by L. P. Maxa
Hell, she’d sacrificed her life for his happiness.
After she’d gone downstairs, I’d watched her and Nathan walk to the Tahoe hand in hand. She didn’t look at him the way she looked at me. She didn’t want him, and I hated how tightly I held onto that.
I’d watched Nathan open her door and help her up into the truck. I watched them pull away. After they left, like a creeper I sat in Savy’s room surrounded by her things, by her scent. I looked at the pictures on her walls, so many of her and Nathan, and a few of her and her parents. One snap was of all of us when we were little. It was taken before my dad passed away. We’d gone to a barbeque or something. Our parents were standing in the background and we three kids had our arms around each other. Nathan was looking at Savy and she was looking at me. I couldn’t help but smile. How had I missed this?
I hung my head and made my way downstairs and outside, crossing the driveway to my house. I’d never seen Savy looking at me like that because I hadn’t wanted to. Now, in retrospect, I must’ve known what it would mean if she wanted me. It would hurt Nathan. Chicken-shit move, I’d avoided it and ignored it. She was my kid brother’s salvation and nothing more. But slowly, over time, I’d began to see her as her own person. Now...fuck. Here we were, right where we should never be.
I felt like a selfish prick. Nathan had been in some form of love with Savannah Nightingale almost his entire life. Me? I’d swooped in with a hell of a crush and the need to set her free. In three days, I’d put everything they’d built over the last thirteen years in jeopardy. I was a shit big brother, I knew that. I told myself this wasn’t about me or Nathan, it was about Savy. And that girl needed me. She needed to taste freedom on the tip of her wicked little tongue. She needed to live, she needed to know what it felt like so she’d keep chasing it at all costs.
She needed to want to choose herself first and foremost, and she needed to choose for herself what she wanted and needed in her life.
My cell vibrated on my desk and I groaned. I figured at this hour it would be Max trying to get me to go out. He’d begged me to hit a party over at Mandy’s cousin’s lake house. I’d declined, although I wasn’t really sure why. A distraction would have been perfect. He’d been peppering me with party pics of half-naked girls for the last forty-five minutes, trying like hell to entice me.
So when I saw Savy’s name on the screen, I couldn’t help the grin that took over my face. I didn’t realize how much I’d been anticipating her reaching out. I wanted to know how her day with Nathan went. I wanted to know if she was okay.
Nate fell asleep.
I tried not to picture him in bed beside the girl I’d had my lips all over hours before. I didn’t want to think about punching my younger brother out of jealousy. This situation didn’t need violence added in because my dick was feeling possessive.
You want me to call and wake him up?
No, I didn’t want you or your mom to worry about him not coming home.
Did she normally text my mom when Nathan stayed at her house? I doubted that. My mom knew if Nathan wasn’t here, he was with Savy. She’d never demand he leave his safe space until he was good and ready. Did that mean that Savy wanted me to know that Nathan was still with her? I knew she wasn’t trying to make me jealous. One, that wasn’t who she was. Two, she’d have no reason to assume I would be. We were friends who made out. Well, that’s what I keep telling myself. I was helping her with a personal summer project. That was it. Maybe she was looking for a reason to text me, looking for a reason to reach out. That, I could understand.
He’s a bed hog, but I’m used to it.
He’s in your bed?
I figured he was, but it didn’t mean I had to like it. He didn’t need to be sleeping in her bed. What the hell was wrong with her fucking parents? She’d told me they didn’t bat an eye when they’d walked into her bedroom in the morning and he was there. She’d told me they never questioned him being in her bed, never questioned if anything was going on between the two of them. I wondered if it was because they knew she didn’t see Nathan as more than a friend or because either way, they would never stand between Nathan and what he needed to feel whole.
We were watching a show.
Like that was all the explanation I needed. They were so close, so comfortable together. They watched movies in her bed, snuggled together. I closed my eyes, fighting the image of my brother wrapped around Savy, breathing in her sweet scent. Did he get hard when he held her? Did he long to kiss her neck? It wasn’t fair of me to feel this way. This was Nathan’s life, and he’d loved her for most of it. My jealousy needed to chill the fuck out.
Pretend to be asleep.
What?
I pulled up my favorites list and tapped Nathan’s name with a little more force than necessary. Apparently my jealousy had zero desire to chill. Instead it wanted to rage. The phone rang four times before he answered it in a sleepy voice. “Hello?”
“Hey, man. Where are you?” I was trying really hard to control the annoyance in my tone, the edge I was feeling.
“I’m with Sav. What do you need?” He was whispering, which meant she’d done what I told her to, she’d closed her pretty eyes and pretended to sleep.
“You, uh, you want to hit a party with me? It’s down by the lake, I was thinking about going for an hour or so.” I had no plans to get out of my bed and head to that party. But I’d do it if it meant getting Nathan away from Savy. I told myself it was for her, so she could get some space.
I was lying.
He let out a quiet chuckle, the sound holding no humor. “You want me to leave Savy’s nice warm bed, which she’s in with me, to go to a party? Did you call the right number?”
I ground my molars together. He wasn’t wrong, it was a complete long shot, a Hail Mary pass if I’d ever seen one. But I’d been compelled to make it. “Thought I’d ask, man. No big deal.”
“Sav is already asleep, I’m staying here tonight. See ya in the morning.” He hung up and I resisted the urge to throw my phone across the room.
Of course he wouldn’t want to leave her bed.
I couldn’t blame him.
The problem was, I wanted to trade places with him.
Chapter Twelve
Jeremy
I’d been up since five in the morning and had downed three cups of piping hot blacker than night coffee already. I hadn’t slept well after my call with Nathan. I’d fought jealousy, and self-righteousness while I’d tossed and turned all night. When I had managed sleep, I’d been plagued with nightmares about Savy drowning in the lake and Nathan holding me hostage on the shoreline, refusing to let me save her.
It didn’t take a psychologist to interpret that shit. It was the most literal nightmare in the history of nightmares. I’d tried to rescue her last night, and Nathan stood his ground.
Either way, I was wound pretty tight from the coffee, the lack of sleep, and the jumble of emotions at seeing Savy and Nathan together. They were out front, stretching in our driveway, dressed to go on a run. Where had Nathan even pulled running clothes from? Did he keep stuff at her house? Did he stay over there that often that he would? I tried to tell myself I was bothered by it for her, but my jealousy was rearing its green-eyed head too frequently to brush off at this point.
“Morning.” I winced at the loud tone of my over caffeinated voice.
“Hey, Jer.” Savy was smiling, but biting her lip to keep it from getting too big. She was as happy to see me and I was to see her. I hadn’t missed her or anything. That would be stupid.
Nathan was stretching his legs on the bumper of his Tahoe. “Are you running with us this morning?” He glanced up at me and then back down to his stretching, like he could care less either way.
“Yeah. That cool?” I was jogging in place, bouncing on the balls of my feet to warm up.
“Sure.” He switched legs. “But why in the hell are you yelling?”
I shrugged, still bouncing. “Couldn’t sleep well, got up early and
made some coffee.”
Nathan stood straight and threw his arm around Savy, pulling her to his chest and kissing the top of her head, making her long ponytail sway with the movement. “We slept great, didn’t we, Sav?”
Savy winced, and I had to work hard to school the distaste from showing on my face. He’d never done that before. He’d never felt the need to throw their connection at me like a fast ball. Maybe he had and I’d never cared until this moment. Nathan was either on to me, or he’d always been a bit of a boastful douche when it came to the girl trapped under his massive arm.
There was nothing I could say in rebuttal: no move for me to make. I chose to ignore his comments. “Great. Let’s go.” I took off at a faster pace than I normally used when I ran with Savy but she lengthened her stride and easily caught up with me.
“Stop being weird,” she whispered so only I could hear her. Nathan was a few paces behind us. He was all bulk, he’d never be able to keep up with us.
“I’m not being weird. I told you, I’ve had too much coffee.” I smiled brightly and slowed my stride, letting Nathan join.
I was being weird. She was right and the coffee hadn’t helped. I woke up feeling weird. Wired, and anxious. I didn’t like that Nathan spent the night in Savy’s bed. I didn’t like that Savy’s parents allowed it. She hadn’t wanted him to stay, and he never even thought to ask her what she preferred. He never fucking had.
I also didn’t like that he’d rubbed it in my face either. I swear, I never remembered him doing that before. Though to be fair, I never really paid attention before.
I was jealous, but Nathan was selfish. Of course, I believed my “affliction” was the lesser of two evils. “What are you doing today, man? You have to work again?”
“Nah. I’m off today.”
Well, fuck, that meant that I wouldn’t be able to see Savy. My mood turned bleak, like a rain cloud had opened up over my head. Like I was fucking Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. “Oh. Okay. Great.” It wasn’t that I wanted to kiss her, touch her, and feel her little body move against mine. Well. It wasn’t only that. I also wanted to make her laugh, to make sure she had fun. I wanted her to have the type of day she wanted, not the type of day being with Nathan allowed. “What are your plans then?”
I could feel Savy staring at me out of the corner of her eye, and it took everything inside me not to meet her gaze. We were playing a dangerous game, like Max had predicted only days before. One wrong move could bring it all crashing to a halt. The I told you so shit he was going to give me was really going to chap my ass.
Nathan shrugged. “I don’t know. No plans really, other than hang out with Sav.”
“Great.” If I said that word one more time, I might hurl. I turned to Savy, my smile most likely manic by this point. “What do you plan on doing today?”
“Uh, I don’t know, maybe—”
“Let’s have a party tonight.” I cut her off, accidentally screaming again. I wasn’t trying to be rude, but I wanted to offer her another option before she retreated into her shell and let Nathan control her whole damn day. “Mom’s away visiting Aunt Karenna, and all my friends are back in town for the summer. We have the pool. I’ll get a keg. It’ll be fun,” I was practically shouting.
I winced. Fuck. I needed to stop talking so damn loud. Note to self, three cups of black coffee was my limit.
Nathan made a face filled with pure disgust. “A party?”
He hated small talk and girls trying to coax him into speaking to them. He barely tolerated family dinners. Strangers were a definite no go.
Nathan hated people. He hated people invading his space and touching his things. I wondered what he would say if he knew I’d touched Savy? I gave myself a mental head shake. That was not something I needed to be thinking about right now.
“It’ll be fun. What do you say, Sav? You game?”
She glanced between me and Nathan, giving him one of her persuasive smiles. The one I’d seen her use when she was trying to coax him into or out of something. “Sounds good to me. I didn’t have anything else to do today.” Poor girl had no doubt mastered that smile by the time she was ten. “Nate?”
He shrugged, immediately and shockingly giving into what she wanted. “Sure. Whatever.”
I fist pumped the air like an overly caffeinated tool. Nathan and Savy wouldn’t be spending the day holed up in her house together. A party was a good distraction. Hell, maybe Nathan would have some fun and loosen up. I chuckled, in my mind of course. The thought of Nathan ever having fun at party was actually ridiculous. But this wasn’t about him, and it wasn’t about me. This was about Savy and my promise to her.
My promise to set her free.
Chapter Thirteen
Savy
The music was loud, the pool was full of people, and there was a keg of beer tapped and on ice in the kitchen. Definitely a party. Jeremy’d had a few parties here and there when he was living at home, but Nate never wanted to go. I’d watched from my bedroom window, stealing glances when he wasn’t looking. I’d longed to be there, surrounded by people laughing and dancing, but I’d kept my mouth shut, because that wasn’t Nate’s scene and I knew it’d make him uncomfortable.
I’d even watched Jeremy make out with a girl once. He pulled her off to the side, away from the chaos and picked her up. Her legs had wrapped around his waist and they’d kissed for what felt like hours. I hadn’t been jealous of her, not really. I was simply envious of her freedom. She was able to make her own choices. That had been how she wanted to spend her night, and she went for it. Consequences be damned. He’d carried her around the pool and into the house, his hands never leaving her ass. I’d known what they were going to do.
After they’d disappeared, I’d climb back in bed snuggling up to Nate. I remembered feeling guilty for wanting to be at the party, for wanting to be that carefree girl. I had my best friend sleeping peacefully beside me and I should’ve been counting my blessings, not wishing I were someone else.
Things were changing since I’d begun learning what freedom felt like. What fun was. I’d never be that girl. I’d never be the girl Jeremy picked up in front of a crowd of people and carried to his bed. It wasn’t in the cards for us. It never had been.
“You having fun, wild one?” Jeremy spoke softly against the shell of my ear, making those chills only he could conjure shoot down my spine. Nate had left my side for the first time tonight to go to the restroom, two minutes ago. It seemed like Jeremy been watching and waiting for a moment when I was alone. I hoped so. I wanted him to want me that much.
“Yep” I popped the p on the word, then turned around to face him with a small smile on my face. “I’m having a great time.”
He grinned, sarcastically. “Looks like it.” He put his hand on my hip and pulled my body flush against his, quickly brushing a kiss on the corner of my mouth before backing up a few steps. “You’re hot as hell, Savy. Every pair of male eyes in this room are trained on that short little dress you’re wearing.”
I hadn’t dressed for the other guys at the party, I’d chosen the pale blue sundress for Jeremy, and Jeremy only. His eyes were the ones I wanted trailing down my body, drooling over my exposed thighs. When I’d come downstairs to meet Nate at my front door, his eyes had narrowed. I could tell he didn’t want me to wear something so short in front of all these people. To his credit, he’d kept his mouth shut. Although, like I said, he’d only left my side once since we’d gotten here an hour ago.
“Dance baby, you know you want to. I can see your body vibrating.” Jeremy reached out and trailed a fingertip down my arm, the simple touch setting me on fire.
Baby. That word made my breath shutter in my chest. Jeremy affected me. Everything he did and said a tantalization. I’d had a crush on him since I was a kid, and it was growing in intensity with every interaction.
I wanted to dance, he was right. But that wasn’t possible, not tonight. “Nate wouldn’t like that. He wouldn’t want me in the middle of the c
rowded dance floor, it’ll put him on edge.” No one would dare try to dance with me anyway. They all knew how Nate was, how over-protective he could be. I sighed, suddenly feeling defeated. “This is stupid, I should go home.”
That would be safest for everyone. Nate would be happy as a clam. He’d follow me home and snuggle us under my covers. He’d want nothing more than for me to tell him we didn’t have to stay. The only reason he was here was because I’d asked him to be. He didn’t enjoy parties. He didn’t enjoy crowds. Instead of getting uncomfortable and removing himself from the situation, he’d get agitated to the point of anger. It never ended well.
“Really, I’ll take Nate back to my house and—”
“No.” Jeremy’s hand shot out, grabbing my wrist, his thumb stroking over my pulse making my insides ignite. After our intense make-out sessions, I knew the feeling Jeremy instantly invoked was lust. I understood now what happened when a crush was reciprocated. Boy, it was dangerously addicting.
“Stay and have fun.” He tugged me a step closer. “What’s the worst that could happen, huh? He goes and sulks in his room?” He shrugged like this conversation wasn’t perilous. “You’re safe. You’re in a comfortable place. I’m here, and Nathan is here. There’s no reason you should have to stay right next to him.”
Jeremy was delusional. But. He was also right. Nathan couldn’t possibly worry about my safety. We were in his house. If he got mad, he could go hang in his room for a bit. Although he probably wouldn’t.
I glanced around at the crowd, envious of the good time everyone seemed to be having, Laughing, talking, dancing. I wanted to dance, I wanted to talk to the kids I’d grown up with, the ones I’d never been given the chance to know. Maybe I could set a timer on my watch and I’d hide myself amongst my peers for a while before I did everyone a favor and got Nate out of here.
