My fingers skim over the inflamed skin. “Is this okay?”
“More than okay. Thank you.” She sets the peas down. “We need to talk.”
“Is this the end for us?”
“You’re so dramatic. Of course this isn’t the end. It’s our beginning. My promise to let my past rest and to live in the moment.”
She slides her legs off my lap and straddles me.
“But I can’t do that until I clear up what exactly happened in my past. Tomorrow is your chance to shine, Ryker. All you’ve been talking about is the chance to impress the scouts that’ll be there. I don’t want ‘us’ burdening or distracting you.”
She kisses my brows. My nose. The v of my upper lip. I groan. This girl and her kisses. Tender. Rough. Wet. Dry. Pecks. Devouring. I’ll take all of her kisses.
Her forehead settles on mine. She looks deep into my eyes. I cup her hips. Squeeze and caress her flesh through her pink cotton shorts.
“You’re none of that. We’re none of that. You’ll never be a burden or a distraction.”
“I’m worse. I’m a complication you don’t need. The simple path is the one of least resistance for making your dreams come true. I won’t be mad if you choose your dreams over me.”
“Why choose when I can have both?”
“Ryker.” Her eyes tear up. Her small arms encircle my neck. I pitch forward and lick up her tears.
“Baby, you’re all I want.”
I close my eyes. Soft kisses on my eyelids. A sigh of contentment edges from between my teeth. I continue professing what I feel for her, my eyes opening to take all of her in, from her long onyx hair, equally dark brows, clear blue eyes, and a mouth set in a perpetual pout that never fails to get me hot down there.
“If I had to choose between you and playing ball professionally, I’d pick you in a heartbeat. Playing in the NFL is temporary. Us? We’re solid. Long term.”
“How’d you get so wise?” she murmurs over my mouth.
“From a girl with a shit ton of complications. You could have picked the simple path, too. Could have given up as soon as those bastards took you and did godawful things to your body. Instead, you chose to fight. To not give up on life. Then you went further when you let those kids into your life. Brought them as much joy and laughter as they brought you.”
I cup her face. Strum my thumb over the elegant arch of her cheek. Kiss her beautiful lips. Smooth my mouth over her equally beautiful freckles along her bottom lip. Her fingers weave in my hair. Her breath whispers warm over my ear.
“Are you saying I’m normal?”
So much hope in her voice, taking me back to that damn hotel room where we made love for the first time.
I want it to be you who brings me back from the trauma of those days. I want to be normal again, Ryker.
How can you be after everything you went through?
I won’t know until I try.
She already succeeded long before I showed up in her life.
“Had I not known of your past, I’d say you’re the most normal girl I know.”
“Really?” Her clear blue eyes shine.
“The truth.”
“Ryker, you . . . I love you.”
“I love you too. Now spill the rest so we can get on with it.”
She smiles. “Get on with it?”
“Worshipping your body from head to toe.”
“While making sure I have no other marks, right?”
“You’re onto me, babe.”
God, when that bastard drew his gun and pointed it at Harper’s head, I’d nearly lost it. Pete and his guys had to strongarm me. For as big as I am, that took half the guys on his team of a dozen.
In the melee, Pete’s words calmed me down. One word from Pete and the sniper would take the kill shot. But Harper surprised us all and took that POS down, sparing his life, removing another stain of death from her soul.
Her palms settle on my chest. She leans back. Her eyes search my face.
“From the beginning?”
“Before you do, I have a confession.”
“You hired a private investigator to look into my past. Is that what you wanted to tell me?”
“Guilty. I’m sorry, Harper. It was before we got serious.”
She shrugs.
“I don’t blame you. Your father is part owner of the San Francisco Spartans. They won last year’s Super Bowl. Your mom owns and runs an international security business that protects the rich, wealthy, and infamous. You wanted to make certain my past didn’t mess with yours and your family’s life. You needed to be certain I wasn’t after your money. Did I miss anything?”
She skims her finger over my brow. Then the other. Her small hand hugs my jaw, and I turn into her touch, my beard caressing her skin. Her eyes widen, and I turn more, pressing my mouth on the center of her palm.
Harper is my world. The center of my life.
“Not a thing.”
I grasp her chin between my fingers. Brush my mouth over hers. Soft. Pliable. Fuck, I need her. Need her on top of me. Need her beneath me, cradling me to her heat with her slender legs wrapped tight around my waist, her soft moans edging me closer to an ecstasy I’ve never experienced with another girl before because . . . because I fucking love Harper Garrix.
“From the beginning, babe.”
With her arms around my neck and her forehead on mine, she tells me of losing her best friend to a drug overdose. Her friend Emily was sixteen.
“And that’s how you became an informant for your uncle.”
“Yes. It was a losing battle, but I couldn’t stand by and not do anything. There was violence every which way I turned, Ryker. My uncle saw it too. He wasn’t ready to walk away. He was never that kind of man. He was stubborn like my father. Passionate too. His career as a police officer was his life’s work. He lived for the badge. Swore he’d die in the line of duty. But that’s not how his life ended—with honor, doing what he swore to do, serve and protect. I killed him. Me sticking my nose where it didn’t belong got him killed.”
She bunches her fingers in my shirt. I cover her hands with mine. Let my warmth seep into her skin.
“Next to my mother, you’re the strongest person I know of, Harper. What you did is brave. Took guts, you understand?”
Her eyes shimmer and her tears fall. I swipe at them before following their wet path with my mouth.
“Ryker.”
“Baby, I love you so much.”
My chest aches. A lump lodges in my throat. This strong woman and what she went through. The guilt she’s hung on to for five fucking years. I shake my head. Blow out a breath.
“If it hurts you to relive what you went through, we can save it for another day. Or never speak of it again.”
“That’s the thing. I have to tell. Have to keep going or else I’ll stop and never start up again, Ryker.”
I get it. She won’t forget what happened in the past, but she wants to let go. It’s the only way for her to move forward.
“Then we keep going.”
Me and Harper will keep moving. We’ll move forward rather than be stuck in the past.
I clasp her face in my big palms. Kiss her some more. Can’t stop touching and kissing her. She relaxes fully on me. Sighs into my mouth when I nudge hers open. I slide my tongue inside, exploring and tasting her.
I miss this. Her taste. Her warmth. Her soft moans as I deepen the kiss. After what seems like minutes, we pull apart, ready to move on from her past. To live in the moment. The moment being her in my arms.
“What I said about Shephard being my first crush and Sam being my first boyfriend are true. But I didn’t get close to Sam to get near Shephard. Not at first. I did it to get information. I saw Sam dealing drugs to my classmates. He was part of the problem, and I could be the solution. I went to my uncle. He tried talking sense into me, but we knew we couldn’t let it go, not if we’re to be good people.”
Harper is the best person I know of. Strong and kind
, with a conscience made of steel, even if that conscience was derailed by what she’d felt for Shephard, her first crush.
“The information I collected at first seemed small. Then I told my uncle of overhearing Sam speak to a guy named Maddox. His eyes . . .”
She takes a shuddering breath.
“There was so much fear in his eyes, Ryker. He demanded I stop seeing Sam. That he would give notice. Then after his three weeks were up, we could move to a different state. I didn’t listen. After seeing his reaction, I knew this Maddox person was important. And I would help bring him down. Emily’s death wouldn’t be for nothing.”
Tears form in her eyes again. She tips back her head. Doesn’t stop her tears from sliding down her beautiful face. I pull her to me. Wrap my large arms around her. Listen to her sob, my chest aching for the loss of her innocence. Over and over, violence stained her life a bright red.
From now forward, I vow to give her a life filled with happiness and some semblance of peace from the hell she lived through. She continues with determination in her voice.
“Shephard’s sharp. He knew something was up with me other than my relationship with his little brother was getting intense. Finally, Shephard confronted me. I didn’t tell him I was an informant for my uncle. Or that my uncle was passing along the information to his connection in the DEA. Not until after I buried my uncle. All I told him was my suspicion of Sam dealing drugs to my classmates and to the guys at the gym that Shephard co-owned. Something he did on the side while still in the military.”
“He wasn’t planning on making the military his career for life?”
She bites down on her bottom lip. Her brows slant low. “It wasn’t his dream. Being a cop was, and I took that away from him.”
“The reason you didn’t want me to take his place as your protector. The reason you ripped to pieces Shephard’s promise to your uncle. You didn’t want to destroy my dreams of playing in the NFL.”
“Yes.” Her voice soft, she turns away from me.
I nudge her face back to me with my knuckle under her chin.
“If I lose my chance, that’s on me, and not you, babe. Free will, remember? Shephard made the decision to quit the police force. He made the choice to protect you at all costs. And you know what?”
She shakes her head, her eyes wide, looking adorable and sexy as fuck.
“I’d give up everything for you, too, sweetheart. It’d be a choice I make over and over, if only to keep you safe. If only to have you at my side, laughing at my dumb jokes. Calling me out when my randy beast gets too randy, if you know what I mean.”
When we first slept together but without the sex.
“Nailing me in a game of dodgeball, then kissing me stupid when your team wins. Listening to my non-stop shop talk after my team stomps on the other team. Or snuggling up to me after a devasting loss.”
“Which your team hasn’t had much of,” she points out.
I take her hand and kiss her fingertips.
“We haven’t, but the guys and I came to a truce a long time ago. What I should’ve told you as soon as that shit with Missy happened. Harper, the guys and I made a pact that we’d keep our personal affairs off the field, but it doesn’t mean we stop giving a flying fuck if one of our teammate’s hurting. They apologized for their behavior. Jake too. Brett—”
“Brett is a scumbag,” she finishes for me. “I tried warning Missy after I ran into her at the library. She transferred in last year. Probably followed me to Prescott to spy on me for Sam. I told her there were rumors of Brett slipping date rape drugs into girls’ drinks, but she refused to listen.”
“Wait a fucking minute.”
Every nerve in my body stands at attention.
“When I saw you in the kitchen staring into the red cup, you were thinking Brett could’ve slipped you drugs? Why didn’t you say something? I would’ve kicked his ass, then kicked him from the house.”
She sighs, and it’s deep.
“I understand what it feels like to be the object of a rumor. Sam’s friends were my friends too. Kids spread rumors that I was a slut, spreading my legs for the older guys I hung out with. Why else would such good-looking guys pay any attention to plain me? It’s the reason I didn’t have sex with Sam. I didn’t want there to be any truth behind the rumors.”
She balls her hands at her sides. Her blue eyes darken, going from clear skies to a storm brewing over the horizon.
“By association, the kids summed up my friendship to be something filthy and whispered about. I couldn’t do that to Brett, but I couldn’t ignore the rumor either. Then he propositioned me after he saw me sparring with Shephard. I told him no. He didn’t get the message. He shoved me against the gym’s wall. Told me to watch my drink and my back if I’m ever at a party he’s at. I didn’t have enough to go to the authorities. It’d be my word against his. Someday, though, he’ll slip. Or some girl will remember and be brave enough to step forward and tell her story.”
I don’t hear Harper’s last words. Red fills my vision. Grabbing her under her arms, I’m ready to move her off me. A small finger glides over my forehead. I blink. Stare into blue eyes watching me with dark brows slanted to her nose.
“Don’t. Please. Karma has a way of catching up with guys like him.”
“Prison or death?”
“Or a beating by some girl’s overprotective boyfriend. But not you. Never you. I don’t want more violence.”
My temper cools way the fuck down. I never want to disappoint Harper. I always want to be the better man for her.
“I should’ve told you about Brett and Missy, but back then, I didn’t know whose side you were on. I honestly believed you were one of the bad ones, but you’ve proven me wrong.”
Her fingers skim along my jaw. Stroke my beard.
“Why’d you decide to come after me when you could’ve walked away, should have walked away? I’m guessing the PI told you of Shephard’s and my marriage license before you heard what Sam said in that house? Sam also said he sent you a sex tape. It wasn’t me, Ryker. You’re the only guy I’ve been with.”
“I know, sweetheart.”
“You do? How?”
Anger coils in my gut again. Demands that I let it loose. But I refuse to slow the progress Harper and I are making by giving in to my anger and jealousy at seeing what I thought to be Harper under and over a guy other than me. Until I took a closer look.
“Simple. I took a screenshot of the video. Panned in on the girl’s face. She didn’t have these, babe.”
I smooth my finger over her freckles, the ones on the underside of her bottom lip.
“There’s more. Your hang-up . . . I’m fine if you never give me oral.”
Her eyes widen. “She . . . The girl in the video, she went down on Sam. That’s how you knew. It wasn’t just my freckles.”
She starts climbing off my lap. I’m not having it. I rise off the couch and take her with me.
“I said I don’t give a shit, Harper. You’re more than enough woman for me.”
With one hand tucked under her ass, I wrap her leg around my waist. Thank the stars she gets my message and holds on tight with both legs as I make my way to the bedroom. In the bedroom, I pull down the covers and set her down. My sweatpants come off, followed by my shirt. I leave my boxers on.
Free will. I want Harper to decide what the next step is for us. I’m fine with going the fuck to sleep after the hell she’s gone through. My girl needs some good old-fashioned shut-eye.
“Harper, I want to be here for you tomorrow and the next day. It’s not a good idea to leave you alone. I’m thinking Shephard could use another friend too.”
“No.”
She shoves me onto my back. Strips off her clothes until she’s wearing nothing but her birthday suit.
“You are playing in that game. No need to stick around. I plan on sleeping through the day, and Sunday too. And I want to get over my hang-up. Not because it’ll make me normal, but because you .
. . I’m safe with you, Ryker. I love you.”
Safe. Love. Complicated. Harper Garrix is all sorts of complicated. But she’s also my haven. My love. My future. She means the world to me.
The wicked of the world can come for her anytime, day or night. I’ll stand steadfast by her side, not as her shield—my girl is strong enough for the both of us—but as something more significant.
I’m a piece of Harper’s heart, someone who holds a special place in her life. She willingly chose me, a douchebag who five weeks ago didn’t give a flying fuck about anything or anyone other than playing ball and where his next lay would come from.
Harper’s past and her love taught me to embrace complicated. That accepting the hard lessons life throws my way will help me grow and become a better man, the best man for her.
I love this woman so much.
So fucking much. And I tell her so.
“How much?”
“Is that a trick question?”
“Ryker Conway, answering a question with another question?” She reaches over for the condom in the top drawer of the nightstand. “I like.”
And I like when we make love nice and slow. Like when she comes with a soft moan. Love that I get to hold this strong woman in my arms every goddamn day.
“I love you so much, Harper.”
“Ah, there’s the answer I was waiting for.”
A sleep-laden voice with a hint of contentment. I curl into her, knowing full well she loves when I do this. Lace our fingers too.
“I love you, too, Ryker. Thank you for coming back for me. For believing in me. For never letting my past define me in your eyes.”
“Me and you, we’re solid, babe.”
“Solid. I like that.”
“Beats complicated.” I drop a kiss on her temple.
She untangles from my hold and faces me.
With her face half in the dark and half in the moonlight shining in through the windows, she’s beautiful through and through. She leans in close, and I hold my breath, understanding what’s coming. Something wicked. A different wicked that has my heart beating fast and my randy beast stirring again. Harper is getting ready to stake her claim.
Wicked (Dangerous Liaisons Book 1) Page 17
