17
Good-byes
I’m running and Jack is beside me. He glances at me with his heart melting smile as we leap off the cliff. The cool crisp water is unexpected at first. I swim for the surface out of breath and leap out of the water. I realize something is different. I look back and I see a big fin glittering in the water.
I sit up gasping for air, not from running but from shock. I slowly lift the blanket, afraid to look. Right there in front of me are my legs, the same as usual. I’m half relieved but also worried. I remember the night before and how I stood under the bright yellow moon and claimed the sea and Jack. Nothing happened. I don’t know what I expected, but here I am the day after my birthday when I chose the sea and there is no water in sight or Jack. Maybe it didn’t work. I’m suddenly worried thinking about Jack. Who was I kidding, just thinking that just choosing the sea would somehow bring him back to me? Now, maybe the opposite has happened. Could he be in danger because I chose the sea? I panic and wonder if the Erebus did something to him.
I make a split second decision. It’s Saturday so I decide to take a drive to the beach. It’s a big trip for me by myself but this may be only way to know if my choice means anything.
I stroll down to the kitchen to get some breakfast. My parents and Gam-aw are sitting around the table reading the newspaper and drinking their coffee. They all look up as I walk in.
My mom starts, “So how was it Miss eighteen year old?”
A smile spreads over my lips.
“It was great. I’m pretty sure everyone had a good time.”
My Gam-aw stares at me. I know she is trying to decide what I chose. I just give her a turned smirk. Hopefully that will appease her without having to actually say anything.
My dad comments, “Well, you and Gabbi did a great job cleaning up.”
My mom jumps in, “Yes, we expected to pick up today but it looks like you two covered it.”
I snicker, “Well you know Gabbi. She was in true hostess form last night.”
They all smile and go back to their paper and coffee.
I announce, “I was thinking about going to the lake for a swim this morning.”
My mom looks up again, “Make sure to say good-bye to Gam-aw before you leave. Her flight is at twelve today.”
I glance at her, “I hope you had a great visit.”
She gushes, “Oh yes, I did Ever, thanks for letting me celebrate your big birthday with you.”
I smile and walk back to my room.
I pack for the beach. Although if what I think will happen, actually happens, I won’t need too much. Suddenly there are butterflies in my stomach. An hour later after a shower, checking my email, and calling Gabbi to thank her for all of her help last night, I head back downstairs for my good-bye.
My parents are cleaning up the kitchen mess from breakfast and Gam-aw is nowhere to be found. I knew it was too good to be true.
I ask, “Um where’s Gam-aw?”
My mom answers without turning around, “She is probably back in her room, getting ready to go.”
I turn and walk toward the guest room. I face the door take a deep breath and knock.
She calls out, “Come on in.”
I sit on the bed while she packs the last of her things.
“Ever, how’d it go last night?”
I evasively answer, “The party was a lot of fun.”
She nods and looks to finish what she’s doing.
“I was just coming to say good-bye. Have a safe trip home.”
She comes around the bed and gives me a hug.
I say into her shoulder a little sad, realizing this might be the last time I will ever see her, “Thank you for celebrating with me.”
She holds me at arms length with her hands still on my shoulders, “You have so much to look forward to with college next year.”
I nod and look down, “I love you Gam-aw.”
She gives me a kiss on the cheek and I turn to walk out the door. I glance back one more time and she has turned the other way. I’m not sure what she didn’t tell me but I know there is more to all of this, there must be.
I stroll back to the kitchen and announce to my parents that I am going to the lake. Then it hits me that goodbyes are necessary for them too. That realization makes my heart skip a beat making me feel queasy. I’ve made my choice, no turning back and I picture Jack’s beautiful smile just to cement my decision.
I hug my mom first and give her a kiss on the cheek. She is taken back a little.
I tell her,” I love you mom.”
She chuckles, “You’re just going to the lake but maybe I like this eighteen year old thing. Maybe you’re coming back to us.”
I smile and hug my dad while telling him, “I love you.”
He hugs me back, “Have a good time and be careful.”
I smile, “I will.”
Finally, I make it to the jeep. I put my hands on the steering wheel and realize, wow this is it. I never thought it would all feel so final.
I start up the jeep and feel someone’s eyes on me. I turn to look back toward the house. My eyes meet James’ in his window and I can tell they are fully yellow. Then he’s gone. My heart breaks at the thought of my brother. What did I do to him? I want to run back into the house to tell him how sorry I am. Instead I resist, put the jeep into drive and push on the gas. It takes all of my will to continue on, knowing that I didn’t save my brother. I turn the volume up on the music, Eric Satie to try to lose myself and think about Jack.
I can smell the salt water about ten miles out according to my GPS. I start to wonder if this has anything to do with my choice last night. I don’t remember being able to smell anything this far away the last time I made this trip. As I get closer, I get that familiar feeling in my core, as if I can anticipate the water when I get there.
I pull into a spot at the same beach as the last two visits. I glance around and spot the familiar yellow car. My heart skips a few beats. I rush out leaving the jeep on and run over to the car to look inside the windows. Everything looks the same with one thing missing, Jack. I look out toward the water and my middle flutters. This whole thing makes me scared and uneasy.
I don’t run to the water this time. Once I turn off the jeep and get my things, I walk slowly savoring the heat. I peel off my clothes and put them in a neat pile on the beach. Slowly I walk to the water. When my toes touch the first drops of salt water, that familiar warmth spreads up through my toes to the rest of my body. I take a deep breath. This was all I needed; I continue to walk all the way in until only my head is above the water. Glancing around, I notice the beach is almost deserted. I duck under the water and swim for a minute before surfacing for a breath.
After thirty minutes of swimming, nothing happens which brings doubt about my decision last night. I half expected to become a mermaid when I touched the water. It didn’t happen. Maybe I’ve dreamt this whole thing up and I am actually going crazy.
Dragging myself out of the water, I sit on the sand and soak in the sun's rays. When I glance at my legs, I notice something glimmer when the light hits it. As I examine it closer, I find that it looks like a scale. What in the... Unlike any I’ve ever seen before. It is big, round and multicolored, reflecting the light. I look at my other leg and find a few scales on that leg too. I am now confused. I lay back on the sand, suddenly very tired and overwhelmed.
***
I must have dozed because the next thing I know I open my eyes and the sun has changed positions in the sky. I sit up startled because there is a girl in a purple bikini sitting cross legged next to me. She is just staring at me. I open my mouth in shock because she has familiar dark hair and almond shaped blue eyes.
She says almost sarcastically, “I was wondering when you were going to wake up.”
I know those eyes...
I stammer, “Who are you?”
She ignores my question and asks, “Are you ready?”
I look at her confu
sed, “Ready for what?”
She chuckles, “Ready to go, of course.”
I must look really out of it at this point because she stands and offers me her hand.
She tells me grinning, “Ever, I am here to guide you. You chose the sea last night, correct?”
I stare dumbfounded. My expression, I’m sure tells her I am totally clueless. I take her hand to help me stand.
She starts walking toward the water and says over her shoulder, “Okay, this is very important. When we are far out into the water, you have to ‘will’ your fin.”
I ask full of terror, “What? How do I do that?”
She answers, “Think really hard about it and imagine it appearing instead of your legs.”
I am in way over my head.
I nod at her letting her know I understand. But that doesn’t mean I will be able to do it. I start following her.
I ask, “By the way, who are you?”
She turns and smiles, oh wow, my breath catches… I know that smile too.
“I am Amber Tanner, Jack’s sister.”
I stop in my tracks as my legs lose their strength almost causing me to fall down.
I can’t get the words out fast enough, “Where is he? He just disappeared. Will I ever see him again? Is he alright? I start crying while I blabber all of my questions.
She laughs, “Ever, you shouldn’t worry. I'm sure Jack is fine.”
My mouth drops. “What, I thought if I chose the sea, the Erebus would kill him.”
Amber looks surprised at this point, “Well if you thought that would happen then why did you choose the sea?”
I shrug, “I had to know. I had to see him again. I knew that if I chose to stay on land, I wouldn’t even remember him.”
She smiles and says, “Alright then, let’s go.”
I look out to the crashing waves uneasily and start to walk to the water, while telling myself to just breathe.
I follow her into the water.
We walk out and swim out for a quarter of a mile then she turns to me as we tread water, “We are far enough now. You need to ‘will’ your fin. Just envision it.”
Before I can do anything I glance down into the water to see that Amber no longer has legs but a glorious shimmering mermaid fin. Alright, I can do this.
I close my eyes and imagine…. I look down and my legs are still there and I’m getting a little tired. I close my eyes and try again. Suddenly I feel differently and I’m not actually treading water anymore. I open my eyes and look down. There instead of legs I have the same glimmering mermaid fin with thousands of those beautiful scales. The look on my face must say a lot because Amber starts laughing.
She tells me, “Let’s try it out.”
And she dives down under the water. I am left by myself. I take a deep breath and dive down to follow.
The view under the water is incredible. It looks nothing like it did when I dove under the water with Jack so many weeks ago. Everything is so clear and bright as if I have my swim goggles on. I can see even the minute particles of sand from where I am so close to the surface of the water. I can also hear not just the water moving but also the fish swimming around me. I can hear them breath through their gills. I stop. Wait. I’m not out of air. I’m breathing easily, not gasping. This is exhilarating.
Suddenly, a hand grasps my shoulder and I dart around startled. It’s Amber. She speaks clearly, as if we don’t have a ton of water around us, “Let’s go Ever, we have a long trip ahead of us. Follow me.”
I follow, not trusting my voice underwater.
Amber zips through the water and I worry that there is no way I’ll be able to keep up with her but I have no problems. I don’t even feel winded moving this fast through the water. We glide deeper into the depths and the sea bottom seems to rise closer. Glancing at the fish we pass I am aware of how vibrant their colors are. This reminds me of my own fin. I glance back and watch as it waves through the water with each of my movements. I am amazed that this is me. It is completely unbelievable. I am actually a mermaid.
We swim for what seems like hours, covering a large distance. As we continue to descend further into the sea, I notice the light from the sun is slowly dissipating and there are more shadows. I watch as a light appears ahead of us and remember Jack and his ‘flashlight hands’. The memory brings a smile to my lips. Amber seems to have the same ‘will’. The spotlight from her hands just makes everything all the more beautiful. The grasses sway and the coral appears in colors that I don’t even know the names for.
I start to focus on the sounds around me. I can hear and feel the movement of the waves above us. The sounds are peaceful and subdued. I am coming to the conclusion that the sea is nothing like I ever imagined. I wonder how my Gam-aw could have given this up.
Then I see it, at first it’s just columns of glittery looking things far off in the distance, like sparkling stars underwater. As we glide closer I notice that I am looking at shapes and as we continue the shapes grow. Finally, I realize it’s a sort of city that I am looking at. The buildings are amazing in architecture. There are curves where you would see straight lines on land. All the buildings have a shimmer when the light hits them just right. They seem to be made of a substance unlike our buildings but not rock either. I am truly awestruck at the beauty and grandeur of it.
As we get closer still, I realize the immense size. It seems to sprawl on forever in the opposite direction as if it spans hundreds of miles.
Amber glances back to check on me. She smiles in response to my reaction. We finally reach the city and it is hugely intimidating while we swim through it. Amber obviously has a destination in mind. We turn a corner and I am shocked to see other mermaids and mermen swimming along between structures. They don’t even glance in our direction. Amber checks on me again. I give her a thumbs up to let her know I am dealing with everything.
She nods and keeps going. Seeing other …people like this makes me uncomfortable. How can this even exist?
Finally, we come to a small structure that is a shimmery green color. She opens the door and ushers me in. I swim forward to find a simple space that actually resembles the inside of a house on land. It has rooms with walls and a luminous ceiling. It is transparent and I can see fish glide by when I look up.
When she closes the door she warns, “Be ready.”
I look at her confused but she looks like she’s concentrating on something.
Suddenly the water starts to slowly disappear. It seems to sink into the floor of the space. Then Amber has legs. I panic and focus as hard as I can, imagining my legs again. It doesn’t work. I am suddenly lying on the floor with this big silvery fin. Ugh! Talk about uncomfortable. I try again, closing my eyes this time and thinking about my legs. When I open them my legs are back. Both of us are clothed in our bikinis from the beach. She hands me a towel. I wrap it around myself and try to stand up. My legs won’t hold me up and I fall back to the floor.
She chuckles while telling me, “Careful, it will take some getting used to. You used a lot of energy swimming here. Your legs will be weak after your first few times transforming back and forth.”
I try to push myself up again and make it to a chair three feet away before collapsing. I glance around and notice everything is dry. I am amazed and suddenly exhausted.
Confusion colors my voice, “Why did you make the water disappear?”
“I wanted you to feel as comfortable as possible. This is the world you are more familiar with.”
I thank her and ask again, “When can you tell me about Jack?”
“All in good time.”
She tells me to get some rest and I can’t disagree. I rest my head on the side of the chair and drift.
18
My History
I’m surrounded by a cave. Glancing around I find him sleeping in the corner, so peaceful and beautiful. I rush over to him and tap his shoulder. The familiar electricity I’ve missed spreads down my arm. He starts and op
ens his eyes. They are green but slowly the blue rolls in as he sees me. We hear a noise and we are running, running out of the cave. He grabs my hand and my heart flutters. Looming in front of us is the cliff. I forgot about this part. It’s getting closer and he smiles at me forcing a peaceful feeling to spread through me, right before we leap.
I wake up with a jolt. I feel panicked and glance around the room. Feeling a little more panicked. Where am I?
I rub my eyes and sit up thinking hard. Then I remember that I chose the sea. I’m in the sea. This is still so unbelievable.
I glance around to find that I’m alone. I get up and walk around the room. It’s a very large room. There are a few of the chairs similar to the one where I napped. I spot a doorway on the left side of the room and I head towards it. It opens up to a hallway about ten feet long with four other doorways, two on each side. I walk forward and glance in each room. The first two look like normal bedrooms with what looks like a kind of bed in each of them. The third room looks like a sitting room of sorts. Everything is very sparse. I guess that is to be expected considering where we are. The last room is definitely a sort of kitchen and standing at what looks like a stove is Amber humming something beautiful.
She looks up as I enter, “Hi Ever, did you sleep well?”
“Um yeah.”
I am so confused. How is all of this possible in the sea?
She states, “I thought you might be hungry when you woke up. I’m making you some fish.”
“Um yeah sure, sounds great. You eat cooked food here?”
I say it as more of a statement than a question. I’m really starting to feel uneasy about this whole thing. There is a table in the corner of the room so I walk over and sit down. Amber brings the fish and a glass of water. I hold the glass up.
She laughs, “Yes, it’s fresh, you can drink it.” I down the water first and she gets more. Those dreams make me so thirsty.
As I eat my fish, I ask, “Why is this like a house on land?”
She smiles, “It is to make you feel more comfortable.”
I ask, “So the other homes here aren’t like this?”
Just Breathe Page 11
