I look at her incredulously. How could I not know this?
I ask, “When did she find out?” It’s only March after all.
Gabbi replies, “She got the letter last week and decided a party would be fun for everyone to celebrate.”
I think I’m now sinking deeper. College, that’s a reality I don’t think I will get to realize now.
She stops the car and calls, “We’re here.”
I glance out the window. Jamie’s house is in the same neighborhood as Julia’s. I’ve spent a lot of time here over the years. Unlike Julia though Jamie is one of four and she is very well grounded. I think that’s why we get along so well. Her house is similar to Julia’s, big and sprawling.
I feel knots in my stomach.
Gabbi looks at me and asks, “Are you ready?”
People are entering through the door and the street is lined with cars. Oh great, there will be lots of people in there. I remember the last party I went to at Julia’s house. Jack saved me from a very embarrassing moment. I know he won’t be here tonight. I’m on my own. I take a deep breath and get out at the same time as Gabbi.
She hooks her arm in mine all the way up the walk. I stop suddenly and pull her back.
I ask, “Wait, where is Reggie tonight?”
She laughs, “I told him I needed some girl time. He’s meeting us here.”
“Oh.”
She pulls on me, “Come on Ever. Stop fighting me. You are destined for fun tonight.”
I smirk. Here goes.
Jamie answers the door and I can tell she is genuinely happy to see us. Gabbi relinquishes her keys and we follow Jamie through to the backyard. The hallway and kitchen are exactly as I remember them. Pictures through the years of Jamie, her sister and brothers, line the hallways. The kitchen is expansive with beautiful marble counters and hardwood floors. The cabinets stretch to the ceiling. I remember coming for a visit in fifth grade and thinking how in the world anyone could get anything off the top shelf in those cabinets. Jamie just laughed at me.
As we step off the step into the backyard I can see that half the school is here. The knots keep coming. Gabbi lets me go and walks away for a minute. I feel a hand under my elbow so I turn toward it and find myself face to face with Michael.
He leans over to my ear and tells me, “Ever, you look great tonight.
I can smell beer on his breath.
I half smile uncomfortably and tell him, “Thank you.”
He lets go of my elbow and spots a friend across the yard prompting him to walk away.
Right now I am so numb. Maybe I can do this.
Gabbi steps up to me and hands me a cup with very little liquid in it. I look at her questioningly.
She tells me, “It’s a shot, liquid courage, drink it, you need to loosen up.”
I clink cups with her and we down it together.
I hand her the cup and tell her,”Hey that was good. Let’s do another.”
She raises her eyebrows. I assure her, “Seriously, I can do another.”
She turns to get more. I stand there with my arms crossed alone and uncomfortable again. As I scan the patio I notice most of the people from our little group. I spot Reggie as he approaches Gabbi at the table with all of the drinks. She looks so happy to see him. I am so glad that she finally found someone that she can love. This brings me to think of Jack and I scan the crowd with a tiny bit of hope. He’s not here but I already knew he wouldn’t be.
Gabbi crosses the room and hands me my second shot. Reggie joins in this time.
We clink and I toast, “To Gabbi, the best.”
She tells me, “I need to find a bathroom. Will you be alright?”
I nod to assure her. She and Reggie turn in the other direction. I decide I need more to drink. I like this warmth spreading through me caused by the shots. It reminds me of Jack and the warmth I feel when he’s near. I run into Sasha at the keg and we talk for a while. She asks about Jack every time I see her. I wish she wouldn’t do that.
***
A couple of hours pass and I find myself on a couch talking to Jason Varner from my huge blow off and the incident at Julia’s party. I reason, why not? He obviously likes me and maybe I just need someone, different. He keeps filling my cup for me and I am thankful that I don’t have to get up.
As he scoots closer to me his hand rests on my leg but I can’t get a clear thought to tell him to move it. The warmth emanating from it feels like the warmth I am craving.
He leans over near my ear, “Do you know how sexy you look tonight?”
I shake my head out of annoyance.
His hand moves up my leg and he tells me, “You are such a tease.”
Then he plants his dry lips over mine. I realize what is happening and I try to push him away but he’s so heavy leaning against me with all of his weight. I suddenly feel like I can’t breathe. Then I hear a voice that I think I recognize but I can’t quite place.
I gasp towards it and I hear it again, louder this time, “Hey, Ever is that you?”
The voice, I think I recognize from one of my classes. I can’t remember which one, the class or the boy.
Then he says to Jason, “Hey friend, I think Ever needs some fresh air.”
Jason backs away and looks from me toward the voice. I look down and push his hand off of my thigh.
“Well, I’m not your friend and Ever is fine. Get lost.”
He attempts to put his arm around me but I shrug it off. I sloppily push myself up off the couch.
I stumble in the direction of the voice, “Um, actually fresh air would be nice.”
I trip on these damn shoes Gabbi made me wear but he catches me. He rights me and grabs my hand. I follow, what’s his name again? He leads us to the backyard. I rack my brain because I know I’ve seen him before but...
Once we are outside he turns and tells me, “I hope I wasn’t overstepping or anything. You didn’t look comfortable with the situation.”
I shake my head, “Alex!” I exclaim.
He smiles easily, “Yes, that’s me.”
I tell him, “Oh yeah, um thank you for that.”
He asks, “So are you here by yourself?”
I shake my head trying to remember how I got to the party. I run my hand through my hair trying to recall how I got to the couch with Jason. Oh yeah, Gabbi.
I tell him, “My friend Gabbi brought me. She,she should be around here somewhere.”
“I can stay with you until you find her.”
I shake my head about to tell him no but then I spot Jason coming out the door onto the patio. He looks furious.
On second thought I nod and say, “Thank you, I think she might be in the house. I don’t see her out here.”
He leads me through the house and we finally find Gabbi in the kitchen deep in conversation with Reggie and Jamie. She glances at me then at Alex.
She has a concerned look on her face and she rushes to meet us, “Hey Ever, I was looking for you a little while ago. Where have you been?”
I shrug and glance at Alex.
He tells her, “I think she needs to go home.”
Gabbi nods her head and agrees. She turns to Reggie to tell him we are leaving.
Then she looks at Alex and tells him, “Thanks for finding her.”
I feel like I’m in a bubble, exactly where I want to be right now. Their voices seem muffled and I think ‘why are they talking about me like I’m a child or something?’ The next thing I know Gabbi is holding my hand pulling me through the crowd toward the front of the house.
When she gets me in the car I ask her, “You know what my secret is?”
She absentmindedly responds, “What secret?”
I admit with slurred speech, “Well I have a secret and it’s that I’m a mermaid and there is a whole world under the sea.”
She nods her head and tells me, “Okay Ever. Whatever you say.”
I put my hand on her arm and make her glance my way, “Actually, I am tell
ing the truth. Jack isn’t here because he lives there and I have to make a huge decision that will decide the fate of all those people and I'm so....”
I trail off.
My eyelids start to close.
***
I wake as the sun shines through the blinds in my window. Ugh, who turned the light on? My head is pounding. I try to remember the night before. I can remember bits and pieces. I remember Alex’s face for some reason and I remember Jason. Oh no, Jason. It’s starting to come back to me now. Can I just go and bury myself under a rock? It’s going to be all over school. I crawl out of bed and head for the bathroom. I desperately need some aspirin.
As I crawl back into bed my phone rings
I check to see that it’s Gabbi, “Hello.”
I glance at the clock, eleven o’clock. “Hey you, are you up yet?”
I answer, “I just got up. Holy headache.”
She giggles, “Yeah, you were pretty over the top last night.”
“Did I do anything stupid that I might not be remembering at this moment?”
She admits, “Well, I wasn’t exactly with you the whole time.”
I whine, “I know. I think I might have done something um regretful with Jason
She laughs, “Oh no Ever, of all the eligible guys, you pick him.”
“I know, what was I thinking?”
She brushes it off, “You probably made his night. He’s been trying to get a date with you all year."
"Yeah, I’m not sure how bad it was but I remember the new guy from my class, Alex. He kind of rescued me.”
She ascends, “Oh, is that who that cutie is?”
I never really thought of him that way. He’s just the new guy in my history class.
Gabbi gets serious, “Ever, you were also rambling on about mermaids and other stuff. I thought you were just drunk but I thought I would mention it.”
I am silent for a while.
“Ever, are you still there?”
I take a deep breath, “Actually Gabbi. I think we need to talk.”
She tells me she will come over after lunch. I’m not sure telling Gabbi about my situation is a good idea but I am tired of bearing the whole burden. I need my friend who I have trusted my whole life to help me with this huge decision.
31
Gabbi
As I climb down the stairs, I hear my mom’s voice on the phone, “No have you seen him? He didn’t come home last night.”
Silence.
Then she says with a worried tone, “Well, if you see him please tell him we are looking for him.”
More silence. I am guessing James is gone. This is bad, very bad because I know where he is. I have a bad feeling that it’s all starting and I’m not ready.
I go to the fridge as if I didn’t just hear my mom on the phone. She hangs up as I am getting some juice.
She turns to me and asks in an unsteady voice, “Ever, have you seen James? He didn’t come home last night.”
I know I have to tread carefully.
I tell her nonchalantly, “No mom, I didn’t actually see him yesterday at all. He’s probably at one of his friend’s houses.”
She shakes her head, “No I’ve called all of them. No one has seen him since yesterday afternoon.”
I sit down at the table and my head is pounding.
She tells me, “I think we may need to call the police. “
I suggest, “Well mom, you know James. He’ll probably come strolling through the door any minute.”
She doesn’t even look like she heard me. She walks out and I’m left alone. What to do now? I'm guessing this means I need to go back now. I really need to talk to Gabbi first before I leave. I decide to wait a little while. I’m definitely not worried about James; he’s probably one of the more dangerous specimens in the sea right now.
***
Gabbi pulls up to my house around four. I hop in her car before she can even get out. The last place she needs to be is in my house with my freaked out mom. I tell her to drive to the park down the street.
She looks at me with a very worried expression and asks, “I’m not going to like what you want to talk about, am I?”
I shake my head and look down. No words are necessary.
We end up in the same spot where months ago my Gam-aw told me her story and I told James.
Gabbi jokes, “So you were really drunk last night and some of the stuff you were saying was…”
I glance at her without a smile while I slowly say, “Actually Gabbi what I told you is really the truth.”
I continue before she can respond, “A long story short, there is a whole world of people under the sea. They are mer-people and I am related to them from a long time ago, way back in my family tree.”
She looks at me unbelieving.
I hurry with the rest, “Jack is from there and he has been helping me. The night of my eighteenth birthday I decided I wanted to be a part of that world. Now everything is just a mess.”
She stops me, “No Ever, this is unbelievable stuff. Are you still drunk or did you take something?”
I smirk and point, “Gabbi, watch those swings on the swing set over there.”
She turns and I make them all twist together. Her mouth gapes open and she looks from me back to the swings. I unwind them and wind them the other way.
She asks, “Are you doing that?”
I nod.
She asks, “How?”
I tell her, “I told you last night that I’m a mermaid.”
I let her digest everything. I need her to be clearheaded to hear the rest.
After she asks me about small details and she seems satisfied.
I tell her the rest, “Gabbi, I am kind of in a situation with this whole thing now. Basically there is a feud going on and both sides want me to fight for them. I’m kind of um, powerful.”
She nods like she is following me but I can tell her eyes have clouded over. I’ve given her too much.
I rush to explain the rest anyway, “I don’t know what to do. Jack is on the side that I am pretty much against. I don’t know if I should just take the side with him regardless of my feelings because I love him.”
She seems to snap out of whatever trance she was in and asks unbelievingly, “You really love him, even after he changed your life like this?”
I shake my head, “Well he didn’t exactly do this. It was coming regardless of whether he was here or not. Meeting him just helped me make the decision. And yes, I love him so much.” I add quietly, “And I miss him.”
I suddenly feel as if I'm not getting enough oxygen thinking about Jack.
She smiles, “Oh so that’s what has been up with you. Now I get it.”
I look at her surprised, “Really? Cause you are taking this way better than I thought you would.”
Maybe she is just in shock and it will hit her later.
She gets up and faces me, “Girl, I understand love and that is the whole point, right?
I smirk, although Gabbi is in her first big relationship, she is a fiend to teen romance, a true bookworm. She considers herself the ultimate authority on romance.
I ask, “What do you mean?” before resting my face in my hands. I think my headache is coming back.
She crouches down to look at me, “Ever, you always overanalyze everything. If Jack is your reason then fight for Jack.”
I meet her gaze and I see it as clear as she did from the moment I explained everything.
I get a notion of doubt and I protest, “But what about those people and right and wrong?”
She shakes her head and tells me, “You said yourself; that this has been going on for a while. Long before you were even in the picture, right?”
I nod.
“Well then, what you choose may make a difference a little or maybe it won’t. But will you Ever, be happy without Jack?”
I shake my head. The realization hits me. I think that was all I needed to hear. She made it so simple. I know I said
this before but I love my Gabbi. I jump up with a clear head finally and give her a huge hug.
I whisper into her shoulder, “Thank you.”
She nods at me, “That’s why we’re us.”
I can tell she has started crying.
I push her to arm’s length and ask, “What’s wrong?”
She sniffles, “Does this mean I will never see you again?”
I look down, “Gabbi I truly don’t know. According to what I was told before, I shouldn’t be able to be here now after I made my choice but here I am. I really don’t know how it all works.”
I reassure her, “Cheer up. This is absolutely not good-bye if I have anything to do with it.”
She smiles and wipes her eyes.
***
She drops me back at my house. I promise to keep in touch and let her know what is happening. She promises to claim ignorant if questions of my whereabouts come up. I realize later that I didn’t tell her about James. But I reason, probably the less she knows, the better.
When I walk into my house it is silent and I notice a note from my parents. They wrote that they would be at the police station if I need them. Oh boy, pretty soon they will be double devastated but I can’t think of a way to avoid it. I run up to my room and check my email one last time. I check James’ room just to make sure he isn’t here after all. All of his things seem accounted for. He is definitely in the sea. I rush back down to the kitchen and scribble a note to my parents. This might appease them for a little while.
Mom and Dad,
I went to Gam-aw’s house.
Need to talk to her about college next year.
I Love you!
Ever
32
Choosing Sides
After writing my cryptic note I dial Gam-aw.
She answers on the first ring, “Oh Ever, your mom called. Is James where I think he is?”
“I’m pretty sure he went to the sea. He has control of his wills and Jaspen came to see him a few days ago.”
The other end of the line is silent. I call out, “Gam-aw are you still there?”
She answers, “Yes sweetheart. I was just thinking about how if I would have made different choices, you two would never be in this position. This is all my fault.”
I shake my head and argue, “No Gam-aw, this is not your fault. I think it’s time for me to go and find James though.”
She agrees, “Yes, before he makes any hasty decisions.”
“I left a note for mom and dad telling them that I went to your house to talk about college. I was very vague. Will you cover for me if they call you?”
Just Breathe Page 20
