All of You

by Jasmine Stevens

  Was it as simple as that? It hadn’t been a simple process at all if Emma was completely honest with herself. It was an extremely stressful time, and there were moments when Emma didn’t think she’d be given the right to be Zoe’s foster mum. It had caused many fights with Ryan and her family. As she looked over at Ben’s shocked face, she hoped she had done the right thing in trusting Ben with this information.

  ‘Look. I’d prefer this stayed between us, okay? Zoe’s extended family aren’t nice people. So, I don’t want them finding out where we live. I feel bad for asking you to keep a secret, but it didn’t seem fair that you kept thinking Ryan was the bad guy in all this. I need you to understand how important it is you keep this information to yourself.’

  ‘You can trust me. I won’t tell a soul.’ He ran a hand down his face. ‘Wow. I’m shocked, I wasn’t expecting that. You’ve floored me.’

  Emma pointed to a line of trees a short distance away. ‘Is that the creek you were talking about?’ She needed to change the subject because she knew the next question would be about her shoulder, and she wasn’t prepared to answer that one yet.

  ‘Yep.’ Ben looked over towards the row of trees.

  ‘I’ll race you there.’

  Emma took off with Ben trailing not far behind. She had put an end to the conversation, but she knew he still had so many unanswered questions. Despite the race, she was unable to shake off the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. Had she said too much? She thought she could trust Ben, but did she really know him that well? After all, they’d only known each other a couple of months.

  Ben sprinted ahead of Emma, turning around grinning at her as he did. When Emma reached the creek, Ben had already dismounted from his horse. He grabbed hold of Monte’s reins and gestured for Emma to follow him. She hopped down from Tilly, rolling her shoulders backward after they’d become stiff during the ride.

  Walking through the clearing of willow and gum trees, they led the horses for a well-deserved drink from the chilly creek water. The sound of the water cascading over the rocks soothed Emma’s soul. She bent down and cupped a handful of water, drinking it, squeezing her eyes shut and shuddering as the icy water hit her throat.

  While Ben tethered the horses in the shade of a nearby gum tree, Emma scanned the shallow water of the creek for a flat rock to skim. She found a grey oval-shaped rock with a smooth surface. Leaning down, she pulled her arm back and skimmed the rock across the surface of the water, bouncing the rock twice.

  ‘Not bad,’ Ben said as he came to stand beside her. He bent over and sifted through the grey and black rocks looking for the perfect one. ‘Ah-ha,’ he said, lifting a grey rock up in triumph. He lowered it, closing one eye as he did, concentrating on the perfect angle and was about to release the rock to skim across the water when Emma poked him in his sides below his ribs with two fingers. He gasped and dropped the rock with a splash in the shallow water. ‘Hey. Unfair.’ He turned to face Emma, and his eyes looked dangerous.

  Emma shrugged and took a step back. ‘What are you going to do about it?’

  ‘I can think of several things.’ She watched his eyes as they slowly roamed her lips, and she instinctively bit down on her bottom lip. She wanted nothing more than for him to kiss her. She swallowed, wondering how his lips would feel against hers.

  Ben looked towards the water and looked back at her with raised eyebrows and a mischievous grin. Emma’s eyes widened with recognition, but Ben shook his head. ‘No, I wouldn’t do that. Too cold.’ He began to walk up the embankment towards the tree line and paused, looking over his shoulder to her. ‘Come on. I call a truce. I’m starving.’

  She followed him, watching as he pulled a picnic blanket from a satchel, spreading it out onto the grassy patch under a eucalyptus tree. Next, he drew ham and pickle sandwiches from the satchel and handed her one. She made herself comfortable on the blue checkered picnic rug with legs crossed. Taking her first bite, her eyes rolled towards the heavens. ‘Oh my God, who made these pickles?’ They reminded her of the cucumber pickles her nanna used to make.

  Ben gestured to his full mouth and waited until he had swallowed before answering. ‘Mum. She makes a mean jar of pickles, but if you think her pickles taste good, you should try her mulberry jam. You’ll never buy jam from a shop again.’

  ‘I’ll ask her for a jar. Does she sell them?’

  ‘Yeah, she sells them at the markets. She won’t have any mulberry jam until summer when the fruit ripens, though. You’ll have to wait until then.’

  ‘I guess I’ll have to wait until summer then.’ She took another bite of her sandwich.

  ‘I bet you’ve never picked mulberries before.’

  Emma shook her head, her mouth full of the tasty sandwich.

  ‘I’ll take you some time. It’s fun. Zoe will get a kick out of it, too.’

  He always included Zoe, and she admired him for that. She looked over at him, mesmerised as he sat with his legs outstretched beside her, casually leaning back against a tree. ‘She’d love that. So would I.’

  He grinned over at her. ‘You would, would you?’

  All of a sudden, she felt shy, and it was an unexpected feeling as she wasn’t the timid type. She placed her hair behind her ear, lowered her gaze, and shrugged. ‘Yeah, I would.’ She pulled at a piece of grass, feeling Ben’s hot gaze on her, not daring to look up and see what she knew would be arousal looking back at her.

  ‘Catch.’ She looked up in time to see a bottle of water hurled her way. She caught it and then caught Ben’s cheeky smile beaming at her. She unscrewed the cap and guzzled, hoping the icy cold water would extinguish the fire burning inside her.

  ‘It’s so peaceful down here. You must ride out here all the time.’ Emma closed her eyes, drinking in the aroma of the eucalyptus trees and the sound of water trickling over rocks.

  ‘I try to get out here whenever I have a chance. Further down, there’s a nice little swimming spot. I’ll take you there when it warms up.’

  Emma turned her head back towards him, his eyes were closed. ‘It seems everything happens in summer.’

  ‘Not everything.’

  ‘Such as?’

  ‘Well. We have campfires in winter. We sit around the caveman’s television and talk, play the guitar, sing, and Dad loves to recite poetry.’

  ‘Can you play the guitar?’ She felt so relaxed by the gentle rhythm of Ben’s low, soft voice.

  ‘Yeah. I try. Jamie’s a legend, though. He can play and sing.’

  Emma placed her head down on the rug. Relaxed, she let her eyes drift over to Ben. She watched the gentle rise and fall of his chest as he rested against the tree. His eyes were closed, he looked peaceful. Was he asleep? Her eyes roamed over his body. He was gorgeous to look at. There was no mistaking it, but there was so much more to him than good looks. She supposed that was another reason why women chased him like he was the last single male on the planet. She’d heard the gossip.

  Ben had shown her nothing but kindness since she’d been in Holbrook, and judging from what she’d seen with her own eyes, he treated everyone this way. It was a conundrum most of Holbrook wanted solving—why couldn’t a man so generous, so kind-hearted, and so handsome not settle down and fall in love? Emma had asked herself numerous times.

  She loved spending time with him. He was easy to be with like the soft blanket she snuggled into on the lounge as she watched television at night—comfortable, warm, soothing. He made her feel safe. Everything about Benjamin Beckett felt right. What would his lips feel like on hers? She’d wondered this for weeks now. She found it difficult to concentrate on what he was saying to her at times. His lips were distracting.

  The midday sun cast a shadow on his face as it streamed through the trees. He lazily opened one eye, looking directly at her and tapped the side of his temple. ‘You know I can hear your mind ticking away in there.’ His voice was deep and sleepy.

  ‘Not possible.’

  ‘Totally possible. You’r
e thinking—’

  She interrupted him, lifting her head off the ground and turned to lie on her stomach. ‘What? So, you’re a psychic as well as a farmer now?’

  ‘Nope. I told you. I can actually hear what you’re thinking.’

  Her eyes narrowed. ‘What am I thinking now, then?’

  ‘You’re thinking,’ he paused. ‘That you want me to kiss you.’ His other eye opened now, and she felt the steamy intensity of them on her lips.

  ‘What are you waiting for, then?’ Her voice was husky with desire.

  ‘An invitation.’

  ‘You’re invited.’

  She rose onto her knees as he kneeled before her, his hand coming up to cup the nape of her neck. He drew her head to his, and their lips met. Her eyes drifted closed, and she was transported to a state of pure bliss.

  The kiss was like a soft breeze across her lips—tender, supple, undemanding. His hands plunged amongst the soft curls of her hair, and it was all the invitation Emma needed to deepen the kiss. She opened her mouth and tasted all of him—fruit and spice. Holding onto his face with a hand on either side of his cheeks, she felt the roughness of his stubble against the softness of her hands and heard the moan deep from within his throat when she ran those hands up to entangle them in his hair.

  A tremor shuddered through her as his expert hands moved down her spine and found the skin of her waist under her shirt. He ran his hands back up her spine gently, caressing leisurely up and down, sending tingles of pleasure meant only for her. Everywhere he touched sent shockwaves of desire rocking through her body. He pulled her closer to him, so there wasn’t an inch of air between them. She moulded against his hard body, and she couldn’t imagine ever letting go.

  With little effort, Ben laid Emma back and they rolled off the picnic rug onto a bed of orange, brown, and red autumn leaves that crinkled under their weight. His mouth never left hers, her kiss gentle and sweet, like everything about her. The kiss burned a blazing fire of feverish heat throughout his body. He broke free from her lips and peppered a trail of kisses across her chin and down her neck.

  Her hair was tangled with leaves, and he imagined his was too. She was stunning, and he realised she probably had no inclination as to how gorgeous she was. He nuzzled lower into the crook of her neck and went to pull her shirt aside to kiss her shoulder. He never got there, though, as she abruptly wrapped her legs around his waist and rolled him onto his back. Straddling him now, she was entirely in control, her eyes steamy with desire. He had seen that look on women before. She leaned forward like she had done when he was teaching her how to gallop, her face only inches from his. He could feel her breath on his lips, and then he felt her lips skim across his, and she was kissing him again. She tasted sweet, and he wanted to taste more of her.

  With hands splayed either side of his head, and her hair falling around his face providing a privacy curtain, she nibbled on his lips with a smile, and he opened them for her. She tasted so damn good—sweet like sugar. He brought his hand up to massage her neck, applying gentle but firm pressure, before trailing a hand down the side of her breast to her waist. He let it rest there feeling the soft hollow, hearing her moan from the sensation of his hand on her. He longed to touch her bare skin. They both broke the kiss to take a breath, resting their foreheads together, catching their breaths which were coming hot and heavy. He opened his eyes and could see her trying to steady her breathing, which was as shaky as his. Was she trying to grasp what the electrifying kiss meant like he was? The kiss had left him wanting so much more. He didn’t want it to stop. Did she feel the same way?

  She pushed off him and laid beside him, looking up at the sky. He followed her gaze, speaking while looking at the leaves rustling in the breeze. ‘We broke our rule, Em.’

  She turned towards him and braced her head on her hand, studying him. ‘I know, but I had to find out if what I was feeling was real. If there was something there.’

  He rolled over onto his side, so they faced one another. ‘There was something, wasn’t there?’

  She nodded, smiling. ‘There was something alright.’ Her smile left her face, and she grew serious ‘What’re we going to do about it?’

  He shrugged. ‘I don’t know, and that’s the truth. I haven’t got a clue where we go to from here.’

  There were no guarantees where they were headed, and it scared the hell out of him. He’d never fallen in love with a woman before, but he was already feeling emotions and sensations he’d never experienced with any other woman. He’d certainly felt lust before, but this feeling he was experiencing with Emma was more intense than anything he’d ever felt. What if she fell in love with him? What if he fell in love with her, and when he told her he was unable to have children, she ended the relationship? He’d be left alone. Back to precisely the same position he was in now. That’s why he’d never allowed himself to fall in love—he didn’t want to feel the inevitable heartache and pain when love wasn’t enough.

  The following days after ‘the kiss’ flew by in a daze for Emma. She kept herself busy, but this didn’t help in stopping Ben from monopolising her thoughts. He hadn’t contacted her and nor had she contacted him. They were playing it casual. Right?

  They had skirted around the topic of where their relationship would go carefully after their kiss. Instead of discussing the possible consequences and what they should do about them, they had laid in each other’s arms sharing tender kisses until it was time for Ben to return to the dairy to milk the cows. They rode back in silence, sometimes stealing glances at each other, unsure who should bring up the topic first. In the end, neither of them did, and before they knew it, they were back at the farm, and Ben’s dad was greeting them.

  ‘How was the ride?’ Thomas helped Emma down off Tilly.

  ‘Great,’ both Emma and Ben said in unison.

  Emma turned to Ben. ‘Thanks for the ride. I’d better head off and pick up Zoe.’ She pointed with her thumb to her car as she spoke, walking backward.

  ‘I’ll call you,’ Ben said as she turned around.

  Feeling giddy, she simply said, ‘Okay,’ like a giggly teenager.

  It had been three days since they had last spoken, and there had been no phone call. She missed him like crazy and found herself constantly checking her phone. A few times, she’d even gone into her contacts and pressed his name with all intentions of ringing him but had chickened out, when fear got the better of her. Had she totally misjudged what had happened between them? She must have, otherwise he’d have rung her, surely.

  She was getting good at shifting worries from her mind. She’d been using grounding techniques and meditation to ease her fears of Jason Knight’s imminent parole hearing. She had been vigilant in checking for cars following her. Thankfully, she hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary. Fiona, true to her word, drove by her house a couple of times a day as well as checked in via phone every day. Roy did too. Funny, though, she didn’t mind them inconspicuously checking in on her now. Since the incident with Stuart Hollows, she had welcomed the added security and had installed an alarm system as well as purchased a dashcam.

  As she locked up The Cheese Emporium, her phone buzzed. She hoped more than anything the text message would be from Ben but realized it probably wasn’t as he’d be busy milking the cows right now. She wondered if he had been thinking about her at all like she had constantly been thinking about him. Even knowing this, anticipation weaved itself into a knot in her stomach as she looked down at her phone. Her heart sank. It wasn’t from Ben, but it was from Detective Morrison.

  Detective Morrison: Jason Knight made parole. Be vigilant and report anything out of the ordinary. I’ve notified the local authorities in your area.

  Emma groaned. ‘Great.’ She text him back immediately.

  Emma: Thanks for letting me know. I will keep an eye out.

  Her phone vibrated again as she walked to her car, and she stopped to look at the message.

  Detective Morrison: I know you
can look after yourself but don’t be afraid to go to the local police if you have any suspicions. Take care. Eyes open.

  Emma threw her phone into her bag in frustration. Her idyllic country life might be in for a shake-up.

  Ben turned the hose off in the dairy and strode through the puddles he had created cleaning the cement floor. He puffed out a frustrated sigh. He was down in the dumps in a big way. It had taken all of his reserve to stay away from Emma these past few days. He didn’t want to give her the wrong impression by contacting her, but he missed her like mad. He wanted to feel her lips on his again, taste the sweetness of her skin, and he wanted a whole lot more of the beautiful Emma McIntosh. She had blown his mind with those passionate kisses, and he ached to feel that kind of passion again.

  He was riddled with guilt also, which was another reason, and if he was honest, probably the biggest reason he hadn’t contacted her. She had finally trusted him enough to confide in him about fostering Zoe, yet he still couldn’t tell her the one thing that burned a hole in his soul. It had come as a huge shock to him when she had revealed the truth about Zoe’s parentage. He’d never have guessed Zoe was Emma’s foster child, not in a million years. The pair had a special bond that, to an outsider, looked exactly like the connection shared between a mother and daughter. He knew there was a lot more to her story she hadn’t yet divulged. Curiosity had plagued him for days. Who was she was afraid of? Emma revealing she was a foster mum had created many more questions which needed answering, and the questions kept revolving around the injury to her shoulder. However, he knew if he asked her to answer these questions, she’d have questions she’d want answered. Namely, why he was so scared of being involved in a relationship. He wasn’t ready to answer that question and see the pity on her face.