“Uh, what am I supposed to do with this?”
“One last party?” He stabs his fingers through his hair. “I’m taking off for Hawaii to get cleaned up before the tour.”
I blink at him.
“Don’t act so shocked. I can’t play night after night if I’m fucked out of my mind. I’ll exile myself to my little beach villa for a few weeks. A personal trainer comes in every day to whoop my ass. Pammy’s joining me to tend to my other needs. By the time we’re ready to get out on the road, I’ll be in fighting form.”
Well, shit. Guess that explains the mystery of how they’ve managed so many successful tours and albums.
He holds his fist in front of my face. “Trust and believe. There are two things you don’t fuck with, Chaser. Recording time and tour time.” He lifts one finger and then the other. “The rest of your life is yours to fuck up as you see fit.”
“Mind. Blown.” I touch my forehead and make an explosion noise that cracks him up.
“Touring is the best natural high. You won’t miss being fucked up when you’re playing stadiums.”
Since I’ve never been into coke this much before in my life, it’s hard to form an opinion on the matter.
He pulls me in for a quick hug and slaps my back. “Make me proud, Chaser.”
I watch him fold his large and lanky frame into his black Ferrari before staring at the present he left.
How many times over the last month have I told myself I’d snorted my last line?
Disgusted with myself, I shove the baggie of coke in my pocket, already picturing taking it into the bathroom and cutting a few pristine lines.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chaser
I can’t afford to take off to Hawaii like Andrew, but I promise myself that as soon as the band makes it through this rough spot, I’ll stop the coke. I have to before I go on tour.
I’ll make up all the late nights and shitty moods to Mallory by taking her someplace nice for a few days.
At least that’s the mantra I keep repeating.
For some reason, I’m confident that I’m different than every other drug addict I’ve ever known.
What I conveniently forgot was, if coke doesn’t eventually make you crazy, it has plenty of other nasty side effects.
No matter how many lies I tell myself: I’m only using a little. I’ll only use it for just a little longer. I’ll be done with it for good once we finish the demos, I keep craving more and more. Lucky for me, the music business makes it easy to score whenever I want.
Hell, most of the time I don’t even have to pay for it. Someone shoves a baggie, vial, or eight ball in my hands just because I’m Chaser Adams—up and coming rock god.
When I’m not high out of my mind, my craving for coke pisses me the fuck off, since I’ve always considered myself rather disciplined.
“Chaser, what’s wrong? You seem really distant lately,” Mallory says.
I’m supposed to be catching up on sleep. Except, I can’t sleep because I’m fucking high. Feeling no pain.
Feeling nothing actually.
“Everything’s fine. Or it will be once Jacob stops fucking around so we can finish and get ready for the tour.”
As fucked up as I am, I’ve contributed all my parts. I’m even writing crazy amounts of new stuff. Whether it’s any good or not, really isn’t the point. Alvin and I have plenty of time to jam at the studio while we wait for Jacob to get his shit together. Some days Garrett joins us.
She hesitates. “Are you sure that’s all that’s bothering you?”
“Yes, I’m sure. Stop badgering me.”
“Badgering you?” She frowns and takes a step back. “I’m worried about you.”
Fuck, I hate myself right now.
“You’re doing too much,” she continues. “Do you want me to stop auditioning until you’re done?”
No fucking way do I want to be the reason she puts her career on hold. That damn coffee commercial where she looked like the hottest Suzie-homemaker ever ended up airing nationally. She’s somewhat in demand right now. And I’m going to slow her down just because I need her to babysit me? Fuck no.
“No, babe. We’re almost done.” Thank fuck that’s the truth.
We need to get down one more track. We finished number three last night. Or was it this morning? Doesn’t matter.
“Chaser,” she says in a soft lets-be-reasonable voice, “You can’t keep this up forever. I can go to auditions by myself. I promise not to go to any hotels or anything sketchy.”
“No.”
“This is ridiculous!” she explodes. Mallory doesn’t have much of a temper, so it’s a sign of just how frayed her nerves are thanks to my bullshit. “You’re leaving to go on tour for three months. What am I supposed to do then? Sit home and stare at the wall?”
I hadn’t really thought that far ahead. Most of my thoughts revolve around music, Mallory, or scoring more coke. Beyond that, I can’t spare the extra brain power.
“You’ll come with me.”
She raises her hands to the sky, completely exasperated. “Chaser, we both know that’s not going to work.”
All my drug-addled brain hears is, we aren’t going to work out.
“Why? You planning to see someone else while I’m away?”
“Oh my God. Are you serious right now? After everything, how can you even ask me that?”
“You’re hot.” My shoulders jerk up, like her dating another man is no big deal, instead of my worst fucking nightmare. “Every guy who meets you wants to fuck you.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Andrew wants to fuck you. Jesus Christ, he never stops asking about you.”
She pauses. “Really? Why?”
Something about her question only agitates me more. “Why? What do you mean, why? You want to fuck him, too?”
Tears of what I think are frustration, fill her eyes. But my girl is tough, she lifts her chin defiantly. “I’m not going to dignify that with an answer. You’re acting paranoid. Talk to me. What’s going on?”
But I can’t be honest.
How can I be honest with her when I’ve reached a point where I don’t even recognize my own face in the mirror?
Besides, knowing there’s cocaine in my pocket this very second cements the wall between us. Every day, I lie to her in a thousand different ways.
So, I look her in the eye and tell her the biggest lie of them all.
“Everything is fine.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Mallory
Something has to give.
We can’t keep going on like this.
Chaser’s a mess.
He thinks I can’t tell. That I’m too stupid to know what he’s up to. But seriously, unless he’s developed some sort of bladder issue, no one his age needs to spend so much time in the bathroom.
“Chaser,” I say, brushing my fingers over his shoulder. “Are we meeting the guys tonight? Or are you all mine?”
His nostrils flare at the question and a sensual smile curls his lips. We may be falling apart everywhere else, but he’s more focused on sex than ever. It’s frequent and intense. Long, marathon sessions of hot, relentless jackhammer sex.
But for me, there’s always something missing lately.
He fixes his gaze on me, and I almost cry. By his dilated pupils and blank expression, I might as well be talking to the wall.
“Nah, let’s stay in. I’ve seen them way too much lately.”
He takes my hand and pulls me into his lap, slipping his fingers up under my shorts. “I can think of a few things to keep us occupied.”
“I’m sure you can.”
He doesn’t react to the sarcasm. I doubt it even registered.
“Give me a minute.” He stalks off to the bathroom, and I take a deep breath.
When he returns, I stand and face him.
Enough is enough.
“You don’t have to keep hiding it. You’re not fooling me. Might as
well just snort it up out here,” I say, pointing to the coffee table.
He stares at me with wide eyes.
“Do you think I’m stupid, Chaser?”
“No.”
I burst into frustrated and guilty tears. How did we end up here?
“Hey,” he says, wrapping his arms around me. “What’s wrong?”
“This is all my fault. You weren’t using before you knew me. If I didn’t cause you so many problems, this wouldn’t be happening.”
“Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine, Mallory.”
“Stop lying. You’re not fine.”
“Everything’s under control,” he insists.
“You don’t always have to be the man in charge. For once, let me help you.”
“I’m fine,” he growls again. “Drop it.”
Nope. He’s not getting off that easy. “I will not drop it. Please talk to me.”
He places his hands on my shoulders. “I have it handled, Mallory. I’m fine,” he says in a gentler but no less stubborn tone.
Music from downstairs thumps, loud and insistent, shaking the walls. I groan and roll my eyes. “I’m sick of living here.”
“I’ll go down and tell them to cool it,” he says, taking a step away.
“No, it’s okay. Stay here.” God only knows he’s probably going to get more coke. While my main concern will always be Chaser, it hasn’t escaped my notice that the whole band is falling apart.
“Be right back.” He kisses my cheek.
Twenty minutes later, he’s still gone.
Fed up, I decide to go find him.
What am I going to do if Chaser won’t get help? Leave him?
I can’t picture life without him in my world.
It’s too hard to admit to myself that the man I’m living with isn’t the man I fell in love with.
As usual, the party has spilled into the hallway and up the stairs.
Occasionally, Kickstart’s hangers-on realize Chaser lives right upstairs and try to crash our apartment. One of many reasons I want to find a new place.
Eager to make sure he’s okay, I practically trip over people in my hurry to get downstairs.
And I almost die when I step inside the apartment.
Chapter Thirty
Chaser
I was in the middle of…something.
Came downstairs for a reason. Fuck if I know what it was now.
Found Jacob dazed in the bathtub with a needle in his arm. That’s new. Explains why he’s been so much more out of it lately.
Want no part of that shit. Unless they’re inking some badass designs in my skin, needles freak me the fuck out.
Since Jacob’s unconscious, I relieve him of the coke in his pocket—obviously he won’t be needing any. A rush of excitement burns through me as I lay out a few lines on the back of the toilet.
The burning thrum clears my head, so I snort another line.
My heart drums a frantic beat, warning me I’ve had enough.
“What’re you doing here?” Garrett asks from behind me. I wipe my face and stuff the baggie with the last bit of powder in my back pocket.
I point to Jacob. “This new?”
He crosses his arms over his chest and leans on the door frame “You really think you’re one to talk?”
While he has a point, I’m still feeling superior for some reason. “I wouldn’t touch that shit.”
Garrett shrugs. “We worked hard this week. Leave him be.”
I assume that’s code for Garrett’s dancing with Mr. Brownstone too these days. Fucking fantastic.
“I’ll take care of him.” Garrett jerks his head toward the living room. “Go enjoy the party.” He all but shoves me out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
Like a five-year-old, playing the most messed up game of hide-and-seek ever, I bang on the walls, calling out for Alvin.
“Where are ya, Chipmunk?”
Finally, I find him in the bedroom smoking a joint and getting a blow job from a naked, curvy redhead.
“Sorry, mate! Carry on!” I shout.
He salutes me and I slam the door.
Living room. Music’s so damn loud. Isn’t that why I came down here?
I push through people who I don’t recognize and don’t care to talk to, seeking the way out. Who the fuck are all these people and where did they come from?
“Chaser! How’s the album?”
“Chaser! When’s the next video?”
“Chaser! Are you really touring with Vicious Vandals?”
I mumble out a few answers but keep moving.
“Hey, Chaser!” Holly jumps in front of me.
“‘Sup, Holly? Haven’t seen you in a while.”
Her mouth twists, and she glares in the direction of the bathroom. “I’ve been busy. Seeing someone.”
Jacob never claimed she was more than a house sitter and occasional fuck, so I’m not sure what she’s so pissed about.
“Where’s Mallory?”
I point to the ceiling. “Home.”
“Aw, she’s such a party pooper.” Holly pouts.
Who over the age of ten still says that?
She wraps her fingers around my arm and drags me over to the couch. “We need to catch up. How’s the new album going? Are you shooting another video? Need any extras for it?”
“Whoa. Slow down.”
“I’ve always liked you, Chaser.” She traces a line over my cheek and down my neck. It tickles, but that’s not the reason I shake her off.
My heart pounds a dangerous warning. This isn’t why I came down here. My girl’s upstairs waiting for me.
I push Holly out of my lap. “I gotta go.”
“Can I come with?”
“No.”
She hooks her fingers in my belt and tugs. “Come on. Let’s go use the bedroom.”
“Alvin’s getting a blow job.”
She giggles and cups me through my jeans. “That’s kind of what I had in mind.”
The apartment door’s wide open. Doesn’t close anymore after someone kicked it in at one of the more recent parties. Anyone can find their way inside.
I shove her hand away.
“Not interested.”
“Come on,” she pleads, staring up at me with desperate let-me-suck-your-dick eyes.
I swear I have no interest in Holly, but her hand’s back and the way she keeps rubbing me…my body responds and my coked-fueled brain forgets why this is such a bad idea.
“Get off me, Holly,” I mumble.
There’s a gasp from the doorway.
Ignoring everything around us, Holly slides her fingers to my belt buckle.
“Are you kidding me?” Mallory’s enraged voice breaks through my cloud of indifference.
She storms into the room, so furious, she grabs Holly’s hair and yanks her away from me, throwing her to the floor.
Holly screeches and grabs her scalp, but Mallory’s done with her and focuses her rage on me.
“What the fuck is wrong with you? You said you’d be right back and you’re down here—”
“Nothing happened.” My protest sounds weak as fuck, even to me.
“Mallory—” Holly starts.
My girl whips her head around to stare down her friend. “You, shut the fuck up and stay away from us.” She turns and focuses her glare on me. “And you. If you don’t get your ass upstairs right now, I’m gone.”
“Where?” Yeah, that’s what should be coming out of my mouth right now.
“Wherever the fuck I want!” she screams.
Shit, I’ve never seen Mallory so pissed.
It’s kind of hot.
The party around us ground to a halt the second Mallory flung Holly to the carpet. People stare, enjoying the show, filing away every detail for future gossip.
And I don’t even care.
I’m too busy staring at Mallory. My gaze slides over her body, taking in the tight tank top her tits are practically spilling out of.
; I might be high as a kite, but I’m also horny as hell now. I wrap my arms around Mallory, lift her, and carry her upstairs.
“Put me down!” she screams and thrashes against me the entire way.
Maybe I’m a sick bastard, but it only gets me more excited.
I kick the door to our apartment closed and carry her into the bedroom where I drop her on the mattress.
She lunges off the bed, reaching for the door, but I’m quicker and block her exit.
“If you think I’m having sex with you after what I walked in on, you’re out of your fucking mind,” she fumes.
“We didn’t do anything. I told her to get off me. I was leaving when you walked in.”
She’s not buying any of my lame excuses and continues trying to light me on fire with her blazing blue eyes. “That’s not what it looked like.”
“What’d you want me to do?”
“Maybe not let her touch your dick,” she fires back.
“How? Slap your friend?”
“She’s not my friend anymore.”
I grip her chin, tipping her head back. “I’m sorry.”
All the fight drains out of her, and she shakes her head. “I can’t do this, Chaser. I’ve never doubted you before.”
“Mallory.”
“I won’t live like that.”
“Like what, little dove?”
“Wondering what you’re doing every second you’re out of my sight. I don’t want to be that woman.”
“You don’t have to worry.”
“Then what was that?”
“I…” My mind’s racing, spinning out of control, but I have no words to defend myself.
“It’s the drugs, Chaser,” she says softly. “It has to stop.”
“Okay.” After this shitshow of a night, it’s time to cut back.
“No more,” she warns.
“I’ll handle it.”
She grinds her teeth.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, backing her up to the bed.
She drops her gaze and shakes her head. “You just want to get laid.”
“True.” I’m ready to pin her to the wall and pound the fuck out of her. “But I am sorry.” Also true.
She wraps her arms around my neck and stares up at me. “I love you, and I don’t want to be without you. But I won’t…I won’t tolerate you cheating on me. What would have happened if I hadn’t shown up?”
Blow My Fuse (Hollywood Demons Book 2) Page 14
