by Cleo Fox
My hand comes up to cover my mouth as I watch my past-self rub my slightly round belly, I'd only just begun to show. We sit in the studio downstairs, his keyboard in front of him.
"If it comes out saying the word shit, I'm pretty sure we're going to be famous and in a World Record book or something. Because that's impressive. I'd be damn proud of them!"
He glances at me and slides over in his chair to place the tips of his fingers under my chin. "You're beautiful and adorable, my sunshine. I love you." He kisses me softly.
I should've kissed him longer, held him there longer. I can't look away, even though the pain in my chest grows tighter by the second.
Past me smiles, staring at him and rubbing slow circles into my stomach. "I love you, too, Micky. Now, is this test long enough? We have that appointment in Denver with the guy that's going to build us our perfect crib."
My eyes widen. This was the same day of the accident, we were coming back from Denver when I lost them.
His classic goofy smile crosses his lips. “Nope, it's not a true test until I hear your beautiful voice, my love."
Past me mumbles something under my breath.
He lifts an eyebrow. "What's that? I'm ever so handsome and amazing? You're too kind!"
I sighed. "It's your eardrums that will bleed. Don't ask me to help you clean it up."
He shakes his head. "Of course not. I'd never make the mother of my child do work when she needs to be taking it easy."
He plays the opening notes of the song I chose and the on-screen-me closes my eyes. The words for Baby Mine leave my lips, part way through, he joins in, we sing in harmony. It's a song my mother used to sing to me when I'd come home from Kindergarten crying when the other kids picked on me for my blue eye. The song comes to an end. Micheal looks at me. "That was perfect. Thank you."
I smile. "If you say so, Mr. Producer. Can we go to Denver now, pretty please?"
I shake my head. "No. Don't go." Going meant losing him and our baby forever.
He picks up a remote near the keyboard. "I just need to upload this to the cloud, and then yes. We can test it out when we get home."
The screen goes black and I crumple to the floor. "No!"
Pain radiates in my chest, all the anguish I've been suppressing raises up my throat and a sob erupts from me. If we hadn't gone, they'd still be alive. Why did I have to have a stupid custom crib? We could've had one delivered offline. our baby would still be alive if it wasn't for me. "It's all my fault!"
Several strong pairs of arms surround me as the guys come down onto the floor. They hold me in one if their circle hugs.
"None of what happened is your fault, sugar." Darius's baritone voice vibrates in my ear.
I sob harder until no sound comes out, body shakes. He's wrong. "I made him go! I made him go!"
"There's no way for you to know if what happened was preventable, or if it would've kept him safe. What happened isn't your fault, Evie. As cruel as it is, if it was his time, it was his time. You wouldn't have control over it in any way." Navin's voice meets my other ear.
They all hold me, allowing me to cry years of built up pain. Despite them trying to comfort me, it doesn't take away the years of built up guilt.
Chapter Ten
Titus
I sit behind Evie on the floor, joining my arms with Navin and Darius to surround her in one of the hugs we used to give her all the time. My heart aches for her her. Dear Bonham, I knew something bad had happened, but I never would've guessed this. I don' t know the full extent of the details. But she was pregnant in the video, that much is clear, and she doesn't have a baby now.
She holds herself, sobbing. I cry with her, I hate seeing her in so much pain. I wish I could take it all away. Have magical powers to bring them back for her, so she didn't have to feel like this. Sure, that would mean that she would be someone else, but that doesn't matter to me, if she's happy, that's all that matters.
We hold her for a long time, slowly her sobs calm until she hiccups and goes quiet.
"I'm sorry," she whispers.
Darius shakes his head. "You have nothing to be sorry for, sugar. Nothing. I'm sorry we weren't here for you when you needed someone the most."
I take a peek at Lance, who sits on his knees in front of her. He's quiet and I can't tell if he's upset or not over the video. He's the jealous type, not of us, but of anyone else who isn't in our circle. How is he going to react to the fact that she was pregnant with another man's baby?
She lifts her head to look at the TV that sits on a blank screen. "I didn't know that was there. I haven't opened that door since before the accident. He closed it before we left. The video was supposed to be a test when we got home that night. When I got home from rehabilitation, I had my father lock it. The room was the studio for Micheal to work in before the basement got remodeled, so we had a lock on the door due to all the expensive equipment."
"What happened to them?" Lance asks.
"Lance," Navin warns. "Not now."
Evie shakes her head. "No. It's okay."
She goes silent for a moment, her gaze going to her lap. "We'd gone to Denver. There was a man there that was going to build a custom crib I had my heart set on." She shakes her head. "I was so stupid."
I move my arm from Darius's to rest my hand on her shoulder. "It's not stupid to want the best for your baby."
A tear falls from her eyelashes. "The trip down was great. He loved singing show tunes with me. The man was nice and said he’d have the crib done in three months. We even had dinner. Then it all went to shit. We'd just left Golden when a massive elk jumped out of nowhere and froze in the middle of the road. Micheal tried to swerve to miss it and we were hit by a car head on coming from the opposite direction. And the car behind us hit the elk." Her voice shakes. "I remember he reached out to brace me and I put my hands over my stomach. I remember not being able to move being pinned by the airbags and the parts of the dashboard. Everything hurt. Then I woke up in the hospital.”
Lance leans forward and kisses her forehead. "I'm so sorry. Were your parents there?"
She shakes her head. "They moved to Florida about a year after I went to college. The hospital had tried to call their number listed in my phone, but they'd been on a cruise at the time and Micheal's family... his father died when he was a kid and his mother wasn't ever in the picture. As far as I know he didn't have any family, at least, he never talked about anyone who was alive."
Navin runs his hand over her back. "That must've been so scary."
More tears fall into her lap. "When I woke up, I was still pregnant. When the doctor told me Micheal didn't make it, that he died at the scene. I was inconsolable, but at least I still had my baby. I had a broken my leg in two places and also needed a hip replacement, but they didn't want to put me under for surgery until after they were sure the baby was fine. That night the complications started."
My heart hammers. "I can't believe you had to go through that alone. I'm so sorry we weren't there."
She shakes her head, glancing back at me with her blue and brown eyes, tears lingering them. "I didn't call you. There's no way you could've known.”
I can’t help myself. I pull her into a hug from behind. “I’m still sorry.”
As I let her go, Navin strokes and hand over her head. “Do you want to go downstairs?”
Her gaze goes back up to the tv.
I rub her upper back. “Or we could have the TV play that video again, whatever you want.”
She stares at it longer. “I want to see it again, but not right now. Let’s go downstairs.”
We all stand. Each of us hold her arms or back to help her up. Going downstairs, we sit her at the kitchen table, and work as a team to put away the groceries Navin and Darius brought home.
She stares at the table as we clear it. I want nothing more than to hold and comfort her.
"Does some eggs and bacon sound good for breakfast? " Navin asks.
I nod. "That sounds ama
zing. I can't remember the last time I had a homemade breakfast. I noticed you guys got potatoes. Want me to make some hash browns to go with it?"
Darius groans. "Yes, please. I'll help you wash and peel them."
I want nothing more than to kiss. He woke up before me so I didn't get my morning kisses. With everything going on it doesn't feel exactly right to be affectionate with him. We were together before Evie left, but there's a chance it could be uncomfortable for her to see us kiss now.
Lance closes the freezer after putting away the meat. "What do you want me to help with?"
"Nothing," Navin and Darius say in unison.
Lance scowls at them. "I won't burn the house down."
Navin sets a carton of eggs on the counter, and pats Lance on the shoulder. "I rather not test it. Why don't you go sit with, Evie."
My gaze goes to her. She still stares at the table. I motion for Lance to go comfort her. She hasn't said a word since we left the room upstairs; the room that was going to be a nursery. It still hasn't fully set in that she at one point was going to be a mom. I've never given having kids a thought. With our career, it's not exactly something that's easy. But the thought of kids doesn't turn me off.
Lance takes a seat next to her at the table. He reaches for her hand. "Do you want me to get you something to drink or a joint? I'm probably not as good at rolling as you, but I'm decent enough."
She blinks and looks up. "I can roll some joints for us. I'm okay. Just numb right now."
Lance stands and goes to where she keeps her smoke in a box on the counter. He picks it up and brings it to her. "Do you want to talk about it? We're here to listen with whatever you need."
I grab the bag of potatoes and put eight into the sink to wash them off. My gaze goes back to her as she opens the box and takes out things to roll joints. Will she talk more about what happened with the baby? I'm curious, but there's no way in hell I'm going to have her talk about if she doesn't want to.
"Do you guys want joints as well?"
Darius and I work together to get the spuds clean. "I would like one," I say. I'm not a huge fan of drinking, but I do like smoking. It doesn't cause me to have a headache afterward.
The rest all voice their desire for one as well.
The rushing water and Navin clicking on the gas stove fill the kitchen as silence falls between us. Afer a moment she clears her throat. "A day after I woke up in the hospital, I started to bleed. At first it was a little bit, but then it became a lot. They ran some tests and determined I had a placental abruption , and kept getting worse."
Hearing the sorrow in her voice kills me.
"The doctor said he had gotten to the point where bed rest wasn't helping. At seventeen weeks, the baby wasn’t strong enough to survive a c-section. I held out for as long as possible, hoping that it would get better as long as I stayed on bed rest, but it didn’t. In the end, the baby didn’t make it and they had to do a c-section.” Her fingers still as she rolls the joint.
Lance reaches out to touch her arm. “I’m so sorry.”
A small sad laugh leaves her. “We planned on having the gender be a surprise, but I found out we were going to have a girl. Micheal really wanted a girl. I was just happy to be having a baby. I didn’t realize until I got pregnant that I even wanted kids, but I really did.”
I can’t help it. I leave the sink area and go to her, leaning down, I hug her from behind. I’m sure she’s sick of us saying sorry. I really don’t know what to say. There’s nothing I can say that will make it better.
She put down the joint she’s halfway done with and raises her hand up to grasp my arm, holding it. It’s the first time since we got her that she’s reached out to one of us. It feels like some of the walls she has up are coming down. I don’t know if she’s talked about the accident or losing her baby with anyone else, but it doesn’t seem like it. Hopefully it will help her heal.
Chapter Eleven
Evie
Three days later…
*Darius opens the door to the Cabin, I haven’t stopped grinning since we all jumped in the car this morning. I hadn’t expected the guys to surprise me with a trip up the mountains. It's been a lot of late nights doing shows in clubs and bars that will have. Putting our names out there. We've finally saved up enough to make the trip New York, which hopefully will make our dreams of getting a real record deal thing. I've been calling different places and working non-stop sending the band's CD out to different clubs and record companies, so that we can gigs lined up when we get out there.
Needless to say, I've been stressing out, and for the guys to bring me here for a little R&R before we make the biggest jump of our lives. It's really sweet of them to plan this. A week away from everything will be nice. With winter hitting Denver hard, a lot of the clubs and bars are slow, so it's the perfect time to not worry about getting a gig every night. Nor will it hurt our savings with saving on a place to stay. Our parents really were geniuses when the group of them went in together to get this place.
We step into the living room, the stairs slightly off to the right of the door curve up to the second floor, and the study stands to the right of my shoulder. All the furniture stands with white sheets over them. The scent of stale air lingers. Luckily it's not a blizzard day, we can open the windows and air the place out before we have to hunker down and wait for the slopes to get some fresh powder.
I clap my hands together. "Okay, let's get all these sheets off the furniture and into the washer, open the windows, and figure out which room has the biggest bed. Or we might have to move beds from other rooms into the biggest room, and push them together, because I really don't want to play musical beds. Our parents aren't here, no reason to be shy."
Navin laughs as he and Lance bring in our bags. "Very true. We can literally do whatever we want here, and not have to deal with their judgemental stares." Putting the bags down next to the coffee table he turns to me, and reaches out for my hand. Pulling me to him he captures my lips in a scorching kiss. I wrap my arms around his neck, kissing him back without hesitation.
A pair of hands touch my sides before traveling to the front and finding the zipper of my jacket, and tugging it down. I let go of Navin long enough for the person to pull the jacket off me.
Their finger move my hair out of the way, and they kiss my neck with soft kiss, Titus. I know instantly with the way his lips feel against my skin. I moan as he finds the place I to be kissed most.
Breaking the kiss, I turn around to pull Titus into a kiss. I groan, pulling away. "You guys are naughty and distracting me. We need to get this place tidied up, and maybe a trip to the store before we have any fun. I won't be able to think with all this dust lingering the air. How is so much dust created when there's no one even living here for years at a time?"
Lance comes over, pulling on my shirt he pulls me into a quick kiss as Darius comes to sandwich me between them. "Or we could have some fun, and then do the boring stuff. I like that idea better. Let the neighbor down the hill know we've arrived with the sounds of your moans echoing off the mountain. That sounds like a good idea to me."
Darius hands push under my shirt stroking my sides. "I agree. It's only right to let the neighbors know we've arrived. It's the courtesy thing to do, so they aren't freaked out."
I laugh. "I'm pretty sure if they hear moans coming from here, they'll think this place is haunted not that we've arrived."
Navin and Titus come to stand at my sides, finishing their circle around me. Navin shrugs. "I'm okay with them thinking this place is haunted. Maybe it'll end up on one of those Travel Channel shows in October. Our families cabin could be famous."
Titus laughs. "Yeah. Imagine all the money we could make charging tourists so they can sleep in it for a night and do ghost hunting."
Soon, they're all touching me in some way. I'm not even sure whose hands are whose. Just that my shirt gets taken off, along with bra, and jeans. I move in a circle, kissing all of them. As their clothes come off, landin
g in various places all around the room.
I pull away from a kiss with Darius and look at them all. "It's not far when you distract me like this, but it is nice to be able to have you all at once and not have to worry someone overhearing."
Darius fingers move down my body to my wiggle their way between my legs. "Fuck, you're so wet, sugar. I can't wait to have sex in every single room of this place. They might not ever know about it, but it'll be nice knowing if they did it would piss them off to no end."
I smile. My parents would be furious if they know we were tainting the Cabin by on having 'Relations' all over the place.
I move against Darius's fingers, grinding my clit into them. Fuck it feels good. "Fine, you've talked me into it," I moan. "But at least take the sheet of the sofa first, I don't want to fuck on a dusty sheet.*
My eyes open and blink as my room comes into view. I had been minutes away from getting to the sex part of that dream memory, but no, I had to wake up. It's third sex dream since I told them a lot of what has happened over the last couple of years.
I groan. My clit tingles with the desire to be touched, but rubbing one out isn't going to help. It hasn't the over the past several days. I want them, they're here, and my body knows it, so it's not letting up.
They've all been so supportive, and haven't done anything beyond hugging me. I don't even know if they still want me. There's no denying I want them, I haven't been this horny in so long. For a while I didn't even think I would ever feel horny again.
Throwing off my comforter, I get up and head downstairs, the best thing to do is to get my mind on something else. Being with them again, is a subject I don't even know how to breech. What do I say? Hey, I know I really fucked with you guys in the past, and I'll probably have to leave once your manager is back, want to fuck? Yeah, that'll go over well.
I stop at the bottom of the stairs and look toward the large window in the study. Snow swirls outside, so fast that I can't even see to the treeline of the woods on the edge of the backyard. Fuck, a blizzard. I hope it doesn't knock out the internet.
