by Glen Robins
“Sorry to wake you up, but it felt like a good morning for a walk along the beach with Charlie.” Charlie was Collin’s eight-year-old Golden Retriever who loved to play frisbee on the beach.
Collin smirked as he glanced out the window at the steel-gray cloud cover. “Sure, why not? Charlie is always up for a walk, especially if there’s a pretty lady involved.” He grabbed the leash and frisbee from the basket on the low shelf of the hall table.
Emily blushed and turned toward the front door, thanking Henry as she did.
“You three have a nice walk,” said Henry, stabbing a thumb toward the back patio where Charlie, who had been intent on Collin’s every move, danced against the glass doors, tongue and tail both wagging a hundred miles an hour.
Turning back the other way, Collin grabbed Emily’s hand and pulled her with him through the family room to the French doors leading out to the back patio. Sarah stood in the kitchen holding a cup of coffee, smiling and telling Emily how nice it was to see her.
Emily, being swept along, smiled back and said, “Good to see you, too, Mrs. Cook.”
The conversation during the two-block trek to the beach was superficial and light. It included a few laughs and a brief pause to give each other a hug and a long kiss, something Collin never did in front of his parents. But the mood changed when they reached the sand. There were only a handful of other people at the beach. Most of them also had dogs with them and most were paired off. The breeze off the water was chilly, so Emily dug her hands in the pockets of her sweatshirt and pulled the hood over her head.
Collin tossed the frisbee as far as he could and watched Charlie chase it. When he looked back, Emily had stopped in her tracks and was visibly upset.
“What is it, Emily? What’s wrong?”
Emily’s shoulders heaved up, then down. “It’s my brother. He’s home.”
Collin put an arm around her shoulders and took a few methodical steps into the sand. “Home? I didn’t that could ever happen.”
“It wasn’t their decision, really. He kept escaping the halfway house, so the judge ordered him to be placed under house arrest. But since he has no home and no one to keep an eye on him, I guess they somehow guilted my parents into accepting custody.”
“Whoa. How do your parents feel about this?” Collin turned them to the North, away from where the Santa Ana River meets the Pacific. There were even fewer people in that direction.
“Duly punished, I suppose. Somehow, the Corrections Officer convinced them to fly out to Boston to pick him up and take him home. I suppose their reputation must be at risk.”
“Maybe they’ve changed? Maybe they realize what they’ve done and want to fix it?”
She chuffed. “Yeah, right. That’d be the day. They thought they were done with him. The Correction Officer said they were as much to blame for the menace he has become as anyone, so come back here and deal with him.”
“Yeah, sounds like he’s trying to punish them. Thing is, you’re the one catching most of the fallout. I can’t see Katherine and Greg suddenly stepping it up in terms of their compassion or whatever.”
“That would be a miracle.”
“But I thought Thomas was doing really well.”
“Yeah, me too. But apparently it was all pretend just to get through the program. Then once he got to the halfway house, his ‘friends’ started showing up again. They have a ‘business’ and he’s a major part of it.” She used her fingers to air quote the words “friends” and “business.”
“You have got to be kidding me. Why would he do that? Didn’t he say he was done?”
“He knows the right things to say in front of parole officers and at those hearings.” Emily paused, shaking her head in frustration and working to control her tender emotions. “You know what he said to me when I saw him? Keep in mind, this is the first time he’s spoken to me in two years.”
Charlie returned with the frisbee. This time, Collin used the wind to help him get more distance as he launched the disc and let the wind carry it back toward the bike trail with Charlie in hot pursuit. “I’m guessing it wasn’t something like, ‘Gee, I sure missed you Sis.’”
A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth for an instant, then vanished with the wind, like the frisbee. Her chin trembled. “He looked me in the eye with the most dark and hateful look and said, ‘You better stay away from me.’ He pointed at me like this.” Emily made a tight fist, extended her forefinger, and pushed it toward Collin, sneering as she did.
“Whoa,” said Collin, as his eyes grew wide. “Did your parents see him do that?”
“No. They were in their room with the doors shut. I was in the kitchen and Tommy came downstairs to raid the fridge.” She sighed as a tear formed. “Besides, what would they do? They’ve never known what to do—not with him, not with me, not with anything domestic.”
Collin shook his head. “Wow. I never realized how different a family could be from my own.”
“That’s not all. He’s scary looking, Collin. I mean, I’m frightened of my own brother. He has dark circles around his eyes. His hair is dyed jet black and is all long and spikey. He still wears all black and those big, ugly boots like before. But now, he has tattoos everywhere, even on his knuckles. Creepy looking things. There’s even a tattoo of bony fingers reaching up his neck and encircling his throat. I can’t believe what he’s done to himself.”
“Oh, my.” Collin stood still, looking out at the ocean, then at Emily’s face. “How is this going to work, Emily? How are you going to stay in that house with a demon like that?”
“I don’t know. He gives off a dark feeling, too. I don’t want to be around him even, especially not alone, that’s for sure.”
“What about Margarite?”
“She took one look at him and went straight to her room. I’ll bet she locked the door. I’ll bet she quits and never comes back.”
Charlie came trotting back, proudly displaying the frisbee between his teeth. “Good boy,” said Collin as he leaned down to pull the disc away, giving Charlie a good head massage as he did. He stood again and gave the frisbee another toss. “Margarite wouldn’t leave you.”
“I wouldn’t blame her if she did. I’d probably take off if I were her. He looks like something from the underworld, you know.”
Emily bit her lip as her gaze fell to the sand. “He used to tell me that nobody cared about him. I tried to tell him I did, but I was just a little kid, so it probably didn’t mean anything to him.”
“Don’t say that. I’m sure it meant a lot to him.”
“I’m not so sure. I had no clue what was going on with him, no way to relate to him and his problems. I was the favorite, if they had one. They always built me up and talked about how smart I was and how successful I would be. I don’t remember them ever saying anything like that to him.”
Collin’s eyebrows shot up. “That explains a lot. An outcast in his own family.”
Emily was staring off in the distance, lost in her own thoughts, but letting them tumble out while Collin listened. “When he says nobody cares, I think he’s talking about our parents. They’ve always been off in their own world, trying to impress people who are just trying to impress somebody else. They have no idea how hard things have been for either of us, especially for Tommy. They don’t seem to realize how their constant criticism has turned him into . . . this, whatever you want to label what he is.”
Collin shook his head as Charlie returned for another round. This time, he tried one of his patented overhand throws, hoping to achieve more distance. It worked and Charlie bounded away once again. “Tommy’s in a trap because he’s lost hope and that’s probably because he never learned to believe in himself. You and I can see that, but your parents can’t.”
“Or won’t,” added Emily. “I don’t know because they never talk about anything but their ‘important charity work’ or my dad’s career. They’re never home and when they are, dad’s in his study and mom’s locked in her room w
ith the TV on or hunched over her desk in the kitchen or walking around with a phone to her ear. We never discuss Tommy or his problems. It’s like he didn’t exist to them anymore. Until now.”
“Wow. That’s pretty messed up. How are you holding up?”
Emily looked away as if fighting back her emotions. “I don’t know.” Her hand came to her mouth and her eyes pinched shut.
Collin stepped closer to her and wrapped his arms around her. Emily buried her face in his chest and sobbed. Collin squeezed tight and whispered, “It’s OK. We’ll figure this out.”
“How?”
“I don’t know how, but I do know that you’re a pretty incredible person with a lot to offer.”
Emily’s body convulsed at first, as waves of pent up anxiety, fear, and frustration worked their way out. Just as she was starting to relax and melt into Collin’s embrace, Charlie returned, dropped the frisbee near their feet, and nuzzled each of their calves.
Emily pulled back, a teary smile spreading as she bent down to give Charlie a hug and a scratch behind the ears. “You’re a good boy,” she said, still sniffling, but also half-laughing. “I’m a lucky girl to have friends like you.” See glanced up at Collin as she spoke. “Both of you.”
Collin felt his cheeks growing warmer.
Emily wiped her tears with the back of her hand, pulled in a deep breath, grabbed the frisbee, then stood and gave it her best launch. It sailed away and Charlie dashed after it.
Emily smiled at Collin and moved in close, returning her cheek to his chest. “You and Rob and Lukas and even Darrell have helped me see that there is goodness in the world when I needed it most.”
“You’re as good as they get, Emily. Maybe you’ve just brought out the best in us.”
Emily pulled her head back to look into Collin’s face. Her hands moved to the back of his neck and she pulled him in for a long kiss, which was interrupted once again by an eager pet wanting to share in the affection.
After tossing the frisbee once again, Emily spoke softly as she watched the frisbee splash into an incoming wave. “I wish Tommy had friends like mine. His life would sure be different if he did.”
“Having great friends has made all the difference for me,” Collin said. “So, yeah, I wish Tommy had that, too. It’d sure make your life easier.”
“I thought after prison things would be different with him, but they’re not. If anything, they’re worse. I made one comment about a fresh start in California, like I had. He just glared at me. He has no phone, and his friends are three-thousand miles away, he said. He has an ankle monitor and can’t leave the house. A ‘responsible adult’ is supposed to be with him all the time, but that hardly happens except for when I’m home from school. He’s even angrier now than before and avoid me like I have the plague. Like he thinks his problems are my fault. Like I did this to him.”
“My mom used to always say it was jealously when my siblings and I would fight about stuff. So, maybe that’s what it is.”
“Could be. But he wouldn’t be jealous if he knew how hard they push me. Like all the responsibility for carrying on the ‘Burns family legacy’ is on me.”
Collin sighed. “That’s a lot of pressure to deal with.”
“That’s not the worst of it. I’ve learned to deal with my parents, but not him. He’s not the same person I used to know. He scares me. I hate to say that, but it’s true. He’s frightening. I don’t like being around him.”
Collin shivered. “Yeah, no. That scares me, too,” said Collin, following Charlie with his eyes as he danced at the water’s edge, waiting for the frisbee to be carried into shore. “I don’t want to see you get hurt.” He paused and looked Emily straight in the eye. She blushed again. He fidgeted and shook his head, trying to come up with a solution. “I mean, you could maybe come live in our pool house. I’m sure my parents would love that idea because they love you—maybe more than me.”
She laughed conscientiously. “That’s sweet of you to say, Collin. I appreciate the offer, but I seriously doubt Katherine would allow it.” Emily hooked her arm through Collin’s and leaned against it. She gave his arm a squeeze, unable to wrap her hand even halfway around it as he flexed. “Geez, Collin, you’ve been working out.”
The corners of his mouth twitched upward, and he let out an awkward chuckle. He knew she was ready to talk about something else.
Looking up at him, Emily added, “And you’re like a foot taller than you were when I first met you, you know that?”
“Not quite. I’d need to grow another couple inches.”
They continued stroll, walking and talking for another hour as they covered a variety of topics, held hands, and looked forward to the upcoming Holidays.
Two weeks later, on Christmas Eve, Thomas Burns was killed in a motorcycle accident near their home. He had stolen the bike and was speeding in the rain, carrying three kilograms of black tar heroin in his backpack when he met a UPS delivery van head-on at fifty miles an hour on a blind curve.
Chapter Eight
Junior Year—Collin
Edison High School
Huntington Beach, California
After Thomas Burns’ funeral, Collin noticed how Emily became distant and quiet around the group during lunch and stopped coming over to Collin’s house to study and hang out. She was also noncommittal about meeting him for their Saturday morning walks with Charlie.
He missed the real Emily, but he knew she was grieving her loss. Even though she had yet to open up to him again since Thomas’s passing, he suspected she felt guilty about what she had told him.
Collin tried to fill the void left by her hollow homelife to the extent she would allow him. He felt very unsuccessful about it.
By the end of the third week of the second semester, Collin felt the disconnect with Emily had gone on too long. To remedy the situation, he brought Charlie to her house on a Saturday morning in early February. When Emily’s mother answered the door, both Collin and Charlie were viewed with disdain as she drew back and glared down at them. “I’m afraid Emily is unavailable,” Mrs. Burns snapped. She halfway hid herself behind the sturdy door as if Charlie were a ferocious beast.
This almost made Collin laugh out loud.
Collin responded with the only thing that popped into his mind. He tried to brush off her condescension by being energetic and friendly. “Oh, I’m sorry. Do you know when she might be available to go for a walk with Charlie here? He misses her.”
A dark look crossed Katherine Burns’ face. “Well, quite frankly, she will not be available for quite some time. She is enrolled in college preparation courses which take place in the evenings, with practice examinations every Saturday.”
Collin shot an eyebrow upwards as the surprise registered. “Oh, Emily hadn’t mentioned anything about this—”
“Of course not. She didn’t think I was serious when I warned her not to waste her time. Since she has chosen to attend public school, she has fallen far behind the academic standards required if she is to attend her father’s alma mater. She has a lot of making up to do and cannot afford any further hindrances.”
Collin found himself dumbfounded. Was she talking about him? Did she just call him a hindrance? He looked into Mrs. Burns’ narrowed eyes, searching for something to say that wouldn’t add to Emily’s woes, but ultimately decided not to respond. He was halfway between stunned and angered. Heat was building in his cheeks and neck. Collin tamped down his first impulse, remembering some of his mother’s teachings. Avoid confrontation. She’ll take anything you say out of context and use it against Emily, he said to himself. Just walk away. That’s the best thing.
So he turned away and began to descend the dozen or so brick-covered steps that led back down to the sidewalk.
But his acquiescence did not prevent Katherine Burns from going further. She raised her voice so he could hear her clearly. “Furthermore, it would be well if you did not attempt to further distract my daughter from her studies. An ambitious gi
rl like Emily does not need an under-achieving, aimless parasite like you holding her back from reaching her full potential.”
Collin inexplicably turned to face the woman as she spoke. He was just trying to walk away. Facing her would likely provoke more hostility, he thought, but he turned and stopped anyway. Her tone was ice cold and her facial expression steely and piercing. Collin wondered what he had done to earn the ire of the tall, slender woman with the perfectly manicured nails and hair who stood in the doorway. Words abandoned him. It felt like every possible negative human emotion had been spun up in a blender and poured inside him. He had no response to a calculated, blistering verbal assault like that.
Pivoting on his heels, Collin grasped for the handrail to steady himself and carefully made his way down the steps of the stately home nestled among lush trees and rolling hills in the exclusive part of town. The sting of Katherine Burns’ words had given way to a feeling similar to a gut punch, leaving him woozy and hollow.
Collin reached the pristine brick-lined walkway hedged by neatly trimmed miniature rose bushes. Charlie obediently followed without making a sound. Collin hadn’t felt so small and insignificant in a long time. If there had been a way for him to simply disappear at that moment, he would have done so. It was his first encounter with the woman he thought he knew through Emily’s descriptions. That day, he learned how much Emily softened her mother’s true character when she spoke of her.
He could practically feel the glare of Mrs. Burns’ eyes boring a hole in his back as he slunk away. Conscientious, Collin climbed into his beat-up Toyota truck, the rusty yellow one with the gray door, scrunched-in front fender, and the end of his surfboard resting on the tailgate. He wished Mrs. Burns would close the door and go back to her wine tasting or whatever she did because he did not want her to hear the screeching noise that erupted when he started the engine. Despite his desperate wishes, Katherine Burns stood in the doorway with her arms crossed, watching every move Collin made. Even the tailgate squealed when he let it down for Charlie to jump in the back. One more glance over his shoulder as he opened the driver’s side door confirmed she was still there, still taking it all in as if she would use every observation as ammunition against him.
