallirin. Had he killed Van? I held no disillusions about why he and the others had left. And, right or wrong, I hoped he’d tell me Van would never be coming back. Not just for my sake but for Tasha’s and every other unprotected female still alive.
“They killed my grandpa,” she said softly. “They found us in a house and killed him and took me. When they spotted the bigger group, Oscar said if I told anyone, he’d let the others have me.” She paused. “I know what they wanted to do.”
I sat up and leaned close so she’d see my face, even in the dark.
“Be sad. Be angry. Then, when enough time’s passed, remember what it means to be you. Your grandpa wouldn’t want you to waste any of your life fearing or hating the people who hurt you. Not when you can do so much more.”
“Like what?”
“Start small. Tomorrow, you’ll have waffles and syrup for breakfast and learn how to use a bow. You’ll get to take a shower and put on clean clothes. You’ll be able to walk around outside without a pinch of worry. And you’ll be able to fall asleep in that same bed, with a full belly, knowing you’re safe and have a family again. What you decide to do with your life from there will be up to you. Your choice.”
She exhaled shakily.
“I want that so much.”
“Which part?”
“All of it.”
“It’s yours. All you have to do is live it.”
After that, her breathing evened out. Eventually, I fell asleep, too. It wasn’t the best night’s sleep, though. The floor was hard, and I missed Thallirin.
When I heard Uan moving around in the morning, I got up to help him. He already had the waffle iron out.
“Listening in?” I asked with a smile.
“Yes. How many waffles do children eat?”
“Probably only one or two. The waffles are pretty big. But make her four so she knows she can eat as many as she wants.”
He grunted and started prepping the griddle as I made the just-add-water mix. Zach came stumbling out of his bedroom after Uan had the fourth waffle on a plate. My brother joined me, where I was frying some sausages, and forked one right out of the pan.
“Where’d we get these?” he asked, taking a bite.
“We traded for them yesterday.”
He started setting the sausage down, and I stole it from the end of his fork.
“Feel guilty enough to make me a cake?” I asked playfully. “Something layered. With a custard and raspberry filling. And a whipped frosting.”
He looked at me for a minute then shook his head and grinned.
“Nope. Not that guilty. Just don’t go walking off by yourself, anymore, when you’re at Tenacity. Those people have proven too many times they can’t be trusted.”
“I will watch her,” Uan said. “She will never wander off again.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Come on. I can’t have you and Thallirin breathing down my neck. Besides, Dad, you have a new daughter to watch over.”
Uan grunted.
“Yes. I will watch her, too.”
Mom rolled out of her bedroom next, looking put together and alert.
“Uan filled me in,” she said. “Do you think she’ll stay?”
I opened my mouth to answer, but a quiet voice beat me.
“Do you want me to?”
We all turned toward Tasha, who was lingering in the hallway, half-hidden by the kitchen cabinets.
“I do,” Mom said.
“Me, too,” Zach said.
“I would like two daughters,” Uan said. “Very much.”
“Hey,” Zach said, feigning indignation. “What about two sons?”
“Do you know of a boy child who needs a father? You can share a room.”
I laughed as Zach sputtered at the idea of room sharing. When I met Tasha’s gaze, she looked less uncertain.
“Come on,” I said. “Uan made waffles.”
While I sat through breakfast and did my best to help Tasha feel welcome and like part of the family, I couldn’t stop glancing at the kitchen window and listening for the door.
“So how long are you staying with us?” Mom asked me, as blunt as ever.
“You don’t live here?” Tasha asked.
“I did until recently. I met someone and moved in with him. But, I still come home for dinner.”
She didn’t seem too upset by the news that she’d have a room to herself.
As soon as Zach took her outside to introduce her to the world of archery, Mom shooed me from the house.
“We’ll see you at dinner.”
My steps were faster than usual as I crossed town.
I was expecting to see Thallirin in the kitchen, looking a little lost at the stove when I walked in. Instead, the house was quiet and still empty. I tried not to let his absence bother me and focused on taking care of myself.
After the hell I went through the day before and a night on the floor, I was ready for a hot shower and a change of clothes. And maybe some more pain reliever; everything was aching from all the manhandling I’d endured.
I dug some medicine out of the bathroom cabinet and drank from the sink. The mirror showed the barest hint of a bruise smudging my cheek from the smack I’d gotten for yelling Thallirin’s name. I had a bruise on my shoulder, too, from hitting the window. Surprisingly, my leg wasn’t too bad despite having my pants taken off and put back on with no regard to the stitches. My neck and throat were sore and bruised, but what hurt most were my shoulder and back muscles from having my hands bound behind me.
By the time I finished rinsing my hair in the shower, everything felt fine. Everything except for the ache in my chest that flared to life when I let myself wonder why Thallirin wasn’t home yet. Tucking my towel around my torso, I left the bathroom.
The degree of worry that settled into my stomach surprised me a bit. Thallirin was strong, and the fey were immune. I shouldn’t be worried. And when it came to Thallirin and his friends dealing with infected and hellhounds, I wasn’t. I’d seen how they fought them. But, it wasn’t infected that Thallirin had scaled the wall for. It’d been humans. The worst kind. I’d seen Van and Oscar’s cruelty firsthand and knew not to trust them. What if they’d found a way to trick the fey? In spite of their strengths, I knew the fey could be hurt.
I took several of my calming breaths and focused on drying my hair.
Thallirin would be fine. He had to be.
That thought made me pause as I realized just how much I needed that to be true. Thallirin helped me feel safe in a world filled with creatures and people who wanted to destroy humanity as I knew it. Without him, I hated what the future might hold for me. Nothing but more anger and suffering. With him, though, I could be happy. He was gentle, despite all his roughness, and endearing, despite his sparse words.
A small smile lifted my lips as I understood what had happened. Somewhere along the way, I’d started to see past my fear of having my choices taken from me. Then, love had taken hold. It felt scary and fragile and, yet, so right.
I desperately wished Thallirin was there to hug at that moment.
Tossing my towel over the bathroom door, I glanced at myself in the mirror and really focused on me. The tank top and sleep shorts I wore hid nothing. I was bruised, stitched, emotionally scarred, and more than a few pounds shy of being overfed. But, I was also a strong, determined survivor. Like Thallirin.
“He’ll be back,” I whispered to myself. “Because if it were me out there, I
’d find a way back, too.”
Resolute in holding to my positive outlook, I went to the kitchen, foregoing my need for a nap, and set about making something to eat. I’d only just turned off the stove and moved to the table with my bowl of beans and franks when the door opened.
My heart leapt as I looked up at Thallirin.
He saw me immediately, his gaze tracking over my face then down to the bowl in my hands before he stepped inside and softly closed the door behind him.
“Why are you here?”
The near-crippling hurt I felt at such an unwelcoming and toneless question took a large amount of effort to ignore. Rather than feel attacked by the ugly words, I chose to believe I had misunderstood him.
“Because you want me here, and I want to be here. Why would you think I shouldn’t be?”
His gaze drifted over my face again, and I could see the flicker of something in the depths of his eyes. Fear? Uncertainty? It was odd seeing either of those from him.
“Because I killed the humans. They didn’t shoot at me. They screamed, and pled, and tried to run.”
“Were you hurt?”
He looked down at the floor and smiled.
“They cannot hurt me.”
I took a deep breath, set my bowl aside, and went to him.
“Only I can do that, right?”
He grunted in his non-committal way.
“I should feel bad that they’re dead, but the only thing I feel is relief. Thank you for making sure they will never be back. I won’t ever have to watch for their faces in any new people who join us. I’m just sorry you were the one who had to do it.”
He reached up and tenderly ran a fingertip over the bruises circling my neck.
“I would do anything for you.”
The simple words sent my heart racing.
“Do you mean that?”
“Yes.”
I reached up, standing on my toes as I threaded my fingers in his hair, and slowly drew him to me. He didn’t fight what I wanted. In fact, his hands settled on my sides, holding me in place as he leaned down to brush his lips against mine. The contact was all the sweeter for the briefness of it.
He set his forehead against mine, and I rubbed my nose against his.
“Then keep me safe forever,” I said softly. “Make me immune.”
He jerked as if I’d slapped him but didn’t pull away.
“I know you think I’m too young. If it’d help, I’ll ask Mom to bake me a cake and sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to me tonight. The truth is that I honestly don’t know when I’ll officially be eighteen. It could be next week or it could be a few weeks from now. But the actual date doesn’t matter, Thallirin. The rule was made to protect the young and innocent. I don’t believe it was meant to keep those who are too young to make their own intelligent and informed choices from making choices they might later come to regret. I think it was just to keep them innocent for as long as possible. I lost my virginity well before the earthquakes, and any remaining innocence was taken since then. Your hesitation isn’t saving me anything but is putting me at risk.
“Let this be my choice. Let me choose you. You almost lost me, Thallirin, and I almost lost you. So much could have gone wrong. I love you and want to be with you. I don’t know what else to say to you so you will understand that you’ve quietly claimed a piece of my heart, and every time you turn away from me, you break it.”
Thallirin lifted his head from mine, and his gaze was intense as he stared down at me.
“You love me?”
“Yes.”
“Forgive me,” he whispered.
Before I could ask why, his lips crashed down upon mine. It was nothing like our prior kisses. His hands moved up my sides, skimming just below my breasts before he lifted me and wrapped my legs around his waist.
When he pulled back, I was panting and my lips felt puffy. His gaze skimmed over my face as he walked us down the hallway. He didn’t speak. He didn’t need to. I could see the hunger for me in his eyes, feel it in the grip of his hands. I grinned, understanding his apology. Thallirin was done waiting, and I couldn’t have been any happier.
He growled at my smile, and before we reached the bed, he kissed me again, his fingers knotting in my hair as he lowered me. The mattress touched my back, and he pulled away. I watched with a racing heart as he stripped. Scars covered every inch of his body. I drank in the sight of the one on his hips then swallowed hard as my gaze dipped lower.
He was huge. Like, run-away-screaming huge. All the nice, tingly feelings those kisses had started faded a bit as I stared at what he planned to plant inside me.
“The choice will always be yours,” he said.
Tearing my gaze from his overlarge equipment, I looked up at him. The hunger was still there in his gaze, but so was worry. He knew my past. He knew what I’d gone through, and he didn’t want to be that for me. Because of his concern, he never would be.
I smiled at him again, loving him even more.
“I know. And right now, I choose yes.”
I held out my hand, and he joined me on the bed. He was slow and sweet with his next kiss and trailed his fingers over my stomach. He took his time touching me, and I knew he was reveling in finally doing what he’d wanted to do all along. I enjoyed each lingering caress. Especially when he worked his way up my ribs, pushing my top higher.
Smiling, I sat up and removed my shirt first, then got to my knees and slowly removed my shorts and underwear. His ears darkened as he watched me, riveted to each small move I made. It was like all those full-frontal flashes I’d given him had never happened, and he was seeing me for the first time.
“Beautiful,” he breathed when I settled next to him again.
He brushed his fingers over my nipple, then down to my navel and up again.
“Touches are good, but kisses are better,” I said.
I lifted my lips to his, and he hungrily claimed them only to leave me panting as he trailed kisses from my neck down to my breast. His mouth on my nipple set fire to my insides. He took his sweet time there, not venturing any further south than my navel with his touches.
He was stalling.
Smiling, I pushed him onto his back and pressed my lips against the scar on his throat. Then the one covering his collarbone. My tongue flicked the one that bisected his nipple, and he groaned.
Continuing south, I took my time kissing and licking until I’d made certain he knew I was serious about having sex with him. When I reached his belly button, his shaft was safely cradled between my breasts. He arched into me, his fingers stroking my hair.
“Want me to stop?” I asked.
“Never stop,” he rasped.
I slid lower and licked the clear bead of liquid shining at the end of his cock. He made a pained noise a moment before I was on my back, pinned under him.
“Maybe, sometimes stop,” he said, setting his forehead against mine.
I giggled and wrapped my legs around his hips.
“Or maybe sometimes just hold on and enjoy the ride.”
He kissed me hard and positioned himself at my entrance.
“Choose me,” he said.
“I choose you.”
He entered me slowly, one agonizing inch at a time. It burned as my channel tried to stretch to accommodate him. But, I knew he was so worried that he’d stop if I gave any indication it hurt. So, I tried to relax. It didn’t help. He was just too big and wasn’t getting anywhere because, thankfully, he wasn’t forcing anything.
“I must do something,” he said. “You’re too small.”
Before I could ask what he meant, he withdrew and had his face buried between my legs.
A strangled ‘ah’ escaped me with his first, unexpected lick. I buried my fingers in his hair and hung on as he brought me to the brink again and again.
“Please,” I begged. “Stop teasing me.”
“No,” he mumbled against my clit, sending tingles of happiness through my vagina. “Teasing makes this
better. Ghua told me.”
I didn’t have time to wonder what else Ghua had said because Thallirin made my eyes roll back into my head by sucking gently. One finger slipped inside me. Then two. Then three.
“Are you ready to try again, my Brenna?”
I nearly clawed him to get him back on top of me.
This time, there was no burn, only pleasure, as he slowly slid home. He growled low and withdrew to thrust deeply again. I lifted my hips, meeting his advance with enthusiasm. My orgasm hit me hard, and I cried out. Thallirin’s pace doubled, sending me into a spiral. I didn’t know what was up or down until he buried his face in my hair and was growling and groaning.
Each pulse of his shaft sent another wave of pleasure through me, and I pressed my mouth against his shoulder to muffle any noises I made. Thallirin was making enough for both of us. I grinned against his skin as the sound of his growls faded.
He didn’t roll off or crush me with his weight. Pulling back a little, he looked down at me.
“The more we do this, the safer you will be,” he said in all seriousness. “But it is your choice.”
I grinned up at him.
“I have no other plans until dinner.”
Epilogue
Mom’s watchful gaze caught me shifting in my seat again, and a knowing smile made a flash appearance on her lips.
“Well, I’m glad you two finally figured out what’s important,” Mom said. “I was going to start baking cakes and singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to you until he pulled his head out of his ass.”
“She does not mean that literally,” Uan said to Thallirin. “She knows our heads cannot reach our butts.”
Thallirin grunted and resumed eating while Mom, Zach, Tasha, and I started laughing.
“Would have been the perfect night for cake, too,” Mom said with a nod to the bow on the counter. “It’s beautiful.”
Thallirin’s gaze held mine for a moment before he looked at Mom.
“It will never replace the one that was taken from Brenna, and I am sorry for that.”
He meant every word. His sweet apology, which had been given with the bow during one of our brief water breaks that afternoon, had brought me to tears. As had the bow he’d made. The carvings on it were beautiful. Trees and rocks and small animals decorated parts of the grip and limbs. He’d said they were of the caves, where he’d come from.
