She’d put a pot of soup on to cook, nothing too impressive but nice enough as it was. Coupled with some of the root vegetables from the garden that’d survived her absence, it had turned into a nice enough dinner for the three of them, even if Kanae was sure that it hadn’t been enough to impress Rose. She knew what the meals in the Spire of Confession were like, after all.
“They’ve pretty much reconciled,” Kanae murmured, certain that neither angel was close enough to hear her. They’d have to be pressing an ear against the inner door to overhear her, and she’d have heard them approach. She’d noticed enough to tell that Isalla’s red face hadn’t been entirely from the warm water. Knowing that the two women were on good terms did make Kanae happier, but at the same time she felt her sense of loss growing stronger. If Isalla and Rose had made up, that was pretty much it for her.
“Oh, quit feeling sorry for yourself,” Kanae suddenly scolded herself, shaking her head firmly as she stepped on her emotions. “You knew it wouldn’t last from the start. The chances of Isalla choosing to stay here were minimal, and now… either they’ll go to Her Majesty, or they’ll go to the mortal world. As for me… I’m going somewhere else.”
The thought did hurt, but Kanae was used to that. She’d lost enough people over the years that it was more like a dull ache rather than a sharp pain anymore. People moved on or died, and she was left behind, over and over again. Kanae never liked thinking about it, but it was just how things worked out for her. She should have learned not to get close to people, but… it was hard.
Letting out a sigh, Kanae washed herself off calmly, taking her time to do the job right. As nervous as she might be, there was no reason to rush. Either they’d get out of the area in time or they wouldn’t, and she needed to make her peace with that.
It took a bit longer to finish than she liked, but at last Kanae finished the bath and dried off. She had moved some of her things into the rooms she had for patients, since she’d be far more comfortable in the beds there than Rose would be with her wings. How Isalla and Rose chose to figure out their sleeping arrangements was entirely up to them.
Slipping into her bathrobe, Kanae started out into the main room, using the towel to dry off a stray bit of water from her hair, then paused as she saw Rose. The angel was in a flowing green gown that accentuated her hair and eyes, and Kanae admired her for a moment. No matter what Anna and the others in the Spire of Confession did, while they could guide those who came there into wiser choices, it didn’t help when the person who they were taking care of had poor taste. Rose obviously wasn’t one of those, which made her even more… wistful, possibly. Rose was examining the books on the shelf and glanced toward Kanae after a moment.
“You’ve done quite a bit of studying, I can tell. Did you teach yourself?” Rose asked, nodding toward the books.
“Not entirely,” Kanae said, looking at the books and considering them for a moment, wondering what she was going to do with them. She couldn’t take them all with her. “I learned some of the basics of alchemy growing up, though I only touched on the peripheral parts of healing salves and the like. I first began to take an interest in healing when I was in the army, as there were so many injuries. I learned a few things there, but I didn’t have time to properly learn, and many thought I was strange for asking about anything more than first aid.
“Once I left the army, though… I was on my own and traveling to many different places, realms far beyond what is commonly known in the hells,” Kanae said, stepping forward slowly and reaching out to touch a couple of volumes, running a finger down their spines. “Not all those places developed the same, and I learned some from the people there. Others didn’t have healers at all, so I passed on what I could. It was an evolution, really… but I taught myself much of what I’ve learned since I settled down here.”
“Ah, I see. What are you going to do with everything, if you’re leaving? I doubt that you can take more than a tithe of your things with you,” Rose said, turning to face Kanae, looking a little concerned. “To have stayed here for so long… I can’t believe it will be as simple to leave as you implied.”
Kanae laughed and shook her head, smiling in return. “While I appreciate the sentiment, that’s where you’re wrong. Leaving will be easy. How I feel about it… less so. Most of my things I’ll give to the locals. I’ll have them sell off my alchemy lab, I suppose… no one in town is an alchemist. I’ll take some things with me, but not too much, just the things that are important to me. I’d guess a little more than a backpack worth.”
“That doesn’t seem like a lot, after five centuries here,” Rose said, frowning slightly. “I’m nowhere near as old as you are, obviously, but while I never considered myself one to focus on minor items, even I had more things that I valued after a century in the army.”
Kanae paused, blinking at Rose, then her smile turned sad. “Perhaps I would have more things that were important to me, but… I’ve lost many things that were precious to me, Rose. I heard Isalla tell you that I was involved in the siege of Rosken. I was there at the end, in fact. I lost almost everything that day… compared to the trinkets I valued, I lost so many friends… after that, I’ve never dared place too much value on items. I’ve lost enough over the years since, that I believe it’s a good decision.”
Shock was obvious in Rose’s gaze, and Kanae could see the angel hesitate for a long moment. It wasn’t that surprising, since Kanae knew that many people didn’t think about it. The longer she lived, the more opportunities for loss she encountered.
“I hadn’t realized that. I’m sorry,” Rose said, averting her gaze at last. “What about people, then? Do you care about them?”
“Of course I do. If I didn’t care about people, I’d never have become a healer. I may not be able to do much, but I try to help people. But I don’t think that’s what you’re asking about, is it?” Kanae asked, her gaze sharpening slightly as she folded her arms as best she could with the towel in one hand, anger beginning to ignite within. “You wonder if I was just toying with Isalla.”
Rose paused, then nodded slightly, her voice quiet as she said, “Approximately, though not in quite those terms. You don’t strike me as the type to toy with someone. I’m more wondering how deeply you care about her.”
Kanae let out a soft sigh and shook her head, keeping the anger under control as she murmured, “I thought so. Well, let me put it this way. I try not to care. I try to keep my distance. Isalla was… so incredibly vulnerable. If I said I wasn’t tempted early on, I’d be lying. Even so, I tried to keep my distance, emotionally and physically. She was the one who approached me in the end, even if I told her I was interested initially, Rose… and I let her. I knew any relationship was temporary and likely doomed from the start, yet I let her grow close. Now… now she has you again. When the two of you leave, one way or another, it will hurt. It won’t be as painful as it could be, simply because I have understood that she would leave eventually, but it’s going to hurt. On the other hand, I’ve been expecting this since we set out to rescue you.”
“Oh. I… well, that isn’t quite what I meant,” Rose said, and took a breath to continue, but Kanae let out a sigh and shook her head, interrupting as she felt the familiar flickers of tired grief washing over her. She’d felt this so many times.
“I’m sorry, Rose, but… I can’t do this right now. I’ll speak with the two of you on the morrow, and tell you more,” Kanae said, letting out a breath in frustration, tears prickling at her eyes. “I hope the two of you rest well.”
As Kanae turned and headed toward the room she’d claimed for the night, Rose spoke, her voice growing a little more concerned. “Wait—”
Kanae firmly closed the door behind her, cutting off the angel. And then she closed her eyes and shook her head as the tears welled up in her eyes. It’d been so long since she cried, and she didn’t want to now. Above all, she didn’t want someone to see or hear her cry.
So instead, she wept silently, listenin
g to be sure Rose was on her way to bed before she dared slip into her own.
“That didn’t go how I wanted it to,” Rose said softly, closing the door to the room she and Isalla were sharing. There was the faint scent that she’d associated with Kanae throughout the room, though it was faded from time.
Isalla looked up from the bed, blinking for a moment, then asking, “Oh? You just said that you wanted to talk to her, and since you dressed up, I was wondering what you had in mind. I saw less… ornate clothing in your pack, you know. I’m not sure how you fit all that into it, anyway.”
“I wasn’t entirely sure what I had in mind myself, not until I went out there. I was planning to ask a little about you and her, to help ease her mood,” Rose said, pausing and shaking her head as she moved toward the bed, reaching up to slip the loop holding her dress up over her head. She felt her fingers trembling as she did so, to Rose’s shock, but at least her voice was steady. “It appeared to have the opposite effect. I wasn’t trying to make her distraught, but… even if she hid it in her voice, I could see the pain in her eyes, Isalla. I didn’t mean to hurt her, yet I did.”
“What?” Isalla almost yelped, sitting up quickly. “I… it hurt her? I’ve never seen her do more than roll her eyes, really.”
“Yes, sadly,” Rose said, shaking her head as she dropped the silken material of the dress on her pack. She’d take care of it properly in the morning. “I wish I hadn’t taken that approach.”
“I… maybe I should go talk to her,” Isalla said, reaching down to throw the covers back, but Rose quickly shook her head to forestall her.
“No, I think she wanted to be alone. She wouldn’t let me talk to her when she decided to leave,” Rose explained, pulling back the covers on the other side of the bed, then admitted, “I regret it, honestly.”
Isalla chewed her lip for a moment, then drew the blanket back up as she spoke slowly. “If you say so… I’m just worried. What did you want, anyway, that you were trying to get her to relax?”
“I… was going to invite her to share the bed with us if she’d like,” Rose said, glancing away and trying to keep her tone level instead of slightly embarrassed. “While it’d be somewhat tight for the three of us, there’s more room here than there is for her on one of those cots.”
“You…” Isalla began, but her voice trailed off in disbelief as she stared at Rose, then a blush rose in her cheeks. “You what?”
“You’ve shared a bed with her before, so I thought… what did it matter? I wouldn’t mind, and if it was more comfortable, so be it,” Rose said, then sighed regretfully. “Alas, it seems I made a mistake. Perhaps I can make it up to her tomorrow.”
“Rose, you’re incorrigible. I thought Kanae was embarrassing enough when I first met her, but you…” Isalla announced, shaking her head in obvious shock. “Heavens, I don’t even know what to say!”
“Well, I’m saying good night,” Rose replied with mock severity. “I hope you rest well, Isalla.”
“Fine,” Isalla huffed, then spoke a word to extinguish the light next to the bed, settling down again herself. A moment later, Rose heard her mutter, “How did I end up in a situation like this, anyway?”
At least that made Rose smile. She’d wondered the same thing over the past few weeks. Still, she couldn’t say that her previous life had made her happier. Before she started to drift off, though, her smile faded slightly. She’d have to apologize to Kanae the next morning. She hadn’t meant to hurt her.
Chapter 44
Kanae started her morning as she always did, even if she didn’t begin in her own room. The other two weren’t up, so she got up and prepared a pot to start water heating. While it went against her habits, she was planning to make nicer food in the morning since she wouldn’t be able to bring the stores she had with her when she left. Then she went outside to chop wood, just as she always did.
A striped monitor attempted to eat her while she was cutting wood, but it wasn’t a match for her axe, fortunately enough. After cleaning off the blood, she continued cutting wood for a little while, then dressed the giant lizard. While many animals in the hells weren’t safe to eat, at least monitors were decent, and it gave her something more filling for dinner as well.
Eventually she returned to the house and saw that Isalla was awake already, yawning slightly as she waved at Kanae, then spoke tiredly. “Morning, Kanae. What are you doing for breakfast?”
“Oatmeal, I think. Would you mind putting it in for me? I need to rinse off.” Kanae asked, pausing for a moment before adding, a hint of wariness rushing through her. “Unless Rose is in the bath.”
“Oh no, she’s just getting up,” Isalla said, blushing slightly. “I’ll put in the oats, then.”
“Thank you,” Kanae said, and she dropped by the room to grab her towel before heading for the bath. At least her emotions were under control again, so she wasn’t in danger of crying in front of Isalla or Roselynn. Truthfully, she felt emotionally wrung out.
Keeping her bath short was a bit difficult for Kanae, but she managed by reminding herself that food would be done soon, and she had plenty of things to do that day. She’d have to take care of things quickly.
“Your Majesty, it’s clear to me now why it was so difficult to scry on your daughter,” Veldoran said, a hint of respect in his voice as he looked around. “She may not be a grandmaster, but she is an artist. I’ve never seen such subtle, intricate wards over such a large area before.”
Queen Estalia and her escort had given the town a wide berth, as Estalia didn’t want to draw too much attention to the area. Now they were in the woods near Kitania’s home, and the look of surprise on Veldoran’s face had caused Estalia to smile. She wasn’t surprised that Kitania had managed to build wards that impressed him, not after this long, but it did please her.
“Indeed? Are we in danger of being detected by the wards?” Estalia asked, tilting her head slightly. “My daughter never specialized in detection spells, but that could have changed in the intervening years.”
“No, no… these spells aren’t that sort, Your Majesty. What she did here was an incredibly complex web of wards to misdirect divination spells focused on a specific individual. Likely herself, but I couldn’t tell you for certain without examining one of the anchors,” Veldoran explained quickly, smiling broadly in return. “They’re also designed to be almost undetectable, which is difficult for wards of this power. If I weren’t so skilled at divinations, I might have missed them, and that takes a skilled mage to manage. I’m curious exactly how she did it.”
“I see. Well, why don’t we get closer and take a look? I’m not going to want to be spotted yet, though. I want to make an approach on my own terms,” Estalia said, and looked to her guards, quickly spotting the man she wanted. “Ah, Sir Qorr, would you mind helping with that, once we’re close?”
“Of course, Your Majesty,” the black-skinned man said, bowing deeply. She did like the skilled illusionist and smiled warmly at him.
“Thank you. Now then…” Estalia said, gesturing for the guards who’d been taking the lead to move onward.
They took the lead readily, watching for traps, and Estalia smiled a little more. It really had been too long since she’d seen her daughter in person. While she’d left Kitania alone for a long time, that had been before her daughter had abducted Rose. Estalia certainly couldn’t let that slide, not without at least demanding an explanation in person.
“There we are,” Kanae said, finishing drying the dishes and setting the bowl in the cabinet, then hanging up the drying cloth. The meal had been good, and they’d gone through a bit more of her honey in the process. Even with splurging on meals, Kanae wasn’t sure they’d get through all her better food stores before it was time to leave.
“Right. So… now what?” Isalla asked, wiping off her hands. She’d been nice enough to wash the dishes, and while Rose had offered, there hadn’t been enough space for her to help.
“Now we’re going to have th
e explanation I promised,” Kanae said calmly, glancing over at Rose at the table, then added, “You can sit however you’ll be comfortable. For myself, I’m taking a seat by the fire.”
“Alright,” Isalla agreed, taking one of the chairs from the table and moving it near the fireplace, while Kanae headed for the stuffed chair. She was going to miss that chair, too. Even if Kanae had replaced the stuffing and leather more times than she cared to think about.
Rose hesitated, then got up and moved her chair next to Isalla’s, her eyes following Kanae and a pensive, almost thoughtful, look on her face. Kanae strove to ignore it, especially since she didn’t especially want to talk about what she was going to.
Once they’d settled down, Kanae paused for a long minute, then sighed and spoke softly. “I’ve kept this secret because my relationship with my mother is… fraught. I fear what would happen to me if I fall under her sway again, so I’ve hidden from her.”
“Um…” Isalla began, only to be quieted by Rose laying a hand on her arm and shaking her head. Kanae smiled slightly at that, amused despite herself.
“To be clear, you’re right, Rose. My mother is Estalia, Demon Queen of Desire and monarch of this nation,” Kanae said, smiling thinly, feeling a little like she was walking on broken glass. “My birth name isn’t Kanae, and this isn’t what I looked like growing up. I’ve had changes made in order to hide more easily. My father… well, I don’t know. Mother always smiled and changed the subject, but rumors around the palace claimed that my sire was my long-dead uncle, who passed within a decade of my birth. Considering my own mutations, and a culture that isn’t as… critical of incest as that of angels or mortals, I suspect it’s likely true.”
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