by Sarah Sutton
I could practically feel everyone’s eyes on me, probably enjoying the mortification that was no doubt evident on my face. Was that line supposed to be smooth? I had to quickly shrug on my flirting persona, but I struggled. Mindlessly flirting with Jeremy felt like a chore right now, one that felt wrong, wrong, wrong with Elijah sitting across from me.
“You know, I thought the same thing,” I told him, looking into his eyes. “We should fix that, yeah?”
“Give me your cell and I’ll plug me in. Did Elijah tell you about our double tonight?”
My gaze once again cut toward Elijah, but he wasn’t looking at me anymore; instead, he eyed Jeremy, tightly gripping his fork. “Yeah, he said something about it.” I passed Jeremy my phone, and I looked over at Savannah, on Elijah’s other side. She was watching me, eyebrows drawn. “Where were we thinking of going? Somewhere fun?”
“It’s rude to talk about plans in front of someone who’s not invited, you know,” Eloise said, glancing between all of us.
“You can come,” I told her, almost desperate to hear her say yes. I couldn’t imagine being alone with the three of them, seeing Elijah and Savannah cuddle up right in front of me. “You should come, Eloise. Totally.”
Elijah nodded beside her. “The more the merrier.”
Jeremy and Savannah, I noticed, kept silent.
“Ah, I’m just being bratty on purpose,” Eloise said, waving a hand. “Mom and I already have plans to see a movie tonight.”
“Too bad.” Jeremy’s voice came quick, eyes flicking to me. “So what do you want to do?”
“We should get ice cream,” Elijah offered, voice sounding…off. No one else at the table seemed to notice it, but maybe that was because they didn’t know him like I did. I caught the slight dip in pitch, and I also noticed the way he refused to look at me, dragging his fork through his own mashed potato casserole. “I’m really craving it.”
Savannah rolled her eyes. “Are you joking? It’s freezing out.”
“I wouldn’t mind ice cream,” I said in his defense, but that wasn’t the best thing to do. Immediately, Sav’s eyes slid to mine, making me wish I’d bit my tongue. Her gaze wasn’t negative, just blank, all emotion concealed. She could’ve been looking at me indifferently or silently plotting my death. I’d never know. “I mean, I could do whatever.”
“You two are strange.” Jeremy laughed, pulling one hand back to run across the skin of my cheek. His fingers lingered a little behind my ear. “But I’m good with ice cream if you are, Rems.”
Come on, body, react to his touch. Just a little flutter or blood rush, that’s all. “After school?”
“Basketball practice,” he said on a sigh. “But how about six?”
“Sounds good to me. Are you going to pick me up?”
This seemed to surprise Jeremy, and he pulled away from me completely. “You can ride with Elijah, right? I mean, he is right across the street. I can pick up Savannah, though. She lives close.”
Elijah nudged my foot underneath the table, much gentler than Savannah, the toe of his shoe practically caressing my calf. A tingle of heat prickled up my leg, and I stilled under his gaze. “I don’t mind, Beanie.”
Jeremy was right; it made no sense for him to drive all the way to my house to backtrack for ice cream. I found myself nodding in agreement, almost too eagerly. “See you there, then.”
“Wear something nice,” he teased, squeezing my shoulder. “See you later, guys.”
After he’d released his grip and walked away, I could still feel the pressure on my skin through the cotton of my t-shirt. Eloise reached over and nudged my arm. “You know, Remi,” she said, winking, “if your concussion gives you a headache or anything, I so wouldn’t mind being your understudy for tonight.”
“Eloise.” Savannah gave a slight chuckle. “He’s obviously into Remi. I mean, he kissed her.”
I wanted to point out that it’d just been a kiss on the cheek, but Elijah spoke. “Over-the-moon into you,” he agreed, smirking at me. All traces of weirdness were gone now, and I convinced myself that I’d imagined it. He waved his fork at me. “What does it feel like, having all your dreams come true, sweet thang?”
I threw a piece of creamed corn at him, which narrowly missed his ear. “You’re just jealous that his hair is prettier than yours.”
“His hair is not prettier than mine, thank you very much.”
“If you say so.”
Savannah leaned her head against Elijah’s shoulder, her wheat-colored braids falling over his shirt. “Ignore him and Eloise, Remi,” she said, patting Elijah’s bare forearm. Her smile was soft. “I think you two are perfect for each other.”
Perfect for each other. More or less the same thing that Elijah had said on Monday.
I looked down to where my cell sat in the palm of my hand, scrolling through the contacts until I found the newest addition. He’d labeled his contact Hot Stuff ;). I slipped my cell into the pocket of my cardigan, returning to glaring at my casserole as the conversation continued around me.
Mom came home early from work that day and invited me to go grocery shopping with her. It had been a while since we’d last gone, and she needed help getting everything on her list. I didn’t mind. Though I had snowflakes to cut, I also wanted to make sure she got the right kind of cereal this time.
“No, not frosted puffs, just normal puffs,” I said, placing the box in our full cart.
Mom made a face. “Why would you want normal puffs? They’re tasteless.”
“They’re healthier for you.”
Our cart creaked as we rolled down the aisle, a constant noise that ratcheted up my annoyance. Why did all the carts seem to squeak? Didn’t anyone maintain ever them? I mean, almost every time we came here, we got a cart that sounded like a wheel was about to pop off. What was—
Someone’s cart turned the corner of the aisle quickly, its front ramming into ours and rattling our contents. “Excuse me,” Mom said politely, drawing the handle back. “I wasn’t watching—Kathleen?”
After everything that’d happened in the Greybeck household, I half-expected Mrs. Greybeck to look rundown. Lines around her mouth, circles under her eyes. Hair undone, tangled. But looking at her now, one would think nothing had happened. I’d never have guessed that her son sat in prison.
“Hello,” she said, her voice sounding the same as it always had. Still light, still soft. “Sorry, I’m in a bit of a rush.”
“Everything okay?” Mom asked, and I could hear the undercurrent of concern in her voice. “I haven’t heard from you in a couple weeks.”
“Oh, no, everything’s fine. Just a million things to do, not enough time to do them.” Mrs. Greybeck looked between us as she angled her cart away, offering a farewell smile. “Grab some great deals, you two.”
And with that, she hurried and wheeled away.
It took Mom a moment to recover from the encounter, and I suspected it bothered her more than she let on. “Let’s keep going. What’s next on the list?”
I felt bad for her, watching her try to feign nonchalance. Mrs. Greybeck had been Mom’s best friend; they had done everything together. Now that she was gone and Dad was gone, she only had me. Which sucked on my end of things, because I was the one always getting babied.
I looked at the piece of paper in my hands. “Cottage cheese.”
Jeremy’s request that I “wear something nice” wasn’t going to singlehandedly influence my outfit, but I did want to look at least somewhat put-together for tonight. Maybe if I looked pretty enough, Elijah would open his eyes and see what he was missing.
Hey, a girl could dream.
Mom poked her head through the crack in my bedroom door mid-way through me getting ready. “What are you getting dolled up for?”
“I’ve got a date,” I said, glancing over my makeup supplies. “Sorry, I should’ve told you earlier. Elijah’s picking me up soon.”
“Elijah?” she demanded with wide eyes, coming into my room to si
t on my bed. I sat at my desk, using a compact mirror to apply a wave of eyeshadow. “I—you—you’re going on a date with Elijah?”
“Uh-huh,” I mumbled, contorting my features to make my skin taut. “We’re going to get ice cream.”
She didn’t say anything for a moment. “I guess I didn’t realize you liked him like that, sweetie. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I jerked in my seat, my eyeshadow brush slipping and dotting bronze near my temple. “Mom! We’re not together. We’re going on a double date together. Like, we each have dates.”
But man, wasn’t that a thought? Elijah and me sharing a booth, my head tipping onto his shoulder, his laughter shivering its way down the length of my spine. His hand finding my knee underneath the table, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
“Oh, darling, that makes so much more sense.” Mom laughed from where she sat. “I couldn’t even comprehend the idea.”
I reached for a makeup remover wipe but hesitated before lifting it, turning in my seat to face her. “Would it be so bad? Elijah and me…together?”
Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why would I even say something like that? It was like I held a giant neon sign that read, I LOVE MY BEST FRIEND. I’M READY FOR AN AWKWARD TALK, MOM. Because no doubt she’d say, “it’s not bad if it’s what your heart truly desires” or something sappy like that. Or maybe she’d discourage me, tell me some friendships were meant to stay platonic.
I thought about her and Dad, how they would’ve been better off staying just friends. They wouldn’t have had me, of course, but they wouldn’t have had to go through the whole separation. For them, getting together had been the beginning of their end.
“It’s hard to think about, isn’t it?” Mom said, pulling me from my thoughts. Her expression was more thoughtful than negative, as if she were really trying to picture it. “Things would really be different. I wouldn’t have to worry about you finding someone who puts you first. But I think that family’s got a lot of baggage.”
“Baggage? You mean Terry.” I tried not to sound too defensive. “It was a crappy thing that happened, but that’s on Terry. Elijah’s handling it well.”
“Is he?”
I turned back to the mirror to wipe off the eyeshadow, swiping at my skin irritably. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Sometimes it’s hard to come to terms with someone you love making a bad choice,” she said slowly. “I’m not sure if he’s done that yet. Come to terms with it.”
“Okay, Mom,” I said, wishing she’d stop talking about Elijah and Terry. “You majored in interior design, remember? Not psychology.”
She laughed a little, and I heard my bed creak as she rose to her feet. “You’re right, you’re right. You know, I’m glad you’re going with Elijah. He’ll keep whoever this boy is in check.” Mom’s hands came down on the tops of my shoulders and squeezed. “I’m glad you have him.”
“Yeah.” I put the wipe down and started to redo my eyeshadow, that sickly feeling in my stomach only growing larger. “Me too.”
Chapter Thirteen
Elijah angled his truck in front of my house at five-fifty, honking his horn. I hurried out across the snow-covered lawn, careful not to slip on the cobblestone walkway. I couldn’t bring myself to look up and meet his gaze, the conversation with Mom still fresh in my head. I rounded the front of the truck to the passenger side without glancing up, telling myself to try to be cool.
A second before I reached for the door handle, I realized someone already sat in the seat, staring at me through the glass. Savannah. Wasn’t she supposed to be riding with Jeremy?
Awkwardly, I pulled open the backseat door. “Thanks for picking me up,” I said in an uncomfortable greeting, closing the door behind me. “It would’ve been a long walk.”
Elijah didn’t say anything, just nodded as he drove away from the curb. I watched the back of his head, waiting for him to speak or turn, but he did neither.
Savannah turned, though. “I hope it’s okay that I took shotgun,” she said pleasantly, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “I just figured since you had it last time—”
“It’s not a big deal,” I interrupted. “Besides, the girlfriend should always get shotgun.”
“I completely agree,” she said at once, gaze tightening as she grinned. Then she tipped her chin toward Elijah. “Don’t you think so?”
Elijah passed her a look as he slowed for a stop sign, but didn’t answer.
O-kayyy. I’d definitely missed something. Awkward. “I’ll text Jer and tell him that we’re on our way,” I said to no one in particular, pulling my cell from my pocket. There was a picture message from Dad. A selfie, horrifyingly enough, but baby Harmony was also in the frame. He had her tucked against his side, her wide eyes gazing at the phone screen. He’d added the text, She has your eyes.
Me: Don’t put her down until Saturday. If I miss those first steps, I’m going to be livid.
Dad: Won’t be hard. Girl likes her cuddle time. See you Sat.
And then he quickly typed back, Love you.
After that, I shot a quick text to Jeremy. We enjoyed the rest of the car ride in silence, with tension so thick that I almost had the desire to roll down my window. Were they fighting? Was that why there was a cold silence? Or was it me?
I pulled my jacket sleeves over my fingertips, playing with the seam as Elijah angled the truck into Freezing Fred’s parking lot. It felt strange to think that Elijah and I had been here only a week ago, sitting in a cracked booth of our own, talking and joking like normal. Only a week ago that we’d kissed.
Sav opened her door, allowing the winter air to sweep in. “This feels wrong,” she said, voice carrying as I slipped out. “Ice cream in January. It should be illegal.”
“That’s what I said at first,” I told her, reaching my hand back to readjust my bun. “But it comes in handy when you’re craving a blue goo ice cream cone around Valentine’s Day.”
From the other side of Savannah, Elijah said, “Yeah, that’s right. Appreciate my quirks.”
“Your strange quirks,” Savannah scoffed. “First pottery, now ice cream in January. What’s next?”
It was quick, so quick that I wouldn’t have noticed it if I hadn’t known him inside and out, but I watched as Elijah’s features shifted. I knew immediately why—pottery wasn’t a quirk of his. It was basically who he was. It made me look at Savannah differently, unsure.
Standing next to her, I realized yet again just how similar we looked. Blonde hair, dark eyes, almost the same height. She was thinner than I was, more definition to her cheekbones and jawline, but the similarities were still there. An outsider probably could’ve guessed we were sisters.
You shouldn’t be comparing in the first place, idiot. You’re literally walking into a date.
Gosh, I hated when my thoughts were right.
“I don’t see his car,” Savannah said as Elijah grabbed the parlor’s door, already reaching for the zipper on her coat. “You should text him that we’re here.”
A part of me stiffened as I walked past Elijah, mostly because if this were like old times, he would’ve taken the opportunity to poke or tickle me. Or maybe I would’ve reached out to pinch him. But now we both kept our hands to ourselves. Instead of reaching for him, I reached for my cell.
Me: We’re here. No rush.
Jeremy (yeah, I definitely changed that contact name as quickly as I could): K. Almost there.
“He says he’s on his way,” I told them, shaking off my own coat. The inside of the ice cream shop was the perfect temperature, almost like I could close my eyes and imagine it being summer outside. “We could probably order without him, right?”
Savannah’s eyes were narrowed on me. “Um, isn’t that rude?”
“I bet he wouldn’t care,” Elijah said, stuffing his hands into his own jacket pockets, already heading toward the counter. “You girls do what you want, but I want ice cream.”
We watched as he walked away from us,
not even glancing back to see if we were following. “Is everything okay?” I asked her quietly.
Savannah lifted her chin, not meeting my eyes. “Of course. I’m going to go pick out a flavor. Maybe you should wait for Jeremy, since he is your date and all.”
She walked away from me with her hips swinging, leaving me wondering why she’d emphasized he. But I did take her hint. I made my way to where Elijah and I normally sat when we came here and slid into the booth, making sure to give Elijah and Savannah the cracked one. Perfectly split down the center, forcing a space to separate them.
I fluffed my bangs a bit, readjusting my posture. Jeremy would be here any minute, but I wanted to seem as nonchalant as possible. As if I weren’t watching Elijah and Savannah standing in line for ice cream.
We weren’t the only people in here, surprisingly enough, so Elijah and Savannah were waiting in line, not speaking. She had looped her arm through his, his hand firmly in his pocket, but he seemed stiff. Like his bones had been replaced with lead.
Or he seemed stiff until he removed his hand from his pocket and wrapped it around Savannah’s shoulders.
I looked down at the tabletop, tapping my fingernails along the surface, trying to distract myself.
The door chimed as it opened, and Jeremy sauntered through, his varsity jacket a loud shock of blue and yellow covering his torso. He scanned the place, the broken booths and the mismatched floor tiles. “Interesting,” he said with a frown. “Not as impressive as Dizzy’s.”
“But unlike Dizzy’s, Fred’s is open all year,” Elijah said from where he stood in line. “And without the chalky freezer burn taste.”
Jeremy’s eyes flitted right past him to find me alone at the booth, and he gave a half-tipped smile. “Your hair looks pretty pulled back like that,” he said in greeting, coming close enough to run his fingers over my bangs, ruffling them up. “I like it.”
“Thanks. Should we get in line?”
Jeremy stepped away from the mouth of the booth and allowed me to pass. “How’s your head?”
