by D G Rose
“Aw, Mom, I’m too old now for animals. Can’t I just have regular pancakes?”
I could see that I’d hurt her. Making animal birthday pancakes was just as much a tradition for her as the Fair was for me. “No. You can’t just have regular pancakes. I only have my special birthday pancake batter and I only make animals with this batter. So, what’ll it be?”
“Fine!” I huffed, secretly kind of happy to be getting animal pancakes. I don’t know what I’d been thinking. You ever do that? Watch yourself saying or doing something and you know it’s not what you want, but you can’t seem to stop yourself? “Well, then can I have bears? But not cuddly bears, ferocious bears!”
“Ok, one batch of ferocious bears for Nicky. Miranda? What kind of animals do you want?” Mom asked.
“I like cuddly bears.” Said Miranda. “Oh and bunnies! I want bears and bunnies both! But cuddly. Ok?”
“Ok. Bears, both ferocious and cuddly and bunnies, just cuddly. Coming up!”
When Mom put a plate of bear shaped pancakes in front of me, they were all pretty much cuddly, but I didn’t complain. I wolfed them down and I enjoyed them, but not as much as I would have if I had known that this was going to be the last plate of birthday pancakes I would ever eat.
After breakfast, I got Dad’s jar of coins and spread them out on the table to sort. Quarters and dimes in one pile for the fair and pennies and nickels in another pile to be saved for later. There was even a half-dollar, which I put aside for a future date. I’d only seen a few before and I’d never seen anybody spend one and I wasn’t a hundred percent sure that you could actually use them like regular money.
All told, I ended up with seven dollars and sixty cents for the Fair. It was a fortune. As I was sweeping the less desirable coins back into the jar, Mom put a hand on my shoulder. She held a single five dollar bill in her other hand. “You know Nicky, I expect you to share that money with your sister. I don’t want to come home to tears. You hear me? I’ve got enough to worry about with my sister in the hospital and your dad out of town.” She handed me the five. “That’s for admission for you and Miranda.” She took my face in her hand. I always hated when she did that. “I’m serious. Your father and I are putting a lot of trust in you. Not just to take care of your sister, but to treat her right.”
I pulled away. “OK, Mom! You don’t have to pinch so hard!”
She shrugged. “If I didn’t pinch so hard, you wouldn’t know I was serious. I mean it, Nicky. I want to come home to nothing but smiles and sugar comas. How much change you got there, kiddo?”
“Seven dollars and sixty cents!” I told her, as proud as if I’d earned it myself.
“Tell you what. That looks awful heavy to carry around the whole fair.” She dug into her purse and pulled out her wallet. “I’ve got nine dollars here. I’ll trade you.”
I don’t know why, but I had to think about it for a moment. I mean, I’m not an idiot. I knew that nine dollars was more than seven sixty, but I’d been looking forward to carrying all that change. The jingle in my pocket, passing a quarter to the hamburger guy or a dime to the ride operator. But, well, I’m not an idiot. “Great! Thanks, Mom!”
A few hours later, Mom dropped us off at the Fair entrance. I knew she was watching us, so, after a quick look around to make sure no one else was watching, I took Miranda’s hand. She was almost vibrating with excitement. We walked up to the ticket booth and, after waiting in the line for about the most painful twenty minutes of my life, I passed the guy my five and took back three dollars in change. I felt like a king! Here I was at the Fair, alone (except for Miranda) and flush with more cash than I’d ever had in my entire life!
Entering the fairgrounds was like entering another world. On one side of the gate, a dusty parking lot and on the other a marvel of rides and adventures and treats!
“What should we do first, Nicky?” Miranda pestered me, when I wanted nothing more than to just absorb the atmosphere. Philistine.
“Let’s get something to eat first then go on some rides. And call me Nick. I’m practically a man now.” I dropped her hand.
“Ok. I want a candy apple!” She said.
“Aw, come on, Miranda! You can’t start with a candy apple. That’s a sucker’s move. It’ll take you forever to eat and we can’t go on any rides until you’re finished!”
She looked up at me slyly. “Well then, can I have a hotdog?” And I could see her calculating. “Nick?”
“Sure. Hotdogs sounds good.” I consulted the fairgrounds map that the ticket guy had passed me. “I think we’re here. So, looks like the food center is this way. Come on!”
We got lost a few times (as a kid you don’t have many opportunities to learn how to read a map), but eventually, we followed our noses to the circle of food stands. We bought a couple of hotdogs, just like we’d planned, and a big soda and then we shared a funnel cake. We fought a little over the funnel cake because Miranda wanted it with strawberry jam and I wanted it plain (what can I say, I’m a funnel cake purist), but we finally settled on jam. I won’t deny it, it felt good, ordering food for Miranda and me, and paying for it with money out of my own pocket.
After eating, we went on a few rides. It wasn’t easy, finding rides that we could both ride and that we both wanted to ride. Miranda was too small for lots of rides, and I wouldn’t, couldn’t, be caught dead riding the kiddy roller coaster or the whirling teacups. But we managed. Miranda and I, we’d always managed, always, more or less, gotten along. Maybe I’m idealizing it now, but I like to think that. I like to think that I was a good brother.
The State Fair was huge and crowded. I guess people come from all over the state, right? I kept an eye out for anybody I knew from school. I couldn’t decide if I wanted them to see me, because I was there alone, taking care of Miranda, or if I didn’t want them to see me, because I was there alone, taking care of Miranda. It didn’t matter though since I didn’t see anyone I knew.
Until I did. “Nick! Hey, Nick! Is that you?”
Robert Glass. A cool kid I knew, sort of. And a bunch of other kids and there in the back of the group, Jessica. Suddenly, I was sure that I didn’t want to be seen. I mean, how stupid, these cool kids were all here together, apparently without parents, and I was here with my little sister. I wished I could disappear. I wished Miranda would disappear. Although, being at the Fair alone, would be only slightly better than being with Miranda.
“Hey, Rob. Sup?” I responded, trying to sound casual.
“Just hanging at the Fair. You here with your parents?”
“Nah. Just me and the kid.” I know it hurt her, to be referred to as ‘the kid’, but I needed to make it clear that this was a chore forced on me and not something I chose.
“That’s cool.” Then he added, almost as an afterthought, “Hey, we’re going to go on the Pirate Ship. Wanna come along? We need an extra person or one of us will have to sit with a stranger.”
Wow! An invite! Heck yeah! You remember the Pirate Ship ride? It was about the scariest ride at the State Fair. They couldn’t do big roller coasters because all the rides had to be assembled and disassembled, but the Pirate Ship, it was scary. It was just a big ship shaped ride with rows of seats and it swung back and forth, which wasn’t anything special, but as it ramped up speed, it swung faster and faster until at one moment it swung completely upside down and you hung, for what seemed like forever, held in place only by the suddenly very insecure seeming iron bars, waiting to plunge, head first to your death.
“Sure! I love the Pirate Ship!” Ok, I didn’t love the Pirate Ship. The truth was it scared the pants off of me, but I wasn’t going to say that to Robert Glass. Not in front of Jessica and the rest of the group.
Jessica. She was my middle school crush. I barely knew her and I doubt that we had even spoken more than a few words, but I would have given my right arm to be close to her. She was the star of what passed for my sexual fantasies back then.
Y
ou have to remember that this was before the internet, and I was just twelve. So, I didn’t really know much about sex. I guess I still don’t, but at least now I know the basic mechanics of it. But, I’d seen my dad’s magazines (remember magazines?), so I knew I liked naked girls. So, in my fantasies, I’d imagine Jessica naked, but I’d remain fully clothed, having the normal twelve-year-old boy’s fear of being seen naked.
I scuffed the ground with my shoe. “But, I guess I can’t go. I gotta watch Miranda.”
But Rob was not the kind of kid to take no for an answer. “Aw, come on! She can wait for you at the exit. It won’t be more than ten minutes or so. Can’t you?” He asked Miranda directly.
She shook her head, no.
“That is,” He turned to me. “If you’re not too scared.”
You would think that that kind of transparent taunting wouldn’t work. It seems so obvious now, but as a kid transparent taunting is super effective. Transparent taunting is kid kryptonite.
“Look, Miranda, it’s just for a few minutes. Wha da ya say?” I wheedled. “You can wait for me at the exit, just like Rob said.”
She shook her head, no, again.
I could feel them all looking at me. I felt scared but also important. I was the center of attention, all eyes on me. I couldn’t fail now.
“Tell you what.” I reached into my pocket, once again full of change. “Look, here’s twenty-five cents.” I held up a quarter. “If you wait for me, I’ll give you this, for your very own money, and after I get back, I’ll buy you a candy apple. What do you say?” And I hated to do it, but I added. “Please?”
Miranda took the quarter and looked at it, then held out her hand. “Show me the rest of your change.”
Darn! I couldn’t believe that my own sister was going to shake me down, but I reached into my pocket and pulled out the rest of my change. Miranda looked it over and pulled out another quarter.
“This is more shiny.” She said as she put the old tarnished quarter back in my hand.
A big smile broke over my face. “Great!” I turned back to Rob. “It’s all set! Just let me show her to the exit and I’ll be right back.”
“We’ll go ahead and get in line. We’ll save you a spot. Hurry!”
I took Miranda to the Pirate Ship ride exit. “Ok, you wait right here. I’ll be back in a few minutes. If anybody bothers you, you just tell them that you’re waiting for your big brother who’s on the ride. Ok?”
“I want my candy apple now.” She pouted.
“Well, you can’t have it now. You have to wait. We have a deal. Just wait here and I’ll get you your candy apple as soon as I’m done.”
“If I had my candy apple now, I would have something to do while I waited for you.” She could be tenacious.
“Ugh! Miranda! We have a deal! Just wait here. And you can’t tell mom. Right? You can’t tell mom anything. Ok?”
“Fine!” She puffed. “Just after you’re done, you have to come with me to do the Tea Cups ride. Deal?”
Desperate, I held out my hand. “Deal.”
I took off at a run for the front of the line. When I got there, Rob and the group were already pretty far up. I started to push my way through the waiting crowd.
“Excuse me, my friends are up there. Excuse me, can I get past? My friends are up ahead. Excuse me, I need to get to my friends.”
Most people were pretty nice about it. Except for one guy. I was just a few people away from the group. “Excuse me, can I get past? My friends are just up ahead.”
“No way. No cutting in line.” He refused to let me pass.
“Please, they’re just a little ahead.” I begged.
“I said, no way.” He shook his head and crossed his arms.
I didn’t know what to do. I was desperate. I could see them. I did the math. Four girls and three boys. I could, maybe, sit with Jessica. I also could feel myself about to cry.
“Hey! Let him through. He’s with us.” Rob shouted from up the line.
“No! No cutting in line!” The guy yelled back.
Rob frowned at him. “He’s not cutting in line. He’s with us. What? You never saved a spot in line for a friend?”
And just like that, the guy let me pass. And just like that, it was clear to me that I could never be part of the cool group. I couldn’t do what Rob did. I was forever doomed to be just almost a cool kid. I would never cross the line.
Well, whatever, I was in the group for the moment.
I tried to stand next to Jessica while we waited, but she was involved in a conversation with Scott Merkley and I couldn’t find a way to join in. I ended up sitting next to Amanda Jenkins on the ride and she screamed and cried and nearly cut my hand with her nails when we were upside down.
Afterwards, I felt sick from all the junk food.
“You want to go again?” Rob asked the group.
After a chorus of “Yes” shouts, I had to speak up. “I can’t. I’ve got to get back to my little sister.” I looked around. Where was Miranda? She should have been waiting for me when we exited. “Hey, has anybody seen my sister?” I asked the group. But nobody had.
“Miranda! Miranda! Where are you?” I shouted, certain that she was close by and just hidden behind the crush of people.
“Hey, guys.” I turned to the group. “Can you help me find my sister?”
“Nah.” Rob replied for them all. “We’re going to go back on the ride. Besides, we don’t even remember what she looks like.”
“Well, her name is Miranda and she’s an eight-year-old girl all by herself. How many people can fit that description?” I asked.
“I’m sure you’ll find her. She was supposed to wait right here. Come on. Let’s get back in line.” And, just like that, they took off, leaving me alone.
“Miranda! Miranda! Where the hell are you? Miranda!” I called.
Crud! She wasn’t there. Where could she be? Maybe she went to buy a candy apple? I took out the map and plotted a course back to the food center. I was about halfway there when I realized that Miranda didn’t have a map so how would she know the way back to the food center? But I didn’t have a better idea so I kept on.
I got to the circle of food stalls and ran to the first one that sold candy apples.
I waited in the line, but I couldn’t wait. “Excuse me! Excuse me! Hey! Have you seen my sister? A girl about eight, about this tall, brown hair, about this long, wearing blue overalls, she wanted a candy apple. Have you seen her?”
The lady at the stand leaned forward to look at me. “Nope, kid. Ain’t seen her. If she’s lost, somebody will probably take her to the Fair security. You can ask one of the staff with the walkie-talkies.”
Of course! The Fair had security and a whole set-up just for this kind of situation! “Thanks!” And I ran off looking for a security guard. The guards were easy to find, there were a couple of them hanging out by one of the food stalls, their orange vests almost glowing in the afternoon sun.
“Excuse me. Can you help me find my sister?”
One of the guards bent down a little. “Are you lost?”
“No, my sister. She’s lost!” Dummy! How could I be lost? I was 12 years old. Almost a man.
“What’s she look like?” He asked.
I gave him a description and he radioed it out to the security guards.
The guard put a hand on my shoulder. “Are your parents here?”
“No. My mom’s visiting her sister in the hospital and my dad’s in Cincinnati, um, Cleveland.”
“Ok. Where did you see her last? How did you lose her?” I felt interrogated.
“We were over by the Pirate Ship ride. I just turned around for a moment to talk with some friends and when I turned back she was gone. I thought she might come here because she wanted a candy apple.”
“Ok. Come with me. I’ll take you to the lost child center. If anyone finds her, they’ll bring her there.”
“Um. Ok.
How long do you think it will be?” I was worried.
“Not long. We’ve got more than fifty security personnel and someone should find her fast. Don’t worry. She’ll be fine. If your parents aren’t here, how were you getting home? Was your mom going to pick you up?”
“No. We were going to walk home. It’s not far.”
“Ok. Come on.” He tried to take my hand, but I pulled away.
I followed the guard to the lost child center. It was just a tent with a couple of chairs and some toys. When we got there, I was surprised to see six lost kids waiting to be reunited with their families. Even one kid almost as old as I was. I was surprised, but also relieved. I thought: This happens all the time. Kids get lost at the Fair and it’s no big deal. Heck, we probably wouldn’t even have to mention this to mom. It could be the kind of thing that Miranda and I would laugh about years from now. ‘Remember that time when you got lost at the Fair? Yes! So, funny!’
The guard introduced me to the woman who was in charge of the center.
“What’s your name kid?” He asked.
“I’m Nick. Um, Nicky.”
“Nicky, this is Andrea. As soon as someone finds your sister, Miranda, right? They’ll radio Andrea and bring her here.” He turned to Andrea. “The kids are here alone, so, when they find her, I’ll come back and give them a lift home.”
Andrea nodded. “Ok, Ben.”
Andrea offered me some ice cream that they kept around just for lost kids, but I couldn’t eat. If they didn’t find Miranda soon, Mom was going to get home and start to worry. If she found out what happened, she was going to kill me. Stupid Miranda! Why couldn’t she follow simple instructions? How difficult was it to just stay in one place? We had a deal! I was sure as heck going to get my twenty-five cents back!
Andrea let me sit with her and listen to her walkie-talkie. There were a lot of people talking about Miranda, but nobody had found her yet.
Every second I got more worried. There was no way I was going to be able to keep this a secret from Mom. No way would Miranda keep her mouth shut. And Mom was definitely going to tell Dad. And then he was going to give me that whole ‘We expected more of you’ speech. Stupid Miranda!
