I turn toward the jeep and tell him, “I have somewhere to be, have a good weekend.”
He steps away and does a little wave with his hand.
This guy is way out there and just great, I have to sit with him in two of my classes.
I glance back at him as I get in the jeep and ask, “Why are you here anyway?”
He is already walking in the other direction so he doesn’t hear me. I shrug my shoulders and start the engine. It roars to life. I glance back toward him but he’s gone.
I blast my music and back out to the dirt road that will take me back to the highway. I just want to lose myself in the music and not overanalyze everything like I always do. I try for a few minutes but my mind drifts back to his eyes. Today they were that beautiful blue but something else about his eyes that I can’t put my finger on. I keep playing all of the events over and over in my head. That tingly shock when he touched my shoulder. Then I found him at my jeep and when he looked at me, that’s it. His eyes weren’t blue when he looked at me. He seemed so sad. They were a shade of green like mine, I think.
Maybe I am imagining things again. I muse about the shock in my shoulder, his eyes, and the other day with the lights. Maybe I’m not crazy after all and I really saw lights coming from him.
I shake my head. I really must be going crazy. Here is this poor new guy and of all the people he could have been paired up with, he gets dark depressed Ever Harding. To top it all off I keep imagining things about him. What a lucky guy.
Maybe I should tell him that it would be best if he finds a new partner for biology and someone else to help him in history. First thing Monday morning I’ll tell him. Now I feel better with the decision made and glance at the clock, 5:30. I need to get home and ready in time for Gabbi at seven.
***
When I walk into the house and announce I’m home, I’m greeted by silence. This is not unusual. I check for notes in the kitchen and find a scrawled message from my mom stating that they will see me at the football game tonight. It’s the first game of the season so the whole town will be there. I get a snack and head for the shower.
As I round the corner to my room, I run straight into my brother, James.
“Hey watch it!” he yells.
I back up from alarm. When did he become so moody?
“Sorry, I didn’t know you were there. Are you going to the game tonight?” I ask.
He looks up and replies animatedly, “Ugh, no, why would I go where everyone else in town will be?”
I shrug my shoulders and head to my room. James used to be such a nice kid. He just changed this year in the past few months. Maybe my parents are losing their touch.
After a shower, I head to my closet for the dreaded wardrobe search. I hate this part of the day. My wardrobe needs some definite improvements. I opt for the usual jeans and an eggplant colored T and glance at the clock, 6:30. There is still some time to kill so I take out my computer to check my email. Same old junk emails and an interesting one from Gabbi:
Ever, You will not believe what I found out about your new friend. He was kicked out of his last school in Los Angeles according to Brian who lives three houses down. Just sayin’, you should be careful girl. Maybe he’s a bad boy, which you don’t need at this point! See you at 7. –Gabbs
Leave it to Gabbi to get information on anyone new. I could care less about where this guy came from or where he is going because I’ll blow him off on Monday and that’ll be the end of it.
6
The Game
On our way to the game Gabbi won’t shut up about Jack and he’s the last person I want to talk about. I don’t tell her about the lake incident today because I’ve already decided that I’m not even going to talk to him anymore. I change the subject to another dreaded topic, Michael.
She stops talking mid -sentence and reacts with a gaping mouth, “This guy must have really gotten to you if you would rather talk about Michael.”
I keep my eyes focused on the car ahead and tell her, “ I really don’t want to talk about any guys truthfully. I am giving them up this year because they are nothing but bad news.”
Gabbi glances at me and asks, ”Are you feeling alright Ever?”
I look at her and say, “Just let it be. I want to go to the game and forget about Michael and Jack and anyone else in that category.”
She nods reluctantly and agrees, “Okey dokey girlfriend. Hey, what do you think about Rachel and Craig? I think they are finally hooking up.”
I shrug and smile. Leave it to Gabbi to turn anything negative into positive vibes. She is truly a ray of sunshine when there are clouds. In other words, when I’m around.
When we pull into the dirt lot around the football field, I spot my parents at the concession stand getting their usual popcorn and soda. They can’t come to a game without the full experience. Gabbi and I walk up and give them hugs. They offer for us to come and sit with them but we opt out.
Gabbi turns to me, “Ever, you have the coolest parents. They always treat you like an adult.”
I shake my head, “No Gabbi, definitely parental figures. I think they are just trying to give me more space this year, especially after the breakup. They probably feel sorry for me.”
Then I admit, “James, on the other hand, seems to be getting the same distance and it doesn’t seem to be working out for him.”
She agrees, “Tell me about it. I saw him walk out the door before you came out today. He looked all dark and miserable with his head down. Is he coming to the game tonight?”
I shake my head, “Ah no, we conversed barely before you came to pick me up and he made it sound like he wouldn’t be caught dead here.”
I shrug, “Whatever, let my parents deal with him.”
Gabbi looks over toward the bleachers and points laughing, “Yeah, you have bigger fish to fry, so to speak.”
I glance up and straight ahead is Michael’s new flame sitting with all of our friends. Oh great, I guess she’s making herself right at home in my old spot. I scan the bleachers further and spot Jack leaning on the far end staring at me.We make eye contact and I feel warm all over again.
I grab Gabbi’s arm and pull her up into the bleachers before she can see him. We climb up to the far left end of the area where my ex’s friend sits. Why does there have to be so much drama this year? Last year was so nice with no hassles. I sigh.
Gabbi looks over and asks, “What’s wrong? We can go and sit somewhere else if you want.” I look down the bleachers to where Jack was standing and he’s gone.
I shake my head and tell her, “No, I’m fine.”
I have to at least try to have fun. I glance to my right and I’m sitting next to a girl named Melody. She is holding hands with Mitch her boyfriend on the other side. Great, more couples.
The announcer starts introducing our players. We all clap and I start talking to Gabbi and Reggie about the team we are playing. Apparently they only lost two games the whole season last year. I cross my fingers for our team. They deserve a break. I hear Michael’s name announced and my gaze raises automatically as he runs out. Someone steps in front of my line of sight and I focus to see who it is, Jack, of course. He walks in the direction of the parking lot. I look at Gabbi to see if she noticed but she’s too engrossed in flirting with Reggie.
I tap her and whisper, "Hey, I’ll be right back."
She nods not even glancing my way.
Oh Ever, what are you doing, you swore this guy off?
When I reach the bottom of the bleachers I look around but he’s gone. I start walking in the direction of the lot thinking about what I will say to him. “I’m just stalking you, don’t be alarmed.” I spot him across the lot leaning on his car. It’s hard to miss that bright yellow car among other things. I decide to just tell him now that we shouldn’t be partners in class. It’s as good a time as any.
I approach him with an apprehensive look because I really don’t know what to say. His amazing eyes meet mine and I
want to melt.
“Hi” he says cheerily.
“Hi, I’m just checking to see if you are finding your way around.” I tell him lamely.
He grins, “Yes, actually I came to get my bearings on the Friday night highlights of the town.”
I chuckle and spread my hands, “This is it for the next three months, eat, sleep, and talk, football.”
I ask, “Do you play?”
He shakes his head in the direction of the field with that half smile. I’m melting.
“Na I’ll leave that to them.”
“Do you play any sports?”
He laughs at that and doesn’t respond right away.
I’m confused so I question, “Did I say something funny?”
“No, I’m laughing because I actually swim.”
Oh, the jokes on me. The lake incident pops into my head.
“You would have jumped in at the lake if you needed to?” I inquire.
“Yes, but I wouldn’t need to because you can hold your own in the water.”
I admit, “Okay, so maybe I did over react just a little.” I hold my thumb and forefinger up for effect.
He laughs and I can see it in his whole face.
I start looking around and meet his eyes again, “Would you be opposed to a race in the future?” I ask with a grin.
He raises his eyebrows, “You think you can beat the infamous Jack Tanner?”
I hold my breath for a second, “Should I have heard of you? Are you famous for swimming?”
He laughs again, “So naïve Ever. No I am not famous but I will give you a good race.”
I grin and tell him, “You’re on.”
I can’t explain how I feel around Jack but it’s like no feeling I’ve ever felt. I feel so comfortable and charged with energy.
I glance at my watch and reluctantly tell him, “I told Gabbi I would be right back, she might be worried.”
He nods and turns to get into his car. I start to walk back to the bleachers. Then I hear my name and turn to feel a blush spread over my face again at his gaze.
He calls out, “I’ll see you on Monday.”
I nod and give a little wave. Maybe Jack isn’t so bad after all. I am actually feeling a little giddy. I guess my plan is changing again.
7
Confusion
Monday morning comes quick and I am finally looking forward to school for the first time since the break up. Maybe things are finally turning around. I drive up to find Gabbi waiting by her bug, this can’t be good. She always has some sort of gossip to share but by the look on her face, it doesn’t seem like it could be good news today.
As I get out of the jeep she rushes to my door and whispers, “I heard more things.”
I turn to look at her, “About what, Gabbi?”
As I grab my bag she rushes on, “About Jack, not only did he get kicked out of his last school but he also has a police record.”
I look at her and shrug, “Maybe a bad boy will be good for me for a while.”
Her mouth falls open, “You can’t be seriously thinking about still talking to him.”
I take a deep breath and explain, “Gabbi, I have been depressed and miserable for the better part of two months now. I am finally feeling better and if Jack has anything to do with it then so be it. I’m not going to ignore him because of something that happened somewhere else and has nothing to do with me.”
Gabbi closes her mouth quickly and says simply, “Okay.”
I tell her I’ll see her later and head to class. She nods and walks the other way toward her first class. I know she means well but I am feeling much better these days. I don’t need anything to bring me down. Maybe in third period I will let her know I didn’t mean to snap. The last thing I need is Gabbi mad at me.
I walk into World History and Jack has beat me to class. He looks up as I sit down and takes his ear buds out. I ask, “What are you listening to?” He smiles and gives me one of the wires to listen.
“Eric Satie, classical.” He tells me.
I listen to the clear and perfect melodies and exclaim, “It’s beautiful.”
Mr. Griggs walks in and I hand the ear bud back. As he takes it from me his finger grazes mine and I feel that tingly shock again. I pull my hand back reflexively and look at him wondering if he felt the same thing. He turns his eyes the other way almost as if he’s trying to avoid me. I turn my attention to Sasha to see if she noticed and she is talking to someone in another row. I look back at Jack and he looks sad again with green eyes. I am about to ask about his eyes but Mr. Griggs asks for everyone’s attention.
As class is ending I gather my bag and look up when the bell rings. I want to ask Jack about the tingly thing but he is gone. How does he do that? I guess I’ll have to wait until biology to ask my questions. I am so confused about this guy. All these odd things about him pique my interest. He seems so mysterious.
I get the cold shoulder from Gabbi in English Lit until I apologize for this morning. She is so predictable. During the eight years that we have known each other she has never been able to hold a grudge. I, on the other hand, grudges are my specialty. That is probably why we get along so well.
I labor through the rest of the day eager to see Jack in biology. As I walk in I notice he isn’t here yet. I sit at my “new” lab table and wait.
Julia walks in and takes a detour past my table stating, “Well it looks like you’re the one without a partner today. Too bad because I already found a new one and she’s way better than you.”
I roll my eyes. Can she be any more childish? I wait and Jack never shows up. My heart sinks. As I replay the events from this morning, I think maybe he is the one avoiding me now. Oh great.
Gabbi can read my face when I get to the jeep after school.
“What happened?” She asks.
“Nothing”
“Come on Ever, I know it’s not nothing. Did you find out more about Jack?”
I shake my head distracted, “No, he didn’t come to biology today. I think I’m gonna go and swim some stress off. I’ll see you later.”
“Okay. Oh look there’s Reggie. Call me later.” She glides off to join him without a backward glance.
I call out to her, “Hey Gabbs!”
She turns.
“Thanks for letting me know about… you know the Jack stuff. I’ll be careful.”
She shrugs and smiles, “That’s what friends are for. I’m really glad you’re feeling better.” Then she turns and meets Reggie.
Well I was feeling better until he didn’t show up to class and other things I can’t quite explain. Leave it to me to find the moodiest person in the school to latch onto, besides myself.
I head home to get my swim stuff and run into James when I get there. He is in the kitchen sulking at the table listening to music. My parents still aren’t home so I sit down and take an ear bud out of one of his ears. I suddenly remember listening to Jack’s music that morning. It seems like it happened days ago.
I look at James and ask, “Are you alright? Do you want to talk?”
He takes the ear bud back and shakes his head putting it back in. Well then I guess I’m just zero for two today.
I take the steps two at a time to my room to get my swim stuff. I decide to check my email before leaving and click on a message from my gam-aw:
Ever,
Call me to talk about your upcoming birthday. The big eighteen! I would love to come down and celebrate.
Love,
Gam-aw
A smile reaches my lips picturing my gam-aw. She lives in Chicago and doesn’t act like any other eighty year old. She uses email regularly and has an I Pod with not so ancient music on it. Occasionally she will call and ask about my current play list. My mom worries about her in Chicago living by herself but she prefers it that way. She is one strong old lady. She outlived my grandfather by ten years and seems to be just fine by herself. No other interesting emails so I gather my stuff and take off.
James is standing in the hallway at the foot of the stairs staring at me as I climb down. I stop in front of him afraid he’ll bite my head off if I say anything. He looks so tired. There are huge purple blotches under his eyes.
He tells me, “Sorry for snapping at you earlier. I’m just not myself lately.”
Tell me about it.
“It’s okay James. Maybe you should talk to dad. I’m sure he will be able to help.”
He shrugs and heads up to his room.
That is an area, if I’m right, that I don’t have any specialty, nor do I want to talk about it with my brother. I’m having enough problems in the love department myself.
I start the jeep and head down the road. My music blasting as loud as the volume will allow. I lose myself in the music and the ride passes quickly. My body can anticipate the water as soon as it comes into view. Swimming is definitely my way of dealing with things. I need it almost as much as I need to breathe.
The Lake is deserted. The boat ramp lot across the lake is empty as well. Wonderful! I strip down to my one piece training suit and stretch. The water is lukewarm with the heat index rising lately. The Armagosa River runs into Little Lake refreshing the water and cooling it down but not today. It feels just like bath water. We are just forty five miles from Death Valley so it can get pretty hot.
I lose myself in the laps. My muscles tense with the workout. My mind clears as my sole focus is breathing. After swimming for an hour, I break a minute and head to the bank near my jeep. As I step out of the water, I notice Jack standing near just staring at me. We lock eyes and warmth spreads through my face and neck. Today is not the best day for more heat. His eyes are green and he looks down as if he’s ashamed.
I walk toward him and ask, “What happened to you today?”
The questions keep rolling not even giving him a chance to answer.
“Why are you here every time I am? Why are your eyes blue most of the time and then they turn green? Why does it seem like you disappear when your eyes turn green?”
My voice resembles a whisper towards the end of my rant. Some of the things I am asking sound so absurd once spoken.
He turns and walks the other way. I follow him and touch his shoulder. It sends a shock up my arm. I withdraw and cower back. He turns around and glares at me seemingly angry.
Just Breathe Page 4
