I wouldn’t release her. She felt too good in my arms, and I missed being near her. Smelling jasmine and hearing her laughter.
She let me guide her to the benches, where we sat in the sunshine.
“I thought you weren’t going to talk to me again. I’m so sorry about the museum, and—”
“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”
I dropped my chin, mumbling the words because I couldn’t help it. “I feel like I let you down.”
“No. Jackson. Jackson,” she said again when I didn’t look at her. “You made this right. You made me braver than I was—and made me see that there’s a whole world out there I want to be part of. Both you and BlackKNIGHT helped with that.”
I met her eyes, more hope seeping in.
When she smiled and said her next words, it nearly undid me. “Your mom would be so proud of you.”
I swallowed hard, reaching for her hand. “So, you’re okay? For real?”
“I’m okay.”
Blowing out a breath I felt like I’d been holding for weeks, I said, “I was worried.”
“That’s my line,” she whispered.
“You’re not the same, Zoe. Look at you. You’re out here. Wearing shoes.” It relaxed me even further when she laughed. “And we’re going to prom. Really? Or did I just imagine that?”
“No, you didn’t imagine that. I want to go with you.” She looked around, watching people as they passed. “I’ve been taking steps. My steps. And it’s been going well. I want to go to prom, and I want to go to school. And I definitely, definitely want to go to graduation.”
I smiled at her. “I’m glad.”
“I’ve been thinking about a lot of things, too. There’s…” Her cheeks flushed, but she met my eyes. “There’s something else I want to tell you.”
“What?”
She pressed her lips together for a long moment, then said, “I love you.”
The words nearly knocked me over. Since when was Zoe the brave one? I took her hand, my heart full. “I love you, too.” I squeezed her fingers, letting the words sink in, amazed at how much had changed for me these last few weeks. “I have a lot to tell you.”
“About your dad?”
“Yes.”
“Are you living with him now?”
“Yes.”
She smiled, eyes sparkling. “Let’s start over.”
“What?”
She held out her hand. “Hi, I’m Zoe. I like paper. And comics. And chess. And sometimes I hide in my apartment because I’m too scared to go outside.”
“Hey, Zoe. Nice hair.”
She smirked.
“I’m Jackson. I live with my dad—now—and I rock at chess. I love astronomy, and if you understand physics, you’ll have the key to my heart.”
“Good to know.” She angled her head. “This really cool guy I once met said that you learn something new every day.”
“He sounds like a genius.”
“Yeah. He thinks so. So, Jackson, what did you learn today?”
I brushed her bangs out of her eyes, thinking. I learned that Zoe was even more amazing than I knew. I learned that it was okay to trust people again. I learned that the world looked a whole lot brighter with her in it.
But I settled for something simple. “I learned that school goes really slow when you’re about to graduate.”
She kissed me. “I bet.”
“Wait, what was that?”
“What?”
“That kiss? That was…not the best welcome back kiss.”
“No?”
I brushed her cheek with my thumb, waiting while she debated. The old Zoe blushed. The new Zoe leaned in and kissed me with everything she had. My hand tangled in her hair, and I lost all train of thought.
Except for one. One thought.
My mom would be happy for me.
“I really missed you, Zoe.”
“I missed you, too.”
Her breath tickled my cheek and I kissed her again. “I want to go lots of places with you.”
“Me, too. But let’s start with school. You have to keep your grades up and prove to everyone else you’re as much of a genius as I know you are.”
I laughed. “All right. If you insist.”
“So, what do you want to do today?”
“Anything. Everything. As long as we can do it together.”
“Deal.”
64.
BlackKNIGHT: Hey there. How’s it going?
Rogue2015: You know how it’s going. I just saw you 45 minutes ago.
BlackKNIGHT: True, but…well…
Rogue2015: What’s wrong?
BlackKNIGHT: I think my girlfriend might be suspicious about us.
Rogue2015: Uh oh. What gave us away?
BlackKNIGHT: I keep talking about chess and how I have this really wonderful tutor who flirts with me all the time.
Rogue2015: I think you’ve got that backward.
BlackKNIGHT: :-) You think I’m a wonderful tutor?
Rogue2015: No, I think you flirt with me all the time.
BlackKNIGHT: Ha! True, though. My girlfriend will be jealous.
Rogue2105: Better not tell her, then.
BlackKNIGHT: No can do. We don’t keep secrets from each other.
Rogue2015: Don’t know what to tell you. I guess no more chess for us.
BlackKNIGHT: Maybe I can convince her to sign up for Chess Challenge.
Rogue2015: What would her screen name be?
BlackKNIGHT: PaperGirl.
Rogue2015: That could work.
BlackKNIGHT: So, PaperGirl, I think we should hang out tonight. Watch a movie or something.
Rogue2015: I think I could manage that.
BlackKNIGHT: Are you nervous? Not about coming over. About graduation.
Rogue2015: A little. But excited nervous. Mae helped me with my outfit.
BlackKNIGHT: Is it made of paper? Because that would be really cool.
Rogue2015: Maybe next time.
BlackKNIGHT: You forgot to make your next move.
Rogue2015: Oh, right…how about that?
BlackKNIGHT: Perfect. Checkmate.
(BlackKNIGHT has passed Rogue2015 on the leaderboard)
Rogue2015: Seriously?
BlackKNIGHT: I. AM. AMAZING.
Rogue2015: Maybe we should just stick to playing chess in real life from now on.
BlackKNIGHT: Why’s that? So you can distract me and I won’t win? Fat chance. I learned from the best. There’s no stopping me now.
Rogue2015: :-) No, there isn’t. You can do anything you want in life.
BlackKNIGHT: So can you.
Rogue2015: You know what? It took long enough, but I’m finally starting to believe it.
65.
ZOE
The stadium was full. It had been a long time since I’d seen this many people all in one place. It was full of excitement, and I tried to lose myself in it instead of being nervous.
I would get to see Mae graduate today. She was already here somewhere, getting ready, and I think she didn’t believe I’d come. Before she left she told me it was okay if I couldn’t make it.
But I did.
I sat next to Mom and Dad, watching while Mom dabbed her cheeks and Dad manned the camera. Mom had been baking all week, and Dad had been making sure he had work covered so he could take the day off.
I’d been preparing mentally. Which meant a lot of sessions with Gina to make sure I was ready. This was a huge step.
Once the ceremony got going, I relaxed even more. We were close to the back, but I could still see everyone. Robert and Kelly as they walked across the stage for their diplomas. Then Mae and Jackson.
I cheered extra hard for them even though I knew they couldn’t see me all the way back here. Then Jackson stood to give his valedictory speech. I glanced across the aisle and saw his dad fumbling with his phone to take a picture. He nodded along with Jackson’s words, looking like a proud father.
When Jack
son finished his speech, I stole the program from my mom and set it in my lap.
I started folding it, which made her frown.
“Zoe, really,” she said, dabbing her eyes.
I just smiled at her and folded the program into a paper airplane. Mom chuckled.
Up on stage, Jackson’s voice was confident. “There are going to be a lot of things in life that we can’t control. Things the world will make us think we can’t handle. But it’s those moments, the strength we show when we do our best to handle them, that show our true character.”
He couldn’t be more right. The things I’d been afraid of—the big ones and the little ones—were all the things that had helped me the most. That had made me into this new Zoe. The person I really wanted to be.
Cheers went up when Jackson finished speaking.
After the ceremony, I told Mom and Dad I was going to find Mae.
“Take your time,” Dad said with a glance at Mom to see if she was listening. He lowered his voice. “She’s going to make me help her steam clean the carpet when we get home.” He shuddered. “And film it.”
Laughing, I nodded and turned. Then I took a deep breath and walked down the aisle in search of Mae.
When I caught sight of her with her friends, I aimed the airplane and threw it at her. She spun around when it hit her shoulder.
I smiled when she saw me. She abandoned the paper airplane and ran in my direction. “Zoe!”
She nearly bowled me over with her hug. My cheeks burned, but I held her tight. “Happy graduation.”
Mae pulled back, still grinning. “You came.”
“Of course I did.”
She tugged my hair. “Of course you did.”
Then she pulled me over to Robert and Kelly, and Jackson found us, and they all acted like I was meant to be there. Jackson wrapped his arms around me and gave me a kiss.
“I knew you’d be here,” he said.
I nodded, for the first time not doubting myself. “I knew I would, too.”
I’d made it to graduation on my own terms, which meant I had my whole life ahead of me, one step at a time.
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Acknowledgments
It’s been a long and amazing writing journey to get to this point. Those of you closest to me and those of you who have been part of my journey know this—and I want to take the chance to thank you. Writing can be a solitary effort but publishing and all the steps it takes to get there involves an army, and I’m lucky to have had some great support on that front.
Thank you to my awesome critique partner, Jessica Hoefer. Not only have you helped make my writing a million times better, you’ve been there through writing and life crises, and I appreciate it so much. Thank you also to other writers who have helped support me in various ways. Cara Bertrand, who read an early version of this book, the AMAZING Eighteeners—you guys are the best debut group a girl could ask for, and also Wendy Miller. You’ve been a great and important friend.
To my agent, Stacey Donaghy. It seems like all of my books come to the world in strange ways, and they wouldn’t get there without your help. You’ve been an amazing agent, and a friend when I needed you. Thank you.
To my editor, Stephen Morgan, for loving this story even when I wasn’t sure about it. And for taking a chance on a new author. Thanks also to Lydia Sharp, who came along during this book’s journey to help make it even better. I love it that much more because of you two. And thanks to the rest of the Entangled team for putting love and support behind this book.
Thanks to my family, especially my daughters Katelyn, Libby, and Brooklyn. You have no idea how much you’ve inspired and encouraged me. And more, you supported me through good times and bad times and gave me the chance to follow my dream of writing.
Finally, to the readers of this book. It means a lot to me that you get to see a story of my heart. It makes me so happy to be able to share it with you.
About the Author
Cindy R. Wilson is a YA speculative and contemporary author whose own struggles with anxiety disorder inspired her to write a story with a real-life topic readers can relate to. She lives in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains and loves using Colorado towns and cities as settings for her stories. She's the mother of three girls who provide plenty of fodder for her YA novels.
When she's not writing, you can find her hiking some of Colorado's tallest peaks, reading, or listening to playlists she's created for her next story idea
Visit her online at www.cindyrwilson.com.
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